Unbreakable

A debut novel based on a true story by

Olivia Marie

Copyright © 2018 by Crazy Ink Publishing LLC/Olivia Marie

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission.

Olivia Marie/ Crazy Ink

www.crazyink.org

Publisher’s Note: Names, characters, places, and incidents have been altered to protect identities of those in the story. Like any memoir, this book is written from the author’s perspective and should be taken only as subjective fact.

Book Layout by Crazy Ink

Editing by Erin Lee

Proofing by Lisa Seleska

Unbreakable/ Olivia Marie.—1st ed.

Dedications

To my dad who, even if we didn’t see eye to eye, has been my rock. I wouldn't have made it through without you.

To my boys. You gave me my reason to live when I didn’t want to. You have been my greatest gifts, accomplishments and blessings. I love you to the moon and back!

To my husband. You asked me to take this crazy ride with you and I did. There is never a dull moment. Through the ups and downs I love you.

A very special thank you to Erin Lee and Crazy Ink for taking a chance on my story! You helped me take this from just an idea to a beautiful book!

Foreword

In my work as an at -risk family therapist, I see families like Kelly’s every day.  From parents struggling with mental illness and/or substance abuse, to children trying to pick up the pieces and hold things together, families like Kelly’s are more common than the average person would hope to believe. For as many days as she felt alone growing up, she really wasn’t. And that’s probably the saddest part of this story. It’s also what Olivia Marie’s book will achieve: Reaching readers and telling them they aren’t alone.

For years, it was Kelly’s job to keep her  family intact due to her mother’s mental illness.  And this kid did a hell of a job. But the story you are about to read is not so much about survival and learning to find your way in the world as it is about the endurance it takes to break cycles. In this story, one that has between its tear-stained pages a message of hope, it is my hope that readers will see the beauty in Kelly’s perseverance.  It is people like her – who are willing to put others first and don’t have it in them to give up – who will make a difference in the world. I would know.

It is in the clients like Kelly that I work so hard to serve that I see past the darkness of the human condition. It is in the tiny rays of hope born on the smallest of successes to the biggest that I know the world and its people are generally good.  I am honored to know Kelly and know you will be too. Her story is one not only of inspiration, but a bigger message too: We are never really alone.

Don’t believe me?  Meet Kelly. She’s been there too...

-  EL George, MA MFT

CHAPTER ONE

I REMEMBER THE DAY I realized my family was different from all my friends. It was the day my world flipped upside down. Nothing would ever really be the same again.

I was in second grade and my brother had just started kindergarten. Things in our house were always tense but we never really knew why. My dad did his best to keep that from us, but nothing could protect us from this.

We had just gotten off the school bus at the end of our street. Our house was right in the middle of our busy neighborhood. All I could see were fire trucks, police cars and an ambulance lining both sides of the street. I knew the commotion was for my house.

I told my brother to stay with our friends. I tried so hard to protect him from what we might see, but he followed me anyway.

They were wheeling her out just as I got there. I think even the cop was caught off guard because he didn't see me at first. There laid my mom. Unconscious. Both arms wrapped in bandages. I was screaming for her but she couldn't hear me. My baby brother was standing by one of the officers crying harder than I was.

The next few minutes were such a blur. I'm not sure how long we stood there, when my grandparents showed up, or how we got into the house. I remember standing in my kitchen looking at all the blood and wondering if she was even still alive. It was on everything. The fridge, stove, countertops, cabinets and pools on the floor.

My dad showed up shortly after and told us we had to go with my grandparents for the night. That was the last place I wanted to go, but I always listened to him. It would be weeks before I saw my mom again. Kids were not allowed where they sent her.

That was the day that everything started. That was the day that changed all our lives.

I guess my mom had been bad for a while. As a child, you never seen the full picture. You never see the struggle of the parent left standing there trying to pick up the pieces. All you know is that you are shuffled from one grandparent’s house to the next, to the neighbors, the family at church. Anyone that was willing to help. As a child, you just want your family, your own room and your dogs. As stressful as it was before, you would give almost anything to get that normalcy back. You feel guilty for not being there. Like maybe you could have stopped it. Stopped her.

Now I know better. There was nothing I could have done differently.

This all happened in the fall. Life pretty much went on as normal for the next eight months. My mom was back home and my brother and I were allowed to stay in our house. My grandparents came around more often. My dad was losing a lot of weight and his temper was a lot shorter than it used to be. I had gotten really good at staying in my room and disappearing. It started to feel like my mom could only handle being around my brother and my dad didn't have the time or patience for us.  My dog became my security. My Doberman was the only one I knew I could count on.

I didn’t blame my dad for how he felt. As hard as it was, I didn’t know how to be around her either. She just seemed so different since she came back home. We were all trying to adjust to our new way of life. Change is never easy. Especially when you are a child...

WE WERE HAVING A GOOD day. Mom was with us and talking! My dad seemed to be in a great mood too. They decided to take us to garage sales that morning. I remember it was raining a little but still warm out. It was early summer and things had been good. We had adjusted to the changes that we made to keep us and my mom safe.

My parents even let my brother and I pick out some new toys.  It was getting close to lunch and my brother was starting to get whiny. This stopped our outing. My parents got into a fight because my mom wanted to stop somewhere to eat and my dad said we could wait until we got home. I know buying the toys for us was more money then they should have spent. It was always a struggle, but now there was the added expense of my mom’s medical bills.

When we did finally make it home, my dad went into his computer room to hide like he often did. My brother clung to my mom while she made sandwiches and I took my dog in my room. It wasn’t long before I was being called to the kitchen to eat. Nobody said a word the whole time we sat at the table. Jess, my baby brother, didn’t seem to notice or care. I could hardly eat because of the tension in the room.

It wasn’t five minutes after lunch and I could hear my mom screaming at my dad. They were still in the kitchen which was right by my bedroom. Jess knocked so softly on my door that if my Doberman, Snuggles, wouldn’t have gotten up to sniff at it, I wouldn’t have known he was there. As soon as I opened it to let him in, I heard a crash.

Damn it Kris! You almost hit me with that! my dad yelled.

You’re such an asshole! my mom yelled back.

Well if you would just BE here and act like a wife and a mother maybe I wouldn’t have to be the asshole! He screamed at her as he grabbed the broom. I can’t do it all on my own and take care of you too. He didn’t sound mad that time. In fact, he sounded sad; defeated.

I took my brother and my dog all the way to the back of the house to Jess’s room. I shut the door and moved the toy chest in front of it. Jess was crying and I was shaking. I wasn’t sure what the fight was about, but I knew I needed to keep my brother as far away as I could.

It is okay, Jess. What do you want to do? Should we color or play with toys? I was desperately trying to get him to stop crying.

Can we color? He managed in between sobs.

Sure, if that’s what you want to do. I will go get the crayons from my room. I'll be right back. Snuggles, stay here.

A little while later, I could hear my mom in her room. It was right next to Jess’s room, so I could hear her moving around in there.

They had stopped yelling, but I didn’t dare leave my brother’s room. At least in here, I knew I could keep him and Snuggles safe.  

I got Jess to calm down. He was done coloring and we had moved on to playing with his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when we heard a loud thud in my parents’ room. That was followed by my dad yelling at my mom to get up. He yelled at her for a few minutes before I heard him storming down the hall.  He was only gone for a minute when I heard him running back towards us. My brother’s door flew open and my dad stood there out of breath.

Get you shoes on NOW! He screamed at us.

My brother and I got in the car and my dad was helping my mom into the passenger’s seat. He buckled her up and ran around to his side. He flew out of the driveway. My brother laughed. I was scared.

We only made it a few blocks and my mom was starting to fall towards my dad’s seat. Her glasses were falling off her face and we thought she was just being silly. My dad would try to prop her back up and she would fall again. We were laughing in the backseat. We just thought she was doing this to make him mad. That’s when my dad lost it.

SHUT UP RIGHT NOW! THIS IS NOT FUNNY! He was speeding, I could tell that and he was getting frustrated. Where is the fucking hospital?!

My dad drove around for what felt like hours. The longer we were in the car, the angrier he was becoming. We weren’t laughing at her anymore.

Dad finally stopped in someone’s driveway. He yelled at us to stay there, that he would be right back. I watched him run up to the front door of this stranger’s house. He was pounding on it so hard and screaming. When it finally