A Stained Glass Lily
By Laura Sutton
()
About this ebook
Everyone knows that girls who sleep around don't get the 'happily ever after,' right? Well, try telling that to Lily. She has her own definition of sleeping around. Prostitutes sleep around. April Mallow, the tubby girl in eighth grade who always smelled like mushrooms, definitely slept around. Women named Angie sleep around. Boy, do they ever sleep around. Naive and lonely women, however, do not sleep around. They merely get used and burned and broken. They become grounded--their delicate wings in tatters--and they curse the idiot that sent them spiraling to earth. But they never stop looking to the sky, yearning for that perfect love story (or let's be honest, even a moderately-adequate love story) that will bring the color back to their wings.
Unfortunately, the worst decisions stem from loneliness. Granted, some stem from deep-fryers and trampolines, but for the sake of brevity, let's say the worst stem from loneliness. So let's blame loneliness for the chain of events brought about by Lily's sleeping arou--er, loneliness. Will Lily finally shatter into a million pieces, or will she find that perfect--or moderately-adequate--love story?
Now I should warn you all that it's completely true what they say about cursing; only uneducated, lazy, uncouth pigs resort to using curse words when writing. That is precisely why, of the 56,554 words in this book, probably six thousand are curse words. But fear not! They are simple variations of, at most, eight curse words so there will be nothing too taxing on the mind. I won't go so far as to say you could do your 1040 while reading this, but you could certainly ignore the vacuum cleaner and have a double helping of those chocolate chip cookies, just like I've been doing all year. Awesome! I'm like a mentor or something!
Second warning: NSFW
Third warning: I never know when to shut up.
Word count: 56554 (See?)
Laura Sutton
It's hard to decide which genre my writing falls into. I scrolled and scrolled and never found "What were you thinking?!" Surely someone can jump on that and simplify my life.
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A Stained Glass Lily - Laura Sutton
A STAINED GLASS LILY
BY LAURA SUTTON
Copyright 2017 Laura Sutton
Smashwords Edition
-- Smashwords Edition, License Notes --
Thank you for downloading this ebook.
This book remains the copyrighted property of the author,
and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or
non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please
encourage your friends to download their own copy from their
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1: The Design
Chapter 2: Tracing
Chapter 3: Violet Waterglass
Chapter 4: Grape Artique
Chapter 5: Steel Blue Artique
Chapter 6: Hunter Green Waterglass
Chapter 7: Lime Green Transparent
Chapter 8: Lemon Yellow Artique
Chapter 9: Amber Artique
Chapter 10: Rust Transparent
Chapter 11: Ruby Red Artique
Chapter 12: The Pieces Come Together
Connect with Laura Sutton
Chapter 1
The Design
Is anyone sitting here?
The question snapped me out of my sunning stupor. I shielded my eyes from the sun and squinted. Goddammit. It was that chubby blond that was married to Dr. Larsen in apartment 4A. I couldn’t remember her name but she looked like a Greta or a Frida—like she’d be carrying six steins of dark ale and getting her ass slapped by ruddy-faced Germans in lederhosen. That’s exactly the type of girl she was, too, the one that all the men carried on about. She made me want to puke and she was spreading her goddamned towel out on the lounge chair right next to mine.
I guess someone is now,
I murmured. I glanced at the empty lounge chairs around the pool and cursed her straight to hell. I swear to God, I could sail a boat to the Arctic, build an igloo and roast a penguin, and the second I sat down to enjoy it, some asshole with a folding chair would come tromping over and snootily intone, Penguins live in Antarctica. Not the Arctic. Mind if I join you?
Frida beamed at me and let her terry robe drop like she was a goddamned movie star or something. She had on this ridiculously tiny, eraser-pink bikini. It looked like it had been sewn by pixies—the runty, weakling ones, at that. The little, pink triangles barely covered her nipples, much less the vast ocean of flesh. In fact, I had done a double take when her robe had first dropped because I thought they were her nipples.
Mind if I smoke?
Huh?
I wrenched my eyes away from her tits to see she was holding a cigarette. Oh. No, thanks. I don’t smoke.
That’s wonderful, dear.
She lit her cigarette and smoke drifted up like a charmed cobra. She reached into her wicker bag and produced a tattered paperback. It was one of those romances old ladies read, the kind with a half-naked cowboy on the cover. He’s the kind of cowboy that has never had a callous or a farmer’s tan. He leans against a split-rail fence and squints into the ambient lighting. A horse stands nearby—not too near, goodness gracious, no, because those things are unpredictable and, let’s be honest, they can squash you—and it’s staring uneasily at the cowboy’s pointy-toed boots and black, felt Stetson that have never worked a day in their lives. The storyline invariably revolves around the cowboy’s ‘rod’ and some damsel’s ‘mound,’ but you just know the guy has never actually touched a ‘mound’ because he’s very obviously gayer than a rousing game of croquet. Nonetheless, Frida looked pleased with her ridiculous book. She laid back, sneaking a downward glance to make sure she was still barely wearing a bikini. I, naturally, looked at her tits, as well. It was a group effort, I felt.
She wrinkled up her nose and said, I wish we could lay out nude so we wouldn’t get tan lines. I just hate tan lines. Don’t you?
I didn’t give a damn about tan lines. I just wanted her to read her gay porn and leave me alone. I said, You do realize you’re pretty much naked right now, right?
This sent her into a fit of laughter and I flinched, expecting bikini shrapnel. Somewhere, there were Sisters of the Benedictine Order down on their knees, praying fervently for the sole purpose of keeping this bikini intact. Frida, who looked like she spent plenty of time on her knees, as well, abruptly stopped laughing and let out a long, dramatic sigh. You may be right. It doesn’t quite fit the way it used to.
Used to? I imagined her wearing it to swim lessons when she was three and it still seemed inadequate. She looked at me and I glanced away, pretending I hadn’t been staring at her tits this whole time like some lecherously horny sixteen-year-old boy. Hey, aren’t you the girl that’s dating that idiot?
I looked back and forced myself to maintain eye contact with her. Probably. Which idiot?
I don’t know his name. I know his type, though. He complains that you don’t give him blowjobs but he never goes down on you, right? You’ve never once had an orgasm with him because it’s all about him, so you’ve gotten to the point where you don’t want to have sex with him but you sure as hell don’t want anyone else having sex with him so you end up doing it anyway?
She cocked an eyebrow at me.
You’ll have to narrow it down some more.
She went on, He doesn’t open the door for you and he has a habit of looking at other women right in front of you, and you’re thankful he cums so quickly because he uses spit as lube and that says it all right there.
Okay, so we’ve narrowed it down to a male.
And he drives a blue Jeep with his stereo cranked so we all have to listen to his shitty music whether we want to or not, and trust me, nobody wants to.
My cheeks burned with humiliation. Jesus, she could’ve just said Blond, 170, about yay high
like a normal person.
Hey, I’m not knocking you. Trust me, I’ve dated plenty of losers in my time. I once dated a guy who wouldn’t let me eat at the dinner table with him. His name was Garrick. He had a rule that I had to stand at the counter to eat while he sat at the table. A few times, he got mad and said his food wasn’t hot and he swung his big, ol’ arm across the table, knocking everything to the ground. I had to get down on my hands and knees and clean up spaghetti and broken glass. Can you believe that?
I opened my mouth to ask if the spaghetti was indeed cold before passing judgment, but she prattled on. He had a small dick. It’s always the guys with small dicks that treat you like shit. After him was Trevor. He played guitar and drove this ratty old truck that had big holes in the floorboard. Scary piece of crap. I always thought I’d get sucked out and run over. You know, I’d probably still be with him if he wasn’t so screwed up in the head. Know what he’d do, though? We’d go to the store, but he never wanted to go in. Always sent me in while he waited outside. He’d be there leaning up against his truck, smoking a cigarette and looking like some commercial for jeans or some shit, and then something would just get in his head and he’d drive off and leave me there. Stranded. No explanation. No warning. Who does that? I thought maybe he was getting mad at how long I was taking, right? But then one day, he sent me into a convenience store to get cigarettes and I just happened to glance back and there he was, driving away. Just frickin’ driving away. I waited around, expecting him to come back. But you know what? He never came back. Never once. I’d call him. He wouldn’t answer. I’d call again. He still wouldn’t answer. I’d end up getting a ride home, then he’d accuse me of sleeping with whoever gave me a ride. Know what he said? He said all women were cheating whores… even his mom. She was a cheating whore, though, so… yeah. There you go. Jesus, you should’ve seen the fights we had, though. They were just awful, but you know what, the makeup sex more than made up for it.
The sudden silence took me by surprise. The only thing that stopped women like this from talking was sleep or death. I glanced at her to see which one it was. She was staring off into space, possibly reminiscing about makeup sex. Possibly dying. It was hard to tell. I sat in silence. Maybe that guy put those holes in the floorboard on purpose. Maybe he just wanted to sit by the pool in some goddamned peace and quiet. I started thinking maybe I might be inclined to drive her across town and leave her somewhere, given the chance. While thinking up this great plan, my eyes rested firmly on her tits. It had become a hobby of mine or something. That was probably how lesbians were made. Mix a few minutes of sex talk with some big tits and, presto, I can open my own damned jar, thank you very much. I decided I had probably better scurry away before she made me her bitch, but then she suddenly sat up and exclaimed, Oh Jesus, and then there was Ivan! He was horrid.
She swung her feet down and leaned in closer to me. Get this, the first month we dated, I figured he was impotent. He just couldn’t get it up, so we never had sex. I was like, no big deal, he’ll never cheat on me, right? So one day, we were at a concert—totally surrounded by people, mind you—yet he pulled up my skirt and did me from behind. A few days later, we were spooning on a blanket at this public park. It was broad daylight but he had sex with me right there as if there weren’t two hundred people around. But guess what? He still couldn’t get it up in the bedroom. I figured he needed the exhibitionism, right? No big deal, though. He only lasted a minute, if even that, so people probably didn’t think it was sex anyway. I’ve seen guys scratch their balls for longer than that. So we went to his parents’ house for Christmas and we were all sitting there in their living room watching some game show or something. Ivan and I were laying on the floor with throw pillows and blankets, and he was all messing around with me under the covers, and I was trying to act as if nothing was going on, right? Then he rolled over onto me and just started screwing me right in front of his parents, but he was knocking into the Christmas tree, and all the ornaments were swinging back and forth and clanging against each other. It sounded like a tinker’s wagon coming down the road. Clang, clang, clang! So, then this glass reindeer fell and hit the ground, shattered into a hundred pieces, and the tiny, gold antlers flew at his parents. They didn’t even notice. They were just sitting there watching us like we were on TV instead of right there in their living room, not giving one damn that their Christmas tree is being shaken to bits. Can you imagine? So, the angel on top of the tree keeled over and just hung there, bobbing up and down, and I was watching it instead of his parents because, believe me, there is just nothing more awkward in the entire world than making eye contact with your boyfriend’s mother while he’s banging away on you. So then Ivan started groaning and making this horrible noise like he was dying, and I made the awful mistake of glancing at his folks. His dad, he was just bug-eyed and had spit going all down his chin, and he was grabbing at his crotch. His mom, she was just watching him play with himself and, I swear, she looked like she was gonna beat him to death with a baseball bat. It was the craziest thing I’d ever seen. So that night, I told Ivan to piss off and go sleep on the couch. I was still fuming, right?
She stopped talking as Mr. Jared from 9A approached. Nobody really knew what Mr. Jared did for a living. Anyone that bothered to speculate eventually presumed it to be something spectacularly dull. He had a fondness for fried foods, sandals with black socks, and calls from his mother every night. His skin was mottled. His teeth were yellow. His nose was bulbous. He was bulbous. Most unnerving of all, he always looked like he had just chopped onions. As he walked past us, those watery eyes of his just so happened to be goggling at Frida’s tits like some lecherous perv. His head swiveled like an owl’s and he smacked his knee into a chair he never saw coming. After he bumped into a second chair, he headed right for the deep end of the pool. I watched—giddy with anticipation. The only thing better than that would’ve been walking out into traffic or off a high-rise. Unfortunately, to my dismay, he grabbed onto the chair he had almost punted into the pool and sat down. He then switched chairs twice more before finding one with the best boob-viewing angle. I considered offering to switch seats with him.
Frida whispered, Look at his shorts.
Sadly, he had an erection. I say ‘sadly’ because it was me looking at it. The only thing worse than looking at an ugly guy is looking at an ugly guy’s erection. My stomach turned and I cursed her to hell for pointing my attention to it. She said, He sure ain’t a looker, is he? Just disgusting. Anyway, where was I?
Whoring yourself around, I thought to myself. Christmas caroling and a romping good time with the folks?
Oh yeah. Ivan. So I made him sleep on the couch because I was ticked, right? So in the middle of the night, I woke up to Ivan screwing me, basically shoving me down into the pillow. That ticked me off even more. I mean who the fuck does he think he is, you know? So I tried getting away from him but he had me pinned down. You just can’t budge when some guy is on you. It sucks. So I just gave up and waited for it to be over. But then he lifted my ass and—oh my God, you wouldn’t have believed it!—it was amazing! I just laid there, just blissing out, and then he let go of my wrists and starting rubbed my clit. Nobody had ever done that before. Why is that? You’d think that would be like a requirement. Anyway, you know how most guys change what they’re doing right when you start liking what they’re doing? He didn’t. He just kept rubbing and banging away and I ended up having an orgasm so big I thought I shit myself. You ever had that happen?
I’m sure I’ve shit myself before.
She laughed and said, So then he started banging all rabbity—you know how guys do that at the end? It’s like a drumroll before the finish, I think. So he was doing that, the drumroll thing, and he started making this weird whining sound and shaking all over. The whole bed was shaking. It was like an exorcism, I swear to God. Not that I’ve ever been to one. That’s just how I imagine them to be. Anyway, just before he left the room, he turned back to me and said, ‘I filled that pussy up good, but you better keep your legs up in the air a while to let it take.’ It was his goddamned dad! Can you believe that?
My mouth dropped open in horror. She nodded. Yeah, that’s pretty much how I looked, too.
I couldn’t tell if she was drunk or high. Maybe she was an attention-seeker or simply one of those women who will talk you to death just to keep themselves from getting bored. I seemed to attract the talkers who felt it was my God-given duty to sit there and nod for two hours while they detailed their husbands’ impotence, bowel issues, and eagerness to help the neighbor lady with her stopped up drain and open legs. Most women didn’t come up and start talking about their clits, though. It was like she was trying to shock me. I threw aside my fears of being lured