Bad Dad Jokes: Dad Jokes, Redneck Humor, Classic Vaudeville Skits and more!
By Jack Norton
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About this ebook
Warning: reading this book has been known to cause eye rolls, sighs of disgust and severe allergic reactions to those with a distaste for corn.
Sit back, relax and get ready to laugh your butt off at this horribly bad collection of dad jokes, redneck puns and classic one liners. You'll be the coolest dad at the barbeque, the silliest guy in the office or the most loved (hated?) neighbor on the block if you use these jokes in your everyday life.
By the way, what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Jack Norton
Hi, I’m Jack Norton. I am an Emmy Award winning American writer currently wandering around Europe. I love travel, reading, smoking lots of weed, collecting old records, eating raw vegan food, practicing yoga and obsessing over other people’s dogs and cats. I am married to my high school sweetheart Kitty.I am fiercely independent and always have been. I self-released my first album when I was just a kid back in 1997 and I self-published my first book way back in 2001. That was long before the days of indie authors and ebooks! Over the years, Kitty and I have created record labels, booking agencies, film and television production companies, publishing houses and more.Currently my focus is as a writer and publisher - authoring books across many genres from nonfiction (music business, motivation, musicology) to fiction (thrillers, steamy romance and pulps), poetry and memoirs. I also have a daily blog and host several podcasts.When I was a kid, Tiny Tim (the guy that sang “Tip-Toe Through The Tulips”) was my babysitter and neighbor. He taught me how to play the ukulele! When I was in elementary school I was a totally weirdo (I guess things never really change). I was obsessed with writing and music history. I started trading correspondence with authors Hubert Selby, Jr. and Nick Tosches. I also befriended musicians Tom Waits and Leon Redbone while I was still in middle school. I attended an Arts High School which is where I met my soulmate Kitty. Together we failed our way through high school and I graduated earning the lowest possible grade...while still being allowed to get a diploma. I remember the principal telling us that we would never have a career in the arts and that I specifically was a total failure as a creative artist and as a human being.Two decades have since passed and I have made my living solely as a professional working artist. In fact, I have no resume or job history - other than pursuing my own schemes and dreams over the years!Along the way, I taught myself how to be a filmmaker and ended up getting into the world of corporate video production. My clients included: the Pentagon (US Department of Defense), MTV, Disney Channel, Interscope, Island-Def Jam, KidzBop, Sony, Whole Foods and even Justin Bieber. I also directed dozens of music videos, short films and a few features as well. My 2015 feature length documentary film Jug Band Hokum included appearances by humorist Garrison Keillor, bluesman Charlie Parr and Grammy winning rap legends Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. The film had a successful run at major film festivals and independent cinemas around the world. And our entire production budget was $600.I love working through limitations and finding creative ways of self-producing creative content!Kitty and I co-created and self-financed a kids television show that ended up earning six regional Emmy Award nominations and was broadcast on over 150 PBS member stations nationwide and in 175 countries on the AFN Family Channel on Trinity Broadcasting Network. We spent just under ten thousand dollars to make the entire series. At the time, one reviewer called it “Barney meets the Black Eyed Peas”, because we were doing electro hip-hop music for preschoolers. LOL.Speaking of film stuff, I am a horrible actor but somehow I have appeared in a few films, including roles opposite Woody Harrelson and Laura Dern in Wilson (2016) and an unfortunate stint as a prisoner in the Tom Six cult horror film The Human Centipede III: Final Sequence (2015). In 2017, we wrote and performed four original songs for the Oscar nominated Willem Dafoe film The Florida Project (A24) which was made by director Sean Baker (Tangerine). The Florida Project premiered at the 49th edition of Cannes Directors’ Fortnight as part of the Cannes Film Festival. Pretty wild stuff.I no longer performing live, however over the years I have opened for: Norah Jones, Willie Nelson, Dave Van Ronk, Leon Redbone and the Squirrel Nut Zippers (to name a few). A few years ago, Kitty and I were given the incredible opportunity to perform in 19 countries for the US Pentagon, where we entertained military families in Europe, the Mediterranean and the Middle East. We’ve also performed at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington DC and at the legendary Bluebird Cafe in Nashville, Tennessee. We actually lived in Nashville for a while and really loved our time in Music City!In late 2019, we released Two Stalkers One Goal, a memoir co-written with Kitty. It is an inspiring book offering hope and healing for victims of stalking, cyberstalking, narcissistic abuse, gossip and bullying. We are survivors of a story so crazy that, well, you just have to read the book! ;)This is a great time to be a creative artist and independent creator. The makers movement has only just begun and I couldn’t be more grateful to be along for the wild ride through the golden age of creative content.Connect with me at:http://www.jackandkitty.comhttp://www.instagram.com/mrjacknortonhttp://www.twitter.com/mrjacknorton
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Bad Dad Jokes - Jack Norton
1
Jokes And One Liners
I’m from such a redneck town that we had us a beauty contest here in town a few years back and nobody won.
Our corn crop this year has been pretty slow...we only got 3 or 4 gallons per acre.
You know lots of our boys have been serving overseas and we are real proud of them. The average age of a solider from my redneck town is 57...we get fresh out of high school.
They consider a seven course meal a burger and a six pack where I come from.
Take my redneck neighbor Junior. He went to the dentist to have some wisdom teeth put in, but our dentist changed specialities...now he's a brain surgeon. That's cause his drill slipped. Poor Junior!
Yeah things have been a little strange around my town because for the first time ever there was actually a murder in our town. Such a small town this sort of thing never happens. It's a strange case too, has police baffled. See, they found the poor fellow that was killed in his own home, floating in his bathtub, and the bathtub