Let Go and Be Free: 100 Final Daily Reflections for Adult Children of Alcoholics: Let Go and Be Free, #4
By Ron Vitale
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About this ebook
Recovering from growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home can be hard to do without a guide. Based on the Twelve Steps of the Adult Children of Alcoholics organization, the Let Go and Be Free series helps you take solace with easy-to-read daily reflections to assist you on your self-discovery journey.
This fourth Let Go and Be Free book guides you to learn healthier relationship skills and helps you focus on embracing recovery with gratitude and love. The daily reflections in the book focus on topics such as forgiveness, dealing with anger, embracing self-love, overcoming abandonment issues, and rediscovering joy.
Let Go and Be Free: 100 Final Daily Reflections for Adult Children of Alcoholics (volume 4) also continues to guide you through the common traits of adult children of alcoholics and those who grew up in a dysfunctional family and how to practice skills to break out of the emotional prison of your past.
Filled with honest self-reflection, personal stories, and resources, this book is a helpful daily guide for adult children of alcoholics or those who grew up in a dysfunctional family. Turn to it whenever you need support, empowering techniques or hope on your journey of self-discovery.
Ron Vitale
Born and raised in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Ron Vitale was influenced by the likes of J. R. R. Tolkien, Stephenie Meyer and French culture, but has never forgotten his roots, and is a lover of classic literature. During his early 20s, he obtained a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French and then went on to obtain his Master of Arts in English, at Villanova University writing his thesis on a Jungian interpretation of the works of Margaret Atwood and Alice Walker. After graduation, Ron entered the world of medical publishing, utilizing his editing and technological skills. In October 2007, Ron published his science fiction short story collection The Jovian Gate Chronicles that answers the question: What happens when humans cross paths with intelligent aliens who claim to be prophets from God? In the fall of 2008, he released his fantasy novel Dorothea's Song, a tale of a young high school student who copes with his parents' divorcing by dreaming up the story of Dorothea, an elf who lives in the magical forest. Through 2008 to 2014 he wrote the Cinderella's Secret Witch Diaries series that definitely answers the question: What really happened to Cinderella after she married the prince? And in 2015, Ron wrote Awakenings and Betrayals, the first two books in the Witch's Coven series that tells the story of the witch Sabrina who lives in the magical world of the realms where illusions, magic and an ancient evil reign. Currently, he is keeping himself busy, penning articles on social media and writing, and on learning how to be a good father to his kids all while working on his next novel.
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Let Go and Be Free - Ron Vitale
Introduction
I finished writing this book a few days before Christmas 2020. The coronavirus pandemic still affects tens of millions and people are struggling with job losses, a reckoning of racial justice in America, and a recent riot at the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C. Violence, anger, hatred, fear, and anxiety are ruling the airwaves and the internet. But still I write on.
I cannot change the world with a wave of a magic wand, but I can work on my own struggles and problems. I am accountable for the work I do, how I treat others, and what I choose to do in my day-to-day life. Small actions add up to big change. The anger and hatred I see reflected in millions of Americans resembles some of the dysfunction I grew up with. No matter how much I spoke the truth, some did not want to listen. They wanted to control and had a lockdown on how the world would be for them. But I decided long ago that I did not want to live my life that way. Not only that, but I did not want to raise my children in violence and fear.
The daily reflections contained within this book are a guide to help you on your own journey. They have helped me immensely and I share them with you so that you can take what works for you and leave on the table what doesn’t. That’s the beauty of recovery: You get to decide what is (and isn’t) healthy for you. When you set boundaries with toxic people in your life, you learn to value your own worthiness and beauty. When you get to the end of the book, I invite you to look over the materials in the resources section as I’ve listed a good many articles, books, videos, and podcasts.
As I write this introduction, my country is on edge. People are afraid what will happen next week at the Inauguration. Will there be more violence? Can we heal as a country? When I look at this specific period in history, I cannot but help to see the similarities with being raised in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family.
The truth will set us free, but we need to be open to it.
I hope that the insights I’ve shared within this book help you heal and to know that you are not alone. There are millions of other people who grew up in alcoholic or dysfunctional families. And the good news is that you are not powerless. You never were.
Day 301: Free Your Mind
If you believe that you can’t overcome your past, then the mental block will have you trapped and you’ll not be able to escape. The challenge is accepting who we are today and putting in the work each day to deal with the effects that growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family had on us.
As a kid, I could only see the limitations of the world around me. I didn’t know where I would wind up, how I could escape the pain and suffering that I had lived through, and all seemed hopeless. All I knew is that I did not want to repeat the mistakes of my family.
But the more I hated and tried to rebel from my past, the more I kept falling into the same behavior patterns. I stumbled upon the Adult Children of Alcoholics’ laundry list and felt shamed. I felt broken and confused and didn’t know how to get out of feeling trapped. All I knew is that my way of living wasn’t working because I kept repeating stupid mistakes and my relationships suffered and I felt miserable.
I took the first step and started seeing a therapist and then gathered enough courage to attend my first Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. The skills I learned and practiced along the way have helped me become the person I am today.
I went from feeling hopeless and lost to a sense of purpose and joy.
The process took time and I’m not finished yet. I’m on a lifelong journey—the road will only end when I pass on. I used to fear that and think that I was broken, but now I understand that the path to living a healthy and balanced life starts with freeing your mind.
When I let go and realized that I could overcome the challenges by getting help, my world changed. Obstacles disappeared and new opportunities became available.
The choice that you have to make today is this: Do you want to overcome your past?
How you do that, where you go, and what you’ll do are all secondary. The first step is freeing your mind and envisioning that you can succeed.
Be present today, make the commitment to go on the journey, and together we’ll learn how to move forward. We’re on a journey. It’ll take time, but you can make it.
For today, free your mind and let go.
Be open to change, to getting help, and to learning.
That’s where we’ll start.
Day 302: Radical Self-Love
I have a secret that I don’t talk about a lot. I have a mild form of Pectus Excavatum which means that when I was born my chest was sunken in. As a kid, I feared changing in the locker room for gym because I didn’t want the other kids to make fun of me.
It was hard enough in that I was skinny and came from a divorced family. I felt different and people used to pick on me because of my weight and the glasses I wore. In the ‘80s, I fit the textbook definition of a nerd. I read a lot, got good grades, wore glasses, and liked geeky things like Dungeons & Dragons. Add onto all that my sunken chest and I felt out of place.
Over the years, I learned to love myself for all of who I am—glasses, sunken chest, and all.
But that took lots of time, and if I could go back, I would have spent more time focusing on building up love for myself. I often felt broken, different, and could never understand why everyone seemed to have learned different things within their family. When you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, you accept your upbringing as normal because you don’t know any better.
It wasn’t until high school and then in college that I understood that other families were entirely different from mine in more ways than I could understand.
Now that I’m an adult, I take time to exercise, focus on my mental well-being, and self-image. If you’ve also struggled with body image, I recommend that you pick up Sonya Renee Taylor‘s book The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love.Loving yourself might sound conceited or selfish, but that’s not the case if you balance your embracing self-love with giving love to others.
How often do we look to the typical standards of beauty set by the fashion and makeup industry rather than to reflect on loving ourselves for who we are and not what others think we should look like?
Building upon a set of skills that helps us mentally to overcome our past traumas, we also need to be comfortable in our own skin.
Body, mind, and soul—it’s the whole package that we need to be in love with as we go about our journey.
For today, what can you do to celebrate and appreciate who you are? Your body is your physical presence on this Earth and how we treat our bodies and the relationship we have with it is essential to our well-being.
The substances we put into our body, whether we sleep, exercise, and rest are all wrapped up into how willing we are to practice radical self-love.
As you go about your day, embrace who you are and uncover the true you. When we love all of who we are, that’s when we can shine.
Day 303: When Life Is Not Okay
For some historical perspective, I am writing this in September 2020, early in the morning after the news broke last night that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had passed away due to pancreatic cancer. The news comes at a time when the United States has marked the tragedy of nearly 200,000 deaths due to the coronavirus, and great unrest is taking place throughout the country.
There will be times when life is not okay. When you will be sick, upset, worried, and the world doesn’t seem right. In those moments, you will be tempted to take a shortcut, or to lash out and get your way, or will fall into repeating the dysfunctional behaviors that you grew up with. It will be a dark time.
I did some research on Ruth Bader Ginsburg and came across this quote from her: Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.
When life looks dark and you feel beaten down, that’s not the quote you’re going to want to read. But it’s the advice that we need to hear.
There are no magical wands or pills or devices that will cure us
of all our problems. Our options are pretty straightforward. The change that I truly want in my life takes place incrementally over time.
When I look back at who I was five years ago, I’m amazed at how much I’ve grown.
The road forward is filled with adventure, excitement, fun, learning, and most of all—love.
When we are in a dark time and all seems lost, it is so difficult to look beyond that.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about the Great Depression and how he and his family struggled to get by. Those of us going through the coronavirus pandemic will tell our children’s children the stories of masks, social distancing, stockpiling toilet paper, and we will also tell the stories of the little acts of kindness that we did for each other. For our neighbors, our community, and ourselves.
The 15-minutes of daily meditation that we do each day is a small step forward. The journal writing that we do, the appointment with a therapist, and our following the Twelve Steps each and every day all add up to big change.
When we stand up above the trees and look out at the great expanse of our lives, we will see more than we thought possible.
Take a leap of faith today and invest in yourself.
Not all is dark, not all is lost.
You are a light that is so needed in the world today.
Can you see that?
Day 304: If a Tree Falls in the Woods, Does Anyone Hear It?
The work that you are setting out to do will not bring you awards, accolades, and often will go unnoticed or