Pain Was My Friend

Pain Was My Friend

By Pete O’Shea

Pain Was My Friend

By Pete O’Shea

ISBN # 978-0-9986992-5-7

Copyright 2017 TGP LLC

All rights reserved worldwide

Edited by Eli Gonzalez and Lil Barcaski

Book Design by Ymmy Marketing LLC

For information address inquiries to:

www.aminutewithmarcos.com

or

www.theghostpublishing.com

Printed in USA

Introduction

I have had several jobs throughout the course of my life but the majority of them have one common thread. I am a storyteller. It’s a tough needle to thread to make a living this way, but it is so much fun. It is also very rewarding because you get to make people think, feel, and smile. I can instantly bond with total strangers by weaving a narrative that entertains, inspires, and empowers.

I have been a feature writer, a columnist, a comedian, a spokesperson, an author, a motivational speaker, and a talk show host. They are all vastly different yet not so much so when it is all said and done. I get to tell stories and people pay me for that. I’m very fortunate and it is all possible, even though it’s not because of anything I did. It is an honor and a privilege to entertain and uplift people through the various means I’ve been gifted.

It is so fulfilling to see people take the stories I tell and use them in their lives. There is no greater feeling on this earth then making people smile. There is nothing that makes me feel as complete as when I make people laugh. When they all chuckle in unison while you are on a stage, their collective breath knocks me backwards. No matter how much I’m hurting or if I’m sad, I can crank up the storytelling skills and bring it. It’s a gift from God and I have done my best not to squander it. Words are powerful, incredibly so. When they are properly strung together, they come alive and become three-dimensional.

When I tell the story of my miracle cure, like I get to do in this book and on countless stages and altars, lives are saved. Hope is restored and God gets the glory. I’ve been trained by the highest power to cultivate and captivate. Sometimes I even do it without any conscience awareness. Ain’t God good?

When I speak at a church and tell the story that you will read in chapter 12, I’m always worried that flies will go in everybody’s mouths because their jaws drop so much. It is a manifesto that is beyond magnificent and you couldn’t make it up if you tried. It defies logic. That is where faith comes into place. If you intend to suspend logic, you better have tons of faith to substitute for it. If you believe in an all knowing, omni-powerful God, then keep reading this book and be prepared to have your life altered.

Although the many different types of pain can be categorized in physical, emotional, spiritually, or psychological, there is an innumerable amount. Has anyone managed to sail through life without experiencing some form of agony? If there is someone, I’d sure like to meet them and pick their brains. Since I’m reasonable certain there isn’t, let’s go the other way and put all of our sufferings in one big pile and you can pick my brain on the subject. I have had my fill of it. Experiencing pain is just a part of life, a right of passage that everyone goes through. Young or old, rich or poor you will get hurt physically, emotionally, spiritually and more. Internal wounds can take a lifetime to heal if not addressed with compassion, expertise, and divine grace. Most times going through the pain isn’t the worst part, talking about it and healing from it is.

An era in our history when bullying is driving teens to commit suicide, where racism riots are happening in our shores, and people within the church hurting others within the church, I now understand why my life turned out the way it has. I’ve learned through experience that God doesn’t cause pain, but He will use it to teach, prune, and recalibrate us. My mission is to simply help people who are suffering, regardless of from what. I didn’t ask for this but I am beyond humbled that I have been chosen for this vital assignment.

I experienced physical pain on and off throughout my formative years and then for 17 consecutive years while I tried in vain to master adulthood. Like you, I have also dealt with the other kinds for even longer. That sort of makes me an authority on the subject and since I like to tell stories, here goes.

This book is designed to make you see things differently. God pulled me out of the depths of despair and back into the land of the living. I have chronicled it all so that He can now do the same for any of you. I know other people who are also on this type of mission. It can sometimes be arduous and seemingly endless. It is not for the faint of heart.

I know you are not supposed to say hate, but I hate pain. Despite how close we became and all of the stories I tell about it, I wish I could obliterate it from the planet. I will live until I die with the mindset that this seemingly impossible notion could happen and who knows, maybe it can. Imagine a world without pain.

If I had control of my destiny, and I know that I do not, I’d love to travel the entire world telling my miracle story. Line them up in halls, churches, heck, stadiums even and I will regal them with my God story. Give me a stage and a microphone every remaining day of my life and I am living heaven on earth. It’s the thing I know how to do, as if I’ve been groomed for it.

My favorite part of giving a speech or doing a comedy show is right afterwards. If you are attentive beforehand, you can see the life struggles and pain on people’s faces. You can read their sullen body language and see their drooped shoulders. When the show is over, you can witness a metamorphosis that includes a beaming smile and a warm embrace. I always stick around after and spend time with the audience. It isn’t strictly an ego thing, ok, ok, maybe it is a little bit. I truly do love to see and hear the effect I had on people. If you can provide even momentary solace from life’s ups and downs, it can be extremely wonderful. I’ll stay sometimes for hours afterwards, chatting and mostly listening to people’s stories. There is so much more that unites us than divides us.

My sincere hope with this book is for it to fall in the hands of people who have been hurting for years. For people that know God or don’t to read it and it give them solace. That it speak a word of peace, love and tranquility over their lives. That they get a different perspective on what pain really is and move on from whatever hurt them. That it give them the strength they need to get off of addictive medication, or even worse, that they stop self-medicating with drugs and/or alcohol. That they wake up to a new day, a new beginning in their lives. Most importantly, that they reconnect with the man called Jesus, and they get connected to a church and find their true purpose in life.

I also hope it continues to open doors and I can take my message of hope and humor to more churches, men’s groups, addiction groups, and wherever else God wants to send me. I wish to initiate the change I seek in this world by using the story telling skills I have honed and harnessed for over three decades. I want us to look each other in the eye and collectively be there for one another. I have experienced more pain than I ever signed up for but only because I know God has a pay-off for it. If the gain is only mine, then I did something horribly wrong.

Gods plans for you are good. I learned all this the hard way and through my personal story I’d like to tell you all about it. This way, you can work smarter not harder to overcome and not just be a survivor. No my friend, you can become a conqueror.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 Me and Pain, We’re Real Tight

Chapter 2 The Say Hey Kid, Dollar Bill and Me

Chapter 3 Pain Trumps Promise

Chapter 4 A Day in the Life Becomes a Daze of a Life

Chapter 5 Now What?

Chapter 6 When Properly Converted, Pain Turns into Anger

Chapter 7 Rampant Intoxication

Chapter 8 I begin to Alienate Everybody

Chapter 9 A Slow but Steady Long Term Suicide Attempt

Chapter 10 I Got Way More Than Nine Lives

Chapter 11 The Final Descent

Chapter 12 Here Comes The According to Hoyle’s Miracle

Chapter 13 I Go Back For The Rest Of Them

Chapter 14 The Transformation

Chapter 15 The War for My Very Soul

Chapter 16 Self-Examination Sucks

Chapter 17 These are a Few of My Favorite Things

Chapter 18 Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory

Chapter 19 So, What Are You Waiting For?

Chapter 20 My New Life

Epilogue

Chapter 1

Me and Pain, We’re Real Tight

Have you ever had pain? Of course, you have. Sucked, right? It doesn’t matter what type of pain it is, physical pain, emotional pain, or spiritual pain, being in pain sucks. Do you want to know what’s worse than being in pain? Being in a lot of pain. Do you want to know what’s even worse than that? Living a life filled with pain. I’m talking about knowing different types of pain so well, that it stops being an interrupter of your life and becomes a mainstay. It stops doing a cameo in the movie of your life, but it becomes a lead actor. It stops being a once-in-a-while stranger, and through intimate familiarity, it becomes more like a friend.

Pain was my friend. But until I hit rock bottom, really, really hard, I didn’t realize that pain was my only friend.

It wasn’t always that way for this young Irish American boy with a fresh face and at one point, a lean silhouette. I had promise, whatever that is. I had a glow, an unmistakable shimmer that left an amazing first impression. Unfortunately, life requires those pesky second and third impressions too; I was lousy at those.

Consider this a warning: Pain is a very bad friend, trust me when I tell you not to get too close. He is way too self-absorbed and inconsiderate. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, he infiltrates and captivates with fake affection only to systematically tear you apart. Pain laughs out loud when he makes you cry. You keep hoping he’ll change. You give and give and give and all pain does is take. My rather complicated relationship with pain was an unholy alliance, born under suspicious circumstances and fashioned by a lack of agility, horrific gluttony, and extreme carelessness. No one should actively nurture a friendship with pain. I did so only semi-consciously.

Pain has a strong, firm grip and an unquenchable thirst for three of your more distasteful bodily fluids; your blood, sweat, and tears. I often wonder what my formative years would have been like without constant, kill me now, pain. Could I have even sustained a regular, old-fashioned life? Is looking at the road less traveled anything more than a colossal waste of time? No, really, I’m asking. Are there any Frost fans out there?

I’ve always been told that your destiny is what it is; there is no sense in whining about it or day-dreaming it away. But there I was, staring at the road not traveled, on a daily basis while whining and daydreaming at the same time. Pain can brainwash you, bamboozle you, and show you a warped sense of phony warmth simultaneously, like a wicked game of Three Card Monty.

All I ever wanted was a normal, carefree, even mundane life. Maybe you’ve been lucky enough to know the kind of life I speak of; a full life with fun and smiles while running through a meadow or something. Pain would have come swooping along to clothesline me and knock me flat on my butt if it ever caught me frolicking through a meadow. Pain never stops. Pain never gives in and rarely loses.

What did I ever see in pain? Come to think of it, what did pain see in me? How did we become so close? Why can’t I stop asking questions that have no actual answers? Because I’m crazy that’s why, but it’s OK, don’t be afraid, it’s the