Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    When You’Re Gone: Seeking Closure After the Passing of a Loved One
    When You’Re Gone: Seeking Closure After the Passing of a Loved One
    When You’Re Gone: Seeking Closure After the Passing of a Loved One
    Ebook118 pages1 hour

    When You’Re Gone: Seeking Closure After the Passing of a Loved One

    By Gaster Sharpley

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    When Youre Gone
    When Youre Gone can leave you in an emotional cave.
    You are expected to be brave to confront your inner wave of confusion that attacks all reasonable conclusions. You should not be looking for sympathy but rather closure will seal the cloth that must protect your memories so that they are not
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherXlibris UK
    Release dateApr 24, 2013
    ISBN9781483623627
    When You’Re Gone: Seeking Closure After the Passing of a Loved One
    Author

    Gaster Sharpley

    Gaster Sharpley Born in Mthatha in the Eastern Cape Province, South Africa, in 1969, Gaster Sharpley has written eight books on a range of subjects. The writing is conversational and provokes the reader to think about issues from various angles. Gaster holds a master’s degree in public administration and has several developmental qualifications. He is currently completing a Ph.D. in the same field of study. He is well travelled and enjoys motivational speaking. Gaster has served the South African public – first as an activist in student politics during apartheid, then as a city councillor in Mthatha, and later the chief executive of the Buffalo City Development Agency before becoming municipal manager at the same institution. Gaster also served on the Eastern Cape Development Corporation Board and is currently a director and chairperson of the Peggy Nesta Foundation. He continues to serve the community as head of department for Human Settlements in the Eastern Cape. Gaster is married to Lélanie, and they have two sons, namely Johnathan and Garth. They also have one grandchild, Jazmine.

    Read more from Gaster Sharpley

    Related to When You’Re Gone

    Related ebooks

    Women's Biographies For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      FAMILIES At War

      Jul 7, 2022

      Families come in all shapes and sizes, but they have one thing in common – they’re complicated. Even loving relationships can get twisted and tangled at times, and it can be hard to see a way to unravel the knots. Here, six readers spill the beans on

      7 min read

    • Article

      How To Solve A FAMILY Fallout

      Sep 14, 2023

      How To Solve A FAMILY Fallout
      5 min read

    • Article

      Kate Baer Poet Author Mother

      Jun 2, 2022

      Kate Baer Poet Author Mother
      6 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Sep 27, 2022

      MARY FENWICK is a writer, speaker and executive coach. She is also a mother, divorcee and widow. GOT A QUESTION FOR MARY? Email [email protected], with ‘Mary life’ in the subject line. FOR MORE about Mary’s work in leadership and team co

      3 min read

    • Article

      Here To Help

      Mar 3, 2021

      Here To Help
      3 min read

    • Article

      Your Dilemmas……

      Mar 18, 2021

      Sue Tappenden is a Coach and People Expert who helps her clients improve their relation ship with themselves and others. (www.headspaceforchange.com) Q I can’t stand my mother-in-law. We have nothing in common and I’m sure she hates me. When I think

      3 min read

    • Article

      On Grief and Reentry

      Nov 30, 2021

      On Grief and Reentry
      7 min read

    • Article

      Praise Be

      Jan 31, 2021

      Praise Be
      2 min read

    • Article

      A Chat With Ashley Simpo

      Mar 3, 2022

      A Chat With Ashley Simpo
      8 min read

    • Article

      Q & A

      Mar 15, 2022

      Q My best friend’s mother died early on in the pandemic and I know it’s still affecting her very badly – but she refuses to even consider going to grief counselling. She says that she doesn’t want to have a stranger digging around and making things w

      3 min read

    • Article

      Your Dilemmas…

      Oct 15, 2020

      Lucy Power is a Conscious Success Coach and educator, trained and experienced in Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy. Lucy helps people to raise their self awareness so they can live freely without limits. www.iamlucypower.com Q My boyfriend says he

      3 min read

    • Article

      Your Dilemmas…

      Oct 14, 2021

      Your Dilemmas…
      3 min read

    • Article

      Headspace

      Sep 9, 2018

      I’m 14 and recently came out as bisexual. A few of my friends are a part of the LGBT+ community but are pansexual or bi-curious. I don’t know how to talk about my feeling with anyone as my boyfriend doesn’t really understand it and I feel pressure to

      2 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Jan 19, 2024

      Dr Martha Deiros Collado is a psychologist with more than 20 years of clinical and academic experience. She is the author of How To Be The Grown-Up (Transworld, £16.99). Got a question for Dr Martha? Email [email protected], with ‘Martha lif

      4 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Mar 17, 2023

      Q I can feel the pull within me to go back to a man whom I had a kind of a ‘thing’ with for a few years. He’s married, and I was the one who ended it, because I wanted something more. I really like him and particularly miss the sex, and I know it wil

      3 min read

    • Article

      Here To Help

      May 15, 2024

      Q I understand that people are finding it hard to make ends meet with the increase in the cost of living. My hairdresser has asked me if I would pay in cash or transfer money into her personal account. I have said no, as I regard tax evasion as wrong

      3 min read

    • Article

      Winning Letter

      Aug 4, 2023

      I DON’T think I’d describe myself as a perfectionist. Yes, I do push hard to get things right and I expect the same from others, but I don’t spiral if things happen to be different from what the textbook says. As I’ve grown older I’ve realised there’

      6 min read

    • Article

      Love Kind

      Sep 28, 2021

      Love Kind
      4 min read

    • Article

      Ask Dr Louise

      Jan 19, 2024

      Q My daughter, my wife and I used to be a very close-knit family. My daughter is 12 and started getting her period last month. She has now changed into someone we do not know. She used to love sleeping with us for a while in our bed in the early morn

      3 min read

    • Article

      Ask Dr Louise

      Jan 31, 2020

      Q I recently, at the age of 35, made a terrible discovery. I found out that my aunt is actually my mother and the woman I thought of as my mother is actually my grandmother. I’m finding this difficult to deal with as I’ve always seen my aunt, who’s a

      3 min read

    • Article

      Ask Dr Louise

      Apr 8, 2022

      Write to Dr Louise, PO Box 39410, Moreletapark 0044, or email [email protected]. I am finding life very difficult. During my childhood I was told that I am special and that I will reach heights that were unheard of because I’m very clever. Everybo

      4 min read

    • Article

      Fire Up Your FRIENDSHIPS

      Aug 14, 2022

      Fire Up Your FRIENDSHIPS
      3 min read

    • Article

      Here To Help

      Apr 20, 2022

      Q My neighbour invited me over for supper at 6.30pm. We sat and chatted for a bit, and she then said she’d better go and get started on dinner, and invited me to watch. We ate at 8.30. That’s too late for me, and I ended up with indigestion and a sle

      3 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for When You’Re Gone

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      When You’Re Gone - Gaster Sharpley

      Copyright © 2013 by Gaster Sharpley.

      Library of Congress Control Number:       2013906470

      ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4836-2361-0

                         Softcover                                 978-1-4836-2360-3

                         Ebook                                      978-1-4836-2362-7

      Editorial team: Mr R. L. M. Perera and Mrs R. S. Galahitiyawa

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      First print, 2012

      Rev. date: 04/19/2013

      To order additional copies of this book, contact:

      Xlibris Corporation

      0-800-644-6988

      www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

      [email protected]

      306112

      Contents

      Preface

      Chapter One      Reflection

      Chapter Two      Dreaming of the End Should Be the Dream of the Beginning

      Chapter Three      Malongwana

      Chapter Four      Losing a Parent

      Chapter Five      Closure

      Chapter Six      The Day After Death

      Chapter Seven      The Lessons

      Chapter Eight      The Final Send-Off

      Acknowledgements

      About the Author

      Dedication

      PICTURE%20FOR%20DEDICATION%20PAGE.jpg

      We miss you.

      Editorial Review

      The author, Gaster Sharpley, has eloquently dealt with a very sensitive

      and emotional topic in his book, in a very sensible and realistic manner,

      with actual incidents. This affords the reader the opportunity to

      understand more fully and align oneself to come to terms with the real

      possibility in life of ‘death’.

      The incidents of ‘nonclosure’ highlight the absolute need for ‘closure’ to

      enable the process of emotional healing.

      Mr R. L. M. Perera

      Preface

      Death is not a popular subject but remains the one reality that we all must face. It can also be stated that death does not discriminate against anyone—the rich die, so do the poor; the young die, so do the old; white people die, so do black people; Christians die, so do believers of other religions; and good people die, so do bad people. To live, we require a range of tangible and intangibles. Our history, culture, social orientation, family, community, religion, education, and many other attributes which influence these become a dependency. With regard to relationships, over time an emotional dependency is developed, and when a loved one passes away, it is not so much our desire for the person to be there, as we are aware that this is impossible, but rather our uncertainty about whether we will manage with the void. We also wonder whether the emotional gap can be filled, as it is our emotions that serve as a crutch for all other reasonable behaviour.

      I am not for one minute suggesting that we should not desire a more predicable end to life in order to inform our planning as planning gives us control, but as for death, God has control. It is more the unpredictability of death that has the greatest sting, leaving us with myriad of questions and regrets regarding the context of the relationship. Even people who have long ended a relationship with their loved one cannot avoid the power of the emotional bond that prevails.

      So why does it all end? Maybe if we were born with the intelligence of an adult, we could prepare more strategically for the end of the circle of life. We could predetermine relationships and choose the impact it will have on our lives. Life begins and life ends.

      Therefore, our prayer for those we love should not be that they will live forever but rather that the relationships we share should be more meaningful. In most cases, the issues that challenge relationships are insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. It is always about control in the relationship and our desire for those we love to live up to what we expect of them. We design profiles, reactions, responses, actions for those close to us, and then we are surprised when they, being human, make mistakes. It ends and nothing prepares you for the end. Losing a parent is particularly difficult, as we consider their passing as a breakdown in our defences, protection, affection, and point of reference for our existence.

      My wife, Lélanie, lost her mother at the age of twelve, and even though, over our twenty-four-year marriage, I have attempted to enquire how she felt about the obvious sad loss, she selects not to explore the emotional scar. This could explain her slow pace in developing relationships that require emotional attachment. She also lost her dad and brother during our marriage.

      I could not understand and still don’t understand how she does it, but I guess from a young age, Lélanie was forced to know that it all ends. I did not have the privilege to meet Lélanie’s mother, but I have spent quality time with her dad. Before my mother, the closest relatives I lost were my grandparents. In this book, I share a few examples of loss through death, which include the loss of my grandparents.

      The title When You’re Gone is a metaphor rather than an expectation of lessons. What I wish to portray is that through my mother’s death, I am able to see life differently and appreciate those around me while they are alive. I do not go into much detail around my mother’s passing as the benefit is in the lessons I learnt rather than an expression of mourning that would demand that I unpack the detail. Putting it differently, the intention is to share lessons in order for the reader to manage such a situation rather than understand and know my family, so the personal stories and truths are a supporting message to the main message in the lessons for the living based on the passing of a loved one.

      Chapter One

      Reflection

      Let the pain of losing a loved one not be a disguise for regret.

      You must be able to know whether you are causing your parents joy or pain.

      Reflect on who you are and where you are in your life, but don’t beat yourself up for your weakness.

      Convert every curve ball life throws at you into a score so that your passing can be a home run.

      Let the passing of a loved one be the rebirth of your love for those you love that are alive.

      Count every day a blessing even if it doesn’t go your way.

      Everything falls perfectly into God’s plan, so let your walk through this life be in line with His perfect plan.

      The Prayer

      Lord, grant me the courage to go on and be strong even when my loved one is gone. Memories

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1