Stop Sitting in Your S*#T and GROW Over it!: Being the Best Version of Yourself
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About this ebook
S*#T Happens! No one escapes this truth. Most of us don't always use the best strategies to deal with the crappy hits of life. This book is for anyone who wants to learn more effective and healthy strategies in life. It focuses on learning to live life purposefully; to be in charge of your responses rather than constantly dealing with the afterm
Suzanne Moineau
Dr. Suzanne Moineau has a doctorate in clinical psychology, and she is licensed as a marriage and family therapist in California, where she works at a tribal clinic in Northern California. During Dr. Moineau's thirty-plus years of working in the mental health field she has witnessed many horrible stories. She has been humbled by the strength and resilience of the people who went through these terrible experiences. Her passion for healing has led her to work with people in prison, people with severe mental health issues, children, and families, as well as those dealing with life crisis issues, stress, and grief. Her area of expertise is anxiety and PTSD. She combines her compassionate empathic nature with research-based techniques and skills. Her professional expertise is made even stronger by her own personal story of resilience and strength. She firmly believes all people are the experts of themselves. She is dedicated to shifting the paradigm by which behavioral health does business, through trauma informed care and recognizing that people served are the experts of their own selves deserving dignity and respect. Dr. Moineau has lived all over the world and has now settled in Northern California with her wonderful husband and partner in life's adventure. They share their home with Pook (Mono for dog) and five cats, Billy, Snuggles, TreeCat, Squeakers, Jet...and also the ones who come to visit and never leave (stray cats, possums, skunks, and raccoons).
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Stop Sitting in Your S*#T and GROW Over it! - Suzanne Moineau
Stop Sitting in Your S*#T and Grow Over It
How did I come to this rather crude title? You know the old saying, S*#T happens
? No matter who we are, where we come from, our age, socio-economic status, race, or education, S*#T HAPPENS. Through the years, I’ve worked with far too many people living with terrible stories; lives with childhood abuse, rape, domestic violence, alcohol and drug-addicted parents. Horrible S*#T happened in their lives, crap they had no control over. They live with the effects of these stories every day. Through the years, I began to see a pattern. I noticed it seemed people were choosing to sit in their S*#T. They seemed to want to stay there!
At first, this didn’t make sense. Finally, I came to realize it actually did make sense. People stay with what they know, what they’re used to. Most folks don’t like change; it can be scary to change even when we want to. It’s the ‘normal.’ It’s also scary to have hope, as many times that didn’t work out so well for some. People come to believe that pain and suffering is what they deserve. Some believe they deserve to sit in the stinky mess; that somehow they must atone for bad deeds. Regardless of why a person continues to sit in their stink pile, it’s usually not a conscious choice. People don’t wake up every day and say, "How can I make sure I stay in this mess?"
This book is for folks who have dealt with life’s many crappy hits. It’s for anyone who might like to approach life’s obstacles in a different way, an approach that allows for growth. This book is meant to reflect the struggles we all deal with in life, often not using our own best strategies. I illustrate aspects of our lives that might use dusting off; aspects that approached differently will make daily life a little easier. This is accomplished in part with stories from both my work and personal life.
Today, we start a journey, walking together while planting seeds of ‘growing over it.’ The seeds are short chapters illustrating changes and insights you can apply to your life.
This book is based on both my professional experience as well as my own piles of poop. While therapists don’t need their own trauma and S*#t to be a good at what they do, a life with pain experience provides an incredible set of tools therapists can use in their work.
Here’s a story illustrating how some of my own S*#t raked into the earth has helped others! I can still see a woman I worked with sitting on the couch hunched over on herself. She was struggling with addiction, a terrible symptom of a life filled with trauma. Her father had been abusive in unspeakable ways to her as a child.
She was completely estranged from her family. Even though her family was wealthy, she’d been living on the streets when she went into treatment. She did what she had to for survival. She called herself a "sex worker," as if that title made what she did somehow easier to live with. She was so full of guilt and shame about her life, believing herself unworthy. It didn’t help matters that she compared herself to a therapist who she believed had her S*#t together, a person she thought had nothing to be ashamed about. Telling her she was worthy and didn’t deserve the shame she was heaping upon herself were just empty words. Her beliefs were deeply rooted, having been forged as a child. Here’s this ‘put together’ therapist who couldn’t possibly know what it’s like to deal with trauma, addiction, and hard choices.
One day, without saying anything, I sat there looking at her through my fingers. It didn’t take long for her to get a look on her face that said, "I think my therapist is bat-s*#t crazy."
I let this go on for about a minute. Though a minute doesn’t sound very long, the silence and her not knowing what I was doing made for a very long moment indeed! Finally, I said, "Do you know what this means?" With a look on her face saying she should start looking for another therapist, she just shook her head! I told her I used to have a boyfriend who would look at me like this every time he saw me, teasing me about just getting out of jail for 2 DUI’s. The fingers were the bars of the jail cell.
Her response was so intense. I could see a shiver go through her body, as if she was shaking something off. She sat there looking at me, completely speechless. Here she thought I was a person who had done life perfectly, landing successfully in life! She couldn’t be more wrong. This was such a pivotal moment for her. Not only did it strengthen her trust in me, it began a shift in her own beliefs about herself, that maybe she was worthy. Maybe she didn’t deserve to carry so much shame and guilt, both of which fed a terrible suicidal process for her. In that moment, she had a real glimmer of hope!
Let’s Begin
Many years ago, inspired by a client telling her story, I was hit with a metaphor and shared it with her. The notion of how we store the S*#t of our lives tied up in a plastic bag came to me. Not only do we tie it up, we store it in the hot sun only to come back later and find it to be worse! From that day forward, I’ve used this metaphor in my work, eventually leading to the title and inspiration for this book!
Here’s a typical session using this metaphor:
This book is meant to remind you about what you already know on one level or another. It’s meant to remind you of ways to live daily, to help facilitate transformation of the ickies. While I include wisdom of others, this book is primarily the culmination of three primary aspects of both my professional and personal experiences. It comes from:
Many years of learning from my clients. It’s a testament to their power, strength, and all they’ve taught me through the years. I was blessed to hold their hand on part of their journey. I tell new clients, "We’ll begin with me in the lead taking your hand. However, if you want to continue working with me, know that soon I’ll have you walking next to me. We’ll work to uncover your own inner knower, that you’re the expert of your own self. Soon, you’ll be walking in front of me. If you need me to foster your pain and help you