Milo March #8: A Hearse of Another Color

A Hearse of Another Color

by

Kendell Foster Crossen

Writing as M.E. Chaber

Steeger Books / 2020

Copyright Information

Published by Steeger Books

Visit steegerbooks.com for more books like this.

©1986, 2020 by Kendra Crossen Burroughs

The unabridged novel has been lightly edited by Kendra Crossen Burroughs.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the publisher. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law.

Publishing History

Hardcover

New York: Holt, Rinehart & Co., July 1958.

Toronto: Clarke, Irwin & Co., July 1958.

London: T.V. Boardman (American Bloodhound Mystery #253), March 1959. Dust jacket by Denis McLoughlin.

Paperback

New York: Pocket Books #1259, September 1959. Cover by James Meese.

London: Corgi Books #972, 1961. Cover by James. E. McConnell.

New York: Paperback Library (63-486), A Milo March Mystery, #15, December 1970. Cover by Robert McGinnis.

Magazine

Serialized as A Hearse of Another Colour in Suspense (UK: Fleetwood Publications), May 1960 (vol. 3, no. 5) and June 1960 (vol. 3, no. 6). Illustrated by W. Langhammer.

Dedication

For Lisa

"Come, beloved, let me lift you to the heavens

That you may read what’s written on yonder star."

One

It was one of those days when nothing happened. I’d been having too many of them recently. I sat around the office all day and the phone rang only once. Then it was the phone company wanting to know when I was going to pay my bill. I told them I’d take it up with my board of directors and hung up.

Sometimes that’s the way it is in my business. The name is March. Milo March. I’m an insurance investigator. With my own office—March’s Insurance Service Corporation—on Madison Avenue, that little section of New York famous for strong martinis and neat women. I’m for hire. Any insurance company that wants to pay the freight of a hundred dollars a day and expenses has me for the asking. I go out and solve their little problems and usually save them a bundle of loot. And you, too, for the premiums you pay on your insurance depend partly on how much is stolen from the insurance companies.

But don’t make a big thing out of it and confuse me with those private eyes that wander around on your television screen. I wear a trench coat when it’s raining. I carry a gun when somebody is trying to shoot me. I chase women sometimes, but only when they get that chase-me look in their eyes.

Finally it was late enough in the day so that I knew there wouldn’t be any business calls. All the vice-presidents would be in the nearest pub. I locked the office and went down to the Blue Mill on Commerce Street in the Village. I had a couple of dry martinis and a steak. After coffee I went home to my apartment on Perry Street with the idea of curling up with a good book.

I had a glass of Canadian Club in my left hand and was just opening the book with my right hand when there was a knock on my door. I put the book down, took a quick drink from the glass so it wouldn’t get lonesome while I was gone, and went to the door. I opened it, ready to say that I didn’t want to buy whatever was being sold, but I never got beyond opening my mouth. It stayed that way.

She was tall, maybe five seven. Short blond hair that curled around her head like golden feathers. Blue eyes that looked like the Pacific on a spring day. And a figure that would have made Jayne Mansfield look like an underfed waif.

Please, she said. May I come in for a minute? What could I say? I held the door open and she slipped past me, her perfume reaching out to tug at my senses. I closed the door and turned to face her.

I’m sorry, she said, but some man has been following me and I didn’t know what to do, so I knocked on the first door I came to.

He followed you into the building? I asked.

She nodded. I came in to see a friend on the floor below and the man followed. My friend wasn’t home and I was afraid to go back down, so I came on up here. I hope you don’t mind.

Perish the thought, I said fervently. I was about to ask who her friend was but then realized I didn’t know any of my neighbors, so it didn’t make any difference.

Personally I’m in favor of having open house. At least now. I was just having a small drink of Canadian Club. Will you join me?

She hesitated only a minute. I would love it, she said. With only a little water, please.

I fixed her a drink and brought it to her. Then I picked up my own. Here’s to the happy accident that brought you knocking at my door, I said.

She smiled at me over the rim of her glass.

As long as I’m providing the sanctuary, perhaps we ought to introduce ourselves. I’m Milo March.

My name is Lisette. Lisette Smith.

A fine old name, I said gravely, but I knew she was lying about the Smith part. Maybe she had a good reason. She didn’t know anything about me except that I’d been willing to hide her in my apartment, which probably put me in a class with damn near the entire male population.

It’s very kind of you to let me come in here.

Kind? I said. It’s just that I have good eyesight.

There was a knock on the door.

Maybe that’s the man, she said.

I looked at her and realized there was real fear in her eyes. You go into the bedroom, I told her, so he won’t see you when I open the door, and I’ll take care of him.

She took her drink and walked into the bedroom. I watched her. She was just as pretty going as she was coming. There was another knock on the door. I went over and opened it.

He was a heavyset man wearing a wrinkled blue suit and a battered hat. He stood as if his feet were tired, and the expression on his face said that he didn’t give a damn who knew it.

You seen anything of a tall, blond girl? he asked.

Practically all of her, I said. Let me see, it was over in Jersey City at the burlesque house and her name was—

Funny guy, he grunted. Did a tall, blond girl come into your apartment within the last few minutes?

Do I look like the kind of guy who would answer the door if one had? I said.

I’ll take a look, he said.

Not tonight, buster. I don’t like strange men wandering through my apartment. Besides, you’re not my type. Go take a brisk stroll for yourself before you get hurt and I have to call the cops to sweep you up.

Just whisper, he said. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a badge. You want to make a Supreme Court case out of it, I’ll take you in, too.

Well, that did make it look a little different. And maybe that was the explanation of why the girl lied. I wouldn’t help her by fighting the police force. I stepped away from the door and he walked in. He stood there, sniffing the air.

Where is she? he asked.

I don’t know what you’re talking about, I said. I wasn’t going to obstruct justice, but I wasn’t going to help him either.

There’s perfume in this room, he said.

I always dab a little behind my ears when somebody knocks. One never knows who’s going to be there.

Wise guys, he said. I get a bellyful of them.

Is that what makes it stick out that way? I asked.

He just grunted and walked into the kitchen, snapping on the light. He looked around, even opening the closet. Then he walked out and headed for the bedroom. I followed him. He snapped on the light in bedroom and I wondered why he didn’t say anything. I reached the doorway and found out. She wasn’t in sight. There were two closets in the bedroom. He looked in both of them, pushing my suits to one side. No girl. I’d already discovered the reason why. The bedroom window was open. There was a fire escape outside. He discovered it about the same time. He went over and looked out.

You always leave this window open like this? he asked, turning back to me.

I like a lot of fresh air, I said.

Sure, he grunted. What did you say your name was?

Milo March.

Yeah? Well, keep your nose clean, March, or I may see you downtown yet. He went out of the apartment fast and hurried down the stairs.

I went over and closed the door. Then I went back into the bedroom. I went over and looked out the window, looking up as well as down. There wasn’t a thing to see, but I thought maybe she was hiding somewhere. I whistled softly, but it didn’t bring any response.

Finally I closed the window. I looked around the bedroom. There was no sign of the glass of whiskey. I guessed she’d taken it with her—the frugal type.

I went into the other room and finished my own drink. I tried to read the book again, but I kept thinking about the blonde. And not just because she’d taken one of my best glasses.

Two

When I awakened the next morning there was nothing but the missing glass to prove that she had ever be there. That and the memory of how she looked. I was still curious, and I decided I’d see what I could find out. I made myself some breakfast and went up to the office. Then I called a friend of mine on the police force.