Radical Responsibility: How to Move Beyond Blame, Fearlessly Live Your Highest Purpose, and Become an Unstoppable Force for Good

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INTRODUCTION

My primary purpose in writing this book is to place in your hands the same insights, distinctions, and tools I used to dramatically transform my own life from a long night’s passage in an isolation cell facing a possible life sentence to a successful, exciting, and deeply rewarding international career as a meditation teacher, business consultant, seminar leader, and social entrepreneur. Perhaps more to the heart of the matter, these are the same tools through which I discovered my own integrity, self-discipline, authenticity, and personal freedom.

In 1985, I spent a sleepless night in a suicide-watch isolation cell, pondering and dreading my fate: the possibility of being sentenced to life without parole. I was not suicidal but, anticipating my sentence later that morning, I was in a highly anxious and agitated state. My life as I knew it was over. I was thirty-five years old, well educated, with talent and potential, and I had completely torched my life — burned it to the ground. My nine-year-old son, who would now grow up without a father, had returned, penniless, to South America with his mother. My assets had all been confiscated and debts were piling up. My family and friends were suffering, frightened, confused, and in some cases justifiably angry.

I had been convicted of continuous criminal enterprise, the so-called kingpin statute, for smuggling cocaine from South America to the United States. This carried with it a no-parole sentence of ten years to life in prison. At that time, prior to 1987, parole still existed in the federal system. I was guilty of smuggling, and I would have pled guilty if it were not for the kingpin charge, which I felt at the time was a punishment for refusing to inform or testify against others. The jury convicted me on all counts. Given the media attention my trial received, I knew my sentence would not be minimal.

Desperate for relief from the claustrophobia of that tomb-like cell, I stood on the stainless steel toilet and sink to peer out the one small window at the night sky and stars. As dawn began to break, I shifted from extreme desperation and anxiety to a calm, peaceful resolve. I had decided deep in my being that no matter what sentence I received later that morning, I would not give up. I would not give up on life, my son, or myself. Never. This book is the result of the journey that began early that morning.

Standing before the judge, my knees buckled as he pronounced my sentence — thirty years with no possibility of parole. My lawyer kept me from falling. I had secretly been hoping, maybe praying, for fifteen or twenty. As the US Marshals escorted me back to the holding cell, I shoved down the tears and stifled a sob. I’d seen the marshals make fun of other prisoners for crying; I’d be damned if I’d give them that pleasure. Later that night, sleepless in another county jail cell, I desperately wanted the tears to flow, but I’d lost them. Jail is no place for tears.

This book is not about me; it’s about you.

I went through a classic dark night of the soul over the weeks to come as I awaited transfer to a federal prison. I was devastated by the sober realization of what I had done to myself and my family and the tough journey that lay ahead, but most of all by what I had done to my son, Robert, who would now grow up with his father in prison. The headline in the newspaper the next day read something like, Drug Kingpin Maull Sentenced to 30 Years Without Parole; Will Be 65 Years Old Before He Can Be Released. As I considered what lay ahead, I made a crystal-clear, radical commitment to eradicate all negativity from my life and somehow use my education and talents to accomplish something of value during my time in prison, something that might allow my son to hold his head up and be proud of his dad.

I knew in the depth of my being that continuing my meditation practice would be the foundation, not only for surviving but also for anything positive I could hope to accomplish. With ten years of training under my belt, I knew what to do. I began practicing several hours every night, sitting on the top bunk in a two-person cell in that steel-and-concrete tomb of a county jail, amid the echoing cacophony of blaring televisions and radios, prisoners trading war stories, and the screaming from the other tanks, where they held state prisoners and local drunks. Late one night as I sat in meditation, focused on my breathing, well aware of all the noise and chaos around me, I realized that my mind was not moving at all. It was not reacting to all the jarring sounds. I felt complete clarity, peace, and serenity. I had experiences like this during previous meditation retreats, but never in this kind of crazy environment. At that moment I felt a strong assurance that I could do this prison thing. I was still terrified, still having nightmares about being attacked or raped; but somehow that night, meditating on that upper bunk, I found an unshakable confidence in the depths of my being that has remained unshakable to this day.

This is not a prison memoir. That book remains to be written another day. And this book is not about me; it’s about you — it’s a manual for your own personal evolution and self-actualization. Within these pages you’ll receive everything I learned during fourteen years in a maximum security prison, in addition to everything I’ve learned since. In the twenty years since my release, I’ve been offering some form of this material through trainings to thousands of business leaders, prisoners, correctional officers, law enforcement officials, and members of the general public. I’m now very inspired to offer the complete Radical Responsibility model for the first time, having worked on it and lived it to the best of my ability for the past thirty-three years. My humble aspiration is that this book will fulfill its promise and support you in moving beyond blame to fearlessly live your highest purpose and become an unstoppable force for good.

One of my goals is that you become what best-selling author and life coach Tony Robbins calls a practical psychologist, someone who understands enough about human behavior to navigate life with less drama and heartache and a great deal more creativity, joy, and fulfillment.¹ Though I landed in prison with a master’s degree in psychology (and have since earned my doctorate), I earned my practical psychologist credentials on the job, so to speak, during my stay in a maximum security prison, which taught me how to work with people and better understand myself. Maximum security prisons are what sociologists call total institutions, essentially totalitarian environments where the staff and administrators have absolute authority and control, and resistance is literally futile. If you tried to significantly buck the system there, you’d end up in four-point restraints on a concrete bunk in one of the psych wards, injected with antipsychotics such as Haldol or Thorazine, and getting hosed down at night.

So how do you get anything done in such an environment, much less create significant change? If you ask the prison staff for anything new or different, the answer is always no, followed by some version of We had a program like that, but the inmates abused it, so we got rid of it. For me, the answer was remembering that everyone, even the most hardened correctional officers or prison administrators, were human beings. I learned that if I was patient, compassionate, and respectful, sooner or later I would find a way to approach someone who would open doors to new possibilities.

Radical Responsibility is a shame-free philosophy that transcends blame.

Taking this approach, I initiated numerous programs at the United States Medical Center for Federal Prisoners in Springfield, Missouri, the maximum security prison hospital where I served my time. Such programs included a variety of personal growth programs, one of the first inside-prison hospice programs anywhere in the world, and two national organizations — Prison Mindfulness Institute (PMI) and National Prison Hospice Association (NPHA). Today, PMI trains teachers and facilitators all around the world to bring mindfulness to at-risk, incarcerated, and reentering youth and adults, as well as correctional officers, law enforcement personnel, judges, prosecutors, public defenders, probation and parole officers, and treatment providers. The PMI network includes more than 180 organizations and projects that bring mindfulness and contemplative spirituality to our jails, prisons, and juvenile facilities, with thousands of individual volunteers doing the same. NPHA has played a key role in catalyzing and building a prison hospice movement that now includes over seventy-five prison hospice programs in US state and federal prisons. I highlight all of this not to pat myself on the back, but rather to illustrate what is possible through Radical Responsibility, even in the most challenging and seemingly powerless circumstances.

My more universal purpose is to help people gain freedom from the disempowering, traumatizing, and ultimately demeaning scourge of blame and shame that dominates our Western culture. All of this arises from the perverse notion that human beings are somehow ultimately flawed and even dangerous. Radical Responsibility is a shame-free philosophy that transcends blame. It’s a practical approach to life grounded in the historically predominant, cross-cultural consensus that human beings are innately good and that all of life is inherently sacred. Radical Responsibility is also the conscious choice to fully empower ourselves by embracing 100 percent responsibility for each and every circumstance we face in life, free of even a hint of self-blame. How is this possible? Someone must be to blame when bad things happen, when injustices occur, right? What about all those people committing heinous acts and truly victimizing others? I can only encourage you to read on.

This book arises out of a profound compassion for the endless suffering we have visited upon each other as human beings, and I aspire that not one more child or adult be traumatized by neglect, abuse, violence, oppression, racism, marginalization, poverty, genocide, war, or refugee crises. Radical Responsibility addresses the very core of our human condition where the possibilities of imprisonment and freedom, violence and peace, suffering and joy continuously co-arise, offering us the same alternative repeatedly: either awaken to the liberating power of conscious ownership or give power away by blaming others and abdicating responsibility for our choices. The distinction between blame and ownership is the most critical distinction offered in this book. My core message is that by embracing Radical Responsibility for the choices we make, we discover the fruits of self-empowerment and genuine personal freedom, and that we can do so with profound self-compassion, completely free of self-blame. In doing so, Radical Responsibility empowers us to effectively make boundaries, speak truth to power, prevent harm, and promote healing and transformation for all.

This book is organized into five parts. In part I, we will explore the basic context and foundational skills for the path of Radical Responsibility: unconditional human goodness and mindfulness-based emotional intelligence (MBEI). In part II, we will take a deep dive into the challenges of the human condition in order to see with clarity, insight, and compassion how we got to where we are and how we continue to perpetuate confusion and suffering for ourselves and others. In part III, we will explore the physiology, psychology, and neurobiology of change and transformation and how to take charge of our destiny and step into the driver’s seat (or at least the copilot’s seat) of our own lives. In part IV, we experientially journey through the core of Radical Responsibility, directly experiencing the fundamental shift from blame to ownership, the key transformative distinction on this journey. In part V, we will discover the extraordinary capacities and wisdom of the heart-mind and then be guided to create our own, deeply-considered life plan in order to realize the promise of this book.

This book includes a number of exercises and guided meditations. Please acquire a journal or notebook and keep it close at hand while reading this book. I will regularly invite you to participate in reflective exercises that involve writing. I will also invite you to develop a regular mindfulness practice with plenty of support and instruction. To get the greatest benefit from Radical Responsibility, please complete all the exercises and practice the meditations again and again. We all know there is a direct relationship between our level of engagement and what we get out of any learning or training experience, so please jump in wholeheartedly.

Those of you who have attended my live or online Radical Responsibility seminars might wonder why some aspects aren’t included in this book. Suffice it to say that the constraints of the written word led me to choose the most essential aspects of those trainings to include here, and I’m quite inspired by the result. I encourage you to just jump in — I promise you won’t be disappointed. No matter if you’re quite familiar with this work or encountering it for the first time, there’s something valuable in this book for you.

So get ready to create an entirely new context for your life, one that will empower you to realize your greatest possibilities. Be sure to take your time with the foundational chapters that follow — they set the stage for quite an amazing journey.

PART I

THE BEGINNING

Innate Goodness and Mindfulness-Based Emotional Intelligence

1

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU

In spite of all our problems and confusion, all our emotional and psychological ups and downs, there is something basically good about our existence as human beings. We have moments of basic non-aggression and freshness . . . we have an actual connection to reality that can wake us up and make us feel basically, fundamentally good.CHÖGYAM TRUNGPA RINPOCHE

The foundational premise of Radical Responsibility is that there is absolutely nothing fundamentally wrong with you, or me, or anyone else for that matter. This radical message or truth is the good news of this book. Now the bad news: we have all been indoctrinated, to one degree or another — through parental, religious, educational, cultural, and media influences — with quite the opposite message, and this indoctrination, though based on misunderstandings and untruths, is not so easily undone. We can, however, release this negative stranglehold with gentle effort, self-compassion, and perseverance. That’s the second piece of good news. We can even wake up to the truth of our innate, unconditional basic goodness in a flash of transformative insight. However, even after such an illumination, most of us still have work to do, which is why human and/or spiritual development is often described as a path or journey.

That journey is what this book is all about. It begins with cultivating sufficient confidence in unconditional, innate goodness — our own and that of others. By doing so, we can move beyond blame and other fear-based coping strategies to embrace a radical level of ownership for each and every circumstance we encounter in life. Once we do that, we can fearlessly live our highest purpose and become an unstoppable force for good in the world.

OPENING EXERCISEPart 1

Please read the following list aloud to yourself slowly, going over each line once or twice and then closing your eyes to reflect on what comes up for you before going on to the next one. Just do your best to notice whatever comes up and be with it. Remember — there are no right answers!

•There is nothing wrong with you.

•You are not broken.

•You don’t need fixing.

•You are an innately and unconditionally good, whole, intelligent, and beautiful human being.

•You are basically good, whole, and okay just as you are.

•You are here for a reason.

•You are not an accident.

•The world needs you.

•You are lovable and loved.

Okay, so what came up for you? I’ve led this exercise in person countless times with all kinds of folks — young children, teenagers, CEOs, business professionals, prisoners, correctional officers — and they all have different experiences, all completely valid. For some, hearing these statements aloud feels relieving or validating. Others experience distrust or suspicion — What does this guy know about me? — or they feel a wave of unworthiness or self-criticism — "If only that were true, but I’m definitely not basically good." Maybe one of these responses matches your own, or maybe what came up for you was a mixed bag — some positive and some not-so-positive feelings. Whether you found these statements comforting, validating, challenging, irritating, threatening, heartbreaking, confusing, or all the above, I invite you to just honor your own experience and remember that all change, growth, and transformation happens outside our comfort zone.

OPENING EXERCISEPart 2

Let’s try this again with a slight change in the wording of the statements. Just like before, read each statement aloud to yourself at least once, slowly, and then close your eyes to reflect. Or, if you prefer, read the complete list through once and then close your eyes to contemplate what comes up.

•There is nothing wrong with me.

•I am not broken.

•I don’t need fixing.

•I am an innately and unconditionally good, whole, intelligent, and beautiful human being.

•I am basically good, whole, and okay just as I am.

•I am here for a reason.

•I am not an accident.

•The world needs me.

•I am lovable and loved.

Was that different from the first time around? How did it feel for you? Whatever came up for you might not feel comfortable, but it’s incredibly important to see and feel. We’re uncovering some of the underlying beliefs you carry around that drive your attitudes, feelings, behaviors, and — ultimately — the direction of your life and destiny. Discovering your basic core beliefs and getting clear about which ones serve you and which ones don’t is the beginning of taking charge of your destiny as a human being.

Before you read on, please take a few minutes to write something about your experience with this exercise in your Radical Responsibility journal.

DISCOVERING BASIC GOODNESS

Meditation is about learning to recognize our basic goodness in the immediacy of the present moment, and then nurturing this recognition until it seeps into the very core of our being.MINGYUR RINPOCHE

This book — and the Radical Responsibility path itself — are grounded in the contemplative discipline of mindfulness and awareness meditation. For thousands of years, human beings in cultures all around the world have employed various meditative and introspective practices to explore the depths of our humanity, discovering again and again a dimension of being in which our innate goodness and wholeness are undeniable. By quieting the mind’s chatter, mystics, contemplatives, yogis, shamans, and ordinary people have discovered a deeper dimension of being that is beyond fear and the dichotomy of good and bad — a place of experiential wholeness, strength, and resilience where ineffable peace and bliss abound. Needless to say, whenever we can touch into this dimension of our being, we experience ourselves and the world in a significantly different way.

Trust in Allah but tether your camel.

During my years in prison, despite my inclination to believe in the basic goodness of everyone, I sometimes wondered about a few of the correctional officers and some of my fellow prisoners. My skeptical disposition led me to contemplate if it were actually possible that perhaps not all human beings possessed innate basic goodness. I developed an informal research project of sorts. Every time I thought I had discovered a fellow prisoner or correctional officer absent this innate goodness, they would inevitably reveal their vulnerability and basic goodness in some way. I’ll never forget the moment when a correctional officer I had previously experienced as being one of the most abusive guards in the prison asked me with genuine interest how my son was doing, having seen us together in the visiting room months earlier. After several years of similar experiences, I concluded my research project, more convinced than ever of the goodness in everyone.

As we begin to trust more in this unconditional basic goodness, we recognize ourselves and others as belonging to an interconnected whole, inseparable from the beauty and sacredness of the world around us — as opposed to continually dividing our experience into friends and enemies, things to be desired or avoided, blessings to accumulate or threats to ward off. And in case you’re thinking that this all sounds like some kind of naïve, pie-in-the-sky spiritual optimism that’s