Ashes of Fiery Weather: A Novel
3.5/5
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About this ebook
One of Book Riot’s 100 Must-Read New York City Novels
Firefighters walk boldly into battle against the most capricious of elements. Their daughters, mothers, sisters, and wives walk through the world with another kind of strength and another kind of sorrow, and no one knows that better than the women of the Keegan-O’Reilly clan. Ashes of Fiery Weather takes us from famine-era Ireland to New York City a decade after 9/11, illuminating the passionate loves and tragic losses of generations of women in a firefighting family—with “characters that come so vividly to life one forgets one is reading a novel . . . Anyone Irish will face an uncanny recognition in these pages; everyone else will be enthralled meeting such captivating figures” (Matthew Thomas, New York Times–bestselling author of We Are Not Ourselves).
Kathleen Donohoe
KATHLEEN DONOHOE is the author of Ashes of Fiery Weather. Her stories and essays have appeared in The Recorder, New York Stories, and Washington Square Review. She serves on the Board of Irish American Writers & Artists. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and son.
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Reviews for Ashes of Fiery Weather
15 ratings6 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/53.5 Touched by flame. Six woman from the Keegan/O' Reilly clan tell their stories in these lengthy vignettes. All have sons, fathers, that were firefighters, died in the line of duty and how this effected themselves their families and what happened after in their lives. From Ireland after the potato famine to ten years after 911, the beginning of the fire departments in New York and the closeness of these fire families. It is also a story of messing or displaced people, one child is adopted, one given up for adoption, and yet through it all this remarkable family supports each other, helps each other and stay extremely close.Some readers may find the format confusing. Although each segment is about a particular woman, it does skip back and forth in time which took some getting used to, though the dates are clearly marked. I did quickly get used to this, finding easily the connections between the characters and found this book ultimately engaging and heartfelt. The segment detailing 911, gave me chills, told from the perspective of those who risked their lives, firefighters, volunteers, gave me Goosebumps.A different perspective from other books I have read on this subject and of course by then I knew the characters involved which made it more heartbreaking. The prose is straightforward. Not dramatic, not flowery, and this suited the story perfectly. A generational novel, but unique in subject matter, loved the characters, they were realistically portrayed and liked the ending, it was fitting and wells one. Just a solidly written good story.ARC from Netgalley.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I really wanted to love this book - what's not to love? This is the story of the women who loved and were six generations of Irish firefighters in Brooklyn. But the constant back and forth flashbacks were almost unreadable to me by the end of the book. I think some flashbacks are ok, but have really become an overused story device. I would have loved to gotten to know these characters in a more linear fashion.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is a compelling look at a history of firefighting in New York City told through six generations of women. The book is broken down into a section for each woman featured. The reader has the opportunity to become acquainted with each of these unique women, as well as with their families and friends of that era. I simply loved it, from the storyline to the excellent writing.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5ASHES OF FIERY WEATHER by Kathleen DonohoeThis novel of firemen and their families was hard to read. Not because many of the fireman died, but because the novel was constantly jumping from past to present then back to a different time in the past then back to present – all in the same chapter. The writing is clear and even lyrical in places but the book jumped from character to character so often I was constantly turning back to the family diagram to see who and what time period the story had suddenly shifted to. After I finished the book, it felt as though there were so many stories there wasn’t one story. Each of the various stories felt incomplete in some way. Perhaps a winnowing of the characters and more depth for fewer would have felt more “finished. I enjoyed many of the mini-stories and liked most of the characters, but all in all, I was disappointed in the book.3 of 5 stars
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The book appealed to me as it is the stories of seven women from fire-fighting families. However, even though the women were linked through generations of the same family the stories were too fragmented for me. The reader has to constantly jump back and forth through various time periods – all within the same chapter and no indication of what year you have been taken to. The families are Irish and still have family in Ireland. At times I had difficulty grasping who was in Ireland and who was in the US. The story (or stories) just jumped around too much for me. I could not make an emotional connection to the characters because of this. I also feel much of the story was rushed in order to give me some background for something coming up. Sadly, I got nothing from this book.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Ashes of Fiery Weather is a 2016 Houghton Mifflin Harcourt publication. This debut novel is an astounding portrait of six generations of women, spanning a significant period of time, beginning at the end of the potato famine and ending a decade after the 9/11 attacks, all of whom were living within a family of firefighters. This novel is more like a collection of short stories, or vignettes, none of which follows a set timeframe, but highlights the sacrifices and heroism, not only of those who served as firefighters, but the wives, mothers and sisters who loved them, lost them, worried over them and supported them. The disjointed time frame could be jarring, but I felt it worked out better than if the author had stuck to a strict chronological timeline. These stories are often stark, raw and brutal in their realistic portrayal of life as a firefighter, always living on the edge. But, the story is also about family, about the expectations, the struggles, and the bonds they forge having their heritage and the common thread of a dangerous but brave occupation binding them tightly together. I admired each generation of women, all them a reflection of the time period in which they lived. Tragedy, and the effects it has on the family is portrayed in a forthright manner, with no sugar coating. Despite Norah’s bleak reality, which certainly resonated with me, I think Eileen is the character I cheered for more than any other, mainly because she pursued her goals despite such ugly opposition.I found each segment interesting and unique and enjoyed seeing the way the family spanned out, the difference they made and the way they all managed to stay connected no matter what forces were working against them.Firefighters have always been, and always will be heroes to me, and I’ve had a long standing respect for their families. The history and personal insights into a family of firefighters only solidifies that respect and gives me a deeper sensitivity to their families.I was impressed with the author’s writing style and will add her to a long list of debut author’s I’ve discovered this year that are worth keeping an eye on.
Book preview
Ashes of Fiery Weather - Kathleen Donohoe
First Mariner Books edition 2017
Copyright © 2016 by Kathleen Donohoe
Reading Group Guide Questions and Discussion Points copyright © 2017 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company
Q&A with Author copyright © 2017 by Kathleen Donohoe
All rights reserved
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to [email protected] or to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 3 Park Avenue, 19th Floor, New York, New York 10016.
www.hmhco.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Donohoe, Kathleen, author.
Titles: Ashes of fiery weather / Kathleen Donohoe.
Description: Boston : Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, [2016]
Identifiers: LCCN 2015037241 | ISBN 9780544464056 (hardback) | ISBN 9780544944794 (pbk.) | ISBN 9780544526693 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Women—Fiction. | Fire fighters—Fiction. | Irish American families—Fiction. | BISAC: FICTION / General. | FICTION / Literary.
Classification: LCC PS3604.o5646 A89 2016 | DDC 813/.6—dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015037241
Our Stars Come from Ireland
from The Collected Poems of Wallace Stevens by Wallace Stevens, copyright © 1954 by Wallace Stevens and copyright renewed 1982 by Holly Stevens. Used by permission of Alfred A. Knopf, an imprint of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
All rights reserved.
Cover design by Brian Moore
Cover photograph © David Lees / Getty Images
Author photograph © Beowulf Sheehan
v2.0317
To Travis and Liam,
the two I cannot do without
These are the ashes of fiery weather,
Of nights full of the green stars from Ireland,
Wet out of the sea, and luminously wet,
Like beautiful and abandoned refugees.
—Wallace Stevens, Our Stars Come from Ireland
CHAPTER ONE
Norah O’Reilly
April 1983
THE BAGPIPES TOOK UP Going Home
as the firemen bore the coffin out of the church.
Norah O’Reilly paused on the threshold of the heavy double doors, thrown open as they’d been on her wedding day, a gray November morning, altogether better suited to the end of the story than this soft April afternoon. A warm spring rain had begun to fall during the Mass.
Norah scanned the faces of the assembled firemen, three deep from the curb to the street, skipping the mustached, the older guys, the not-tall, the dark-haired, the obviously non-Irish, the ones in white caps, who were the officers. She didn’t see Sean. She saw Sean a hundred times.
Cameras flashed as she stepped fully outside. For ten years, she’d been an understudy in this play, but she’d never once rehearsed. She didn’t know her lines, forgetting the names of longtime friends, missing cues, blinking stupidly at outstretched hands and stepping into hugs moments too late. Wherever she went, she left whispers in her wake. Poor Norah.
This morning, while savagely biting the tags off her new black dress, she’d resolved not to cry in public. She would be brave. Not like a fireman, but like a Kennedy. The Kennedys were always burying each other. They knew how it was done.
In the crowd, Norah spotted Amred Lehane with his hand over his heart. He knew, of course, that civilians were not supposed to salute. Amred, the buff. She recalled Sean explaining that to her. A buff was a fire department fanatic. They often knew more about the history of the department than the guys themselves. Some buffs were attached to particular companies, like Amred, who belonged to the Glory Devlins and whose insistence on calling them by the company nickname instead of the number was so strong that the men had caught the habit.
The firemen who had not come into the church for Mass, the ones who hadn’t known Sean personally, and those from other cities surely spent the service having a breakfast beer across the street in Lehane’s, the bar Amred and his sister owned. Amred would have told them how Sean used to bartend there, that he and his Irish wife had met there. Poor Norah. She supposed that was her name now.
The men eased the coffin down the steep steps of Holy Rosary. Norah knew that they would not let go of Sean, but rather than watch, she lifted her face to the sky. Happy is the soul rain falls on. An Irish proverb. Rain on the day of a funeral was good luck.
She sensed her brother’s eyes on her. All three of her brothers had traded Galway for England. Two had called to tell her how they’d liked Sean the time they met him. Only Cathal got on a plane.
Norah told their parents not to come. Her relieved mother promised to have a Mass said for Sean in their own church. Her sister, though. On the phone, Aoife made no mention of emergency passports and plane tickets. She only cried and said she’d have Noelle make a sympathy card for her cousins. Aoife’s daughter was ten, a year older than Maggie.
Norah started, then looked for the children. There were three, yet in four days they seemed to have multiplied, surrounding her with their confused blue eyes and moving mouths. Four-year-old Brendan was clinging to the skirt of her dress. Surely she’d had hold of him most of the way down the aisle. When had she let go?
She pried the fabric out of Brendan’s fist and grasped his hand so hard he looked up at her in surprise. His hand was mucked with chocolate licorice, which she’d trusted would keep him occupied during Mass, even though the smell made her sick. Her dress, long-sleeved and too warm for the day, was tight over her breasts, which were already fuller. Nobody knew.
Aidan stood beside Brendan, wearing the suit and tie he’d worn this past Sunday, for Easter. Aidan would turn nine two days before Maggie turned ten. Irish twins. Norah located Maggie slightly behind her and reached back with her free hand, but Maggie shied away and then stared back at Norah, daring her to beckon again. Maggie, as the only girl, believed she was Sean’s favorite, but it was Aidan who was his heart.
Maggie and the boys had Sean’s eyes, a striking blue a shade darker than her own. Maggie glanced at her grandmother, wanting to be her ally instead of Norah’s, but Delia, her gaze fixed firmly ahead, didn’t seem to notice.
Suit yourself, Norah thought and turned around.
Sean’s eyes were his mother’s eyes. Delia O’Reilly, beautiful still at sixty-five. She’d been an elementary school principal, formerly a teacher, and there was something in her bearing that suggested it, Norah thought. She expected to be listened to. Sean had often called his mother brave. Back in the 1950s, not many people got divorced. Sure as hell nobody Catholic, he’d say. Many of her students had come to the wake, clearly self-conscious in their dress-up clothes, passing right by Norah. The boys kept their hands in their pockets as they mumbled that they were sorry. The girls had more poise, but it was easy to tell the ones who’d never been to a wake before by the way their wide eyes couldn’t leave the open casket. Former students had come as well, college-aged if not in college, and they shook Norah’s hand and told her they remembered Sean coming to their classroom in his uniform, and they remembered visits to the firehouse.
Norah, too, remembered Sean saying these kids pulling the fire alarm boxes accounted for probably half their runs. Delia would say that’s why it was important that he talk to them. He would shake his head, but he never said no to her.
The coffin arrived at the bottom of the steps and Norah started down, going slowly, for Brendan. She sensed her brother tense. Cathal was ready to grab her arm if she stumbled. The cameras clicked in chorus. Aidan pressed Sean’s helmet against his stomach. She made a mental note to be sure to let Brendan get a chance with the helmet. She would make Aidan give it to him as they were leaving the cemetery, when the pipers began Amazing Grace.
A few members of the FDNY’s pipe and drum band had played at their wedding too, though Sean hadn’t been a fireman yet.
He’d been waiting to get on the job, increasingly worried that the city’s money troubles would keep it from hiring more firemen, needed as they were. When he did get called, only a few months after the wedding, Norah had been too relieved to fret about his safety. A better paycheck and a steady one, she’d thought, as though he’d been hired to sell insurance. They could move out of his mother’s house and into an apartment before the baby came.
Cross Hill Cemetery had been closed to new burials for a decade at least. But an exception was being made so Sean could be laid to rest, as the priest put it, near his grandfather and great-grandfather, firefighters both. The newspapers were making much of it. Legacy of Bravery,
said one headline.
And, of course, Eileen was in the papers too. The articles about Sean all mentioned that his sister had joined the class-action lawsuit against the FDNY and that she’d graduated from the academy last year, in the very first class to include women.
The procession halted. Three times, Monsignor Halloran blessed the casket with holy water, his spotty hand quaking. He’d baptized Sean too.
The firemen lock-stepped a turn and hoisted the coffin onto the pumper. The honor guard took up their places, four on either side of the pumper and two standing on the back. Firefighter Eileen O’Reilly was one of the four.
Her red hair was pulled back in a tight bun at the nape of her neck. When she got on the job, she’d cut it so it was above her shoulders, but she refused to have it short-short. She was already being called a dyke, she told Norah with a crooked smile. Couldn’t give them more ammo. Norah laughed and felt she was betraying Sean, who’d found nothing funny at all about his sister’s new career.
The pipers started Garryowen.
Eileen’s back was straight, her face impassive. Eileen looked like she was playing dress-up, as though she’d stolen Sean’s Class-A uniform for the occasion.
Joe Paladino was escorting Delia. Sean, apparently, had left instructions with this request. But it was Nathaniel who should have been beside her, and Sean should have realized this. Nathaniel Kwiatkowski, whose gentle voice was accented with both Poland and Brooklyn, had known Sean his whole life. That should have trumped the goddamn holy fire department. Nathaniel was there, of course, not far behind Delia, but like an ordinary mourner.
Indeed, Joe startled Norah in all ways when, straining for composure, he explained Sean’s wishes to her.
Sean never told her any details about his funeral. Firemen loved to say you never know when you get on the truck what you’ll find when you get there, but Norah had spent her marriage convinced that none of them believed they might die on the job. That it was possible, that they very well might be, she’d thought a secret kept by the wives.
But choosing Joe to escort his mother at his line-of-duty funeral meant that Sean understood. And if Sean had, then all the guys from Sean’s firehouse—the funny ones and the shy ones and the ones who bullied the probies worse than if the firehouse was a frat house, the swaggerers, the ones so kind they were like Irish priests in old movies—then all of them knew that they might, one day, go to work and get killed.
At the bottom of the steps, the fire commissioner shook Norah’s hand and then Delia’s. Then Mayor Koch did the same.
Both the mayor and the fire commissioner retreated, and Norah herded the children to the limousine, and as they climbed in, followed by her brother, she and Delia faced each other on the sidewalk.
I will never—
Delia began, but then pressed her lips together and turned to Joe, who helped her into the car. Norah followed.
Norah didn’t want Act II. She badly needed the curtain to come down and take the audience away. Then Sean could appear from the wings, grinning and carrying a bouquet of lilies.
You did good,
he’d say.
That Mayor Koch,
she’d say, he’s like an egg with ears.
And Sean would laugh.
The morning after the fire, before the children emerged from their rooms, she’d sat at Sean’s desk and used his calculator. Possibly she’d never touched it before. He was the one who paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. She was almost thirty-four years old. Suppose she lived to be seventy? 70 – 34 = 36. Thirty-six years without him. More than half her life without him. She got up and lay down on his half of the bed.
Norah had the limousine drop them at her own house first so the kids could change their clothes. The after-funeral should have been at her and Sean’s, but Delia insisted that her house would be better.
Though Cathal told her to stand her ground, Norah said she didn’t want an argument. Delia owned the three-story brownstone that had belonged to her grandparents. It was the only one on the street that had not been cut up into apartments. Delia had grown up there herself, and after her husband left, she had taken it back from the tenants so she could raise Sean and Eileen there.
It was far bigger than Norah and Sean’s two-story three-bedroom, just three blocks away. And Norah knew Sean didn’t choose to live close to his mother so he could be there if she needed him. Delia didn’t, as far as Norah could tell, need anyone. It was the house.
Sean had formally explained to the kids that Aunt Eileen had been adopted, and that it didn’t matter. She was his sister and their aunt. Norah knew he meant it. Yet. When Norah asked him to please consider moving to Long Island because they needed more space, or even upstate, a town that wouldn’t be too bad of a commute to the firehouse, Sean refused to discuss it. He was still the older child, and the boy. The brownstone certainly would have come to him, and he would have moved them into it someday.
Norah didn’t change out of her funeral dress, much as she wanted to. Aidan threw on jeans and an FDNY T-shirt. After warning Maggie, who was staring fixedly into her closet, to be quick about it, Norah brought Brendan back downstairs to find Cathal standing before the small gallery of family pictures that were clustered on top of the bookcase in the front room.
Aidan went to the front door, and about every five seconds, they heard him kick it hard. Brendan dashed into the dining room to plunder his Easter basket.
Aoife should have come,
Cathal said. And I’ll tell her that next week.
Next week?
Norah asked.
I’m going home for a few days before I head back.
Norah felt a rising panic. Of course Cathal would be leaving. He wasn’t about to take up permanent residence on her couch.
You should go to Ireland, once the kids are out of school,
Cathal said gently.
But she wouldn’t be doing any traveling this summer if things remained as they were. She had the urge to tell her brother that she was pregnant. It would be like jumping off a cliff. Or backing away from one.
Instead, she shook her head. Airfare for all of us.
We can help with that.
We?
Though Cathal never spoke of anyone, Norah suspected that he had a girlfriend he couldn’t bring home. A non-Catholic. A black girl.
Me and Eamonn and Donal,
Cathal said after a hesitation.
There wasn’t any way he’d meant their brothers, but Norah let it go.
We’ll see.
She went back to the foot of the stairs. Magdalena! Pick any shirt!
When she got back to the living room, Cathal said, "I hate to bring this up today, but the fire department, they will take care of you?"
Three quarters,
she said, and then, realizing he didn’t know the lingo, she added, Three quarters of Sean’s pay for life.
Cathal nodded, and Norah read his thoughts: that can’t be much for someone with three kids. It wasn’t. Even with his full salary, Sean had still worked odd jobs as a carpenter when they came his way through the firehouse.
Maggie arrived in the living room still wearing her dress.
Can I stay home?
she asked.
You are not sitting around the house by yourself,
Norah said. You’ll come to Gran’s and get something to eat.
I’m not hungry.
You’ll come to Gran’s and not eat, then.
Can I read?
You can stand on your head in the backyard if you like,
Norah said.
Maggie noticed Brendan in the dining room and charged, shrieking, Just because you ate all yours already doesn’t mean you get to take mine!
Brendan dove under the dining room table and scooted out the other side, bolting as Maggie frantically inventoried her Easter basket.
Brendan threw his arms around Norah’s waist. Norah licked her thumb and rubbed away the chocolate from the corners of his mouth. She didn’t spoil him—she didn’t—but today she couldn’t deal with it.
Maggie stomped into the living room. Three of my chocolate eggs are gone.
Aidan shouted from the front door. They’re all waiting for us.
For God’s sake, Aidan, it isn’t a surprise party.
Norah pressed the heel of her hand into her firming belly and pushed a little. There was no Sean to cut them down with his decisive Knock it off!
She was never the bad cop.
Norah put her narrowed eyes on her daughter. Are you going to change?
The front door banged. Aidan leaving. Norah shut her eyes.
Norah?
Cathal said quietly.
She opened her eyes and said to Cathal, Can you go with him? I’ll sort this out.
During the Mass, the other wives had gone to Delia’s house and set up. The food was arranged on the dining room table. Plates were out and napkins and plastic utensils. The refrigerator was stocked with Budweiser and Schaefer and Coke and ginger ale. There were stacks of plastic cups. Folding chairs set up. Ashtrays placed about.
Though she kept the black dress on, Norah discarded the stockings and heels. She would be a bohemian widow. When she thought the word widow,
it didn’t seem as though Sean had died, only that the alphabet went mad after the first two letters of wife.
Need anything? You’re all right? He was, I know. Thank you, yes. He was.
I’m fine, thank you. I’m fine, really. Thank you. We’ll be all right, thank you.
The rituals of the wake and funeral had let Norah hide the rattling of her bones. But now that they were nearing the end of the scripted part, her hands were being taken by fits. The right kept reaching for the left and clasping it tightly enough to hurt. She twisted her wedding ring around and around and kept grasping the gold replica of Sean’s badge that she wore on a slim chain around her neck. Sean had given it to her not long after he’d transferred to the Glory Devlins.
Norah, near midnight the day of the fire—after Delia had left and she’d made Eileen go with her, which neither of them wanted, but Norah was too tired to care, after the children were finally in bed, and quiet, though maybe crying into their pillows (she refused to look)—she’d remembered Sean’s wedding ring. Firemen weren’t allowed to wear jewelry on the job, and she was forever telling Sean to take off the ring before going to work. It was a silver claddagh, of which hers was a more slender version. But she looked, and it was not on top of his bureau or hers. In a panic, she’d called the firehouse. Check his locker, she begged whoever answered the phone.
It was Frank Burkell who walked over. Norah opened the door before he could knock. Frank uncurled his fist, and after Norah snatched the ring, in the porch light she saw that the crown had left an impression in his palm.
A hardware store. Combustibles in the basement. An explosion. The floor collapsing. Sean plunging into the basement. But not before shoving the probie behind him to safety.
Norah could not stop her mind from chasing itself. The shove meant he’d realized it was about to go bad. For at least a few seconds, he’d known. It had taken the men almost a half hour to get to him. The collapse had blocked the only door to the basement. She hadn’t asked if he’d radioed a mayday from the basement as it filled with water from burst pipes.
An hour before the wake began, she’d added Sean’s wedding ring to the necklace. When she hurried up or down stairs, the Maltese cross and the ring clinked together, a sound almost a musical note but never quite.
Norah could not sit still. Conversations dove in each ear, swooped up her nose. She walked a circuit from the living room, on the parlor floor, and down the stairs to the garden floor, where the kitchen was. The door opened into the backyard, which abutted the yard of the firehouse, where Delia’s father and maternal grandfather once worked. A ladder leaned against the wall that separated the yards, and as a child, Sean used to climb over it and hang out at the firehouse.
Sean’s first permanent firehouse had been in Brownsville. During those years, Norah hadn’t worried about him being killed in a fire so much as being shot running into one.
After three years, Sean had put in for a transfer, and got sent to the Glory Devlins. I did my time, he said. Norah assumed he made a few phone calls to make it happen. She never asked. It wasn’t her business.
Delia sat in the blue easy chair, Sean’s chair, and Nathaniel sat beside her on the ottoman. Her face was turned away. Nathaniel was leaning forward and speaking, too softly for Norah to hear.
She moved away without disturbing them.
Need anything? You’re all right? He was, I know. Thank you, yes. He was.
She saw a tall man with dark blond hair standing by the front windows, and she took two steps toward him, ready to shout Where have you been?
before she realized it was Keith Powell, the company chauffeur, the one who’d written the song about women firefighters. He’d sung it at the picnic last year. Norah recalled only two lines:
We used to sleep without any covers,
Can’t now in case they become our lovers.
She’d laughed with a little bit of guilt, but she couldn’t for the life of her understand why any woman would want to be a fireman. Eileen was out of her head.
She watched Eileen navigate the rooms. The men stopped talking as she came near, and most looked away.
Back in 1977, when women were allowed to take the test for the FDNY for the first time, and Eileen decided to do it, Sean laughed and said no way in hell would she pass the physical. Indeed, not a single woman had.
One of the other women who failed, Brenda Berkman, also happened to be a lawyer, and she filed a lawsuit, Berkman et al. v. FDNY. Eileen was informed by mail that she was one of the et als.
She’d said in amazement that suing never would have occurred to her. None of the men imagined the FDNY would lose the lawsuit.
But the judge ruled that the current physical test was unfair and that the department had to design a new one that actually tested the skills used on the job. That is, a test that didn’t rely almost entirely on upper-body strength. Bullshit, Sean said. How the fuck could firefighting not require upper-body strength?
Eileen and fifty-two other women passed the new test.
Yeah, Sean said, and all the guys said, because they made it easier, not better. If the women had passed the same physical as the men, fine. Let them on. But they didn’t. They passed the soft test.
Eileen had graduated from the fire academy last year, a full five years after she first applied. So did eleven other women.
Norah tried to slip past Grace Grady with a quick nod, but Grace put a hand on Norah’s shoulder, her pretty green eyes lit with sympathy. Norah barely stopped herself from slapping her hand away. Grace was the girl at school who was lovely without trying, and you’d hate her for it if she weren’t so nice.
It was Grace who’d taken charge of setting up the house this morning. If the power went out, Grace would have candles and extra batteries for each flashlight. She’d probably never used her sleeve to wipe her kids’ noses, and she’d surely never had to pull the Halloween decorations off the windows because she’d run out of candy. Norah bet that on the nights her husband worked, Grace still cooked meatloaf or chicken for her three boys, not hot dogs or grilled cheese the way Norah did.
Grace had a small stack of dirty paper plates in one hand.
Norah, don’t forget we’re right up the street. Kev said to let you know that he already takes Danny to baseball practice and he’d be happy to bring Aidan along too. Danny said he didn’t mind losing out on playing first base because it was Aidan . . . And Brian’s my soccer player. He said he’d teach Brendan a few tricks. Whatever you need.
That’s just what we need, Norah thought. Football tricks for my four-year-old. Not soccer but football. All her years in the States and she still turned things Irish in her mind. She nodded, and Grace pulled her hand back.
We’ll miss him, Norah,
she said. There were tears in her eyes.
Norah thanked her and continued on. She felt Grace’s gaze between her shoulder blades.
She went down to the garden level again, intending to step outside for some air. She recalled how strange it had looked to her when she first arrived in Brooklyn to see doors built into the sides of stairs, as if to some kind of secret passageway. As soon as Norah opened the door, she heard the voices of firemen and smelled the cigarette smoke.
—that story, right. With Sean and the guy who gave us the finger?
Norah, though she’d been about to slam the door in frustration, stopped.
Nah, I don’t think so.
I know it. It’s fucking funny.
This was a couple years ago. We’re heading back to the firehouse after another fucking false alarm and Tommy’s driving. It’s got to be eleven at night.
We’re coming to the light and this asshole in a Toyota shoots right in front of us, cuts us off. Tommy slams on the brakes and hits the horn, and the prick sticks his hand out the window and gives us the finger.
Asshole.
Yeah, so, Tommy, he’s pissed as shit. He floors it. He goes around the corner, goes around the corner, we’re hanging on in the back. I don’t know how he does it, but we beat the guy to the next intersection. He’s sitting there at a red light. Tommy stops the truck and gets out. You know him, he’s a big fucking guy. He goes over to the car and opens the door and pulls the guy out and he says something we can’t hear.
So he gets back in the truck, we’re heading back and it’s dead quiet. Then Sean goes, Hey, Tom, you misunderstood the guy. He wasn’t flipping us off. He was telling us we’re number one.
Norah smiled into the general laughter. Sean never told her that but then he’d never talked much about work. There had to be a lot of stories, she realized. Stories starring Sean. Sean, alive. Stories that would come to Aidan and Brendan someday.
Norah went back upstairs and into the living room, trying to prepare for the onslaught of pity. Brendan scampered over and declared he was hungry. She didn’t see the other two, but she knew Aidan would be in the center of a pack of boys, with Cathal nearby, she assumed. If they weren’t in Delia’s yard, it was because they’d already gone over the fence to the firehouse. Aidan would want to show his uncle Sean’s locker, which still had to be cleaned out, and then no doubt he’d take Cathal up to the bunkroom to visit Sean’s bed.
Maggie might be with Joe Paladino’s daughter, Isabel, who was her age, though they weren’t quite friends, mostly due to Maggie’s reserve, a thing that had puzzled Sean and frankly annoyed him. More likely, Maggie was in her grandmother’s bedroom, with Delia’s books. If Sean were here, he’d say, Put the book away, Magee.
If he were here. If it weren’t his funeral.
Grateful for a job, Norah took Brendan’s hand and led him to the dining room. The smell of cheese always got to her in the first two months. She’d been avoiding the dining room, though if she threw up, surely it would be put down to nerves.
Ray Cavalieiri had handled the food. He owned a deli with his brothers, and he told her not to worry, they’d get everybody fed. Indeed, Cavalieiri’s supplied trays of ziti, lasagna and meatballs, and cold cuts for sandwiches. Roast beef and ham and Swiss and American cheese. There were rolls and Italian bread. Salads and olives and pickles. Norah wasn’t sure if the deli had also taken care of the soda and beer and ice, but somebody certainly had.
Seeing the abundance of food made Norah suddenly wonder about the cost. Was Ray expecting to be paid? Would he bill her? Or was he donating the food?
There was maybe a twenty in her wallet. The morning after the fire, she’d snatched the checkbook from the drawer of the desk in the corner of their bedroom where Sean sat and paid the bills every month. She hadn’t recorded the checks she’d written for the funeral home and for the casket. She’d ordered a wreath from the children and one from herself. Beloved Father, Beloved Husband. But she’d put those on the credit card, as well as her black dress and a navy-blue one for Maggie, whose only other dress was her Easter dress, and she wore that on the second day of the wake. The boys wore the same suits for both.
Nobody had ever told her that you spent the day after a death shopping. When was the credit card bill due? Norah felt a shot of panic. She’d never thought of herself as a helpless sort of wife. But when was the electric bill due? The mortgage? The phone bill? Would she get Sean’s paycheck on his usual payday? Would it be his last full paycheck? It would have to be. Would they keep her and the children on his insurance?
The FDNY had assigned her a liaison, but so far they’d only talked about the funeral.
If she couldn’t keep up with the mortgage, would she have to move all of them into an apartment? Stuff all the kids into one bedroom and keep the other for herself? She could divide the kids between the two bedrooms and sleep on a sofa bed.
The questions were like bees diving at her head. She always waved her hand frantically when a bee got too close, and Sean would laugh and tell her that was exactly the way to get stung.
Norah swallowed hard, fighting the rise of sick.
There would surely be a lot of leftover food. She would donate it to the nuns of St. Maren’s, the cloistered convent in the neighborhood, and that would be her last bit of shopping for them. Buying groceries for the nuns who had retreated from the world had seemed little enough money to spare before, but not now.
It wasn’t long after she was first married that she accompanied Grace on a shopping trip so Grace could take her through what to buy. Oatmeal and fruit. Milk and juice. Bread and cheese. The nuns never said what they liked to eat. They simply accepted what they were given. She went with Grace to the convent, around the back to the one public room, the turn room, and watched Grace place the grocery bags in the turn, a revolving cabinet in which the parishioners left their offerings for the nuns in exchange for their prayers.
For prayers, people tended to leave sweets, cakes and cookies they bought at the bakery.
Grace had explained that it was the wives of the firemen who took care of the practical side of things. The founder of the convent was Saint Maren of Ireland, the patron of those in danger of drowning and those in danger from fire. There was Saint Florian, the patron of firefighters, and it was his medal the wives all wore. But there was no patron saint for the wives.
The wives of firemen don’t need a patron saint. They’re saints themselves.
That was the joke they told now, and maybe it was as old as the custom, which Grace said went back at least to her grandmother, but probably further. The wives of the Glory Devlins had adopted Saint Maren as their patron.
Norah had done her duty by the saint, hadn’t she? She’d gone to the grocery store and filled a basket with things for them, even if she’d never actually prayed to Saint Maren. It should have been enough.
As if her thinking of the nuns had conjured their presence, she saw on the table of food a plate of soda bread, each slice wrapped individually, and wondered who had brought it. The soda breads were baked by the nuns and sent out of the convent wrapped for sale at Agnello’s bakery. The nuns used some of the money to pay for the upkeep of the convent, and the rest they gave away.
One slice from every batch was blessed, and whoever ate it would have a prayer answered. There were stories of women conceiving who had not been able to. Letters arriving from husbands away at war.
Norah wondered if the person who’d brought the bread knew of the blessing. Surely they knew the only thing Norah would want was Sean to be alive. Not the only thing. Perhaps not. She picked up a piece of the soda bread and held it for a minute. What if she ate it and ended up with twins? What if two babies instead of one was considered a blessing, and never mind what she actually wanted?
Her hands shaking, she made Brendan a cheese sandwich on a pumpernickel roll, spread thickly with mayonnaise. Brendan dove under the dining room table to eat it. She tried to coax him out.
It’s hot under there! Brennie, you can go outside on the stoop and eat.
Brendan mashed his hand into his sandwich to flatten it, ignoring her. She felt the heat rising in her face as people turned to stare. One of the other wives nudged her husband.
Kevin Grady, who was standing nearby, said, Hey, Mrs. O’Reilly, I’ll keep an eye on him if you want.
Grace’s oldest son was fifteen or sixteen, and was no doubt used to keeping his two younger brothers in line. The middle one, the football player, was about thirteen, she thought, and Danny was in Maggie’s class. The boys all favored Grace, with her green eyes and very dark hair from the Italian side of her family.
I guess he’s all right.
Norah pushed her hair out of her face.
Yeah, sure he is.
Kevin squatted and peered under the table. Hey, Bren, man, you setting up camp under there or what?
With a failing smile, she thanked Kevin and abandoned Brendan to him. She envied the Gradys the simplicity of their family. She’d often wished her own children were better organized, with the two boys close in age but Maggie had been born on June 21, and a year later Aidan, on June 19. Which made them the same age on June 20. For the first three years, they’d had a co-party on that day, but after that it became impossible to please them both, and so she had to organize a boy party and a girl party on the nearest weekend, one held on Saturday and the other on Sunday.
The long break between the boys was her fault. She thought sometimes that her Big Irish Family was one of the things Sean had been attracted to when they first met. He had this idea that families with lots of children operated like baseball teams, with everyone bonded together for a common purpose. He’d never thought to wonder how well you could know older brothers who were gone to another country by the time you were eleven.
When Brendan turned two, Sean began to suggest having another. But the thought made Norah restless. Without pregnancy stretching her in ways she shouldn’t be stretched, she might take an interesting job doing something or other, or write a children’s book, something Irishy but nothing to do with leprechauns. Or maybe she would take some college classes.
Sean never asked about her day. He didn’t understand how much of her life was simply boring. When he worked twenty-four, Norah felt abandoned in this foreign country.
But once Brendan started half-day nursery school, she’d begun to weigh the odds of her actually doing any of those things against how happy Sean would be. She’d been hoping the new baby would be a uniter, someone they could all root for. Another girl.
Slightly stupefied, her eyes gritty as though sand had blown in them, Norah wound through the rooms again, moving with pretend purpose. She stepped out of the living room and bumped into Amred Lehane, studying the family pictures in the hallway.
I can hardly believe this has happened for the second time in five years,
he said. The grandson of a fireman who died in the line of duty has also died in the line of duty.
The second time?
Norah asked, confused. A mistake, she knew as soon as she said it. Amred was a walking encyclopedia of FDNY history.
Bill O’Connor, who died in Waldbaum’s,
Amred said. His grandfather died of burns. Delia’s father, Gentleman Jack Keegan, in 1941. Now Sean.
Norah began edging away. She had no place to put other people’s sad stories.
Bill O’Connor’s wife was there, you know, at Waldbaum’s.
I know that,
Norah snapped.
The men talked ceaselessly about what caused the roof of the Waldbaum’s to collapse in August of ’78, and how the six men who’d been up there venting the roof fell into the fire.
The wives, though, talked about Louise. How Louise came by the firehouse early in the morning, right as the night tour was ending, with the kids in the car, to pick up Bill for a trip to the beach. She’d followed the rig to the fire. From the roof, Bill waved to Louise and their three children. Minutes later, he was dead.
Norah left Amred and took off upstairs to Sean’s old bedroom, because if she didn’t get ten minutes alone, her bones might dissolve, and then what would happen to her kids? But in the bedroom, Eileen was standing at the window, her shoulders slack beneath the blue shirt of her dress uniform, her eyes red-rimmed. She didn’t turn when Norah came in.
They wouldn’t let me dig for him, you know. We’ll bring him out, Sean’s captain says to me.
I’m sure he didn’t want you to see, Eileen,
Norah said sharply. You’re his sister.
I’m a firefighter,
she said stubbornly.
Are you? Norah thought. Hasn’t this gone far enough? She’d gotten Sean’s attention and her mother’s. Now Sean was gone, half the audience.
I said, That’s my brother, and they said, He’s our brother. And you know what?
Eileen paused so long that Norah didn’t think she was going to continue.
I left. I walked away. Sean didn’t want me on the job.
Eileen, please.
Norah wondered how many beers she’d had. Three at least, no doubt.
I’ve been thinking about quitting.
Norah was surprised, though Sean had predicted she would, once she realized that very little about firefighting was romantic.
I love the job. I fucking love it,
Eileen said fiercely. But the bullshit? Fighting fires is easy compared to living with firemen. I know some guys were giving Sean a hard time too. Saying he told me to take the test or some crap like that.
Norah rubbed her eyes. He certainly had not. One Thanksgiving night, long after Delia had left and the children were in bed, Sean and Eileen were still drinking, and Sean began teasing her about failing the physical. Eileen, not amused, recited the points of the lawsuit. Soon they were both yelling, and then Sean stretched out on the floor and, tucking his arms behind his head, told her to go ahead and drag him out of the fire—unless women were going to specialize in rescuing kids and pets? Eileen aimed a kick at his head, and Norah had to get between them, hissing that if they woke the kids, she would set them both on fire and they could have fun putting each other out. Why, she thought now, would she ever have said such a thing?
Thankfully, in the past few months, Sean had been less furious