If It's Normal It's Probably Not Fun

IF IT’S NORMAL THEN IT’S PROBABLY NOT FUN

Matthew Statson

Battle Press

SATELLITE BEACH, FL

If It’s Normal Then It’s Probably Not Fun

Copyright © 2021 by Matthew Statson

Front cover art by Salome Sahin

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage

retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Battle Press Books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

Battle Press

1-919-218-4039

[email protected]

ISBN: 978-1-5136-8539-7 (SC)

ISBN: 978-1-5136-8540-3 (eBook)

First Edition.

The stories and thoughts of Matthew as he explains what he has learned from playing this multiplayer experience within the last 24 years of his life.

Contents

Level 25 On This Floating Rock

One Two One Eight

No Appearance From god

Growing Up Is Phony

GAME PAUSED

Don’t Be Sorry, Just Don’t Do It

You’re Not The First Person

Getting By While High

Jiggly

Die Welt War Ruhig

Cell Phones As Pacifiers

Veeonepew

Fully Functional Child

Level 25 On This Floating Rock

People who look like they have their life together are just extremely good at pretending they know what they are doing. Think about it, as people we have no idea what will happen tomorrow. For all we know a meteorite could hit our little floating planet and everything we have built up or created will be gone. It’s a little depressing to think about, but the chances of another big rock hitting our big rock that we live on is very unlikely. Perhaps something more possible that will happen is we will die from a natural disaster, get in a car accident, or maybe something crazy will happen, such as a mutant virus spreads like wildfire and eventually hits your poor human body and destroys you from the inside. Yikes. All of these plausible outcomes could happen to any of us. What I’m saying is, as humans we are incredibly fragile lifeforms, and the fact we are alive and breathing is truly crazy to think about.

This is why my parents believe in god. They think it’s insane that life exists in the middle of the cosmos on this water rich blue planet with some grass on it for us all to live on and not drown. My dad said that it’s impossible that a giant explosion happened years ago and that somebody from up above had to have created this whole universe. I have enough bickering about god later on in this book, but I’ll hold my tongue until a later date. I don’t know the answer as to why we are alive, in fact I don’t know much about anything. I keep trying to remind myself that I’m just an intelligent monkey who somehow has made it this far in my life, and that it’s incredible I am able to communicate with others and tell my stories about what I learned. You name the topic and it’s probably covered in this book.

For one thing I’m getting older. In this book, I discuss being an adult. I made it to level 25 on this floating rock. Now I’ve entered the middle of my twenties. Is that ancient? Anywho, it’s safe to say I’m no longer a kid, which is insane because even though I’m in my mid-twenties, I think I act like a nine-year-old. If I was able to stop going to work, go outside and swing sticks at trees pretending for them to be lightsabers and then to head inside at night and play video games with family or friends, I’d do that for a long time. Sadly I need to be able to eat food and have a roof over my head to protect me from the elements, which is why I need to act like an adult and chase money. That section of the book is all about discussing how stupid society is and the fact that we all live our lives with certain opportunities that can come our way depending on how much paper is inside our bank account. All you need to know for now is that I fucking despise the fact that I will probably spend a large portion of my life trying to collect money so that I don’t starve. Long story short, I’m thankful you bought my book.

Another topic I cover is love, ahh yes. That thing there seems to be many songs, films, and even art that is made to discuss and share our human experience of feeling love. As a person, I love all sorts of things, but the one thing that is special about love is that we get to love other humans. Once in love, we can experience all sorts of fun things that being in love can do. The other person will care for you if you need help. They’ll feed you, look after you if you get sick, talk to you if you are upset or sad about things in your life, and maybe if you are in a relationship, you’ll be able to be intimate with this person. I think it’s safe to say that there are some aspects of being in love that are quite pleasant. However, love is scary if you think about it, because in order to love another person, we have to set ourselves up to be vulnerable. Being in this state is daunting, because you have no idea if the person will backstab and betray you down the line, which is a thing that can dramatically affect you for the rest of your little human life. Believe it or not, I cover both of these topics. In one chapter I talk about the kind of love that hits you in a good way with how it warms your heart and makes you smile from cheek to cheek with the pure thought of this person that you adore. In another chapter, I discuss how I sadly get fucked up by some girl who pulls the rug out from under my feet, which leads to me developing trust issues with other humans for a couple years, and sets me on a path to find dopamine with something not so good to rely on. What is that thing I started taking to put myself in a happy mood?

Drugs, which happens to be another chapter I wrote about in this book. Specifically marijuana, edibles, shrooms, and LSD. Hey kids, it’s your friendly neighborhood author here to remind you not to take drugs. To be honest, drugs make you feel kinda funky, but in the long run, if you are not careful, they can distract you from your goals and send you to some pretty scary experiences. The very first chapter of this book will be a story on how I truly made a grave mistake of taking two laced LSD tabs in Manhattan. I figured the story of me almost dying is good enough for you to stick around and keep reading this book. Drugs entered my life when I got incredibly depressed, it was the thing I ran to as a young adult that I thought would fill this void inside myself and give me a little bit of happiness. Regardless of what I experienced during my trips and how it changed my mindset, it’s sad to say that having a drug addiction is not fun, and the one I did have, which was with marijuana edibles, led me down a path that was difficult and hard to handle. I hurt a lot of people along the way and lost a lot of time in my life during the process, but that’s okay, sometimes life is about learning from the new things you try.

One new thing I did in my life was moving to Europe. Could you believe that I moved to this other continent to be with a girl I had met on Tinder? Want to know something even more insane? I moved days before a global pandemic hit. Imagine me being in a brand new country, that even if I wanted to get out, I had no way of doing so because all the airports were closed, and yet I didn’t even speak the language or have a job yet. Not gonna lie, it was one of the strangest parts I’ve witnessed in my life. Felt like a glitch in the simulation with how quiet it was when everyone was in quarantine. I tried my best to describe it with words, but in all honesty, it’s the kind of thing that you had to be there to experience it. Luckily, it hit worldwide, so if you were alive during 2020 with a consciousness developed that could understand what was happening around your given surroundings, then you probably experienced this catastrophic event as well. Did I know how to react during this time? No. Was I slightly traumatic with everything happening? Yes. Perhaps I came out of the pandemic trusting the government more? No. Would I really spend a majority of my time playing video games while under lockdown? Yes.

Oh, I know what you want to read. Perhaps you’ll jump straight to the part where I replicate people or other characters from video games, movies or real life. Some people know this kind of aspect of copying by having experience of dressing up on Halloween or perhaps you cosplay as one of your favorite superhero characters, but I am somebody who can mimic others just by studying footage and content about them online. This process started when I was acting in high school, but soon grew into my regular day life when I was unable to find plays or musicals to be cast in.