Book of Colours
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About this ebook
London, 1321: In a small shop in Paternoster Row, three people are drawn together around the creation of a magnificent book, an illuminated manuscript of prayers, a book of hours. Even though the commission seems to answer the aspirations of each one of them, their own desires and ambitions threaten its completion. As each struggles to see the book come into being, it will change everything they have understood about their place in the world. In many ways, this is a story about power - it is also a novel about the place of women in the roiling and turbulent world of the early fourteenth century; what power they have, how they wield it, and just how temporary and conditional it is.
Rich, deep, sensuous and full of life, Book of Colours is also, most movingly, a profoundly beautiful story about creativity and connection, and our instinctive need to understand our world and communicate with others through the pages of a book.
'Robyn Cadwallader fashions words with the same delicate, colourful intensity that her 14th century illuminators brought to their illustrated manuscripts. Book of Colours brings alive a harsh but rich past, filled with the fantasies, fears, sly wit and tender longings of the medieval imagination.' Sarah Dunant
'Book of Colours shows the depth of possibility a book might hold - all the while shimmering with the beauty and fragility of an ancient gilded page.' Eleanor Limprecht
'Extraordinary ... a real sensory experience ... suffused with colours' ABC Radio National The Bookshelf
Praise for The Anchoress:
'So beautiful, so rich, so strange, unexpected and thoughtful - also suspenseful. I loved this book.' Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love
'Affecting ... finely drawn ... a considerable achievement.' Sarah Dunant, New York Times
'Elegant and eloquent' Irish Mail
'Cadwallader's writing evokes a heightened attention to the senses: you might never read a novel so sensuous yet unconcerned with romantic love. For this alone it is worth seeking out. But also because The Anchoress achieves what every historical novel attempts: reimagining the past while opening a new window - like a squint, perhaps - to our present lives.' Sydney Morning Herald
'A novel of page-turning grace' Newtown Review of Books
Robyn Cadwallader
Robyn Cadwallader lives among vineyards in beautiful Ngunnawal country. Her first novel, The Anchoress (2015), was published internationally to critical acclaim. It won a Canberra Critics' Circle Award for fiction and was nominated for the Indie Book Awards, Adelaide Festival Awards, ABIA Awards and ACT Book of the Year Award. Her second novel, Book of Colours (2018), won the 2019 ACT Book of the Year Award, received a Canberra Critics' Circle Award and was shortlisted for the Voss Award. Her reviews, prize-winning short stories and poems have been published in journals in Australia and the USA; her poetry collection, i painted unafraid, was released in 2010. A non-fiction book based on her PhD thesis about virginity and female agency in the Middle Ages was published in 2008. In response to the Australian government's punitive treatment of asylum seekers, she edited a collection of essays on asylum seeker policy, We Are Better Than This (2015).
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Reviews for Book of Colours
11 ratings1 review
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I found this slow to get into - which was more to do with me than the book - but also, it is a slow story to be savoured. A woman limner (person who does the illuminations ie illustrations on illumintae dmanuscripts) Gemma is the character I found of most interest, and I would have enjoyed more focus on her. It's a brilliantly executed book of history and psychological insight. I'm reminded of the work of Minette Walters.
Enjoy!
Book preview
Book of Colours - Robyn Cadwallader
Mathilda
Wain Wood Manor, Welwyn, Hertfordshire
May 3, 1322
It is wrapped in soft yellow cloth that shines with the light and falls into rich shadows in the folds. Untouched in the centre of the table, the bundle seems abandoned.
Roger de Southflete, stationer of London Bridge, stands behind a chair. ‘I hope the book will be suitable to your needs, Lady Mathilda,’ he says, and nods toward the package he has delivered.
Mathilda frowns. She is standing on the other side of the table, a chair pulled out as if she has been about to sit but changed her mind. ‘I’m sure the book will bring me comfort, even as it is. Master Dancaster’s work is bound to speak to me of God. That will be enough.’
She lifts a hand toward the bundle, but lets it drop again. Anticipation is a strange creature. For nearly two years she has waited for this moment, and now it is here, she doesn’t want to unwrap the parcel. How long she has imagined the illuminators with brush and quill, bent at their desks day after day, choosing colour and gold leaf. How long she has waited to see their work. But now she doesn’t want to look inside.
She reaches out and touches the cloth. It’s soft and shifts beneath her fingers; someone took care to wrap the book beautifully, whatever they thought of it. Was it William, or was he too angry? Dancaster, perhaps; did he send his wife to buy a small piece of silk? Mathilda’s eyes prickle with tears when she thinks of a woman laying out the cloth, folding it over the book, handing it to Southflete. That silk, it’s such a kind thing to do. She wipes her eyes. Only weeks ago, the awkward bundle wrapped in cloth was Robert’s body.
1
London
October 1320
Flaying the Skin
If you touch the page, it’s smooth and fine. Up close, you can see the pores where hairs once grew. It’s no easy task to turn animal skin to this. Goat or sheep, maybe calf. The slaughter, then the flaying, hide stripped from body.
The parchmenter chooses his skin carefully and his work begins: the soaking, scraping, stretching and shaving. Hard labour it is. Nothing fine is made without it be broken down first. You can’t have delicate illuminations on a rough page. The lady will forget this was once a beast, too coarse for her, but only because the parchmenter does his job. And does it well enough to be forgotten.
But don’t you forget. Flesh made ready for the word. Our Lord, who came as a man of flesh, is called the Word of God, his body stretched on the cross as tight as skin on a frame.
The Art of Illumination
Unaware of the cold, he followed the icy road, turning again and again to look behind him. Felt the crawl of eyes on his back, heard whispers in the rustle of trees, saw shadows creep and dart. Each time, a shock ran through his limbs, had him ready to run. And each time, when he realised he was mistaken, the relief emptied him out, left him ragged. Still, he was sure they were behind him somewhere, following, demanding justice.
At night a black river ran through his dreams, coiling and twisting beneath a moonless sky. He slept and woke, slept and woke, exhausted by the effort, and walked on. He wanted to cry, his chest ached with the need, but that was allowed only to the innocent. Grief was forbidden him.
One morning, a fresh fall of snow hushed the world like a blanket. A companion that asked no questions, it gathered him in. All was whiteness and he wanted only this, to go on walking, thoughtless. At first it seemed reprieve, but it was the chill, settling into his bones and his mind, lulling its danger. As much a threat to his life as his faceless pursuers. On he walked, step by step, thinking he could walk forever.
Gradually, the white turned muddy, ground into slush by feet and hooves and cartwheels. His boots leaked, then soaked through. The road filled with travellers riding horses and farmers driving their loaded carts and reluctant animals. Sound and smell drew him on, tugged at his raw and aching body, reminded him he was a man, fleeing.
It was almost dark when he walked through Bishopsgate, moving slowly on numb feet. His fingers had lost all feeling and had fixed themselves tight into a fist. The new smells, some of them not even food, awoke his need to eat. He bent over, then stooped further as a cramp twisted and dragged his innards, threatened to topple him completely. But this was not the place to stop, and one, two, three people passing by knocked him, not seeing him or not caring, until he lost his balance and fell. He winced at the shock of it. Pulling himself to his feet, he stumbled into a passing woman.
‘You watch yourself, you,’ she shouted.
He flinched and stumbled back, fear flaring again.
‘You need to be indoors, you do,’ the woman scolded. ‘If you’ve nowhere to go, try St Mary’s.’
He said nothing.
‘St Mary’s,’ she said more slowly. ‘St Mary Spital, y’know? The hospital. Back out the gate you came in, walk a little way and it’s on the right. You’ll see it easy enough.’
He stared at her, eyes wide, as if the words meant nothing, so she pushed him back through the gate, onto the road he never wanted to see again. ‘That way. I’d say you’ve come a ways. In this weather, only fools or desperate men travel on foot. You gotta name?’ she asked.
He could manage that. ‘Will.’
He woke with a start at the ringing of a bell and peered around, instantly afraid, though he couldn’t remember why. The call to prayer rang on and, as he sat up, his body returned to him: his legs ached, his hands and feet throbbed, the skin tender. God before food, he thought, as he mumbled some words. He took the bread being handed out; that, and some ale, made the morning seem possible. The last days came back to him and he peered around, the familiar fear returning. The men nearby seemed barely alive, most of them mere bumps in their beds, others limping or bent. He must look just like them. He noticed two monks talking, heads together, one nodding in his direction. His belly clenched. Had men been here, swords drawn, demanding to claim him? He needed to move, hide himself in the crowds of London.
He pulled himself upright and drew in a sharp breath as needles of pain shot through his feet and into his legs. A fitting penance, he mused, though there would never be shrift enough for what he had done. The weight hung above him, stifling and close, shutting off air. But he hadn’t wanted to go; it had been Simon’s idea, after all, and— He stopped the thought there, refused to rehearse it all again.
Outside, the sky was clear, and the early sun bounced off the frost like a demon, straight into his eyes. It was strange to see blue in the sky, though it did nothing to change the piercing cold of the air. He felt again for his money purse, checked for the hard edges of coins, still there, wrapped a hand around it as tightly as his bandages would allow him, and threw his pack over his shoulder: a few clothes, a roll of parchment, his precious brushes and knives wrapped in cloth. He tried to be alert to eyes watching him too closely, or a body pressing too near, but it was hopeless; the morning travellers carried him back inside Bishopsgate, a tangle of people, shops, stalls, carts, baskets and animals, dead and alive.
He looked around to see if others were alarmed, but they were all too busy, too familiar with it. Bundled through the tumult, he came out into an open space, the junction of four streets. Ahead of him was the widest, longest street he had ever seen, lined with shops and houses, some three storeys high and leaning across to each other as if in greeting. He stopped, caught by the spectacle. A hand on his arm, the grip of fingers. He pulled away, turned, ready to punch and run, but it was only a woman with a basket of foul-smelling herrings. She clutched at his arm again, croaked something about the price, but he wrenched himself loose and pushed her so hard that she fell. Panting, he stumbled on without looking back.
The ground rose toward the far end of the street, and now and then between the shops he could see a cross. It must be St Paul’s Cathedral with its new spire that he had heard talk of. He kept on, step by painful step, up the incline. It was slow walking, but in time he reached a second open area where five streets ran together into a broad space large enough, he thought, for football, or even a joust. At one end, set atop a base of octagonal steps, was a sculpted tower about the height of the shops nearby and decorated with tiers of arches, figures carved in fine detail and a crucifix at the very top. Will climbed the steps, drawn by the beauty of the sculpture, and ran his fingers along the word carved into the stone. Eleanor. So this was one of the crosses he had heard about. Overwhelmed with grief at the death of his wife, King Edward I had commanded a cross be erected at every place the funeral procession had paused on its way from Oxford to London. It seemed like a story, a romance recited at a market, pictures sketched in the air, but there it stood, tall and elegant.
Above the general clamour, Will realised one voice was louder than the rest. The man was standing in front of a church, his clothes black and ragged.
‘What more warning does our Lord need to give us? For years now, he has sent flood and he has sent famine to make us turn from our sins. Seven years we have suffered, and this is not the first time. Only three generations past, eighty years by man’s measure, the sky was covered with a black cloud, blocking out the sun for the seasons of a year or more. Once again, God pours out his wrath. As the prophet Jeremiah declares, the Lord has a strong arm and a mighty anger. He brings justice with a sword. Did he not destroy Sodom and Gomorrah? Did he not drive his people into Egypt?’ With each question, he raised his fist into the air and brought it down into the palm of his other hand. ‘Did he not destroy the world in a flood? As he promised, he will not let the waters swallow up the world, but he reminds us, with rain and frost and ruined crops that bring hunger and death, that he is a vengeful God.’
‘There’d be food enough if the rich didn’t hoard their grain!’ an onlooker shouted.
‘Do not speak as the fool does. The rich don’t bring the rain or the harsh grip of frost. Hoard they might, but in their greed they only serve God’s justice. Even so, they will be judged, as we all will be. Admit your sin. Turn from wrongdoing. Do not think that God hasn’t seen you in the darkness of your misdeeds. Nothing will cover over your evil.’
Will stepped back, stumbled against the cross behind him, and grabbed onto it for balance. Had the preacher looked at him? Did he know, even here in London, what he was running from?
‘Where’s God’s mercy then, for the little ones?’ a woman shouted, a baby in her arms. ‘My boy ain’t no sinner.’
‘We are all born into sin, born of fornication and lust, the desires of the body,’ the preacher answered.
‘Yeah? I bet you know all about lust, eh? I bet you’re still preaching sin when you give it to the harlots,’ someone else shouted, a hand at his groin. The crowd jeered, relieved at the joke.
At this, Will was released from the grip of the preacher’s attack, and he turned away.
The cross had just enough lacework and carving to give space for his hands and feet, and despite his aching clumsiness he climbed up as far as he could for a better view of the city; the churches and the river, centre of any settlement, would give him his bearings. Behind and to his right was St Paul’s Cathedral, its huge grounds filled with buildings and edged by a high wall. Beyond, down the length of a street, he could see the river shining white with ice, the docked boats now trapped in its cold grip. He climbed a little higher, hoping to see London Bridge and the Tower of London, but his view was blocked by buildings. Instead of the rough map he had hoped for, he gazed across the mix of order and confusion, a mass of shops, houses, markets and churches all held inside a great wall. The city crawling, curling and bumping into itself.
Slowly, holding on where he could, he shuffled around the cross until he faced the other direction, toward the sounds of men yelling above the bellowing of animals. From this height, if he looked carefully, he could see carcasses streaked with white swinging from hooks, piles of bloody, shapeless skins, and offal, green and pink and brown and black. The Shambles, a street seething with slaughter. A breeze blew its smells toward him: the shit of terrified animals, the sharp iron of blood. Will’s belly heaved and he looked away to his left, toward the magnificence of St Paul’s, its coloured rose window, its tall spire and the cross on top almost touching the few patches of cloud hovering above.
At the base of the roof was an army of gargoyles, stone-grown and weather-worn, each one distinct, all reaching out beyond the gutters, spout-mouths open. Creatures dragged from some netherworld and put to work guarding the holy ground beneath. Such proud ugliness, so assured of their right to be there, as if directing water away from the building was merely a foil for their true status. Will was entranced. What minds the masons had, to carve from solid stone such creatures that seemed at once of air and earth. Hybrid beasts: bird beak, wolf mouth, monkey snout, ox hoof; ravaging teeth and horns; flapping ears and wings; howl and snuffle, snicker and growl. He had seen the like before many times, on smaller churches, but here, on the edges of the cathedral’s magnificence, they were at once more grotesque and more impressive. Here and there the sun flared on a shingle, then faded as the clouds shifted.
Will startled at a movement, looked again. One of the gargoyles began to stir. A trick of sun and shadow, surely. He focused more closely. The creature’s nose was flattened apelike to its face, two horns protruded from the top of its head, bulbous eyes peered around. Slowly, as slowly as stone moves, it closed its mouth, pulled in its long neck and turned its head. Their eyes met. Will’s belly turned to liquid. He lurched, slipped from his awkward perch, grabbed onto a curl of stone tracery to save himself from falling, gasped in pain. When he looked up again, the creature was gone.
He climbed down from the cross, caught at the arm of a young boy running past and asked him what street this was. Cheap, the boy shouted as he pulled away. So this was Cheapside; Will had heard talk of it. He walked on.
Will was determined to avoid the river, so he couldn’t understand how he found himself at its edge, staring down with it staring back. The sun lit up its frozen ripples. As Will stood, mesmerised, a young lad chased his ball toward the middle, held up his hands in victory, waved to his friends, and though one boy cheered, the others looked on, silent, uneasy. Held their breath like Will.
‘Get off the ice, you brat,’ he shouted. ‘Now. It’s not thick enough to walk on. Get off.’
The boy tried to make his way back to the edge, slipped and slid, fell over twice. Then a single ‘Oh!’ Had he heard something? Was there a movement in the ice? Will couldn’t tell, but the boy’s face collapsed from triumph into fear, his mouth wide in fright. Will closed his eyes, felt the heaviness creep up into his throat, choking his breath, waited for the crack and the splash. But there was nothing more, only the boy on land, boasting that he was never scared, no he wasn’t, God’s bones he wasn’t. He didn’t argue, though, when one of the group suggested they play on the moors instead of the Thames.
Will wondered: would he have run onto the ice, stretched out a hand, dived in? Was that how forgiveness worked? Days turning back like the pages of a book, Cambridge and London folding one on top of the other. The water, the ice, the faint ‘Oh!’ of shock. The clouds opening, the deep voice of God proclaiming, Here, take this moment, William Asshe. Redemption, they would call it. But there was no crack, no splash, and the chance was gone to find out how sorry he really was.
The dock nearby was empty now but for the gargoyle which squatted, watching him, arms crossed on its knees, penis dangling loose between its legs and a wide grin cracking its ugly face. The round eyes blinked slowly, its throat gurgled with the green slime that lined it.
2
London
October 1320
The Limner
Truly, God the Creator is an artisan, measuring the earth and the heavens, dividing light from dark, land from water, shaping trees and mountains, moulding with his hands sea creatures, animals, birds and all crawling things. And finally, bringing forth humans from clay.
One who paints is an artisan humbly following the Great Artisan. As a limner, you must have an eye that observes carefully all of God’s creation. You must have imagination that sees visions of what might be, of all that God has created that is not yet known to us. You must have a heart that encompasses order and disorder, the serious and the playful, so that you can understand the delicate dance between word and picture. But these things, important as they are, are not enough. Above all, you must love your work, listen to all it asks of you, let colour and shape, light and shadow, lead your brush.
The Art of Illumination
Gemma was on her way home from the bakehouse when she noticed a man climbing Eleanor’s Cross. Usually it was children, who’d get a whack from whoever nearby cared enough about the sanctity of a carved tower, and could reach them. That wasn’t her on either score. There it was, set in the middle of this open space, on high ground, and if it wasn’t so awkward to climb, you’d swear it was made as a lookout. A few people glanced up, but no one disturbed this climber; he was probably too big for anyone to dare.
Turning left down Old Change and past St Paul’s, she paused at Godric’s cart to buy leeks. How he’d coaxed them to grow in this weather, she’d no idea; those in her back garden were short, stumpy things that had to be boiled and boiled, and even so they tasted bitter. The mud in front of the cart was worse than in other places, the overnight freeze softening in the sun, making the ice give up its rich mixture of rotten fruit and vegetables, and the human shit that Godric tipped from the bucket before he left at dusk. It wasn’t allowed, and he could have walked the short way to the river or used a public privy, but it was quicker and easier to use a bucket then throw it toward the river, hoping the incline, the rain or the dung carters would take it away. Bad business, Gemma thought, because the stench made the vegetables themselves seem rotten. It was always the same, and though she had often vowed never to buy from the vegetable seller again, he was old and sick, and he grew better vegetables than anyone else, so she gave him whatever custom she could.
Behind his cart, Godric seemed to be disappearing, day by day, shorter and thinner.
‘This’ll be the end of me,’ he said. ‘I been cold, but never like this. Nothing’ll warm me. It’s death in me bones.’
He was always dismal, but this time it seemed he was right: his chest was sunken and his face was sharp and angular. Gemma handed over coins, murmured some words of hope she didn’t believe, and turned. Light caught her eye and she looked up at St Paul’s, stopped to absorb the lines of its spire and rooflines, its arches, pillars and coloured glass. Most days, the cathedral was a shadow that loomed over Paternoster Row, so close and so familiar that she never really saw it, but this morning it was glittering in the sun, its colours dancing as if the world had just begun, fresh and unsullied, as if the cold and famine were nothing. Well, to a building they would be; all it had to do was stand in its glory and bear the preaching and indulgence of those who looked after it, and the smell and chatter of those who crowded inside. Cold, hunger, sickness, it had no idea, built to last forever.
‘Gemma! Oy!’
A tug at her shoulder thrust Gemma back into the cold world, ready for an argument. It was Annie, laughing.
‘Ooh, your face, Gemma Dancaster. Good thing you don’t have a knife.’ Annie stepped back in mock fear. ‘You don’t, do you?’
‘Not in the mood for laughing, that’s all, Annie.’ Gemma hoisted her basket higher on her arm.
‘Ah, Alice, is it? She’s gone then? I saw her leave with her bag.’ Annie’s smile dropped and her face softened. ‘It’s the best thing. It’s a good position with the bishop, and she’s close by. I’d go into service too, if I could live on the Strand in a grand house.’
‘You sound like John, you do,’ Gemma said. ‘The girl has an eye for colour and line. Why waste it cleaning the sheets of a fat bishop?’
‘No, Gem, you’re wrong there. That bishop’s not fat. Old and thin, he is.’
‘Don’t mock me. I mean it.’
Annie laughed. ‘Come on, Gemma. We gotta laugh, don’t we?’
‘Why laugh, Annie? My only girl, she is. The house is full of men now. I’d always thought we could give her good work in the shop.’
‘What, John’s shop? Painting on books?’
‘Why not? Look at Mabel, Mary’s girl, she’s just begun work as a silk maker.’
‘That’s making silk though. Not so hard to do once you learn. Different from a limner, ain’t it? Making books with prayers, you know, about God, it’s—’
‘Don’t say it, Annie. Don’t you say those words to me.’
‘Oh, well . . .’ Annie began, not knowing what to say, then ‘Watch it, you!’ as someone bumped into her. It was a tall man with bandaged hands, walking unsteadily toward the Thames.
‘Just saw him climbing Eleanor’s Cross,’ Gemma said.
It was only a short way back up Old Change and left into the Row. Gemma pushed through the door at the left of the shop and into the narrow space that led to the hall, then through another door, past the kitchen and into the wide yard. The chickens squawked when they saw her and she wondered if Alice had collected the eggs. And realised again, as if she hadn’t just been talking about it: Alice will be collecting eggs from the Bishop of Llandaff’s hens from now on.
She turned, walked back into the hall. All the way up the stairs she rehearsed the argument she’d had with John, over and over. Work as a limner would suit Alice. ‘Life as a maid is hard work for little pay, and after twenty years she’s an old woman with a bad back and no money. And still a maid.’
‘She’ll marry. You see. It’ll work out. You know the situation: no girl in London’s ever been apprentice to a limner, and if Southflete has his way, none will ever be.’
‘Southflete. Again. Why should Southflete have—’
‘You know as well as me. We can’t afford to cross him. How would we get work then? What little work there is these days.’
‘But it makes no sense. Nuns have been doing the work for years, and I don’t think it’s their praying makes them any more suited than Alice. She has the eye for it. They say there’s a woman in Paris works with her husband decorating all manner of books.’
‘It’s Southflete you’ll have to argue with, not me. But it’s no point telling him about the French woman. You know how he feels about the French.’
‘Don’t pass all the blame to him. You’ve position enough to argue as well, John Dancaster. Where would you be if my pa hadn’t taught me how to gild and paint? Apprentice or no, Alice should be taught. Take her on in the shop, show Southflete what she can do. Make a decision.’
‘I have made a decision. We can’t afford two new apprentices and Nick’s of age now. Why do I have to say all this again?’
‘Because Alice is older than Nick and you should have started her in the shop two years ago.’
‘Doing what? What work, Gemma? I have to start Nick now, and you know we don’t have any work, apart from what Benedict and I can do, and then time enough to scratch our arses whenever we want.’
Gemma dumped the basket on the floor. What was she doing upstairs? The food belonged in the buttery downstairs. Sighing, basket on her arm, she headed downstairs again, step by heavy step. It was always the same, and the argument always travelled that familiar street with a wall at the end. Not enough work. The day had been when John would turn folks away for all the work he had. The court, bishops, nobles. But not now. Everyone in London was struggling since the famine, but there was something more to it with John. He no longer sought out commissions the way he once had. It seemed almost that he didn’t want to work. The reason lingered at the edges of her mind, a thought too awful to turn and face.
Mathilda
Wain Wood Manor
May 4, 1322
Mathilda sits in the tiny closet she must now use if she wants some time alone. The book of hours is on the shelf, still untouched. For all her unease about it, she lifts it down and unwraps the cloth. The cover is plain, as she had asked, though she would have liked studs, perhaps some embossing. She turns the pages, careful of them, as if they might do her some damage. William would have worked on these pages, and Master Dancaster, each day adding a little more decoration.
She passes quickly through the first few calendar pages, pauses at the page for March, knowing that Robert’s death will be added next to the number sixteen, and keeps turning without looking closely. There’s a story, it seems, with a fox; some saints, though she doesn’t linger to check which ones; Christ enthroned, the Virgin and Child; a juggler with balls; a head with legs but no body; a collection of pots. Like images in a dream, they pass by her eyes.
She stops, finally, at a page showing the chapel in Aspenhill, the manor that is lost to her. The carved grapes on the wall behind the altar are touched with light, and Robert, painted in profile, is kneeling in prayer across from her. The forehead is wrong; she remembers how his eyebrows pushed out like a ledge above his eyes, those dark lights tucked into a casement. Not that it’s meant to look like him; it’s only the family coat of arms, the antelope springing, that makes it Sir Robert Fitzjohn. She touches the face with her fingertip. Robert, gone now.
What would he have thought of his portrait in the book? Would he have studied the coat of arms to see if it was accurate, even as small as it is? She’d never thought of the book as frippery, as Robert said. It was beauty and prayer together. But now she wonders. Perhaps it is, after all, a judgement on her and her longing for pictures. What were the words of William’s friend, that scholar from Cambridge? A sinful luxury to close up the pictures inside a book. Father Jacobi always said the desire to look was dangerous. ‘Eve, after all . . .’ he would begin, and Mathilda would stop listening. She knew it so well: the apple, the gaze, desire entering Eve. Even looking upon beauty was a sin. Mathilda touches her belly, the slight swell that only she can sense.
Should she have used the money for her tenants? Given John and Thea Beecroft more help? Given more to Lettie Carter, her Reggie’s body carried home the day after Robert’s? Even so, it’s not the book she had imagined. But so much is not as she’d planned: Robert, the lands, the inheritance. Her life. She doesn’t need another reminder of so much that is lost, and closes it.
Robert had been sceptical about the book, but for different reasons.
‘Need? You say your prayers well enough. As did my mother, and without a decorated book.’
‘It’s not enough for me to go to chapel, or rely on Father Jacobi’s prayers. He says it’s one of my duties to pray the hours. For the family, the children.’
‘Praying the hours like a nun? Next you’ll be demanding one of those spiritual marriages
: all prayer and no duty to the family. We need an heir, Mattie.’
Mathilda looked stonily at her husband. ‘Don’t be cruel. The memories are everywhere in this manor. I live with them every day. You don’t. And I pray for another child. I pray.’ She stood and walked a few paces, tugged her gown smooth, tried to push down the pain, the memory of Gavin; it would never leave, but she didn’t need it right now.
Robert bent his head, looked at his boots, then spoke quietly. ‘Prayers yes, but decorations? Pictures? You’re always warning me about buying what we don’t need.’
‘Don’t pretend you can’t understand,’ Mathilda could hear the hardness in her voice, grief and anger combined. ‘You’ve seen Lady Warren show her book to visitors, opening at the family heraldry, announcing their lineage to everyone. She may as well say it: This is who we are, and this is what we can afford. This magnificent book.
Well, we could do the same. Ask for the family heraldry to be painted on important pages. We show others who we are, who we intend to be.’
Robert laughed. ‘People without enough money to pay for what we fancy, that’s who we’ll be.’
‘This isn’t fancy. It’s strategy.’
‘Strategy?’ Robert’s smile faded. ‘And what do you think I’m doing? It’s almost certain now I’ll be appointed keeper of the peace here in Hertfordshire. That’s not a fancy. Nor is battle. The Scots are animals. And there’s more to come. Unrest in the Marches, Despenser building his influence. I thought Lancaster was the one to help control the king, but now I doubt it.’
Mathilda knew what he was thinking. A small, womanish object: what had it to do with men and swords? All the money and effort Robert and his men spent on horses and arms, the bluster and noise of riding out to battle, the wounds and weariness, the endless arguments, the plans and complicated strategies. All of that seemed so important, and she was asking for a book scarcely bigger than Robert’s hand. But she liked to think that something so small and beautiful could have some use even in that world.
‘You decorate your horses, carry shields and banners. They’re all ways of declaring power, even before the armies fight. A book like this would be the same, help build alliances. If we order the illuminators to paint the heraldic devices of those around us — the Warrens, de Laceys, de Nevilles — the book becomes our pledge to them of our support.’ Mathilda was matter-of-fact, but she watched her husband’s face; her words were beginning to shift him.
‘Well, I suppose when I inherit from Edmund, a grand book like this would be a statement,’ Robert said.
‘Edmund? Is it so bad? Is he . . .?’
‘He’s been worse since the freeze. I can’t see he’ll last long.’
Mathilda’s face was suddenly hot, as if she had been exposed. Despite her pity for Edmund’s lingering sickness, it was the prospect of Robert inheriting his lands in the Marches that made a book like this affordable. ‘It still seems wrong to me, inheriting from a man younger than you. And your nephew, too.’ She meant the words, though she had often thought of what Edmund’s death would give them.
‘That’s how it works. He has no heirs, so I’m the next in line. And it’s not as if I’m sitting back waiting for it. I’m the one who’s fighting in his place, remember. Fighting for him to keep his lands. Inheritance isn’t the simple gift you think it.’
‘Then we need to start soon. You know how long it takes to make a book like that. Scribes, limners, binders — who knows what else? If we begin the commission now . . .’ Mathilda hesitated, suddenly aware of her words. How easily her discomfort at waiting for Edmund to die had been smoothed over by the prospect of beginning the book.
‘Ma, are you in there?’
The door opens.
‘What’s that? Is it what that man brought yesterday? Ooh, is it the book that Will drew?’ Joan reaches out to it.
‘Leave it, Joan.’
‘But Ma, I want to have a look. You said we would just have to be patient until Will and Master Dancaster finished painting the pictures in it. And we have been.’
‘Not now, I said. Leave me alone.’
As Joan stamps out of the tiny room, Mathilda hugs the bundle to her chest. It is as if the book accuses her. All her strategies for their advancement after Edmund’s death and, as far as she knows, the man is still alive. And here she is, alone and hiding, Robert cold in the ground.
They brought him home wrapped in the caparison he was so proud of, though she’d always thought it too rich to be thrown onto a horse, dirtied beneath a saddle. And beautiful, the green of newly budded leaves. She touched the edge of it while the body was still on the cart and thought, stupidly, how hard it would be to clean the blood and dirt from it. Now a shroud, of sorts.
She told the men to carry Robert into the hall, but they began to murmur, and Fraden, the steward, said quietly, ‘They’ve come all the way from Boroughbridge, my lady. It’s near three days and the body . . . well, the body has begun to seep. The barn, I think, would be best.’
He was right; the smell was foul.
Cornell, Robert’s page, struggled under his master’s weight, but insisted that he would help the men carry him, though he collapsed as they lowered the body onto the workbench in the barn, hastily cleared of tools.
‘Give the lad some ale and food, find