Me and My Mum

© Copyright 2012 Grace Chama-Pupe.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-4669-4393-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4669-4392-6 (e)

Trafford rev. 09/07/2012

www.trafford.com

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CONTENTS

1.   Acknowledgement

2.   Me, Mum And Her On-Set Dementia

3.   Mum’s Arrival

4.   The Wake Up Call

5.   The Curse Of The Pawpaw Fruit

6.   Mulenga

7.   Have You Telephoned The President?

8.   My Tears For Mummy

9.   Under Siege

10.   Del’s Narrow Escape

11.   2011 Christmas Turmoil

12.   Pillow Treasures

13.   January Blues

14.   Mum And A Man In A White Coat

15.   Mum’s Fixation

16.   Mum’s Betrayal

17.   The Missing Jewellery Box

18.   The Grace Passage

19.   Glossary

20.   Resume

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

To the memory of my late father Mr Jairous Chama Katebe who gave me a ‘jump start’ to a life he never lived long enough to witness. To my mother, Besa Milika Mulutula who is currently engulfed in turmoil as she journeys in her last twilight days savaged by on-set dementia. A big thank you to the people I spoke to about writing this book who gave me tremendous encouragement even though they were mostly strangers. And a big thank you to my publishers ‘Traffords’ who accepted work from a novice author with such enthusiasm.

ME, MUM AND HER

ON-SET DEMENTIA

What is dementia?

According to an article written by (GC Roman—Journal of the American Geriatrics Society 2003—Wiley on line library) dementia is described as a loss of brain functions that occurs with certain diseases in the elderly. Illnesses may include: Alzheimer’s disease, vascular dementia, Parkinson’s, Huntingdon’s disease, alcohol-related dementia, AIDS related dementia and Creutzfieldt—Jacob disease.

The article further states that Vascular dementia (CVD) is the second most common cause of dementia in the elderly.

What is vascular dementia?

It is the loss of cognitive functioning resulting from ischemic, hypo perfusive, or hemorrhagic brain lesions due to cerebral vascular disease. Symptoms of vascular dementia are a ‘stepped’ progression with symptoms remaining at a constant level for a time and then suddenly deteriorating.

It is stated that people with dementia may particularly experience: Problems with speed thinking; concentration and communication; depression and anxiety accompanying the dementia; symptoms of stroke, such as physical weakness or paralysis; memory loss; seizures and periods of severe or acute confusion. Other symptoms may include: visual mistakes and misperceptions; changes in behaviour such as restlessness; difficulties with walking and steadiness; hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren’t there) and delusions (believing things that are not true). Problems with continence as well as psychological symptoms such as becoming more obsessive.

At the time of writing this book, my mum had not officially been diagnosed as suffering from dementia as I was still in the process of finding a sympathetic specialist doctor in Zambia who may not dismiss mum’s ailments as simply old age degeneration.

However, my mother who is aged 89 has been expressing symptoms of on set dementia which include forgetfulness, confusion, misperceptions, behavioural difficulties, hallucinations as well as becoming more obsessive.

My mother like many other elderly people in Zambia who are at the brink of enduring early onset dementia and those already suffering from dementia have no voice to tell the world and let alone their own government about their dire twilight end to their lives. There are no organised lobbies to take up their pleas into, for example, parliamentary debates. Nobody is fighting for their quotas at government level. It seems to me that dementia is still regarded as a taboo subject which should not be debated openly hence mental health problems in the elderly has not received any publicity at government level.

Having spent my adult life living and working as a Social Worker in United Kingdom, I am at pains to witness the suffering and frustration of dementia sufferers as well as those trying to care for them in Zambian communities. It seems to me that caring responsibilities have been left on the mercy of various churches, families and some volunteers who provide assistance to the undeserving and other categories relying at the fledges of society. For example, in the worst case scenarios, the elderly, mentally ill and people with disabilities are left to roam streets and fend for themselves.

However, it is mostly stated that mental and physical health ailments which affect elderly people such as dementia, manic depression, psychosis, diabetes, high/low blood pressure to mention a few have no class nor creed hence today’s leaders may find themselves in their old age faced with fragmented and broken down health care schemes unless they put their house in order and improve health care frame works in Zambia now, they may find themselves enduring the same hardships as today’s elderly people.

On my return back to my native country, Zambia, I found myself thrown at the deepest end as I embarked on caring for my elderly mother who was expressing symptoms of on-set dementia. Little did I know that mum’s 24/7 caring role will entirely be left on my two shoulders without any assistance from either family or government. The entire saga blew my breath away and left me drained and frustrated.

It goes without saying that when one door closes, the other one opens hence my dire frustration has resulted in writing a book based on my own personal experiences with mum, an on-set dementia sufferer. Observing and writing down my encounters with mum changed my negative feelings into positive ones as I became more and more interested in mum’s activities both good and bad. It has also brought me closer to appreciating the mother I had before her on-set dementia.

MUM’S ARRIVAL

After weeks of negotiations, deliberations and unexpected pros and cons into having mum brought to Lusaka, I finally sent my niece Anne to go and fetch mum from Chililabombwe. Their travel proves to be successful and on Saturday evening, 30th July, 2011 mum and Anne arrive in Lusaka. I instruct Anne to catch a taxi from Lusaka’s City Bus Terminal to my home in Makeni as driving there meant having the two waiting for me. Within twenty minutes or so the taxi arrives at my house.

My first impressions were that mum appeared tired and disorientated. She looked extremely thin and I worried she might not be well hence she may need immediate medical health checks. She recognises me and on the whole she seems confused in this strange empty house. This was before the arrival of my household goods. The only furniture I had was a double bed in my bedroom, a three quarter bed in mum’s room, a small cooker, small fridge and a leather stool.

I am anxious that mum might not take to my lonely life as she is used to living in households full of people. I am trying to make conversation with mum and she appears to having difficulties in retaining information and I quickly switch to simple chat about her ailments which she seems to like and tells me about her aches and pains.

I hastily prepare a bath for mum. I lace a half full bath tub with nice smelling foam bath and lead mum to the bathroom. I help her to undress and assist her to get in the bath. I feel happy that at least mum is mobile as long as she uses her walking stick, she is able to walk independently. I leave mum to soak her tired bones and close the door behind me after giving her strict instructions not to try to lie down in the bath tub. I purposely pause outside the bathroom door and carefully eardrop to what is going on inside the bathroom. Within seconds, I hear some chanting noises coming from the inside. I hold my breath as I try to make sense of what I am hearing. My heart is doing its sauna sets and my mouth is getting dry. I am thinking, is mum drowning, is she crying? What the hell is going on there? Before I know I knock on the door and burst in. I hesitantly stand over her and ask as to what is going on. Mayo cinshi (What is going on mum?) Mum looks up and says Ndepepa (I am praying).

I quickly apologize to her and leave so as to accord her privacy and allow her to continue with her prayers. Whilst outside, I am puzzled and astonished because I have never known my mum to be a religious fanatic. I know my parents belonged to Jehovah Witness and most of their prayers were very conservative and not openly expressed. Then I remember my mother once telling me many years ago that she now belongs to the Seventh Day Adventist Church. So I am partially amused and sorrowful. Amused in that I have never heard of anybody praying before taking a bath or could it be argued that Jesus Christ prayed before taking a bath in the River Jordan. But then, was that not for Baptism purposes? On the other hand, I am sorrowful in that I am not sure why mum should be praying. Is it that she feels safe and happier in the new environment or she is praying to thank God for her safe arrival. Well, whatever the case mum has just given me the first shock and probably I should be ready for more as I start a new life caring for her.

Afterwards, mum calls out that she is ready to come out of the bath tub, I rush back in the bathroom and assist her getting out and drying up. I lead her back in her bedroom still wrapped in a towel. When she sits on her bed, she looks at me and says Ninshi ushaishile nsendela kale (Why didn’t you come to pick me up earlier). Mum’s sentiments brings a lump in my throat. I sit down on her bed and say, mum my sister also tried to look after you as best as she could and besides I live abroad. It was difficult for me to live with you. Now that I am back home, we will live together in this empty house. Mum smiles. I feel good and proceed to dress her in a night