Portraits of a Lonely Mystic in 3D

1 Horizon-Visions

Mount Everest, Tibet, China

Tears of Joy, Tears of Sadness

Is it me or is it them?

MOUNT EVEREST, TIBET—DECEMBER 12, 2012

The Lonely Mystic stared at the skies and went into a visionary trance. The present, past and future started to swirl around him. The skies were filled with iconic symbols of the country and the world. Some of which he recognized while others seemed quite strange. He saw presidents, countries, vehicles, and people from here and elsewhere living in cities in the sky. The images shifted and changed, ebbed and flowed, and rose and fell. He didn’t know how long he was in this mystic trance, but when he came to, he noticed tears were flowing abundantly from his eyes. He then began to ponder whether those tears were tears of joy, or tears of sadness. But before delving too far into his future, let’s begin with his glorious past.

2 Tiny Tyke-And So It Starts

Wallabout Street, Brooklyn—1953

Hi Roller

Get that camera out of my face!

WALLABOUT STREET, BROOKLYN—1953

The Lonely Mystic has rarely been photographed, or for that matter ever been drawn. That is one of the reasons for the rarity of this volume. The other reason is he has yet to find a publisher for it. If you are lucky enough to have a copy, please place it in a safe place. It is sure to be sought after by all your neighbors when they find out you are hoarding, hiding and coveting it. That being said, above is one of the only early surviving pictures of The Lonely Mystic. We find him wrapped up in a mystical Chinese blanket. This blanket, which by the way he named Na, Na, Nah and its various incarnations, has accompanied him throughout all of his life. It was tattered, fur-balled pink cotton with a border of silky-smooth shiny, pink satin sheen. It was only later in life that he discovered its transcendental nature. This became transparently vivid to him; upon the discovery of its true origin.

On that fateful day and upon close and careful examination, a mysterious note, which was attached to the blanket, caught his discerning eye. It read: Made in China. This one event influenced him greatly. It was the source of inspiration that prompted him to travel the far corners of the earth in search of a replacement: For in a fit of jealousy due to lack of attention, his guard dog, The Tiger decided the Nah, would also make an excellent watering hole. The Tiger then proceeded to tear it to shreds in order to cover up his dastardly deed. He was severely devastated when he discovered his missing Nah. This was only the first of many traumatic experiences, that would mold his life in inexplicable ways.

Even though the Nah was rumpled, soiled, and ripped to shreds, he still faithfully carried his first possession with him wherever he went. He had a reverence for the finer things in life. There was nothing finer than his pink blanky and the touch of its smooth, satin border trim pressed against his cheeks.

On the very same day of this photo, Mom had accidentally let loose the stroller, or at least she thought she did, inaugurating his future love of fast cars and protective headgear. Fortunately, he was wearing his lucky cap. It prevented a nasty bang to his noggin. Mom picked him up, wrapped him in his security blanket, held him high up to the sky and said to him, Don’t worry, everything will be all right. Everything is as it should be.

Her comforting declaration became ingrained in his memory as his first life-affirming mantra. Of course, since he was crying at the moment, he couldn’t imagine everything would ever be all right. This dichotomy confused him. He couldn’t tell as to whether he was crying tears of joy, or tears of sadness. This confusion regarding his inability to interpret his feelings vs. another’s accompanied him throughout life. Later he realized this was actually an empathic, psychic ability, which still sometimes confuses him until this very day. He learned several things that day:

LIFE LESSONS

1: You can overcome adversity by rising above it.

2: Running away from where you are doesn’t get you farther away from it anyway. Usually, it puts you back right to where you started from with even more problems.

3: If you are going for a ride, at least be dressed for the occasion. You might as well travel fast if you are going to the wrong place. This way you won’t waste time coming back to where you originally were.

4: Leaving home without your parents’ permission doesn’t get you any place since they bring you back to where you started from anyway.

5: And most importantly, smile when you are in public. You never know when the paparazzi are going to photograph you.

He always thought he looked angry in this shot. In actuality, he was. The guy taking the picture didn’t count to three, and he said, "Cheese." He thought everyone knew I hated cheese unless it was soy cheese. His mom had to breastfeed him soy milk since he was lactose intolerant even as a child. As you can only well imagine, this was no small feat. Of course, at that time, you couldn’t even buy soy milk. She had to put soy beans in a large vat. Then with her bare feet; she danced around on them until they gave up the goods. Her favorite tune to dance to was Have a Some Milka and Oh Soy La Meo. Of course, soy milk wasn’t going to be invented until several decades later, but he came from a family of visionaries. They knew way in advance what was going to occur.

He was actually trying to get out of the stroller to grab the camera from the photographer when he realized his father was taking the picture. Pop, the name he later gave him, was rarely fully present with them, so he had forgotten what he looked like. He was always somewhere else, even though he was always there. He inherited this uncanny capability. Later on in life, he transformed it into being able to be in two or even three places at the same time. But at that very moment, through sheer willpower, he tipped the balance of the stroller and well, rolled into history. He was to find out each of his extraordinary experiences enabled him to obtain and develop special mystical abilities and powers:

MYSTIC POWERS

Visionary: An uncanny ability to see.

Stationary: An uncanny ability to remain motionless even when mobile.

Presence: What you get when you are there, not what you get for your birthday.

3 Soda Pop? – Fashion Skills

Brooklyn, New York—1954

The Soda Pop Kid

Who says thin is in?

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK—1954

As a result of his downhill adventure, The Lonely Mystic learned the valuable lesson of the first fall was always the hardest. Consequently, for added protection, he always dressed in layers, especially when going to sleep. Even at an early age, he knew you never know what dreams might cause you to jump out of bed. So, as a protective measure, from then on he decided to always dress for sleep. He found a sleeping cap with a pompom on it. When Pop wasn’t looking, he drank lots of Pop’s soda to toughen up and put on padding like the Sushi wrestlers do. Because of the bubbles, he developed a love affair with seltzer. Of course, he also had to wear earmuffs given the possibility of his head slipping off the pillow. Matching gloves and slippers completed the outfit; he got those from his mom’s walk-in closet. Her closet was really a second bedroom that his father had converted for her. His legendary fashion skills originated from Mom’s influence upon him. She was a Fashion Consultant. Needless to say, he mediated all of this with seasoning.

In the summer he didn’t wear gloves. In the fall he wore double everything because even the seasons gave you clues about impending events. After the winter, he wore sneakers so he could spring back, should he fall out of bed. In the fifth seasoning, salt and pepper, he wore a mask. He had allergies and a way with words.

LIFE LESSONS

1 Always wear protective gear when sleeping.

2 Always dress for the occasion.

3 Excess weight has its purpose.

4 Pop might pop you if you pop his pop.

MYSTIC POWERS

4 Dreaming: The ability to dream with no effort at all, especially strong during the night hours. Eyes move even when closed.

4 Escape Artist - The Quest Begins!

Canarsie Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Runaway Kid

I’m an Old Soul.

CANARSIE BEACH, BROOKLYN—1954

The Lonely Mystic left home soon after he was able to walk. He wore his trusty multi-color hat and backpack. He sported a mustache, which had appeared at a very early age. Later in life, he was often told he was an Old Soul. He attributed his premature hair growth to that very fact. But he was to discover the body has a finite number of hairs and what grows prematurely, leaves prematurely. He intuitively knew the value of going green. This greatly contributed to his college education. For him, this meant since he didn’t have any money, he might have to live on grass. He had heard cows live on eating only grass. He knew he was smarter than a cow, so he figured he too could biologically transmutate grass into calcium and all the other nutrients he would need.

A friend of his at school also told him if you burn grass it could make you happy. The friend even offered to sell him a bag of it for five dollars. Can you imagine, before that he thought the guy was actually a friend of his? He thought how could a friend want to charge me money for something I can easily get from my front lawn? He was ready to leave home and cut some grass. He never got to smoke or eat it since he never even got out of the door. The effort prepared him for his life-long journey of searching for God. Of course, at that time, he was on a quest for some good food. Later he learned good was an extension of God and the unity of God when manifested became dual, hence two oos came together to form: good. This confirmed the reason why he instinctively went, Oo when he saw something that was really good. Just as you do, Right? He was really deep for his age.

LIFE LESSONS

1 Old Souls may have premature hair growth on their upper lip.

2 Grass is a superfood!

3 God is good.

4 If you are going to leave, then do it fast before they catch you.

5 Don’t cut your hair because they may get angry and run away from home.

6 Smoking animals can be hazardous to your health.

MYSTIC POWERS

5 Youthful: The ability to stay young even when old. The ability to look like a kid even when old. The ability to be clueless and yet very deep.

5 The Prophecy – The Black-Cap Kid

East New York, Brooklyn—April 1955

The Black Cap Kid

Ben do dis!

EAST NEW YORK, BROOKLYN—1955

After having grown teeth, The Lonely Mystic tried to escape from home again. This time he shaved off his mustache and turned his cap around. He figured this way no one would recognize him as he exited the building. This event marked the beginning of his ability to disguise himself and transform into other personages, as will be quite evident throughout the remainder of these manuscripts. He almost made it out the door. However, his bright yellow shirt caught the watchful eye of his grandfather. He was promptly grabbed by the collar and told, One day you will learn short, yellow caps fly off in the wind.

He was in awe. I have never heard a mystical statement from my grandfather Zen Ben before. He thought it was rather serendipitous my grandfather is named after a branch of a Japanese mystical school called, Ben Do Dis. His grandfather’s real name was Ben. It was mistakenly misspelled when he arrived at Tellus Island from Europe. It was called Tellus Island because the clerks asked everyone their names and being immigrants themselves, had difficulty understanding and spelling what they heard. So as not to lose their jobs, they either misspelled it or changed it. Ben became Zen, and his wife’s name became Hitou, which was very poetic.

One of Ben’s favorite one-liners was The sound of one hand slapping. Ben’s wife would often tell him, Ben do dis and then give him a slap on his rear to get him going. The Lonely Mystic’s early life was filled with these synchronistic occurrences.

Another example can be culled from his elementary school years. His favorite teacher, Mrs. Paradox as he called her, would read him poems called Ben Kohan’s. (He thought it was a remarkable coincidence too! Later he was to learn there were no coincidences, only unexplained events.) They were a collection of one-liners. He had ITF, so his inability to focus prevented him from comprehending more than one sentence at a time. He swore his grandfather had something to do with all those poems.

LIFE LESSONS

1 If you get caught, shave your mustache.

2 Listen to your elders, even if you have no clue as to what they mean.

3 Assume the role.

4 Dress the part.

5 Poetry can be useful.

6 The universe is synchronistic.

7 Zen Ben one-liners cure ITF.

MYSTIC POWERS

6 Ancestry: The ability to have older relatives than oneself. The ability to hear elders and have no clue as to what they are saying.

6 Premonitions - Attitude Dude

Mill Basin, Brooklyn—1956

Attitude Dude

Oh Yeah?

MILL BASIN, BROOKLYN—1956

The Lonely Mystic was determined to leave home; two prior failed attempts did not thwart his resolute, unswerving determination and focused spirit. By then he had developed quite an escapist attitude. He purchased a three-tier hat to commemorate his third attempt at freedom. Of course, between his second and his third contemplation of leaving, a lot had transpired. He stood there for a moment transfixed. This was an early form of his mystical intuitiveness. He began to recollect some of the events that had transpired in his life: Both present and to be since time had no boundaries for him. Due to the voluminous nature of the experiences, he remembered, his cap twisted around on his head. He was just about ready to set one foot forward ahead of the other and leave the door when his parents informed him they were all moving to the country. The picture portrays how he felt about that.

LIFE LESSONS

1 Never give up. Doing so would only let you down.

2 Stick to the plan.

3 Don’t hesitate.

4 Also, don’t procrastinate if you do hesitate.

5 Don’t get caught.

6 Three strikes don’t necessarily get you out.

MYSTIC POWERS

7 Transfixiation: The ability to escape without having to really go anywhere. A genetic acquisition from his father who developed it because of Mom.

.

7 Barn Boy - The Horsey

Liberty, New York—June 1957

Farm Boy

A Jack what?

LIBERTY, NEW YORK—SUMMER, 1957

The Lonely Mystic easily got used to living in the country. Although he thought it a permanent move, of course, it was just a temporary relocation. It was the start of the annual summer vacation in the Cats Kill Mountains, a name that always confused him. He could never understand how a cat could kill a mountain or anything other than lice. He knew cats love to chase lice. He often pondered it and thought the name was derived from the common knowledge that cats like making a mound after they defecated. But it would take a lot of cats and a lot of poop to make a mound large enough to be able to hold Zen Ben Kohan’s entire tribe and all of their friends for the summer. How was that possible? Besides, how could they tolerate that pungent aroma? He decided there must be another hysterectomy for the name Cats Kill.

In this picture, taken by Hitou Kohan, Ben’s wife, he is pointing to his horsey. Ben’s wife only spoke in three line sentences. Ben referred to it as Hitou poetry since it was music to his ears. She often began speaking by saying: Hi-to-u. She could tell a complete story using only three lines.

The horse was not really a horse but was a jackass. Due to an animated manner of speaking with his hands, Jack Ash, the property owner pointed to the animal in the barn when telling them his name. His parents misunderstood what Jack Ash was trying to convey to them.

Later he had asked his parents the name of the horse; they told him it was Jack Ass’s horse. They meant Jack Ash’s horse, but due to their heavy accent, it just sounded that way. Later in life, he found some people often called him by the horse’s name. He never could quite figure out why these people called him so and more importantly, he thought how did they know the horse was called Jack Ass? This became a tough, sweaty acorn for him to swallow. Eventually he needed to come to terms with this.

LIFE LESSONS

1 Cats eat lice and make mounds.

2 Although unconfirmed, mountains can arise due to these mounds.

3 Be careful what you say with your hands.

4 People don’t always get your name right; make sure you confirm it with them.

MYSTIC POWERS

8 Dislocation: The ability to change locations and still have no idea where you are. Similar to walking in your sleep, only you are awake.

8 Sherpa Boy - The Journey

Lhasa, Tibet—June 1968

Sherpa Boy

If the hat fits, wear it.

LIBERTY, NEW YORK—SUMMER, 1968

As a result of the Jack Ash incident, The Lonely Mystic traveled to Lhasa in his late teens. He asked the holy men, Why did some people occasionally call me by the horse’s name? However, for now, he was still in New York. Of course, we know it wasn’t really a horse, but a jackass. He didn’t. His parents never corrected him when he called the animal a horsey. For them, horsey sounded so much nicer than calling it by the owner’s name.

One day he saw his mother, with her arms wide open, twirling around and yelling, Tis’s mine, Tis’s all mine. He thought his parents had purchased the entire farm. Of course, she was referring to the air and clouds. Even though perhaps you might be unaware, it is owned by everyone and is free. But now you have been duly notified.

He was also under the impression his father was filthy and rich. Every time his mother asked his father for some money, his father would always say, Money, what money? You need money? You already took it all.

She would then quickly retaliate and say, "You dirty bum! You good for notin."

Since his father didn’t need any money and his mother had all of it, he figured she was rich too. But he did wonder why Pop didn’t shower more often? Why else would she say he was dirty? He also couldn’t figure out what good for notin meant since his father was good at several things. For example, he owned a farm and had a child, him. Everyone knows you have to be able to afford a child and know how to make one. He was alive, so obviously Pop knew what he was doing.

The Lonely Mystic once had his chart done by a professional gastrologer. The practitioner was able to pinpoint exactly where his parents were on the night he was concocted. The gastrologer told him, On that night, three planets were in the sky and there were millions of stars behind them. The gastrologer also said, "The sun used to spin around the earth, but stopped one day when a Polish guy by the name of Caphernius dropped his hat and consequently felt a pull in his intestines."

Caphernius yelled out, Stop everything! I have seen the light, and it doesn’t revolve around me. I am not the center of the known universe, but a mere shell for the divine to fill. Everything around Caphernius stopped. The clouds stopped moving, the earth stopped spinning, and the waters stopped flowing. So potent and mystical was his specific declarative exclamation. Somehow, he had hit upon one of the primal formulas of the universe with that mystical incantation. The force of him holding everything still was far too great for him. It caused him to rupture his intestines. As a result, this condition was named after him and his cap. The back lag of the earth stopping on its axis caused everyone to pass gas and belch at the same time since everyone was sick to their stomachs. It was a foul day in Hysterectomy, the town that Caphernius lived in. Later, that anonymous day was to be commemorated every year as All Fools Day. It was April 1st. At the time people actually believed the sun revolved around the earth, but that was finally disproven by Caphernius.

Circumstantial evidence can be quite incriminating. What really happened was, at the very moment Caphernius had uttered his mystical words, the local garment workers, transportation workers, policemen, firemen and sanitation workers unions simultaneously declared a strike. As everyone well knows, when this happens even singly, all things come to a dead halt, but the rare astronomical conjunction of all five unions caused the entire known world and the sun to come to a halt. This caused the earth to start spinning around the sun and not vice versa. Since the other planets didn’t want to play second fiddle to Earth, they did the same. The other planets, by the way, didn’t know how to play a fiddle; the fiddle was Earth’s specialty. Venus was into harps, Jupiter – trombones, Saturn – tambourines, Mercury – glockenspiels, Neptune – xylophones and Pluto, since it was still a planet then, was into tympani. In a sense, you could call it the Music of the Spheres, which, by the way, was coined by none other than Caphernius.

The Lonely Mystic’s penchant for hats started growing on him from an early age. He loved wearing the kind that had a sock and a bell sticking out from the top of it. This type of hat always reminded him of Caphernius and his musical spheres. He felt quite close to him. A closeness that later on in life was explained to him when he visited a genealogist. He was told he was an actual descendant of Capherinius and his wife, Maria Intonets, the great fishing mogul’s daughter. This elucidated why he was conceived in Tahtent.

According to his gastrologer, his parents celebrated their love in a tent one night. His father offered his mother a glass of wine.

His mother refused and said, No, you have to shave first. She was an elegant lady, even when she was young.

His father said, OK. Man, I shave its. So drink?

A traveling merchant from the Sand people tribe, outside of the tent, heard this and thought what a remarkable name for a new wine! His mother eventually took a sip and fell promptly asleep and there ya’ go, he was a dream child!

He knew this because his father often said to his mom, Man, I often dream of makin’ babies with youz, but youz iz alwayz too tired or sleeping. That is one of the reasons why he always dressed when he went to sleep. He never knew when he and his dream lover would make a baby.

His father always started a sentence with Man. His mother didn’t think his father did much of anything, but he knew his father was a real much of everything man. They even wrote a song about his father. One day, he had heard it on the Sand People radio station. It was playing loud and clear on the radio he was still building. He was into experimental, futuristic, electronics and swore that radio could tune into alternate realities and futures. If only I can get it to turn on. But how they, the future knew about his father’s vocabulary choices was a mystery to him.

His father read the New York Minutes regularly in order to increase his vocabulary. He figured the radio disc jockey somehow got hold of his father’s newspaper and saw all the circled words on it. His father circled the words he didn’t know. Of course, the entire newspaper contained circled words that were all NEWS to his father; which was why they called it a Newspaper. Some people think NEWS stands for the directions. But that is incorrect. It stands for new words in the plural. His father wasn’t big on grammar either; he followed in his father’s footsteps on both accounts, which is why later in life, he became a writer. Writers don’t have to know how to spell or be grammatically correct; they just need to be able to tell a good story. How many dictionaries, the epitome of being able to spell 100% accurately and the paragon of grammatical, political correctness, are on the New York Minutes bestseller list? None. Ta-dah!

Although his father was excellent at N.E.W.S, namely, the directions, which is different from NEWS, new words, (Yes, he repeats himself, ((Bet you never saw that before in a book-just goes to show how deep this exposition truly is)))