Fear to Freedom: Stories of Triumph After Leaving a High Control Religion
By Jack Grey and Rodney Allgood
()
About this ebook
"Where are we going to go? Is life actually better outside of this group we're in? If this isn't The Truth, then what is? Show me something better out there and I will switch, but you know there is nothing better."
Millions of people who are members of high control groups (i.e. Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Scientologists, etc.) contemplate these questions, fearing what will happen to them if they walk away from their faith. Just the thought of independently questioning their doctrines or the integrity of their leaders creates tremendous amounts of anxiety – with good reason, as the consequences of leaving are typically quite severe. The beliefs drilled into members is that the world is entirely unsafe, ruled by evil forces, and the only way true safety can be experienced is by staying within the confines of the group. Leaving that safety net puts their lives in direct peril, with the threat of an untimely death being the ultimate punishment. To make the consequences even more brutal, the act of questioning, failing to follow or ultimately leaving the group leads to being labeled as an enemy or an 'apostate'. All so-called 'apostates' end up being completely shunned or even threatened by their family and former friends who remain in the group.
Yet, despite the tremendous consequences involved, countless brave individuals make the choice to courageously conquer their fear and seek a life of authenticity and freedom. While this is truly the hero's path, the results are psychologically damaging and emotionally painful. How do they start a new life? How do they conquer the fear that holds them captive? How do they repair the emotional and psychological damage done?
This book contains the stories of ex-Jehovah's Witnesses who undertook that challenge, came out the other side successfully and found true happiness. As a bonus, a story from Terina Maldonado gives us the perspective of ex-Mormons who go through the same challenges. The chapter from Nesly Brulee gives us unique perspective of what challenges people had to go through in order to rebuild their lives as refugees in another country.
Can life outside religion be better? Stories in this book are a living proof that there is something better – much, much better. It's something that can only be understood after experiencing it. What is it? The answers are inside this book.
Jack Grey
Jack Grey – Speaker, Award-Winning Author, Life and Business Coach.Cyndi Markey – Mother, Grandmother, Author, Speaker, Corporate Real Estate ProfessionalAlex Chenarides – Author, Speaker, Self-Made SurvivorAbigail Ramos – Head of Marketing, StudentShane Hubening – Father of three, Entrepreneur, FirefighterConnie Hamilton – Wife, Mother, Grandma & EntrepreneurMonika Niezgoda – Explorer, Traveler, Spiritual ArtistGary Alt – Financial Advisor, Musician, Songwriter, and AuthorEric Wilson – Meleti Vivlon - Beroean Pickets YouTube ChannelSarah Lund – Artist, mother of threeKimberly Sherry – Int'l Energy Healer, Money Energy Expert, #1 Best-Selling Author, Inspirational Speaker and Frequency Alchemist.Bess Kristie – Professional PhotographerLibby Pease – HBA ACC - Author, Speaker, Certified Life CoachMeandy Bishop – Health, Wellness, Life Coach and BloggerRose Smith – Certified Grief Coach, Life Coach, Author, SpeakerTerina Maldonado – Public Speaker, AuthorNesly Ann Brule Lawyer – Entrepreneur
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Fear to Freedom - Jack Grey
Fear to Freedom
Stories of Triumph After Leaving a High Control Religion
Jack Grey and 16 authors
www.feartofreedom.ca
Fear to Freedom
Copyright © 2020 by Jack Grey and 16 authors
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Tellwell Talent
www.tellwell.ca
ISBN
978-0-2288-2566-1 (Hardcover)
978-0-2288-2565-4 (Paperback)
978-0-2288-2567-8 (eBook)
Dedication
I would like to dedicate this book to my mother who, although remained as a Jehovah’s Witness, gave me unconditional love. Her dedication to her children always was the best example of unconditional love I’ve ever seen.
Acknowledgements
I want to acknowledge my wife, who shows me a lot of patience in order for me to be able to help others many times at the expanse of precious family time.
I would like to acknowledge Rodney Allgood for the incredible vision he created by providing support to ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses who want to move forward in life. I want to thank Tamara Larisa Tyrbouslu who helped Rodney create this vision by supporting him every step of the way.
Table of Contents
Foreword
Introduction
About the Authors
Chapter 1 - What's Better Out There? ~ Jack Grey
Chapter 2 - The Courage Within: Believe in Yourself ~ Cyndi Markey
Chapter 3 - The End, A New Beginning ~ Alex Chenarides
Chapter 4 - Clearing My Conscience Gave Me More Than I Asked For ~ Abigail Ramos
Chapter 5 - They Clip Our Wings ~ Shane Hubenig
Chapter 6 - Perfectly Imperfect ~ Connie Hamilton
Chapter 7 - The End of One Journey ~ Monika Niezgoda
Chapter 8 - On the Upward Spiral ~ Gary Alt
Chapter 9 - Kicking Against the Goads ~ Eric Wilson
Chapter 10 - Finding Freedom ~ Sarah Elizabeth Lund
Chapter 11 - Re-own Your Power ~ Kimberly Sherry
Chapter 12 - Tell Me Why the Caged Bird Sings ~ Bess Kristie
Chapter 13 - How Fearlessly the Mouse Roars ~ Libby Pease
Chapter 14 - Finding Family Freedom and True Happiness ~ Meandy Bishop
Chapter 15 - Escaping My Cocoon ~ Rose Smith
Chapter 16 - Rebuilding from the Rubble ~ Terina Maldonado
Chapter 17 - The Stories from The Same Planet ~ Nesly Ann Brulee
Conclusion
Foreword
Courage. That is the word that I would use to describe the people who find the strength to walk away from everything and everyone that they know to create a life that is an authentic one. This is exactly what people who leave high-control religions must do if they desire to leave the religion. They must walk away from family, they must walk away from friendships that have lasted since childhood and, lastly, they must walk away from the very identity that they have carried most, if not all, of their lives.
They face shunning, ridicule and a cutting off from anything having to do with their previous life as a member. Life as an ex-member is a challenging one as they were not prepared for the real world. For the most part, they were only trained how to be a good follower of religious rules. As an example, Jehovah’s Witnesses typically were discouraged from higher education, and they were kept from the social activities that others participate in growing up. They lived a life that called for limited association with non-members. Hence, once they leave the religion, they have a terribly difficult time fitting in with the rest of society.
Many people feel like an absolute misfit, neither here nor there, after leaving the religion—but not the people in this book. In this book, you will find story after story of victory, triumph and courage. You will read authentic stories from the people who actually lived it. Today they do not merely survive, they thrive. They made it to the other side, and they re-invented themselves. This is more challenging than it would appear as Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons are not encouraged to think for themselves but are accustomed to following the guidelines of the religion.
The beauty of this book is that the contributors are sharing real life experiences firsthand. This is not researched information. It’s the real deal—their stories. With each story, you will come to admire just how strong these people are. You will also come to see the lengths that people will go through to create a truly authentic life. Whether you were once a part of a controlling religion or not, you will come away inspired to overcome whatever you may be going through at the moment. There is no rewind button to life. We cannot change the past, but what we can do is to live with courage from this point forward. As you will see from the 19 stories in this book, with courage, persistence and determination, we can all create the lives that we ultimately desire and deserve!
Rodney Allgood ~ International Speaker/Performance Coach
Introduction
There is one question that everyone who wants to leave a religion, marriage, institution, country or even place of employment must answer for themselves. Am I going to be better off? We all have to face these decisions in one moment or another. Ending a marriage can be very nerve-racking. Immigrating to another country is definitely a life-changing decision. Quitting a job, not knowing when we will find a new one, can be extremely stressful.
How about leaving a religion? Millions of people leave their churches with very little or no consequences to themselves. Others face major criticism, ostracism, shunning, broken families or in some extreme cases even death. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to recognize a high-control organization mainly because people do not know what to look for. One of the biggest signs of a high-control religion is what happens to a person who wishes to quit.
Unfortunately, many people have to deal with a very cruel reality when they realize that leaving religion means losing everyone they ever loved. They are facing a very unfair dilemma: stay in the organization with all family and friends, pretending they are still believers, or walk away, knowing everyone who remains in the institution will never acknowledge their existence. Many who left or got removed end up losing everything and everyone they ever cared for, and as a result they became very angry and bitter.
To make things worse, a majority of people leaving such institutions have enormous amounts of fear of the outside world that was programmed into their minds. Remaining inside the organization meant being safe with God’s blessing and hope for everlasting life. Yes, it meant life without death. Leaving meant joining Satan and becoming part of the wicked world ruled by demons that will eventually lead to destruction.
Can life be better without the religion? How can someone overcome the enormous obstacles of being afraid of everything and everyone? Can they be happy? Successful? Can they have a meaningful life with purpose and happiness? These stories answer these questions. This book includes stories of ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses, ex-Mormons and one Muslim. They are not super-humans, but rather normal people who experienced lots of fear but found a way to break free from it. As a result, they live a life on their terms. Does that mean they are completely fearless now? Not at all. These stories are not about people without fear, but rather each one describes how they felt fear but did what was right regardless of the fear. That’s what courage is all about.
This book includes the story of Eric Wilson from Canada, who was serving in Columbia as a Jehovah’s Witness elder for many years. Despite old age, he decided to walk away from the organization, not knowing if he would ever be able to rebuild any type of social network. Dealing with his wife’s death and shunning from religion were not easy tasks, but if you ask Eric today, he will tell you that he is happier today than ever before. Why? Read his story to find out the answer.
The story of Terina Maldonado will help you understand how simple things in life can be terrifying for others. As an ex-Mormon, she was shaking at the idea of drinking tea, coffee or alcohol. Showing her shoulders uncovered in a public place would create anxiety as she would have to face some very uncomfortable questions if another Mormon would see her. How did she go from being so afraid to a woman teaching others how to thrive after leaving The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints? She will explain in her chapter.
Nesly Brule puts our problems in a totally different perspective. Growing up in Turkey she witnessed stories of refugees who due to war lost their families, homes and everything they knew as normal life. She shares stories of a woman who due to wrong belief accidently killed her 5 children trying to save them. Another woman after losing her children and husband due to bombing she delivered a dead baby that she had to bury herself. Her chapter will put our problems into a different category.
All the stories, although different, have one thing in common. Every single person who paid the price for their freedom will say this: it was worth it.
What was worth it? What can be more precious than living with your family in unity and having hope of everlasting life in paradise and soon be welcoming dead loved ones during a resurrection?
I hope this book will provide you with the answers you are looking for.
About the Authors
Jack Grey
Speaker, Award Winning Author, Life and Business Coach.
Jack was born in religiously divided household. His father was a Catholic and his mother a Jehovah’s Witness. He followed his mother’s faith for 36 years. In 2013 he started questioning his faith which lead to his exit few years later. Due to large family being Jehovah’s Witnesses and his position as an elder it was extremely difficult to leave. Today he is a proud father of two daughters and a happy husband. He owns businesses and real-estate at the same time teaches people how to become financially free. However, he found passion in helping ex Jehovah’s Witnesses rebuilding their life after they exit. If you wish to contact him please write to [email protected]
Cyndi Markey
Mother, Grandmother, Author, Speaker, Corporate Real Estate Professional
Cyndi was raised a Jehovah’s Witness from the age of 2. At age 20, disassociated from the Organization. Even though life proved challenging as a single mother of two small children, Cyndi was able to successfully deal with that challenge, as well as finding a way to carve out a successful secular career. Currently working as a Corporate Real Estate Professional managing a 2 million sq. ft. Iconic financial property in Chicago for a global real estate management firm, she has also found a real passion for helping others, especially former Jehovah’s Witnesses navigate their own transition successfully. Cyndi currently lives in the fabulous Windy City
, Chicago, IL.
Alex Chenarides
Author, Speaker, Self-made survivor
Alex Chenarides rose through the ranks of Jehovah’s witnesses at an early age and was able to wake up and break free from the group in his mid 20’s. Since then his story has been one of complete self-exploration followed by a well thought out and introspective journey into healing based on proven science and great personal effort. He has been able to heal not only from the anxiety and depression brought about from his childhood but also from his membership in the high-control group. In his chapter he shares his success story as well as the specific steps he took to gain access to his true, authentic self. Spoiler alert: it’s a happy ending! If you wish to contact him please write to [email protected]
Abigail Ramos
Head of Marketing – Student
Abigail was born and raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and grew up as one for nearly 30 years until she was disfellowshipped. Prior to returning to the religious group, she woke up, decided to never go back and has returned to school while she works professionally as the head of marketing. She enjoys traveling with her husband and living life on her terms.
Shane Hubening
Father of three, Entrepreneur, Firefighter
Shane Hubenig is a former Jehovah’s Witness. He is an entrepreneur and a firefighter. He is married and raising three strong boys to think for themselves and to freely grow to be what they want to be.
Connie Hamilton
Wife, Mother, Grandma & Entrepreneur
Connie grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness in a small town in British Columbia, Canada. After years of trying to live as a perfect Jehovah’s Witness she turned to sex and drugs as a way to be accepted by others around her. With the help of a great man who became her husband she was able to break those habits. Connie has been married for over 30 years, is a mother of 2 and grandmother. Connie runs a home daycare in Lethbridge Alberta, Canada. She also makes homemade perogies which she has turned into a business called Perfectly Imperfect Perogies. She enjoys spending her free time with family, reading and traveling. Connie is planning on writing her full memoirs and was thrilled to be a part of this book to share a small glimpse of her past experiences. If you would like to follow Connie you can find her on Facebook, twitter and Instagram. If you would like to contact Connie you can email her at [email protected]
Monika Niezgoda
Explorer, Traveler, Spiritual Artist
Monika was born in Poland and emigrated with her mother and brother to Canada through Germany in 1990, where she got involved in the cult of The Watchtower as a teenager. For almost three decades she was heavily involved in it, spending over fifteen years in full-time service in various aspects of the organization. Around 2016 she started to discover the true identity of the organization and not long after left. She never felt the need to announce her exit in any way. In 2017 Monika graduated with Honors from Humber College in Toronto, Canada and is now a professional language interpreter. She is planning to publish collection of her poetry and organize an art exhibition of her and her father’s paintings. Monika loves to make everyone around her laugh and feel happiness. She makes occasional funny videos on YouTube, you are welcome to find her there. She is dedicating this chapter and a future full length story of her life and adventures, to her loving parents and her brother Dominik.
Gary Alt
Financial Advisor, Musician,
Songwriter, and Author
Gary was a Jehovah’s Witness for just over forty years, finally leaving the religion in early 2016. He served at JW Brooklyn Headquarters in the 1980s, and also served as a congregation elder during the 1980s and 1990s. He is a prolific songwriter, musician, and indie recording artist. Gary has also written two books, Force of Will and Song of Gil, as well as short stories, based on his JW-related experiences. He currently resides in the Poconos of Pennsylvania, USA.
Eric Wilson
Meleti Vivlon - Beroean Pickets YouTube Channel
Eric AKA Meleti Vivlon was born in 1949 and raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. He served for a time as a regular and special pioneer, was appointed as an elder at 24, and served as one until 2012 when he was removed for affirming that he would obey God over the Governing Body. In his youth, Eric served in Colombia for 7 years where he became fluent in Spanish. He and his late wife, Reta, served in Spanish congregations in Canada from 1976 to 1990 and then preached in Ecuador for two more years, before returning to Canada where he switched to English congregations. He now publishes articles (beroeans.net) and YouTube videos (Beroean Pickets Channel) to help Jehovah’s Witnesses understand the unscriptural nature of most of their teachings.
Sarah Lund
Artist, mother of three
Sarah was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and remained one for 37 years until she woke up to discover a whole new world. She has since been discovering all the beauty that surrounds her. For most of her life she lived for what others might think. When she broke away from the mind control of Watchtower, she began discovering her many passions. She loves camping, hiking, climbing mountains, philosophy, non-fiction and documentaries. Sarah’s love for painting has been her main source of therapy and expression. Her other passions include self healing, through meditation, music and art. She is a free spirit, open for new adventures and is absolutely in love with life. Her life experiences have made her the strong, passionate and grateful person that she is today.
Kimberly Sherry
Int’l Energy Healer, Money Energy Expert, #1 Best Selling Author, Inspirational Speaker and Frequency Alchemist.
Kimberly was born and raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. Kimberly left at 38 when she became suicidal, ran a support group for former members for nine years, deprogrammed through weekly education and practice at Aesclepion Intuitive Training in San Rafael, CA for twelve years, healed with plant medicines while working with shamans in Peru, and after twenty-five ayahuasca journeys broke Dr. David Hawkins’ scale of human consciousness to create a new scale that goes to infinity.
Kimberly outlines her new Infinity Scale and the Infinity System in her book, Access YOUR Ultimate Power: The Blueprint to Infinite Intelligence. The system outlines what infinite possibilities are available when you access hidden powers to heal yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Today, Kimberly travels the world working remotely with clients wherever there is Wifi. She continues to educate and empower others through group programs, one-to-one sessions, live events, and retreats while continuing to write.
Bess Kristie
Professional Photographer
Bess is a Professional Photographer living in South Carolina where she was born and raised. She studied Photography at Greenville Technical College, Maine Media Workshop and Santa Fe Photographic Workshop. She currently works for Magnolia-Studios.com.
Libby Pease
HBA ACC - Author, Speaker, Certified Life Coach
Libby is an Internationally Certified Life Coach, Trauma Recovery Coach, Author and crisis response expert. She brings many skills to the table including 20 years of experience helping people in crisis, training & facilitation skills, coaching and her natural clairvoyant gifts. She specializes in cult recovery through her practice at Listening Tree Studio & Coaching and supports her clients to create a meaningful life. She was a Jehovah’s Witness for 10 years and is now dedicated to helping others with their recovery. Libby is very connected to nature and is an avid gardener, enjoys fiber arts and is a stained glass artisan.
www.clairvoyantcoach.ca
Meandy Bishop
Health, Wellness, Life Coach and Bloggers
Meandy Bishop grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness. Devoted for many years, and left at age 42. The years spent within the religion required a total change in mindset. Because of how she was able to overcome, and push through, she is now a motivational speaker, guiding others to overcome similar things. She is a health and life coach, and together with her husband, they are now business owners, bloggers and podcasters. Teaching others to create solid and lasting change in their life. Check out more information about them at KoolKatHealth.com
Rose Smith
Certified Grief Coach, Life Coach, Author, Speaker
Rose was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. She shares her healing journey of transformation and self-discovery after leaving the highly controlled religion. She is passionate about sharing her journey in the hopes of helping others break chains that have kept them stuck. She journeys alongside her clients in the healing process and helps in creating a roadmap to start over. Her message is one of compassion, unconditional love and forgiveness. Befreewithrose.com
Terina Maldonado
Public Speaker, Author
Terina has left behind a life of Mormonism and the shame that accompanied it and is loving her new life of freedom and joy. She loves to share her story through public speaking, knowing as we share our stories we heal together. She also loves writing and plans for this to be the first of her published works as an author, watch for a memoir in the future. Terina’s greatest joy is found in her family with her husband and three children. If you wish to contact Terina please email [email protected].
www.terinamaldonado.com
Nesly Ann Brule
Lawyer – Entrepreneur
I was born in Diyarbakir, a city in southeast of Turkey. I had my law degree in Istanbul, Human Rights Law in Salzburg /Austria and International Criminal Law in Norwich/UK. I started my career in our family business in hospitality industry and restaurant management. Due to the content of our company and my infinitive desire of cooking I went to Paris to study at Le Cordon Bleu, the oldest culinary arts and cuisine school in the world. I did not recognize how my life was great until I started to work as a human rights lawyer, mostly voluntarily to support children and women. Great experience! It was a revolution for my transformation. I stopped to complain and suffer from small things because I discovered what the other people’s life with real challenges.
I want to share some of those people’s stories who made me feel very lucky and grateful.
Chapter 1
What's Better Out There?
How loss of identity became the biggest gain of freedom
by Jack Grey
The strongest force in human psychology is to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.
~Tony Robbins
I locked the front door and checked it twice. I went downstairs to my basement and I locked the door to my office and covered all the windows. My heart was pounding as sweat covered my body. I looked at my hand and it was shaking uncontrollably. Fear was controlling me, and I didn’t know how to calm myself down. Why? Most people might think that someone was going to attack me or break into my house. Was I doing something illegal? Did the fear of being caught kick in? No, not at all. I was planning to read a book.
What? Read a book? How can anyone be that afraid to read a book? That sounds insane. Yes, it does. It definitely is insane. I just didn’t know that yet. What could possibly drive a grown man with a wife, children, multiple businesses, many real-estate properties, a man who has travelled the world and goes rock or ice climbing for fun to be afraid of reading a book? Allow me to explain.
Persecution Builds Faith
I grew up in a religiously divided household. My mother was a Jehovah’s Witness (JW) and my father was a Catholic. Growing up in that environment, I only knew those two religions, and to be honest, following my mother’s footsteps felt like the right choice. What I saw in the Catholic Church in comparison with what I experienced in the Kingdom Hall led me to become a Jehovah’s Witness. I honestly have to say I never regretted my decision.
Why? Mostly because it taught me how to stand up for my beliefs even if my friends and family disagreed with me. My father tolerated us going to the meetings but he couldn’t stand us going door to door preaching. His strong opposition did not push us away from the religion. The opposite took place—it strengthened it. My mother couldn’t take my father’s abuse so she left when I was nine years old. She immigrated to Canada, hoping one day she would be able to bring her children there. Before that was possible, I was growing up under the supervision of my three older sisters.
All four of us grew very close together. At home, it was us versus my father. We knew that we had to stay strong and stay united in order to keep our faith. So, we did. Right before my mother left, she sat down with all her children.
Break it,
my mother said, after giving us each one match.
We all did. Then she gave us four matches.
Break those now,
she said.
This time it was much harder to do so.
Do you feel the difference?
she asked.
Yes, of course,
we all replied.
If you stand alone, your father will break your faith one by one,
she said. If you stand together, you have a chance to keep it.
As most siblings, we were arguing and fighting, but that day it all stopped. We had a common enemy to fight against, and he was not going anywhere. He was in our home. That fight against my own father lasted for many years, and as a result I was living in fear every single day. We had to hide our religious books; all studying was done in secrecy. We would pretend to go to our friends and sneak out to go preaching instead. Because I lived in a small town, most people knew each other, so often neighbors or family would tell my father about our preaching work.
Every single day when we heard his footsteps coming home from work and throwing his keys down, we waited in fear. If he said nothing in the first 30 seconds, we were fine. If he found out about us being in service, there was no end to yelling. We all practiced how to lie to him in case he would ask what we did today, making sure our stories lined up. This anxiety was happening every single day.
We knew this persecution was clearly Satan’s attack on God’s people. Our faith became so strong that all four of us became leading examples in our congregation. My three sisters became pioneers, which means they were doing 90 hours of preaching work per month. One of them served in Bethel (the headquarters of Jehovah’s Witnesses) for many years. I became an elder, fully believing that I was in The Truth.
Religion was not part of my life—it was all my life.
I had many Jehovah’s Witnesses friends who were leading double lives. Not me. I believed that Jehovah was watching me all the time. I could lie to my earthly father but not the heavenly one, I told myself. Therefore, before I made any decision in life, I always thought, What would Jehovah say if he saw me doing this?
Decisions: Were They Made for Me?
At one point I wanted to get baptized. My oldest sister who was studying with me at that time, said, No, you are not ready.
I accepted her opinion as a fact and postponed my dedication. Every convention I would ask if I could get baptized, and she kept telling me the same thing.
One day I walked into her room and I said, I’m getting baptized and neither you, or our father or anyone else will stop me.
She smiled and said, Now you are ready.
What?
I replied. Nothing changed. Why are you OK with me now getting baptized and before you weren’t?
If I was able to change your mind with one sentence, then you were not ready. Were you?
I guess not,
I replied.
It was my decision and I did have a choice. Some may say that it was indoctrination, peer pressure, need for acceptance or all of it. Yet in my case, I take full ownership of that decision. I just had one more thing to do: tell my father that I would no longer go to church with him. I wasn’t going to worship there.
My father had a photography business, and I was taking pictures at weddings and First Communions. After discussing this matter with my elders, I was told that in order to get baptized I had to quit helping my dad. So, I did. My father was furious. There was a war at home for a very long time. He stopped bringing food home, and if we asked for it, he would say: Not on bread alone man must live. No work, no money, no food.
I had to go to my grandmother’s place each day to eat, and we had milk from neighbors, plus vegetables we grew in our land. That’s how I survived. But all this was not the worst part.
After about a month of yelling and arguing, my father eventually stopped talking to me. This was the first time I experienced shunning. It was worse than getting a beating or being yelled at. I felt completely worthless. I remember destroying my neighbor’s garden just so I would get in trouble, hoping to get punished, but my father simply stopped caring. My family was destroyed because I believed everything was for the glory of God’s name. I had to obey Jehovah and his organization.
There was not any black-and-white rule written anywhere that would prohibit me from working for my dad. After all, going to church to take photographs is not considered a sin. As a matter of fact, many issues of The Watchtower (the magazine printed by Jehovah’s Witnesses) have photographs of churches inside and outside. Why was I told to quit working for my father at the age of 15? It’s all based on the rule what will people say?
This one question is more powerful than the Bible or God himself. What would people say if they saw me entering church on Sunday morning while all Jehovah’s Witnesses are entering Kingdom Hall? Based on that reasoning, the decision was made for me. I had to quit helping my dad or they would not allow me to get baptized.
I remember being very confused because I was told that baptism is a personal decision and nobody else’s. All of a sudden, one day before my baptism, the elders gave me the ultimatum. If you want to get baptized, you have to tell your father to find someone else to work for him.
Obeying Jehovah’s directions was of utmost importance, so I obeyed. It wasn’t easy, but I stood up for what I believed in and felt proud of it.
Canada: First Step Towards Freedom
After seven very long years, my mother managed to get me into Canada. I felt free. I had no more fear of going to meetings, of preaching or of having bible studies. The fridge was always full, and my mother would cook every day. I was in heaven. It’s true we had nothing. My mother’s second marriage had just fallen apart, and we ended up in a small studio apartment with no furniture or money to buy anything. We slept on the floor and kept looking for any decent furniture we could find in a dumpster. After school I would deliver flyers or sell flowers on the street. Some days were so cold I built myself an igloo out of snow in order to make it