Trejo: My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood
By Danny Trejo and Donal Logue
4.5/5
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About this ebook
“If you’re a fan like I am this is definitely the book for you.” —Pete Davidson, actor, producer, and cast member on Saturday Night Live
“Danny’s incredible life story shows that even though we may fall down at some point in our lives, it’s what we do when we stand back up that really counts.” —Robert Rodriguez, creator of Spy Kids, Desperado, and Machete
Discover the full, fascinating, and inspirational true story of Danny Trejo’s journey from crime, prison, addiction, and loss—it’s “enough to make you believe in the possibility of a Hollywood ending” (The New York Times Book Review).
On screen, Danny Trejo the actor is a baddie who has been killed at least a hundred times. He’s been shot, stabbed, hanged, chopped up, squished by an elevator, and once, was even melted into a bloody goo. Off screen, he’s a hero beloved by recovery communities and obsessed fans alike. But the real Danny Trejo is much more complicated than the legend.
Raised in an abusive home, Danny struggled with heroin addiction and stints in some of the country’s most notorious state prisons—including San Quentin and Folsom—from an early age, before starring in such modern classics as Heat, From Dusk till Dawn, and Machete. Now, in this funny, painful, and suspenseful memoir, Danny takes us through the incredible ups and downs of his life, including meeting one of the world’s most notorious serial killers in prison and working with legends like Charles Bronson and Robert De Niro.
An honest, unflinching, and “inspirational study in the definition of character” (Kevin Smith, director and actor), Trejo reveals how he managed the horrors of prison, rebuilt himself after finding sobriety and spirituality in solitary confinement, and draws inspiration from the adrenaline-fueled robbing heists of his past for the film roles that made him a household name. He also shares the painful contradictions in his personal life. Although he speaks everywhere from prison yards to NPR about his past to inspire countless others on their own road to recovery and redemption, he struggles to help his children with their personal battles with addiction, and to build relationships that last.
Redemptive and painful, poignant and real, Trejo is a portrait of a magnificent life and an unforgettable and exceptional journey.
Danny Trejo
Danny Trejo is one of Hollywood’s most recognizable, prolific, and beloved character actors. Famed for his ultra-baddie roles in series like AMC’s Breaking Bad, FX’s Sons of Anarchy, and director Robert Rodriguez’s global, billion-dollar Spy Kids and Machete film franchises, Danny is also a successful restauranteur. He owns seven locations of Trejo’s Tacos, Trejo’s Cantina, and Trejo’s Coffee & Donuts in the Los Angeles area, and is expanding his Trejo’s Tacos franchise nationwide. Visit DannyTrejo.com to learn more.
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Reviews for Trejo
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What our readers think
Readers find this title very inspiring, beautifully told, and funny. It is considered the best book by Scribt and is highly recommended for its amazing and inspiring journey in the author's voice.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book is so inspiring and funny. Really worth reading.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is by far the best book I have read by scribt since I have had the subscription. It was incredible.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5very inspiring and told beautifully. it felt as if he was talking to me just by reading it.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Amazing and inspiring journey in the authors voice. Highly recommended
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Trejo: My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood is an insightful look into the life of an actor whose face many people recognize without knowing the life behind it. Told with the help of friend and fellow actor, Donal Logue, Trejo discusses the early days of his life and family when he started using drugs (marijuana at 7 and heroin at 12) to becoming an actor. He honestly shares his life as both a family man who struggled with fidelity in marriage to his fight to becoming clean and sober. He details both his life in prison and his desire to help those who suffer from addiction. All the while, he is honest about his weaknesses and the major part faith has played in the ladder half of his life. Trejo's life story is told in semi-chronological order with flashbacks that pertain to certain events that affected him later in life. Pictures of the people in the book are placed in the middle that help to put faces with names. Overall, Trejo: My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood is an extremely engaging story about the life of a man who has lived several lifetimes all in one. It is well worth the read and could easily be made into a story for the big screen.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5In Trejo: My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywood, Danny Trejo and his collaborator, Donal Logue, present an unflinching account of Trejo’s life from childhood through the present day. He never shies away from his mistakes, but honestly describes how he made and later learned from them. At the same time, Trejo offers a beacon of hope in a world that seems all-too-bleak from the past half-decade. He describes a way of living honestly and with love that could make the world a better place. At the very least, he provided this reader with the uplifting story they needed amid the feelings of chaos and uncertainty from the past couple years. I highly recommend this not just for fans of Danny Trejo’s films, but also those looking for something to read that will leave them feeling better and looking to apply his philosophy after every chapter.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5One of the most recognizable faces on the planet. This book shows that there is so much more to Mr. Trejo's life than we thought. It comes across as honest and sincere. Something tells me that Danny does not know how to be anything other than honest and sincere.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5nonfiction/autobiography (growing up in Los Angeles, crime, drug addiction, prison life, going clean and helping others to do so)pretty intense beginnings here! Fortunately for Danny (and the rest of the world) he made a deal with God while facing the possibility of the direst of consequences in prison, and was able to kick his drug habit. His career of helping other addicts led to his being discovered by Hollywood directors, and now we have Trejo's tacos (and coffee and donuts).
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/53.5 What a life! Or should I say many lives, because if it is said that a cat has nine lives, Trejo is mighty close to that cat. I knew who he was, having five sons, the movies he was in appealed to them more than I. Violent movies of which I'm not a fan. But, what made me want to read his story, was a recent episode of Bear Grylls in which Trejo participated. The determination of this 77 year old man to complete the mission with Bear, which was not easy, was impressive. They talked during periodic rests about Trejos life and my interest was piqued.Raw, gritty, honest this man has struggled, overcame, struggled again. Heroin at the age of twelve, various juvenile detentions, adult prisons, some of the worst and yet he became successful in movies, opened restaurants, other endevour. One of which he is most proud is going to juvenile detentions facilities and telling his story, helping those who are misusing drugs. His interactions with various stars in the movie business, was a lighter, more amusing part of this book.His home life, then and now, full of conflict. His personal life not as successful as his commercial life. Still, by all accounts, he has made lemonade from some bitter lemons. Forgive the pun, but it fits. Lol!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Trejo: My Life of Crime, Redemption, and Hollywoodby Danny TrejoI really didn't know much about this actor except he played a lot of bad guy parts. Little did I know his life was a real drama. From childhood on, there was untold hardships, crime, poor choices, violence, prison sentences, drugs, and gangs. His whole family was prison bound or to die of violence.He was unfaithful to his numerous wives and girlfriends. (Even after becoming a clean and sober, a Christian.) His belief in God didn't stop him from continuing to bed many women on the side.His three kids all ended up being addicts but two were finally able to get help and stay clean.In the beginning, he may have had a good career due to his looks as a criminal, which he had been. (One of the most feared in prison.) But near the end of his career he obtained his jobs because he was loved and not because of this criminal element.Too bad he couldn't get his personal life together too! But it really didn't sound like he wanted to be family man in much of the book. He didn't like to be tied to only one woman, held back from going out, etc.It's an interesting story but I don't think I would want to know him in real life. I am thankful I can continue to enjoy watching him on screen!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Hell Of A Life. Danny Trejo didn't start acting - professionally - until he was almost 40 years old. Mostly because a large part of the rest of that time, he was high and/ or in prison, including some of California's most notorious. Today, Trejo is known as one of the more prolific and high profile actors out there, with over 400 acting credits to his name his line of Trejo's Tacos restaurants.
Here, we see at least pieces of pretty much all of his 70 years, from his early childhood as the only male in a house full of women and girls to his first time using various substances to his first robbery and the time he was worried he was about to face capital charges after a prison riot. Much of the front half of the story in particular focuses on his times in and around prisons during the first 2-3 decades of his life, and we see how he gained his "tough guy" persona. He lived it. It was either be tough or be dead.
Which actually makes the discussions of his confrontations with none other than (then *recent*) Oscar nominee Edward James Olmos over the movie American Me even more epic.
And yes, the back quarter ish is primarily about Trejo's life in Hollywood and how that impacted him and his family. It is here that we see some of the things that will cause many of us to go "I remember that movie!" and "Oh Trejo was [insert opinion here] in that one!".
In between, we get to see what Trejo was doing in between - which aside from a lot of personal mistakes, was saving a lot of lives and helping a lot of people recover from drug addiction - a passion he pursues to this day.
Serious yet hilarious throughout, this book doesn't pull any punches. Trejo, an ex-con, openly admits to many things in this book that many would probably try to hide, including things that weren't known world wide before now (at least to casual observers). And yet we also get to see behind the scenes of just how much good Trejo has been able to accomplish throughout his life.
Truly a remarkable man, and a memoir well written and told. Very much recommended. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5One of the most recognizable faces on the planet. This book shows that there is so much more to Mr. Trejo's life than we thought. It comes across as honest and sincere. Something tells me that Danny does not know how to be anything other than honest and sincere.
Book preview
Trejo - Danny Trejo
PROLOGUE
1949
Mary Carmen ran in our room yelling. She said, I found a mudda cat!
Her sisters Coke; Coke’s twin, Toni; Salita; and I followed her to the alley. These were my cousins. We shared a room at my grandmother’s house, and we never rolled anywhere without each other.
I’ve always been in a gang of some sort, even if it was five- and six-year-old girls.
Lying next to a trash can in high grass was a dead cat with big tits. Mary Carmen was right. She was a mother cat.
A group of men stood outside a factory, smoking.
One of them said, Get away from that thing. Can’t you see a dog got to it?
Salita said, We have to save her babies. Where are her babies?
We searched through the grass and up the alley for kittens but couldn’t find any.
Coke had the idea to bury the cat and give her a proper funeral. We had to hurry because the evening was spreading out against the sky. We got a stick, pushed the cat onto a piece of plywood, and carried her to my grandmother’s backyard.
The ground was harder than I thought. After a few minutes of digging I wanted to quit.
It’s probably deep enough.
We slid the cat off the board and covered her with dirt. Just then, my dad burst out the back door.
What the hell’s going on? If you kids don’t get in this house, I’m going to smack some asses.
A mudda cat died,
said Mary Carmen, but my dad had already disappeared back into the house. Blackie, our dog, slipped through the screen door and started pawing at the grave.
No, Blackie, no!
I said.
We tied Blackie up to keep the mother cat safe. Salita made the sign of the cross and we started to pray.
Later that night my uncle Art came running into the house, his shirt torn and bloody. He said he’d gotten jumped in a bar off San Fernando Road. Without missing a beat, he and the rest of my uncles grabbed sticks and bats and ran out the door.
About an hour later the men of the family swaggered back into the house, bragging about how many people they’d fucked up. My grandma grabbed us kids and made us kneel with her in the corner of the living room to say the rosary. I watched out of the corner of my eye while our abuelito stomped around, pumping his fist, yelling about how macho we Trejos were. My uncles were laughing, passing beers, doing play-by-plays of what had gone down. My grandmother made us pray louder.
Looking at my cousins and me, kneeling in prayer for the second time that day, you’d never guess that every one of us would go to jail or prison. But we did. No matter how close to God my grandmother wanted us to be, we were already on a path. We were Trejos. If my family had a legacy, that was it.
And you’d never guess that the baddest of the bad—me—would make it out of the prison system and instead of dying in the street as a stone-cold junkie and killer, I’d end up being shot, stabbed, decapitated, blown up, hanged, flattened by an elevator, and disintegrated into a pool table until my eyeballs rolled into the pockets in a career that made me the most-killed actor in Hollywood history; that I’d meet presidents and have murals of my face painted on walls in different continents; that companies would want me as their spokesman because I was not only loved but trusted; and that I’d have an official day named after me in Los Angeles. Because the Danny Trejo who I was before I got clean and became a drug counselor, or before the world got to know me through my acting career, was no one anyone would want to paint or honor. Because back then, I was the Mexican you didn’t want to fuck with.
Part One
ESCAPE
Chapter 1
SOLEDAD
1968
I felt like shit. I was high on heroin, pruno, reds, and whiskey.
I was three years into a ten-year stretch, which for a Mexican was more likely to be a twenty-year stretch, a life stretch, a death stretch.
I always figured I’d die in prison.
It was Cinco de Mayo 1968, in Soledad State Prison. To Mexicans, real Mexicans, Corazón Mexicans, Cinco de Mayo doesn’t mean the Mexican day of independence (it’s not); it doesn’t signify the day the Mexicans defeated the French at Puebla; it doesn’t even mean the fifth of May. Cinco de Mayo means Get bail money ready.
I was already inside, so no need for bail.
Mexicans had been planning a un chingón volar for weeks. Since I was running the gym next to the loading docks, I got my hands on all the contraband coming in: cigarettes, speed, heroin, even women’s underwear and makeup (if that was your thing). As long as you could pay for it, I could get it.
I ran the heroin bag, so I was well stocked. I also had hundreds of pills I collected from inmates who saved their meds and used them to pay gambling debts, traded them for contraband, or needed protection. I had a few pints of whiskey, two ounces of weed, and the batches of pruno we’d been making for weeks. A connect in the kitchen got us the raisins, oranges, sugar, and yeast to mix it with. We’d pour it into garbage bags, twist them tight, wrap them in T-shirts, and stash them in the heating vents. When it was ready, we’d strain it through tube socks.
We started early the day before and went all night. That next morning, I was settling in when the Captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker. He announced we were having an outside activity that day: a local junior college baseball team would be playing a team of inmates in an exhibition game.
Bringing a group of civilians into a California prison on Cinco de Mayo is the stupidest fucking thing on earth you could do; over half the prison was already wasted. Plus, whenever there’s an outside activity it means extra guards, extra security, extra guns, extra everything.
After the announcement about the Cinco de Mayo ball game, we were ordered out of our cells. On the Yard, I held my face to the sun for a minute to let it touch me, but when I closed my eyes, I felt queasy. The pruno wasn’t sitting right. I took a spot on the bleachers along the third base line with Ray Pacheco and Henry Quijada, two old crime partners from my juvie days. Ray was incredibly strong, a hell of an athlete. We knew each other from when we played football in the street when we were thirteen, before Ray joined the White Fence gang. Henry was a tall, thin kid from Azusa. They were both housed in Ranier, another section within the prison.
We settled in to watch the game between the junior college and a team of inmates. I took in the fact there was no fence—only ten feet of air separated us from the junior college kids. We watched the teams warm up. A big, Mickey Mantle–looking white kid was playing third base. I remember thinking that he’d be a highly prized punk inside.
He was chomping on a big wad of gum.
Ray turned to me and said, "Man, I wish I had some chicle."
Gum was special. We couldn’t get gum in prison. We certainly couldn’t get the sugary kind the college kid was chomping on.
Ray turned into a child. I want gum.
Ray’d come to Soledad from Atascadero, a full lockdown mental facility. Ray had brutally murdered his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. He didn’t just murder them—the court found there were special circumstances.
I don’t remember the particulars, but they were bad—the-kind-you-read-about-in-the-newspaper bad, the-recoil-in-shock kind of bad. To old-school Mexicans like Ray, there was no such thing as an ex-girlfriend—once you were his, you were his forever. The crime was so vicious, the court figured no one in their right mind could have done it, so he was found guilty but insane.
In exchange for years of electroshock therapy and medical experiments, Ray got a reduced sentence of seven years.
The treatments only made him worse.
Back in Central, sometimes I’d sneak behind Ray and make zzzzhhhhhh sounds like he was being electrocuted to fuck with him. Normally he didn’t mind, but when I did it to him that morning, it was clear he wasn’t in the mood for fucking around.
The game started. I was exhausted. I felt like shit from the wine, weed, pills, and whiskey. The sun, which for a few seconds was comforting, felt like a magnifying glass aimed at my forehead. Everyone in my area was drunk, high, uncomfortable. I could feel something simmering. I recognized it; it was the desire for violence. Aggression and fear among the inmates released pheromones. Once they’re out, they’re out, and the air at that moment was full of them.
In the second inning, Ray yelled at the third baseman, ¡Dame chicle, pinchi güero!
The kid pretended not to hear. He just pounded his fist into his mitt and kept chomping away. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. He was like a cow chewing cud.
You heard me, bitch! Throw me some gum!
The kid didn’t turn. He just stared forward, pounding his fist into his mitt and chomping his gum. Out of the corner of his mouth, he said, We’re not supposed to talk to you guys.
What?
We were told not to talk to the inmates.
Chomp. Chomp.
With every chomp, Ray got crazier. A switch flipped behind his eyes. He was like a great white shark with its eyes rolled back. He was grinding his teeth and clenching his jaw like he was fighting demons. He was back chewing leather strips with hundreds of volts of electricity blasting through him, back in a straitjacket he’d worn for four months.
Ray was gone.
Fuck you, bitch. We ain’t good enough to talk to?
We were told not to interact with you.
I knew it was useless, but I tried to calm Ray. I told him every kind of bullshit I could think of.
Don’t fuck with that kid, holmes, he knows karate,
I said. And: They got a special sniper guarding that dude.
I should have known better. Telling a loaded killer they can’t fuck with someone is a direct invitation to fuck with them.
The third baseman was scared shitless. Every inning, he drifted farther from third base and closer to second. It got to the point where the third baseman, the shortstop, and the second baseman were standing next to each other in the middle of the infield. None of them wanted to be there. They wanted to be with their girlfriends, driving their trucks, drinking beer, listening to country music on some canal bank, anywhere other than playing baseball with a bunch of thieves and killers in a prison. Whatever worst-case scenario they might have been briefed about concerning visiting a high-security prison was going down in real time—especially for the third baseman, who was getting shit from a stone-cold killer no more than twenty feet away.
I had to piss. I was afraid to leave Ray, but I was going to piss my pants. I told Ray to come with me, but he said no, he wanted to stay with Henry. I jammed to the bathroom, doing the weird hop-skip thing you do when you have to piss but can’t fully run. Standing at the urinal, I cussed myself for how much I had to pee. It felt like I had a gallon in my bladder. I was nauseous. The crowd outside sounded eerie. The air had changed. Things were electric.
I was hurrying back to the field when I saw Ray fly out of the stands and punch the third baseman in the face. At that moment, everything exploded. The only thing I can compare it to is when the baboons went crazy on Damien in the safari adventure park in The Omen, or when every dog in a dog park gets in a fight. In an instant a thousand animals were fighting for their lives.
I’d been locked up, in and out but mostly in, since 1956. In those twelve years, I put to use everything I learned from my uncle Gilbert about being incarcerated. The first time I got taken to Eastlake Juvenile Hall, I remember saying to myself, What did Gilbert teach me?
To stick with the Mexicans, first off. Secondly, find three or four specific homies who’d always have my back. Gilbert told me I’d develop instincts I never knew I had. I’d learn to master how to go to sleep in a chaotic tier full of people screaming and running around and learn to spring awake in an instant if someone stopped even for a moment in front of my cell. He taught me if someone was looking at me for just a second too long I’d have to respond with What the fuck do you want?
Only six years older, Gilbert was my mentor. He ran every joint he’d been in. He taught me how to deal, steal, intimidate, how to spot weakness, when it was best to terrify, and when it was right to comfort. He taught me never to bully people weaker than me, but if I had to fight, the goal was to win.
The first time I got hauled off to a police station, I was ten. By twelve, I was a regular at juvenile hall. My parents sent me to live with relatives in Texas for a while to avoid getting locked up after I kicked some kid’s ass for squirting ink on me in art class. But at that point I was incorrigible. My stay in Texas didn’t last long. Even though my aunt Margaret and my uncle Rudy Cantú’s place was deep in the sticks, miles outside of San Antonio, I still found my way to the hopping night scene in La Colonia. My aunt and uncle, who were proper, religious people, realized they couldn’t control me, so they sent me back to Los Angeles.
I wasn’t scared of being busted, I wasn’t scared of being locked up, and when a kid loses fear of consequences, that’s when society has lost them. Halfway through tenth grade, I was sent to North Hollywood High School, my fifth school in a year. I’d been kicked out of four others for fighting. I had caused excitement in the last three because, as the only Mexican, I was a novelty. Not only was I Latino, I wore yellow-and-white Sir Guy shirts with matching vests and pleated khakis. If I wore Levi’s, they were ironed with Folsom cuffs. I was sharp, I was clean. I stood out. At North Hollywood, Barbara D., a beautiful Italian girl who was the homecoming queen, loved me. I loved her back. One day, she saw me sitting on a bench in the quad and looked alarmed.
You can’t sit there, Danny, that’s the Caballeros’ bench.
I thought, What the fuck? They got a bench? For that matter, who the fuck are the Caballeros, and why would they call themselves a Spanish name?
A big, goofy white dude and a smaller guy walked up. The big guy got puffy. He said, Are you going to get off the Caballeros’ bench, or am I going to have to take you off?
If he’d just said, That’s the Caballeros’ bench,
I might have gotten up and left. But because he challenged me, I stood on the bench and kicked him in the throat.
Take me off this bench now, bitch.
The guy started choking. Then the little one said the magic words: Just wait till after school, beaner.
Big mistake. The trigger wasn’t beaner. It was the wait till after school
part. Normal high schoolers are worried about getting in trouble, real trouble. I didn’t have that problem. I was the kind of Mexican who couldn’t wait until after school. The whole day, my rage kept growing. The final bell couldn’t come fast enough. I positioned myself outside the school gates. The throat-kick guy and five of his Caballero friends showed up with the whole school behind them, ready for the show. This was good. I was ready to introduce them to a level of violence that wasn’t even on their radar.
It was like a scene of out the movie Grease, except they were stuck in PG mode, and I was rated X. As soon as the leader opened his mouth, I grabbed him by his neck and took a chunk out of his face with my teeth. People gasped. I saw two girls cover their faces. No one in North Hollywood High School was ready for me. That Caballero certainly wasn’t.
While the guy flailed around, screaming, I jammed to Leonard’s Burger Shop across the street, jumped the counter, grabbed a cleaver, and ran back out on the street. I was going to take out the whole school if I had to. Leonard came running out of the restaurant with a cleaver of his own and took up a spot beside me. I faced off against a ring of what seemed like every kid at North Hollywood High. No one dared take a step toward me. That’s the power of crazy, that’s the power of being willing to go to a place unimaginable to your foes. But that kind of power comes with a cost—by exercising it, you reveal to the world the only place you belong is a state penitentiary.
I took what Gilbert taught me to heart. I didn’t fight to gain respect. I fought to win. I took a sick pleasure in it. I respected people who showed me respect, but if they didn’t, I wanted whoever fucked with me to wake up years in the future, when they were old and walking with a cane, to look at their faces in the mirror, see the deep, ugly scars, and remember the huge mistake they made one afternoon long ago when they messed with Danny Trejo.
When a riot goes down, everybody knows what to do: survive and go after your enemies. Mexicans jumped Blacks; whites stood back-to-back, squaring off, trying to fight a path back to their own; Blacks were swinging on whites and Mexicans. Aryans, Blacks, Mexicans, all executing hit orders that had been in the pipeline for months. I was dropping motherfuckers. I’d throw a left, bam. A right, bam. A left, right, left, right. I had no fear. There was no time for that. If fear ever creeped in, I turned it to rage immediately. It was adrenaline-fueled. If a child’s trapped under a car and his mother’s stuck in fear, the kid’s screwed; if she turns it to rage, she lifts that car.
I had car-lifting strength. Mack Truck–lifting strength.
In my periphery, I saw sissies running for safety at the edge of the Yard. I don’t mean sissy as a derogatory term, because it isn’t in the pen. We shared time with everyone and everyone had value. The homosexuals pooled money, kept their books stacked, paid for protection, looked after the homosexual guys coming in, and had all the intel. Taking care of gay inmates meant a hundred eyes had your back. Baseball players swung bats to keep inmates from killing them. Dudes threw trash cans, rocks, whatever they could grab. I remember having a rock or a chunk of concrete, but it’s a blur.
The noise was inhuman.
I was back-to-back with Ray, slugging it out with anyone who rolled up, when I saw Captain Rogers, one of the head bulls, pointing at us. He was signaling the gun tower to shoot. Ray and I took off, swerving in different directions. Like a couple of rodeo clowns, we ended up running into each other, knocking each other down.
Flat on the ground, facedown, we laced our fingers behind the backs of our heads. Ray turned into a little kid again. He was terrified.
Danny, don’t let them hurt me.
Captain Rogers ran up and said, Trejo, did you get him?
I guessed he was asking if I took Ray out to stop him from running. I didn’t know how to answer, so I said, Yeah.
The guards pulled us to our feet and hauled us off.
Out of the over one thousand prisoners involved in the riot that day, they singled out only Henry, Ray, and me. It was alleged that I threw the rock that hit a guard named Lieutenant Gibbons in the head. Everyone saw Ray assault a free person. Henry was charged with kicking Coach Stalmeyer in the testicles and causing them to rupture. All capital crimes.
We were looking at the death penalty.
What can change in an instant? Todo.
It wasn’t totally a surprise. Whether it was juvie, camp, Tracy, YTS, Wayside, Chino, Vacaville, San Quentin, Folsom, anywhere I’d been locked up, I never expected I’d get out alive. I knew I’d be in prison until I was dead. I just didn’t know when, how, or where.
I guessed it was there. Soledad.
Most teachers I had said, He has real potential.
Or more precisely, they’d say, "He has enormous potential if he would just change." Even parole officers said I had incredible potential.
In the hole, I thought, What the fuck is potential?
Just when I had things going right in Soledad, everything changed. I was going to die and it was going to be the gas chamber. That it was in the hands of the state was something I couldn’t wrap my mind around. I knew I was a fighter and could go out fighting, but when they walked me to my death, how would I act?
Would I be brave?
Henry yelled from down the hall, They’re going to top us, Danny! They’re going to kill us good!
There’s a movie from the 1930s called Angels with Dirty Faces. James Cagney plays Rocky, a straight-up gangster who gets involved in a shoot-out with the police. When he’s surrounded, he yells, Come and get me, coppers!
After he’s arrested, his crew in the neighborhood says, He’s going to spit in those coppers’ eyes!
But when Rocky’s sentenced to death, he cries like a bitch. On the way to the electric chair he weeps and begs for mercy. The next day, his gang reads in the newspaper that he died a yellow-bellied coward.
The message to me was clear: Don’t be a bitch when you die.
Just a year later, George Jackson would write about the O Wing in Soledad: The strongest hold out for no more than a couple of weeks… When a white con leaves here, he’s ruined for life. No black leaves Max Row walking.
But O Wing wasn’t even the max, not close, certainly not in terms of punishment and degradation. X Wing was, and X Wing was where Henry, Ray, and I were. O Wing, comparatively, was a cakewalk, and we dreamed of going there someday. I sat on the naked iron bed. I was sick, detoxing off pills and alcohol. I was freezing. On the wall across from me, someone had written Fuck God in shit.
I said, God, if You’re there, me, Henry, and Ray will be alright. If You’re not, we’re fucked.
Chapter 2
NINETY DAYS OF FREEDOM
1965
Soledad was, for me, the current link in a chain of lockups. I had ended up there only ninety days after I got out of Youth Training School, a prison in Chino that was unofficially known as Gladiator School.
There are prep schools in America that prepare students for the best colleges, and that’s what YTS was for kids like me: it prepared us to fill the pens in California.
I was twenty-one years old when I was released from YTS in 1965. They gave me a bus ticket home and some cash. At a liquor store next to the Greyhound bus terminal in Ontario, California, I bought two bottles of Ripple.
Before the internet, Greyhound bus stations were the dark web of their day—they were where hustlers and hookers and runaways, pimps with cool street names, soldiers on leave, and prisoners fresh from the pen all mixed together in a place you could pay a dime to watch TV for a fifteen-minute chunk. Until I was in my thirties, I didn’t even know proper wine came with a cork. Ripple wine was made without grapes and came with a screw top. I took those two short dogs on the Greyhound with me and crouched down in my seat to drink them as fast as I could. A sign above me read: Drinking alcohol on this bus is a violation of the civil code—punishable by a fine, imprisonment, or both.
I laughed and cracked open the other bottle.
When we pulled into downtown LA, I stepped off the bus and I heard a whistle. A sketchy-looking Mexican asked me, ¿Qué quieres?
I said, What do you got?
It’s good.
Every dealer says what they’ve got is good. A dealer never says, It’s actually shit cut with lactose.
Do you have an outfit?
He nodded, and we went down an alley and shot up.
Bam. When it hit me, the boogeyman was gone. The boogeyman was that feeling of regret about the past and fear about the future. Like a lot of addicts, I was full of myself while at the same time exploding with self-hatred. I’d feel remorse, then fear, then anger in that order and sometimes I’d move through the first two in less than a second. My anger turned outward, to blame. I would blame outside people, places, and things for the fucked-up state I found myself in, never once taking a hard look at myself and taking responsibility for the situation I was in. All of these conflicting feelings would overwhelm me and that’s where heroin stepped in. Heroin was my escape hatch. It had been ever since I first used it, at twelve, to avoid the anger in my house.
My state jacket transformed into a cashmere coat—I was floating off the ground. That was a Friday, and I made it home five days later with a black eye. My mother said, "What happened, mijo?" I had no idea. I took off again, and a couple of weeks later ended up at the house of an old partner of mine from the neighborhood, Frank Russo. As kids, Frank and I had been in a gang we called the Ulans. We prided ourselves on having all been kicked out of other gangs for being too wild. Then we’d been at YTS together a couple of rounds earlier.
At YTS, Frank had attended meetings for a twelve-step group to help with his drinking problem. He knew I was a drunk and an addict. To be honest, I knew it, too; I just didn’t care. Frank suggested I join him at the meetings, but he did it in a way he knew would get my interest.
They have broads there, Danny.
For a teenager who’d been cooped up in YTS for a while, that was intriguing.
Really?
Yeah, outsiders come to the meetings.
I went straight into my counselor’s office and wrote down that I had a problem with drugs and alcohol and wanted to attend meetings. That move would turn out to be a blessing and a curse, but at first all I saw was the curse. First of all, it was now on my jacket that I had a problem with drugs (the specific wording was something like Inmate expresses he has acute alcohol and narcotics issues requiring counseling
), and your jacket stays with you for your entire journey through the prison system and with parole officers on the outside. I didn’t know it at the time, but just because I wanted to see women, I opened myself to years of extra testing and forced meeting attendance. Second, I went to that first meeting and while there were indeed two women there, they were two one-hundred-year-old women. I could’ve kicked Frank’s ass.
I’d stayed on the wide and not-so-straight path, but Frank had stayed clean and sober since those first meetings in YTS. Now he looked at me and shook his head.
Jesus, Danny, you look like shit. What have you been doing?
Mostly alcohol.
Man, let’s get you cleaned up and go to a meeting. Oh shit,
he said.
What?
You’re still wearing your state-issued brogans. Anyone who’s done time is gonna know just where you came from.
I’d been in touch with Frank before I got released. He said he’d have everything ready for me when I got back to the Valley. In the old days that usually meant a crash pad, a broad, a gun, and a car, but Frank was all about recovery now. What he meant in 1965 was that he’d have a directory of twelve-step meetings and a Big Book. Part of me was jealous of how Frank could be so committed to sobriety. I knew twelve-step programs worked; I knew they worked for OGs like Jhonnie Harris; I just didn’t want to work them. But I knew if I started using again, I’d go back to prison. More immediately, hitting meetings was a condition of my parole.
You have to give me a ride home so I can change.
I changed into the prison-issued khakis they gave me when I got out—they were all I had. Frank and I went to a meeting, and afterward I checked into some Fed-contracted halfway house my parole officer had assigned me. He knew I had beef with my parents and thought it was better for me to live under supervision. It was a condition of my parole. The place wasn’t too bad. We had roommates and a ten o’clock curfew on the weekends, which was fine. I was used to restrictions, and besides, compared to prison, curfew was nothing.
Frank had studied auto body repair at YTS and taken his skills to a guy we all used to work for in our teens, Frank Carlisi. Carlisi was a constant in all our lives. A bit of a gangster who had a huge heart for other gangsters, Carlisi hired us when we got out of jail or prison without any questions asked. We were lucky to have Carlisi. Most places won’t look at you if you have a record. POs are always hassling ex-cons about getting jobs, but it’s tough when no one will hire you.
Carlisi had expanded his wrecking yard to include a shop where Frank Russo could do auto bodywork. I worked with Frank at Carlisi’s and promised him and Carlisi I’d get my shit together. Frank and I would sand cars, Bondo them up, and paint them, and at night we’d go to meetings.
Now that I was out and going to meetings, I asked Frank what I should do about Laura, the wife who had divorced me while I was in prison.
The last time I’d gotten out of prison, in ’62, I went to Frank’s house to see him and meet the girlfriend he had written me about when I was in the joint. But what really got my attention was his girlfriend’s younger sister. Laura was wearing a short skirt. Her hair was long and red. She was tall, slender, and breathtakingly gorgeous. She sat on the other side of the living room and kept staring at me. I’d catch her eye, and she’d look away and smile. It was absolutely love at first sight for me. For both of us. I said, Come on over here.
She got up and crossed the room. She was like a vision. I said, Sit on my lap.
She was only eighteen. So was I, but I’d already