Smoking Hot: The Diary of a Fire Demon
By Amy Mah
2.5/5
()
About this ebook
Swapping bodies with a young female demon had not been part of the planned vacation.
Nor was having to attend a demonic high school for the magically gifted.
When the most magical thing you could do was set your own underwear on fire.
Life was not going to be easy, even less so with a painful tail that everyone trod on.
Owning a magic sword that always tried to look up your skirt when fighting, was not helpful.
But then nor was having a telepathic diary that corrected your thinking instead of your spelling.
Amy Mah
About the Author The Author Amelia Mah is a 20 something snarky, sarcastic and cynical author who has a very popular blog of how she sees the world from the point of view of a modern teenage vampire Following the success of her first book "FANGS RULE A girls guide to being a vampire" she had now expanded the idea of life as a teenage vampire into a full novel Amelia has given her avatar her own name so you can see the world first hand from a very bored teenage vampire that has been forced to remain a teenager for far too long She may have very good teeth and the ability to hang from ceilings but life is far from easy. Today's world is difficult for everyone, especially teenagers. They face the stresses of school, deciding whom to date, and the biggie of sex, just to name a few. Imagine all of those things ten times worse, and you might get an idea of what it's like being a living, breathing teenage vampire. At last, the world can read about the life of a girl with good teeth, her problems with strong sunlight that gave her spots, and the sunblock that made her hair go yucky and produced more spots. Yes, sunlight was dangerous, as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne! In her everyday life, older vampires expected her to walk about at night in the traditional female uniform, a see-through, 18th-century nightdress, without undies! Well, this female vampire knew why the cold winds blowing along the corridors were called, "male winds," so she wore her see-through nightdress over jeans and a very thick jumper. To be sure that people would still know she was a vampire, the jumper had a very large, pink bat on it. At last the world can read the diary of a girl with good teeth and Amy does have very good sharp teeth. She knows that the world is personally out to get her. You could say that life sucks for her. Everyday she faces death in many horrible ways and it's called going to High School.
Read more from Amy Mah
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Reviews for Smoking Hot
3 ratings1 review
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I'll be completely honest. This is in no way any form of high sophisticated fiction, or even close. The suspension of disbelief didn't feel easy, and the dialogue & prose felt pretty sloppy throughout.
HOWEVER.....
In spite of what I said above, I kept reading, because I went "what the hell, I'd like to see where this goes". Also, I feel like Amy Mah had some very good worldbuilding ideas, and while they could've been expressed much more naturally than they were, I did find myself liking the lore behind everything. I also need to acknowledge the diary format that's used throughout, as it felt like a very good way to express the many time skips found throughout the story.
Even with its many shortcomings, Smoking Hot isn't a bad novel, and I would definitely read the sequel if there was one.
Rating: Solid 3 out of 5
Book preview
Smoking Hot - Amy Mah
The Diary of a Fire Demon Smoking Hot: (1)
Alyce stood very still and stared hard at her image in the mirror. It had all sounded like such fun the way Fiametta had explained it to her; it would be an adventure, yet perfectly safe.
Here she was standing in front of a curio or, rather, a very large, very heavy ornate mirror set in what looked to be a bronze frame that stood on four legs that ended in clawed feet. Perhaps Fiametta was late, or perhaps she had changed her mind. At times Alyce herself thought that maybe she should have left the mirror in the junk shop. She had only gone into the place to get out of the rain, and if she had just taken an umbrella with her that day two years ago, then she would not now be standing covered in a very smelly organic, non-drying, all-over-body mud pack, which apart from the smell also wanted to made her want to scratch. Looking at her image, she saw that the gunk was also soaking into the top and shorts she had on in a way that looked kind of permanent, and she hoped it was not going to do the same to her skin. Green was so not her color in clothing, let alone skin tone.
The bad-smelling greenish gunk had taken weeks of internet searching to find the ingredients to make. Alyce had ruined several pots with the boiling of strange herbs, but that was what Fiametta said had to be done.
Why she listened to the girl she did not know; perhaps it was the firm way she was able to take control of the situation or maybe because she was talking to her from what turned out to be a magic mirror.
Her mind tried to get a grip on anything that was normal, and in the mirror she saw that over her left shoulder was an old backpack containing her cell phone along with a camera, three bars of chocolate, an 8-inch kitchen knife, a bottle of water, and a change of underwear. Perhaps it was not the most thought-out packing, but all she could find on the internet when she searched for magic mirrors was types of furniture polish.
Alyce gazed at herself in the mirror and gave a smile; she saw her image smile back at her. She looked at the reflection of her apartment; it was small and not very tidy, as she could see that she had left a bra hanging on a chair and could not remember if it was on its way to the laundry basket or on its way back.
Fiametta, as that was what the girl said her name was, had just appeared in the mirror one day as Alyce was polishing the frame, and yes, it had been a shock at the time and was also one heck of a way to discover you owned a magic mirror.
The girl looked to be in her mid teens, slim with long black hair. In fact, Fiametta looked just like Alyce had when she was about 16 and was just as surprised to see a her in her mirror peering back, Fiametta had chatted to her most days, first telling her of the wonderful, magical world she lived in and asking so many questions of Earth that Alyce had to spend a lot of time googling to find the answers; in the end she just left the TV tuned into the news channel.
Despite being an alien, Fiametta looked and acted far more human than most other teenage girls Alyce had known. During their talks she was always bubbly and happy, and at the time it had sounded like a good idea to accept her offer to visit her world. It was to be simple and safe; all Alyce had to do was mix up and cover her body with the gunk, and the mirror, which was really a window, would then turn into a door. Fiametta would show her around her world, and then they would head back home where she would show her what Earth was like.
So far, nothing had happened. She could not see Fiametta or the girl’s room in the mirror, so she said, more to herself than anyone in particular, Okay, I’m ready! What next?
As shocks go on a scale from 1 to 10, what happened next would rate a 12. Alyce froze open mouthed as her image in the mirror said back to her, Well, I am going to check out your bathroom thingy. I can’t wait to see what a water shower looks like!
She then turned and walked away.
Alyce now slowly turned around. The room behind her was not her room, and more than that, the eyes she was using to look at the room were not her eyes. The room had smooth stone walls and very little furniture except for the large, ornate mirror, which was currently now a window into her own world. Her own room through the mirror looked perfectly normal, except that she was not in it. She could hear the shower being used in the bathroom. The room in which she now stood had no chairs or tables but did have lots of cave-like holes about three feet up in one of the walls that were just the right size to crawl in and stretch out. It also had a mat in it, so she guessed it was a place for sleeping. Seeing nowhere else to sit, she sat down heavily on the edge of one.
Ouch!
Alyce said in shock.
Pain shot up from her butt area, causing her to leap off the edge, rub then grasp behind her at what was causing the pain. She had a tail! A long tail, which reached the floor and started where her spine ended. It was hairless and ended in an arrowhead-type point, and it did not like being sat on! Nor did it like being stepped on, which she did as she stood up. She did not know that Fiametta had a tail, let alone a very painful one that currently tingled and throbbed, but that was a minor point compared with not telling her that to visit meant they would have to swap bodies.
Alyce hoped that her other self would bring her body out of the shower soon, before anyone walked in and asked her anything like why she was covered in goo and staring into a mirror with a tail in her hands.
After a few minutes, her own body walked back to the other side of the mirror and called out, Oh, that was sooooooo good! I got rid of all that sticky goo with a wonderful pouring of wet stuff from your shower thingy… so nice, and it makes one gasp when it hits the skin.
Don’t use all the hot water; it is expensive to heat!
Alyce didn’t think she should have to pay for someone else’s indulgences.
What?! It comes in hot as well? Oh, wow! I must try that! Er, I’m off to get all mega clean again with the hot so I can get dirty again. Dustcrabs will not stand a chance here with this magic spring thing. Look, umm, you will not have much time to get used to my life, so I have written down a few notes.
Alyce suddenly felt a cold chill as the meaning of Fiametta’s words sunk in. I think we had better swap back before anyone notices you walking about wet and naked with the blinds wide open, and please stop looking out the window! My boyfriend may be around later, so I will need to be back and dressed for him.
Now, don’t worry; I have studied your world for, like, forever. Trust me; I will not mess up anything, and I will really look after my new body. I can’t wait to meet a real male! I have watched you both, and it has looked great fun what you do with him. I don’t know what you do together, but you both look like you are enjoying it. Just think! It is so easy to control him by sucking on his lips. We may swap bodies back in the future if I get bored with hot water, but not yet. Is it possible to suck on a male’s lips and shower together with hot water? Oooh, this body tingles just thinking about it!
Alyce reached through the mirror to grab her own soaking wet body that was still looking out of the window. Her hand slipped through the glass without a problem, but she then found it also slipped through her body standing on the other side when she tried to grab it.
The naked and dripping Alyce on the other side turned and smiled at her attempt and wagged her finger from side to side in a gesture that meant no before staring back out of the window in full view of anyone looking in her direction, which was likely to cause a traffic accident or maybe a police raid.
Heheheheh, your water spray has removed all the magic goo from this body, so that will not work. And there is no point in having this portal switched on anymore. I’m off to play with the magic fountain again, and I really do think you should read my notes before my sisters arrive and send you off to the Academy, but that’s up to you. Hey, stop looking at me like that! I did promise you a visit to my world along with lots of adventure.
Alyce was lining up a range of X-rated words to go with her killer look but could not use a single one as she was filled with horror watching parts of her body bounce a little as the interloper jumped up and down and frantically waved at something out the window.
Oh, look! There are a few good-looking males across the road waving at me. They do look nice and cute… Perhaps I should call them over for some lip sucking? What do you think? Call them over, or wait for our boyfriend? Anyway, do have fun in my world. I am sure I will in yours. Bye!
Smoking Hot: (2)
She may not have been able to touch her now clean self, but she could step through back into her own world and force the bitch to swap back in person. As she started to step through she watched her other self take a step back.
The right hand on her real body on the other side of the mirror made a strange finger movement towards her, which Alyce first thought was intended to be rude until she found herself facing just her own very new horned and tailed teenage girl reflection in the mirror and felt very alone.
She could now see what she looked like, and the image showed she was almost the same in this world as her own, apart from appearing to be about 10 years younger. She had on what could be called pajamas. The top revealed small but firm boobs underneath, and as for the bottom part of the set, it had a neat hole in the butt area to let her tail out.
To prove it was hers, the tail flicked about as she thought of it; a slight, easy movement of her bottom caused it to appear in front of her face like a snake ready to attack. And like a snake, it was certainly not in her control and produced a strange feeling in her posterior when it moved, which for all its strangeness also felt normal.
Looking hard into the mirror, Alyce decided that this body looked mostly the same as the one she had left behind in the mirror except for the tail. She had shoulder-length black hair with a few red dyed color streaks in it. She used her fingers to brush hair away from her eyes and then brought her fingers to her lips to suck on, mentally adding having a pair of small but very sharp horns to the list to go with the tail. She decided not to look under the clothing, as she guessed she would have normal parts, and if she did not then she really did not want to find out at the moment.
What looked like a leather-bound book was on the floor near the mirror, so she picked it up and opened it to discover a single page made of leather. It was covered in runes and funny shapes.
As she looked at the page, she said aloud, That’s great! Very helpful, seeing as how I can’t read stupid runes!
Just as the words were leaving her lips, the page changed, and in her head she could hear the words in English:
You do not need to read us, as we can read you; we are the top-of-the-line personal recording device with full telepathic communication software for ease of use. Would you like to start?
Alyce often thought that modern technology was mostly designed to make her feel stupid, and so it came as no surprise that in a world of horns and tails, a talking book would have the same opinion of her.
Er… yes
Start:
Hi, Earth female; take a look around because if everything has worked, then this is your new home.
You can ask the book anything, but it can only answer what I have written in it. Take your time, and read it on the trip to the Academy, ‘cause that will be a mega-boring trip.
Look, what is going on? What trip, and what Academy?
Prologue:
Well, let’s see. Now that you are me, I had better tell you who you are. You are mega clever with a fantastically developed body, and you just had your 4th birthday, so happy birthday to me, happy birthday to you, and happy birthday to us.
I am a fit and healthy 4-year-old birthday female and, I am sorry to say, testers from the Academy discovered just how clever I am and made me the pride of the clutch. I don’t know why, as I crap at magic fire, but they say I’m rare as I’m some sort of super Battery. And they don’t like me because I bit one of them. Anyway, I’ve been chosen to represent the family at the Academy, which is normally a death sentence.
I have been picked, so congratulations! And if you are lucky, you could be one of the 10% that will survive to serve our glorious Queen: death, or a lifetime of servitude to the Queen… did I say 10%? Well, some years there is only a 1% survival rate, but don’t worry about that. Even if you do survive, I expect you will die in the next Demonic War. The testers were right; I am mega smart, but my magic is crap so I would get killed pretty quickly at the Academy. Therefore, I have thought my way out using my advantage to avoid my fate by becoming you. See? I said I was smart.
End
Smoking Hot: (3)
Alyce watched the words blur back into strange-looking shapes, and the voice faded away. She now heard a noise behind her and turned to see three girls who had entered the room and were standing and looking at her. All three looked to be the same age as the body she now occupied, and the middle one spoke.
Well, Sis, reading at a time like this? No wonder you were so dumb to get picked; it’s your own fault! We always said you came from a cracked egg.
She then leaned forward and touched her face.
Ick, and you are still sticky from the yolk. What, by the loving Sun, is that slime all over you? If this is your plan to hold up leaving, you are mistaken. Get her, sisters!
Alyce was suddenly grabbed by all three of them and thrown to the ground, where she sat hard down so hard on her bottom that she crushed her tail again. She let out a yelp and rolled over as one of her sisters tugged at her PJ pants and another pulled off her top. Within seconds she found herself naked and being rolled into an indentation in the floor. Alyce screamed as a miniature tornado appeared from nowhere and wrapped itself about her body, pulling at her flesh and sand blasting her at the same time, which was so painful. Without thinking, she tucked her tail between her legs and tried to scramble out.
Oh, no, you are not finished yet, Sis! Now tail up and head down; we can’t have our birthday girl letting the family down by trying to get back into her shell now that she is the pride of the clutch…
Alyce now had her tail painfully yanked back through her legs and pulled up vertically with such force that her head had to travel down into the whirling winds or have the tailed pulled out by its roots. She held her breath and shut her eyes as tight as she could, covering them with her hands to stop the wind and blasting sand from blinding her.
After what felt like a lifetime of pain, it stopped as suddenly as it had started, and Alyce lay on her front panting, tucking her tail back down through her legs where she now felt very sore. In fact, her whole body felt sore, and without thinking she blurted out,
Stop it! You are going to kill me! I am not your sister; she swapped bodies with me just before you came in and is now on the other side of that mirror, walking about naked and waving to strangers! The mirror is a dimension portal; look, I will show you!
Dragging her aching body up from the floor, Alyce went over to the mirror and pushed her hand though it, which would have been very dramatic if it had still worked and hadn’t bent her fingers back so far that she had to cradle the hand in her armpit until it stopped throbbing. Slipping back down to the floor, she winced as the weight of her body attempted to put a permanent kink in her tail.
She looked up and felt the urge to burst into tears as she used her other hand to rub life back into her now tingling tail.
The sister that had done all the talking was standing with her arms folded and glaring at Alyce. She stepped forward and threw down some clothes, which hit Alyce and tumbled down to her side.
Another silly outburst like that and we will tie you up, gag you, and throw you out as you are! Now get dressed!!
With that she moved to the doorway, leaned against the doorframe facing out, and sighed.
Alyce picked up the clothing, which turned out to be just a top and shorts. The items looked similar in design and color to those the other three wore. Quickly dressing, she did not comment on the fact that the clothing still made her feel half naked. The top only just fit as it ended right below her breasts in such a way that if she raised her arms, she would give everyone a good flash of boob. As for the shorts, well, they were cut very, very low at the front: so low that she expected they couldn’t be sold without a waxing kit. They were even lower at the back, giving her more butt cleavage than she cared for. She didn’t even own underwear so revealing.
For the first time one of the other girls leaned forward and spoke.
Wow, that was a great performance, Fiametta, but just a little farfetched. Perhaps if you sounded more like an alien, it would have been more convincing. Now cheer up; we have packed you a lovely lunch.
The other one elbowed the first in the ribs and told her to get the luggage.
Yes, we were expecting you to try something clever, Little Flame, but covering yourself in slime and pretending to be from outer space was really original! Oh, and we have also got you a present: your own personal, un-hatched Sylph. He will be company for you and a lot better than having to take the horrid communal sand baths they must have.
She then did something nearly normal, at least as far as Alyce could still think as normal; she kissed her cheek.
Don’t forget us, Sis.
Alyce said she wouldn’t forget them, and she meant it. What she did not say was that she worried that the memory of them would always be linked to dreams of being stripped naked and then skinned alive by a small but very painful sand tornado.
As they walked along an endless stone corridor, she noticed that they tried to keep her between them to prevent her from running off, which was not an easy task when there were four people and one large suitcase in a corridor only wide enough for two. One of her sisters went in front, and another fell behind with the luggage, so she was sandwiched in between.
As they walked they filled in the gap of normal conversation by taking it in turns to offer helpful advice, which if she was back home would have been on the lines of always wear clean underwear in case you get run over, and don’t talk to foreigners, as they are all rapists and murderers. Here it was not too different.
Try and join a similar race group as soon as you develop; puberatum can be dangerous if you are on your own, and there may not be that many Heat-based races at the Academy.
Eat only fresh food and nothing ever more than a day old; you know how it can affect your tummy.
Stick with your own race; look for the most powerful in the group, and stay behind her.
If anyone attacks you, try and kick their ankles, as that will slow them down while you run away.
"I have put a bottle each of Tailglow and Tailbright in your case; I find it keeps a tail looking good