Hangover Square
By Patrick Hamilton and J. B. Priestly
4/5
()
About this ebook
Patrick Hamilton
Patrick Hamilton was one of the twentieth century’s greatest novelists and dramatists, whose significant contribution to literature has often been overlooked. Born in Hassocks, Sussex in 1904, Hamilton spent his early years in Hove. His first novel, Monday Morning was published in 1925, quickly followed by Craven House (1926). Among his novels are The Midnight Bell (1929), The Siege of Pleasure (1932), The Plains of Cement (1934), Hangover Square (1941), The Slaves of Solitude (1947) and The Gorse Trilogy, which is comprised of The West Pier (1952), Mr Stimpson and Mr Gorse (1953) and Unknown Assailant (1955). Hamilton’s trilogy 20,000 Streets Under the Sky (1929–34) was adapted into a successful BBC Four series in 2005, directed by Simon Curtis. His plays include the psychological thrillers Rope (1929) – on which Alfred Hitchcock’s 1948 film Rope was based – and Gaslight (1938), which gave rise to the term gaslighting: a form of psychological abuse in which a victim is manipulated into questioning his or her sanity. A successful revival of Gaslight, starring Keith Allen and Kara Tointon, toured the UK in early 2017. Hamilton died in 1962 of liver and kidney failure, after a long struggle with alcohol.
Related to Hangover Square
Related ebooks
Night Has a Thousand Eyes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Living End Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Montague Rhodes James: The Best Works Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWake Up, Sir!: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Miss Lonelyhearts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Feud Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Here Are the Young Men Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mapp & Lucia Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Who's Sorry Now?: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Mother Shadow Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Badge of Evil Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Neon Bible: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Company She Keeps: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Novels of Iris Murdoch Volume Two: The Flight from the Enchanter, The Red and the Green, and The Time of the Angels Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsConstance: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Room at the Top Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Cool Million: or, The Dismantling of Lemuel Pitkin Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Day of the Locust Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Screenplay: A Novel Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5All Fall Down: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5They Is Us Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Quantity Theory of Insanity Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Crowded Lives: And Other Stories of Desperation and Danger Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Our Kind: A Novel in Stories Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Dread Journey Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTransit of Venus Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsManhattan Transfer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Perfidia Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5London Writing Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Classics For You
A Confederacy of Dunces Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Count of Monte Cristo (abridged) (Barnes & Noble Classics Series) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mythos Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Old Man and the Sea: The Hemingway Library Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Silmarillion Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Fellowship Of The Ring: Being the First Part of The Lord of the Rings Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Flowers for Algernon Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Rebecca Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Poisonwood Bible: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Things They Carried Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Master & Margarita Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Farewell to Arms Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Odyssey: (The Stephen Mitchell Translation) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sense and Sensibility (Centaur Classics) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Master and Margarita Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Learn French! Apprends l'Anglais! THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY: In French and English Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Ulysses: With linked Table of Contents Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Jungle: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wuthering Heights (with an Introduction by Mary Augusta Ward) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Animal Farm: A Fairy Story Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Little Women (Seasons Edition -- Winter) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Canterbury Tales Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Good Man Is Hard To Find And Other Stories Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5We Have Always Lived in the Castle Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Bell Jar: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Republic by Plato Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5For Whom the Bell Tolls: The Hemingway Library Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Count of Monte-Cristo English and French Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Titus Groan Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for Hangover Square
217 ratings11 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5George Harvey Bone has a lot of problems. He doesn’t have a job, and he is living on the remains of a small inheritance and a birthday gift from his Aunt. He lives in a hotel in Earl’s Court, London, and his only real friend is the hotel’s white cat, who likes to share his bed. The woman he is desperately in love with—Netta—and her friends treat him like dirt and sponge off him. War clouds are hanging in the air—it is 1939—and George has no faith in Neville Chamberlain’s “Peace in Our Time”. Oh—and one more thing—George frequently lapses into a “dumb” state, where his actions, once he has re-oriented himself to his surroundings, basically proceed on autopilot. In this state, he can remember what has happened to his more normal self, but his more normal self has no knowledge of what occurs during these “dumb” periods. He knows they exist, of course, because people remark on his strange behavior and because there are gaps of time he can’t account for. And the steady drinking to excess, mostly with George paying for Netta and her friends, isn’t helping.On the other hand, he is an excellent golfer, although as you will see, this may be a mixed blessing.“Normal” George knows how Netta is treating him, but he continually grasps at any straw, any little gesture or word, to keep hoping that somehow things will change. “Dumb” George, however, has decided to murder Netta. The book follows George as he flips from state to state, and the suspense stems from which personality will win out. Or maybe that isn’t too hard to figure out.The book features some excellent writing and scene-setting as George and his friends move from Netta’s flat, through the pubs of London, and on to a “memorable” short trip to Brighton. The amount of drinking is something only a noir private eye could match. The indignities against George are maddening—and you may find yourself agreeing with his murderous side.In the introduction to my Penguin edition, J.B. Priestley calls Hamilton one of the greatest minor novelists—minor because the subject matter of his work is not as broad as that of a “major” novelist. Sadly, I have to disagree with this assessment, at least based on Hangover Square. Despite its passages of great writing and a superior sense of place, the narrative grows repetitious and annoying. Most of the story is told in third person, but it lets us know exactly what both versions of George are thinking. After a while, his excessive self-pity and failure to learn from his mistakes gets wearying. Although this is essential to his “normal” character, it is still a bit excessive. Here, less could have been more. His transitions into his “dumb” state are also too repetitious, as each time he remembers he has to kill Netta, only to take a little while longer to realize that “Netta” by some stroke of luck happens to be the same “Netta” he is about to meet, and, wow, how convenient! The faults of these passages are offset by the strength of other episodes, such as when George is in the company of people who don’t try to take advantage of him every moment, or the scene in Brighton where he remembers that he used to be a good golfer, rents a set of clubs, and shoots a 68.This mixed review shouldn’t put you off from reading what is one of the most downbeat and harrowing books you will ever encounter. The best comparison I can make is to the downbeat, fatalistic world of the American writer, David Goodis, although Hamilton’s writing is much more literary. Put this on your list of unforgettable, but flawed novels. You’ll be happy to escape from it—but you won’t feel your time was wasted.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Patrick Hamilton’s 1941 novel, Hangover Square, is confirmation that hangovers form the foundation of alcoholism. Palliation of symptoms is only a drink away. The main character, George Harvey Bone leads the reader into a world of drink-inflicted physical illness, and we understand it as a way of life for all the important characters. But, George has an additional illness, schizophrenia, that creates another world available only to him and to the reader. Hamilton’s writing is seductive, and the reader accepts and wants to enter this second dimension. We want George to go beyond the hangover and “click” into his special psychotic state. It is in this state that George achieves a peace he cannot get any other way, safe from the chaos of hangover square and his obsession with Netta. Safety, however, is governed by evil, and readers are confronted with the peace of their own evil desires. Hangover Square is a novel of physical and mental sickness that shows parallels with the so-called normal lives of readers. Hamilton's wonderful insight into the human comedy/tragedy makes this novel come to life even though, on the surface, readers do not feel that they have much in common with the characters. This insightful style is evident in another Hamilton novel, The Slaves of Solitude (1947). I predict that when readers enter George’s two worlds, they will discover that they are only one drink and one click away from illness and madness.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Last year when I had no access to my Patrick Hamilton books I suddenly had an urge to re-read HANGOVER SQUARE again. I had a good memory of his other books but all I could remember of this book was the general mood so I re-read it as soon as I could this year.After a page or two I was back in Hamilton's claustrophobic 1930s world of dingy hotel rooms, bare lightbulbs in overhead light sockets, run-down heels, frayed shirtsleeves and hopeful, hopeless inhabitants.George Harvey Bone is unemployed and existing in a run-down Earl's Court hotel with only a stray cat for company. He spends his days drifting around the West End and drinking with a handful of acquaintances who hold him in vague contempt. He puts up with the slights if it means he can be close to Netta, the group's tawdry nucleus, a sometime actress. What Bone is sadly aware of is that Netta is an ungrateful user but one day, he is sure she will realize that he truly loves her and stop being beastly to him.However what the reader knows is that he is an undiagnosed schizophrenic and frequently a 'click' goes off in his head and another Bone exists, existing in a submerged, slow-motion state, with one thought in his mind... to kill Netta.Hamilton skillfully makes Bone sympathetic despite his many flaws and provides wonderfully drawn characters such as the ghastly ex-soldier Peter who is Bone's main contender for the dubious pleasure of Netta and Johnny, an ex-workmate of Bone who bumps into him in a café and whose renewed friendship provides him with a glimpse of normalcy and in a hotel in Brighton, a moment of supreme one-up-manship over Netta. The character of Netta is also wonderfully realized, a low-rent glamour girl, a tart with a heart of pure flint. One suspects Hamilton writes her while dipping his pen in a well of experience.Lowering over them all is the threat of European fascism with newsreels and newspapers making all their futures uncertain.A classic from a criminally under-rated writer.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Really wonderful novel. So human, so tragic. For me, not quite as strong as 'Twenty Thousand Streets Under the Sky', but only because of its smaller scale.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Hangover Square tells the story of George Harvey Bone, who worsening case of schizophrenia parallels the outbreak of World War II. George is alternately in love with Netta or obsessed with killing her, depending on his mental state. George is an interesting and well developed character, but Netta is so shallow and cruel that she is less believable as a character. It's a good portrayal of one man's struggle to accepted, despite his mental illness.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Brilliant drink-sodden pre WW2 story. Claustraphobic descriptions of benders in seedy pubs. Both compulsive and repulsive...fanatstic writing. There's a story that Hamilton and his ?3rd wife drank themselves to death over the course of a week's holiday in a cottage in Norfolk. After reading this I could believe it. It does make you start counting your own weekly intake...Believe me you couldn't drink this much and function at all. Great holiday read.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Not a great novel, but a good one. George Harvey Bone is a compellingly pathetic character - I identified quickly with his weaknesses and liked him for his strengths. His environment, the pubs and bars of Earl's Court circa 1939, is well realised, though not as well as the hopeless hope that everything will be all right with the next drink.Hangover Square doesn't boast a lot of variety. It could be a device to hammer home the more or less uniform grimness of wartime Earl's Court and of the little world which has consumed poor George, but I thought that only partially explained the repetition. Also, Hamilton's forays beyond George's world (into the English politics of 1939 for example) are unconvincing. That said, I wondered at times if more successful parts of the story were intended as allegorical comment on the war.Where Hangover Square succeeds, besides its observation of particular types of character, place and time, is as a tragedy. Intermissions of hope, undercurrents of comedy (to the forefront during the narration of George's 'dead' moods) are just diversions on the road to the conclusion Hamilton is always heading towards.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5One of those rares books that makes you sympathize and scared for the main character.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5In the bubble of pre-war London, schizophrenic George Bone plays out his obsessional love and hatred of Netta, an aspiring actress. Hamilton's characters are wonderfully drawn to inspire an impressive amount of bile and loathing, and George's escalating illness runs in well-styled parrallel to the outbreak of WWII. Good stuff.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I was totally engrossed in this novel set in 1939 and publshed in 1941. I suppose one could despair of the main character, George Harvey Bone, and at times one does feel like throwing something at him in order to make him come to terms with his hopeless infatuation for the terrible Netta, but somehow you feel for him. The scene late on in the book in Brighton when his old pal and others are genuinely 'nice' to him is quite touching. As for Netta, I don't think I've ever felt so antagonistic to a female character for many a year. What a selfish and callous bitch she is. The bed-sit and small hotel area of Earl's Court and its pubs and bars is well caught. And what a line is this:"To those whom God has forsaken, is given a gas-fire in Earl's Court".
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Stop me if you've heard this one before: a young(ish) man, besotted by love, besots himself with drink.
Generally, novels about alcoholism dwell on the lonely, self-destructive boozer. This one addresses a sort of collective alcoholism: drinking as an occupation. The main character drinks when he is with his friends, drinks when he is waiting for them, drinks when he is thinking of them. He knows both the booze and the friends are bad for him, but he keeps at it regardless. Left to his own devices, he is resourceful, demonstrably likeable, and a formidable golfer - hardly the anisocial outcast that is his drinking self.
Drinking George versus Sober George. Then there's Simple George versus Scheming George. Or perhaps plotting is a better word. The switch between the two becomes more pronounced as the novel progresses, both in the differences in their thinking, and the physical sensation marking the switch - a psychosomatic click, why not?
Clearly more than the sum of its parts, this book, though a grim read. I'll probably revisit it in a few years.
Book preview
Hangover Square - Patrick Hamilton
PART
Chapter One
Click!… Here it was again! He was walking along the cliff at Hunstanton and it had come again… Click!…
Or would the word ‘snap’ or ‘crack’ describe it better?
It was a noise inside his head, and yet it was not a noise. It was the sound which a noise makes when it abruptly ceases: it had a temporarily deafening effect. It was as though one had blown one’s nose too hard and the outer world had suddenly become dim and dead. And yet he was not physically deaf: it was merely that in this physical way alone could he think of what had happened in his head.
It was as though a shutter had fallen. It had fallen noiselessly, but the thing had been so quick that he could only think of it as a crack or a snap. It had come over his brain as a sudden film, induced by a foreign body, might come over the eye. He felt that if only he could ‘blink’ his brain it would at once be dispelled. A film. Yes, it was like the other sort of ‘film, too – a ‘talkie’. It was as though he had been watching a talking film, and all at once the sound-track had failed. The figures on the screen continued to move, to behave more or less logically; but they were figures in a new, silent, indescribably eerie world. Life, in fact, which had been for him a moment ago a ‘talkie’, had all at once become a silent film. And there was no music.
He was not frightened, because by now he was used to it. This had been happening for the last year, the last two years – in fact he could trace it back as far as his early boyhood. Then it had been nothing so sharply defined, but how well he could remember what he called his ‘dead’ moods, in which he could do nothing ordinarily, think of nothing ordinarily, could not attend to his lessons, could not play, could not even listen to his rowdy companions. They used to rag him for it until it at last became an accepted thing. ‘Old Bone’ was said to be in one of his ‘dotty’ moods. Mr Thorne used to be sarcastic. ‘Or is this one of your – ah – delightfully convenient periods of amnesia, my dear Bone?’ But even Mr Thorne came to accept it. ‘Extraordinary boy,’ he once heard Mr Thome say (not knowing that he was overheard), ‘I really believe it’s perfectly genuine.’ And often, instead of making him look a fool in front of the class, he would stop, give him a curious, sympathetic look, and, telling him to sit down, would without any ironic comment ask the next boy to do what he had failed to do.
‘Dead’ moods – yes, all his life he had had ‘dead’ moods, but in those days he had slowly slipped into and out of them – they had not been so frequent, so sudden, so dead, so completely dividing him from his other life. They did not arrive with this extraordinary ‘snap’ – that had only been happening in the last year or so. At first he had been somewhat disturbed about it; had thought at moments of consulting a doctor even. But he had never done so, and now he knew he never would. He was well enough; the thing did not seriously inconvenience him; and there were too many other things to worry about – my God, there were too many other things to worry about!
And now he was walking along the cliff at Hunstanton, on Christmas afternoon, and the thing had happened again. He had had Christmas dinner with his aunt, and he had gone out, as he had told her, to ‘walk it off’. He wore a light raincoat. He was thirty-four, and had a tall, strong, beefy, ungainly figure. He had a fresh, red complexion and a small moustache. His eyes were big and blue and sad and slightly bloodshot with beer and smoke. He looked as though he had been to an inferior public school and would be pleased to sell you a secondhand car. Just as certain people look unmistakably ‘horsey’, bear the stamp of Newmarket, he bore the stamp of Great Portland Street. He made you think of road houses, and there are thousands of his sort frequenting the saloon bars of public-houses all over England. His full mouth was weak, however, rather than cruel. His name was George Harvey Bone.
It was, actually, only in the few moments following the sudden transition – the breaking down of the sound-track, the change from the talkie to the silent film – that he now’ ever thought about, or indeed was conscious of – this extraordinary change which took place in his mind. Soon enough he was watching the silent film – the silent film without music – as though there had never been any talkie – as though what he saw had always been like this.
A silent film without music – he could have found no better way of describing the weird world in which he now moved. He looked at passing objects and people, but they had no colour, vivacity, meaning – he was mentally deaf to them. They moved like automatons, without motive, without volition of their own. He could hear what they said, he could understand their words, he could answer them, even; but he did this automatically, without having to think of what they had said or what he was saying in return. Therefore, though they spoke it was as though they had hot spoken, as though they had moved their lips but remained silent. They had no valid existence; they were not creatures experiencing pleasure or pain. There was, in fact, no sensation, no pleasure or pain at all in this world: there was only himself – his dreary, numbed, dead self.
There was no sensation, but there was something to be done. Emphatically, most emphatically there was something to be done. So soon as he had recovered from the surprise – but nowadays it was hardly a surprise – of that snap in his head, that break in the sound-track, that sudden burst into a new, silent world – so soon as he had recovered from this he was aware that something had to be done. He could not think what it was at first, but this did not worry him. He could never think of it at first, but it would come: if he didn’t nag at it, but relaxed mentally, it would come.
For two or three minutes he walked along in a dream, barely conscious of anything. The motion of his body caused his raincoat to make a small thundering noise: his big sports shoes creaked and rustled on the grass of the cliff-top. On his left, down below, lay the vast grey sweep of the Wash under the sombre sky of Christmas afternoon: on his right the scrappy villas in the unfinished muddy roads. A few couples were about, cold, despairing, bowed down by the hopeless emptiness and misery of the season and time of day. He passed a shelter, around which some children were running, firing toy pistols at each other. Then he remembered, without any difficulty, what it was he had to do: he had to kill Netta Longdon.
He was going to kill her, and then he was going to Maidenhead, where he would be happy.
It was a relief to him to have remembered, for now he could think it all out. He liked thinking it out: the opportunity to do so was like lighting up a pipe, something to get at, to get his teeth into.
Why must he kill Netta? Because things had been going on too long, and he must get to Maidenhead and be peaceful and contented again. And why Maidenhead? Because he had been happy there with his sister, Ellen. They had had a splendid fortnight, and she had died a year or so later. He would go on the river again, and be at peace. He liked the High Street, too. He would not drink any more – or only an occasional beer. But first of all he had to kill Netta.
This Netta business had been going on too long. When was he going to kill her? Soon – this year certainly. At once would be best – as soon as he got back to London – he was going back tomorrow, Boxing Day. But these things had to be planned: he had so many plans: too many. The thing was so incredibly, absurdly easy. That was why it was so difficult to choose the right plan. You had only to hit her over the head when she was not looking. You had only to ask her to turn her back to you because you had a surprise for her, and then strike her down. You had only to invite her to a window, to ask her to look down at something, and then thrown her out. You had only to put a scarf playfully round her neck, and fondle it admiringly, and then strangle her. You had only to surprise her in her bath, lift up her legs and hold her head down. All so easy: all so silent. Only there would be meddling from the police – ‘questions asked’ – that had to be remembered: he wasn’t going to have any questioning or meddling. But then of course the police couldn’t find him in Maidenhead, or if they did they couldn’t touch him there. No, there was no difficulty anywhere: it was a ‘cinch’, as they said: but it had got to be planned, and he must do the planning now. It had all been going on too long.
When was it to be then? Tomorrow – Boxing Day – as soon as he saw her again. If he could get her alone – why not? No – there was something wrong with that. What was it? What on earth was it?… Oh yes – of course – the ten pounds. His aunt had given him ten pounds. She had given him a cheque this morning as a Christmas present. He must wait till he had spent the ten pounds – get the benefit of the ten pounds – before killing Netta. Obviously. What about the New Year, then – January the first? That seemed a good idea – starting the New Year – 1939. The New Year – the turn of the year – that meant spring before long. Then it would be warmer, Maidenhead would be warmer. He didn’t want to have to go to Maidenhead in the cold. He wanted to go on the river. Then he must wait for the Spring. It was too cold to kill Netta yet. That sounded silly, but it was a fact.
Or was all this shilly-shallying on his part? Was he putting it off again? He was always putting it off. In some mysterious way it seemed to go right out of his head, and it had all been going on too long. Perhaps he ought to take himself in hand, and kill her while it was cold. Perhaps he ought not even to wait until he had had the benefit of his ten pounds. He had put it off such a long while now, and if he went on like this would it ever get done?
By now he had reached the edge of the Town Golf Course and he turned round and retraced his steps. A light wind struck him in the face and roared in his ears, and he looked at the feeble sun, in the nacreous sky, declining behind the bleak little winter resort of an aunt who had come up to scratch. Strange aunts, strange Hunstantons! – how did they stand it? He had had three days of it, and he’d have a fit if he didn’t get back tomorrow. And yet Aunt Mary was a good sort, trying to do her duty by him as his nearest of kin, trying to be ‘modern’, a ‘sport’ as she called it, pretending that she liked ‘cocktails’ though she was nearly seventy. My God – ‘cocktails!’ – if she only knew! But she was a good sort. She would be cheerful at tea, and then when she saw he didn’t want to talk she would leave him alone and let him sit in his chair and read The Bar 20 Rides Again, by Clarence Mulford. But of course he wouldn’t be reading – he would be thinking of Netta and how and when he was going to kill her.
The Christmas Day children were still playing with their Christmas Day toy pistols around the Christmas Day shelter. The wet grass glowed in the diffused afternoon light. The little pier, completely deserted, jutted out into the sea, its silhouette shaking against the grey waves, as though it trembled with cold but intended to stay where it was to demonstrate some principle. On his left he passed the Boys’ School, and then the row of boarding-houses, one after another, with their mad names; on his right the putting course and tennis courts. But no boys, and no boarders, and no putters, and no tennis players in the seaside town of his aunt on Christmas Day.
He turned left, and went upwards and away from the sea – the Wash in which King John had lost his jewels – towards the street which contained the semi-detached villa in which tea, with Christmas cake and cold turkey (in front of an electric fire at eight o’clock), awaited him.
Chapter Two
Click!…
Hullo, hullo – here we are! – here we are again!
He was on Hunstanton station and it had happened again. Click, snap, pop – whatever you like – and it all came flooding back!
The sound-track had been resumed with a sudden switch; the grim, dreary, mysterious silent film had vanished utterly away, and all things were bright, clear, vivacious, sane, colourful and logical around him, as he carried his bag, at three o’clock on Boxing Day, along the platform of the little seaside terminus.
It had happened at the barrier, as he offered his ticket to be clipped by the man. You might have thought that the click of the man’s implement as he punctured the ticket had been the click inside his head, but actually it had happened a fraction of a second later – a fraction of a fraction of a second, for the man still held his ticket, and he was still looking into the man’s grey eyes, when he heard the shutter go up in his head, and everything came flooding back.
It was like bursting up into fresh air after swimming gravely for a long time in silent, green depths: the first thing of which he was aware was the terrific sustained hissing noise coming from the engine which was to take him back to London. While he yet looked into the man’s eyes he was aware of this noise. He knew, too, perfectly well, that this noise had been going on ever since he had entered the station, while he was buying his ticket, while he was dragging his bag to the barrier. But it was only now, now that his brain had clicked back again, that he heard it. And with it every other sort of noise which had been going on before – the rolling of a station trolley, the clanking of milk-cans, the slamming of compartment doors – was heard by him for the first time. And all this in the brief moment while he still looked into the eyes of the man who had punctured his ticket. Perhaps, because of his surprise at what had happened, he had looked into the eyes of the man too long. Perhaps the man had only caught his eye, had only looked at him because he had subconsciously wondered why this passenger was not getting a ‘move on’. However that might be, he had only betrayed himself for a fraction of a second, and now he was walking up the platform.
What a noise that engine made! And yet it exhilarated him. He always had these few moments of exhilaration after his brain had ‘blinked’ and he found himself hearing and understanding sounds and sights once again. After that first tremendous rush of noise and comprehension – exactly like the roar of clarification which would accompany the snatching away, from a man’s two ears, of two oily blobs of cotton wool which he had worn for twenty-four hours – he took a simple elated pleasure in hearing and looking at everything he passed.
Then there was the pleasure of knowing exactly what he was doing. He knew where he was, and he knew what he was doing. It was Boxing Day, and he was taking the train back to London. He had spent the Christmas holiday with his aunt who had given him ten pounds. This was a station – Hunstanton station – where he had arrived. Only it had been night when he arrived. Now he was catching the 3.4 in the afternoon. He must find a third-class compartment. Other people were going back to London, too. The engine was letting out steam, as engines will, as engines presumably have to before they start. That was a porter, whose business it was to carry luggage, and who collected a tip for doing so. There was the sea. This was a seaside town on the east coast. It was all right: it was all clear in his head again.
What, then, had been happening in his head a few moments before – and in the long hours before that? What?… Well, never mind now. There was plenty of time to think about that when he had found a compartment. He must find an empty one so that he could be by himself. If he had any luck, he might be alone all the way to London – there oughtn’t to be many people travelling on Boxing Day.
He walked up to the far end of the train, and selected an empty compartment. As he turned the handle of this, the hissing of the engine abruptly stopped. The station seemed to reel at the impact of the sudden hush, and then, a moment later, began to carry on its activities again in a more subdued, in an almost furtive way. That, he realized, was exactly like what happened in his head – his head, that was to say, when it went the other way, the nasty way, the bad, dead way. It had just gone the right way, and he was back in life again.
He put his suitcase on the rack, clicked it open, and stood on the seat to see if he had packed his yellow-covered The Bar 20 Rides Again. He had. It was on the top. It was wonderful how he did things when he didn’t know what he was doing. (Or did he, at the time, in some way know what he was doing? Presumably he did.) Anyway, here was his Bar 20. He clicked the bag shut again, sat down, pulled his overcoat over his legs, put the book on his lap, and looked out of the window.
He was back in life again. It was good to be back in life. And yet how quiet and dismal it was in this part of the world. The trolley was still being rolled about the platform at the barrier end of the station: two porters were shouting to-each other in the distance; another porter came along trying all the doors, reaching and climactically trying his own handle, and fading away again in a series of receding jabs: he could hear two people talking to each other through the wooden walls of the train, two compartments away; and if he listened he could hear, through the open window, the rhythmic purring of the mud-coloured sea, which he could see from here a hundred yards or so beyond the concrete front which was so near the station as to seem to be almost part of it. Not a soul on the front. Cold and quiet. And the sea purred gently. Dismal, dismal, dismal.
He listened to the gentle purring of the sea, and waited for the train to start, his red face and beer-shot eyes assuming an expression of innocent vacancy and misery.
Chapter Three
The train shuddered once or twice, and slid slowly out towards Heacham.
He put his feet up on the seat opposite, adjusted his body comfortably against the window, and looked idly at his shoes. Something in the sight of the pattern of the brogue on the brown leather all at once gave him a miserable feeling – a little clutch at his heart followed by an ache. For a brief moment he was at a loss to account for this pain: then he realized what it was and all his misery was upon him again. Netta! Netta!…
He had forgotten!… For a whole five minutes – while he had walked up that platform and found a compartment, and taken his book from the suitcase, and looked out of the window while he waited for the train to start – he had been somehow tricked into not thinking about Netta! A record, certainly!… And he had been reminded of her by the sight of his own shoes. It was because the brogue on his own brown shoes was exactly the same as the brogue on the new brown shoes she had begun wearing a week or so ago. He had noticed the similarity when they were sitting in the ‘Black Hart’ having gins-and-tonic that morning after that awful blind when Mickey had passed out in the taxi. A nice state of affairs, when you’re so in love with a girl that the sight of your own shoes tears your heart open! Such was the awful associative power of physical love. He took his feet down, because he knew he could no longer catch a glimpse of his own shoes without incurring the risk of being pained.
Five minutes’ respite, breathing space – well, that was something – getting on! But wait a moment – what about his ‘dead’ period? Did he think about Netta in his ‘dead’ moods? Or did that strange shutter which fell, that film which came over his brain, somehow cut him off from Netta, from the preoccupation of his days and nights? Perhaps it did – perhaps it was a sort of anaesthetic which Nature had contrived to prevent him going dotty through thinking about Netta. But then if he had not been thinking about Netta, what had he been thinking about? And that reminded him. He had asked himself just that question as he walked up the platform, and he had promised himself to seek an answer to it.
Well, then, what had he been thinking about – what went on in his head when the shutter was down? What? What?…
It was no good. He had no idea. Not the vaguest idea. This was awful. He must try and think. He really must try and think. But what was the use of thinking? He never could remember, so why should he remember now?
When did it start, anyway? How long had he been ‘under’? It had been a long time this time, he was certain of that. It went right back into yesterday. What could he remember of yesterday – Christmas Day? He could remember lunch – ‘Christmas Dinner’ as it was called – with his aunt. He could remember that clearly. He could remember the ultra-clean tablecloth, the unfamiliar wine-glasses, the turkey, and the mince-pies. Then he could remember having coffee afterwards. And then he said he would go and ‘walk it off’ and his aunt went up to her bedroom to sleep. He could remember putting on his raincoat in the hall. He could remember going down towards the sea, and then walking along the cliff towards the Golf Course… Ah! There you were! That was it. It must have happened while he was walking along the cliff. Yes. He was sure of it. He could see himself. He could almost hear it happening in his head, as he walked along the cliff and looked out towards the sea. Snap. But what then? What?… Nothing. A blank. Absolutely nothing. Nothing until he suddenly ‘woke up’, about ten minutes ago on Hunstanton station – ‘woke up’ to find himself looking into the eyes of the man who was clipping his ticket, and hearing the fearful hissing noise of that engine.
Good God – he had been ‘out’ for twenty-four hours! – from about three o’clock on Christmas afternoon to three o’clock on Boxing Day. This was awful. Something ought to be done about it. He ought to go and see a doctor or something.
What was he thinking about all that time – what was he doing? That was the point – what was he doing? It was terrifying – not to know what you thought or did for twenty-four hours. A day out of your life! He could be terrified now, he could let himself be terrified – but the thing had been happening so often recently that it had lost its terrors, and he had too many other worries. He had Netta to worry about. That was one thing about Netta – you couldn’t worry about much else.
But, really, it was awful – he ought to do something about it. Imagine it – wandering about like an automaton, a dead person, another person, a person who wasn’t you, for twenty-four hours at a stretch! And when you woke up not the minutest inkling of what the other person had been thinking or doing. You might have done anything. You might, for all you knew, have got madly drunk. You might have had a fight, and got into trouble. You might have made friends or enemies you knew nothing about. You might have got off with a girl, and arranged to meet her. You might, in some mad lark, have stolen something from a shop. You might have committed assault. You might have done something dreadful in public. You might, for all you knew, be a criminal maniac. You might have murdered your aunt!
On the other hand it was pretty obvious that you were not a criminal maniac – and that you had not had a fight, or done anything dreadful in public, or murdered your aunt. For if you had people would have stopped you, and you would not be sitting comfortably in a third-class carriage on your way back to London. And that went for all the other times in the near and distant past – all the ‘dead’ moods you had had ever since they had begun. You had never been arrested so far, you had never shown any signs of having been in a fight, and none of