Caring for Mary: One Caregiver’S Humorous Dialogues with a Demented Old Italian Woman
()
About this ebook
Author Nicholas Andrefsky never envisioned that he would one day be a caregiver. Nothing in his life prepared him for that daunting task, but he was in need of money and his dearest friend on the planet asked for his help. Caring for Mary documents the ups and downs of his time as a caregiver to the strong-willed Mary as she struggled with dementia. Mary was no pushover, but Nick took a unique approach to understanding her needs. They bonded, and she came to view him as a trusted ally instead of an enemy.
He recalls several different scenarios that occurred as he cared for Mary, complete with straightforward, occasionally humorous, and always honest in the assessment of how to handle each situation. His message is that you must understand that the person for whom you are caring will not change, that the best way to work with them is with humor and understanding, allowing them to maintain their dignity.
Being a caregiver is not easy, but it can be rewarding when handled in the right way. Dementia is not reversible, and it grows progressively worse as time wears on. Even so, there are glimmers of recognition and humor, both of which come shining through in these winning stories.
Related to Caring for Mary
Related ebooks
Eulogies for My Mother Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsQuiet Little Mouse: How My Lying, Cheating Husband Awakened My Inner Warrior Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMust Love Dogs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLove and Forgiveness: A Pathway to Freedom Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOvercome: How I Prevailed through the Darkest Days of My Childhood Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTobias Lincoln Hunt Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsUnfold Me: Unfold Layers of Your Wounded Heart and Begin Living Your Dream Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMaking it in High Heels: Inspiring Stories by Women for Women of All Ages: Inspiring Stories by Women for Women of All Ages Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsI Killed Mom . . . Again!: A True Story Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOn a Mission: Strength, resilience, compassion – policing with attitude Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMemories of an Adopted Child Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFairy Tale to Murder Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMental Deception Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPoems of Experience Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsI Was a Child but Not Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsJust for Matt: A Story About Life, Love, and Down syndrome Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Mother's Heart Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIt Happened Just This Way Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAll on My Own: A Story that Needs To be Told... Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsUnbalanced: The Autobiography of a Schizophrenic Bipolar Woman Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRock-A-Bye-Bye-Baby Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPassion Patience Prosperity: An Inspiring Life Journey Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Glimpse Gift Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFAMOUS LAST WORDS: "I Will Survive" Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHidden Knowledge: Thoughts on the American Presidency Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHer Alibi Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingswhatever it takes: true stories of entrepreneurial imagination, intention & impact Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBreaking the Chain: Life and Times of a Convict Through the Eyes of His Daughters Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Woman's Story: Following the Light through Addiction, Trauma and Abuse Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Biography & Memoir For You
A Stolen Life: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Just Mercy: a story of justice and redemption Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Meditations: Complete and Unabridged Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mommie Dearest Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Jack Reacher Reading Order: The Complete Lee Child’s Reading List Of Jack Reacher Series Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Alive: The Story of the Andes Survivors Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Good Girls Don't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Why Fish Don't Exist: A Story of Loss, Love, and the Hidden Order of Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Billion Years: My Escape From a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5People, Places, Things: My Human Landmarks Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Indifferent Stars Above: The Harrowing Saga of the Donner Party Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Red Notice: A True Story of High Finance, Murder, and One Man's Fight for Justice Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Taste: My Life Through Food Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Desert Solitaire Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Breaking Free: How I Escaped Polygamy, the FLDS Cult, and My Father, Warren Jeffs Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Seven Pillars of Wisdom: A Triumph Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Disloyal: A Memoir: The True Story of the Former Personal Attorney to President Donald J. Trump Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Killing the Mob: The Fight Against Organized Crime in America Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Cook's Tour: In Search of the Perfect Meal Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Crack In Creation: Gene Editing and the Unthinkable Power to Control Evolution Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Caring for Mary
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Caring for Mary - Nicholas Andrefsky
Contents
Preface
Introduction
Getting Started
The Poop Chronicles
Bathing
Honey, I’m Cold
Hi, Nanny. Remember Me?
Dementia Dos, Don’ts, and Dignity
And When She Did Remember
The Weasel Sisters
Family Trivia for One
Sugar Cookie Please, Alex
The Dance of a Thousand Dinners
Going Home
Pocketbook, Kleenex,
Eyeglasses, and Makeup
Momma and Daddy
The Popi Factor
Epilogue
About the Author
For Beth, without whose trust, faith, love, and support it would not have been possible.
mary3%20(1).tifMary when she was still Mary
Preface
In the winter of 2011, my dear friend Beth and her sister Taisia were faced with the sudden loss of their mother’s caregiver. Since I was facing hernia surgery, which meant giving up my job as a camp caretaker, I gladly accepted the offer to take care of Mary.
Because of the dementia and extreme memory loss, she really didn’t remember that I had known her and the family for more than twenty-five years. This woman of great intellectual prowess was reduced to repeating the same phrases, asking the same questions, and living the same life day in and day out.
Historically, Mary did not like me. Mine had been the smallest of slights many years earlier; it had to do with a pork dish, but I digress. The simple truth was that she didn’t like many people outside (and some inside) the family. She tolerated all with vague, nondescript pleasantries and would criticize them when they were gone. This was my charge. However, there were a few advantages I had at the outset that immediately ingratiated me to this occasionally hateful old woman.
1) I was a man—a man who knew the way to the heart of a narcissist.
2) I was Italian, and I sang Italian songs that she knew.
3) She and I were Pavarotti fans.
4) Humor was—and is—my favored weapon of choice.
5) Not being a normally patient man, I would have lots of time to practice.
I was not a professional caregiver. I was just a guy who knew enough to make the lives of my dearest friends a bit easier. The following is a short volume on how you, too, can care for a lost mind.
According to Taisia, Mary’s younger daughter:
Mary is my mother. She’s had this role for the last forty-seven years. I was a midlife surprise. She was forty-two when the doctor told her that she was pregnant.
She said, Well? What are we going to do about it?
He replied, What do you mean? In nine months, you’re going to have a baby!
Sheesh, Ma! No wonder I needed therapy.
But my mother was one of my best friends. And she was beautiful. I used to pore over pictures of her in her teens. A mane of blue-black, shiny, wavy hair; soulful brown eyes; a gorgeous figure; and an even more gorgeous smile. She still is beautiful to me.
In my teens, I put her through the prerequisite hell that a lot of moms may go through. I was rebellious. I stayed out too late, talked back, and disobeyed. I was always a cut up and a bit of a wisenheimer, so I’ve had my share of being chased around the house with various household items: her slipper, the fly swatter, and the ever-dreaded wooden spoon!
Her patience for and tolerance of my antics may have wavered at times, but her love for me never did.
I used to hide little love notes in the things on her dresser. She’s kept every one of them.
My