Messy Minimalism: Realistic Strategies for the Rest of Us

Praise for Messy Minimalism

"Messy Minimalism gives us permission to do minimalism our way—the way that best supports our families. This book shows us the imperfect way, the messy way, and, most importantly, the real way. Rachelle Crawford’s gentle approach makes minimalism and living a more joyful life approachable for everyone."

—Courtney Carver, author of Project 333 and Soulful Simplicity, and founder of Be More with Less

Rachelle Crawford will make you breathe a sigh of relief at your normalcy (you know, the mess we all have), and she’ll hold your hand toward a doable life of less, honoring your humanness along the way. Best of all, she’ll feel like an old friend, the one you can call for advice. I’ve got her ‘on speed dial’—on my bookshelf.

—Melissa Coleman, author of The Minimalist Kitchen and founder of The Faux Martha

With grace, authenticity, and humor, Rachelle Crawford shows readers that living clutter-free isn’t solely reserved for the perfectly organized. This is a witty and wise must-read for anyone looking to exchange a life distracted by stuff for more joy, presence, and calm.

—Joshua Becker, author of The Minimalist Home and other books, and founder of Becoming Minimalist

By providing an honest, practical approach to decluttering, Rachelle Crawford redefines minimalism as a lifestyle that is attainable and achievable for anyone wishing to pursue it.

—Christine Platt, author of The Afrominimalist’s Guide to Living with Less

"In Messy Minimalism, Rachelle Crawford shares a fun, fresh perspective on decluttering your home and heart. This important read will leave you convinced that everyone can benefit from a clutter-free lifestyle—especially people who have always thought of themselves as messy."

—Erica Layne, author of The Minimalist Way

"Messy Minimalism is a delightful read. In it, Rachelle Crawford shares both practical tips and important mindset shifts, showing just how simple, valuable, and doable minimalism can be."

—Zoë Kim, author of Minimalism for Families

Crawford encourages her readers to release perfectionism and rigidity, explore conscious consumerism, experiment with self-imposed boundaries to free up mental and emotional energy, and lean into the beauty of our ordinary, messy everyday life. She helps us rewrite our internal story so we can enjoy a life of purpose and exuberant abundance that has nothing to do with stuff.

—Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui, founder of A Life in Progress

Messy Minimalism

Messy Minimalism

Realistic Strategies for the Rest of Us

Rachelle Crawford

Broadleaf Books

Minneapolis

MESSY MINIMALISM

Realistic Strategies for the Rest of Us

Copyright © 2021 Rachelle Crawford. Printed by Broadleaf Books, an imprint of 1517 Media. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Email [email protected] or write to Permissions, Broadleaf Books, PO Box 1209, Minneapolis, MN 55440-1209.

Scripture is taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Cover image: Adobe Stock

Cover design: Cindy Laun

Print ISBN: 978-1-5064-6686-6

eBook ISBN: 978-1-5064-6687-3

Portions of chapter 17 appeared in a guest blog post Getting Decluttered with Your Significant Other, Becoming Minimalist (blog), September 21, 2020, https://www.becomingminimalist.com/getting-decluttered-with-your-significant-other/.

While the author and 1517 Media have confirmed that all references to website addresses (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing, URLs may have expired or changed since the manuscript was prepared.

For my children, Jameson, Raegan, and Amelia.

You remind me every day that our best moments are typically the messiest ones.

Contents

Foreword

Part I. Becoming Minimal-ish

1. An Outlandish Idea

2. Redefining Minimalism

3. The Messy Minimalist Way

4. Start with Who, Not Why

5. Finding Abundant Life

Part II. The Messy Minimalist Mindset

6. Combat the What-Ifs

7. Know the Driving Forces of Consumerism

8. Become a More Conscious Consumer

9. Reduce Decision Fatigue

10. Stop Chasing Organization

11. Stop Chasing Perfection

Part III. Decluttering Your Space

12. How to Begin

13. How to Create a Clutter-Free Home

14. How to Declutter Your Kitchen, Living Room, and Closets

15. How to Declutter Home Decor and Sentimental Items

16. How to Create a Minimalist Wardrobe

17. How to Pass On Minimalism to Your Family

Part IV. Living with Purpose

18. Slow Down

19. Chasing Butterflies

20. A Message from This Side of Clutter

Acknowledgments

Notes

Foreword

Messiness had been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. For my first thirty years, I was drowning in stuff. I have a fast-moving brain that leads me from one thing to the next, and so I left a trail of evidence behind me along the way.

Seven years ago, then, as a newly married young mother, I felt like I was accumulating people just as fast as I was collecting stuff. My chaotic schedule frustrated the people I loved the most, but I was unsure how I could make a change to show my growing family a different way.

If you are a messy person reading this, you know the struggle to put things away and throw things out or give them away. Or if you are messy with regard to schedule and commitments, you know how hard it is to tidy your calendar and learn to say no. Indeed, if you’re like me, you’ve never dreamed that minimalism was something that would work for you.

Yet minimalism has changed my messy life.

On this journey toward a simpler life, I met Rachelle Crawford, author of the book you hold in your hands. I quickly learned that Rachelle and I are kindred spirits. I’m thankful to Rachelle for writing this book. She and I are living proof that messy people can be minimalists too. In fact, I would argue that minimalism is especially for us messy folk—because no organizational system will do the trick. We don’t need a better way to organize and store all the stuff; we just need less of the stuff.

But before you dive in, I want to give you a warning. Rachelle’s wisdom won’t end when you finish cleaning out your closet. Instead, you are going to find that minimalism has a trickle-down effect. You may be starting in your kitchen, but before you know it you’ll be simplifying your calendar, decluttering your mental load, and living your whole life with more intention. I suspect you will come to find a sense of lightness that you never thought possible. Minimalism is infectious in the best sort of way.

Cheers to an imperfect yet simpler life! This book is a gift that will bring you guidance, inspiration, and self-acceptance.

—Denaye Barahona, PhD, Simple Families and author of Simple Happy Parenting

Part I

Becoming Minimal-ish

1

An Outlandish Idea

Maybe the life you’ve always wanted is buried under everything you own.

—Joshua Becker

I don’t like the word minimalism. As a self-declared minimalist, I’m probably not supposed to say that, but there you have it. While I love everything minimalism truly stands for, the word itself? Eh, not so much.

Minimalism has that all-or-nothing ring to it, as if embracing it requires an unwavering, cultlike devotion. As if you must choose between a colorful wardrobe or a bland one, between having a family or living solo out of a VW van. The first thing a friend said to me when I told him I was going minimalist was, What? Are you going to get rid of your couches now? As if minimalists must take a monk-like vow to never sit for the remainder of their uncomfortable, miserable lives.

I get it. From a distance, minimalism can appear extreme, uninviting, and even coldhearted. If you google How to become a minimalist, you’ll quickly come to learn it’s a whole thing: a movement of people from all walks of life who want out of the overconsumption game. There are zero-waste minimalists, cozy minimalists, essentialists, extreme minimalists, and those who are simply living minimal-ish. You can read about entire families living out of RVs, singles living out of backpacks, and retirees downsizing to only the bare essentials.

For the longest time I figured minimalism was either for cool people willing to live in uncomfortably bland, big-city lofts or those committed to deprivation, discomfort, and boredom. It just seemed unattractive, unattainable, and absolutely unsustainable. This is exactly why for so long, I assumed it wasn’t for me. I mean, I do like to sit from time to time, preferably on a comfortable couch.

Besides, life is just too short to settle for less, right? It’s meant for living abundantly—to the fullest and even overflowing. That’s exactly what I did. I filled our home until we were bursting at the seams.

Now, just in case you’re reading this and thinking, "Lady, you keep using this word minimalism, but I’m not sure what you mean," let me explain. Minimalism is the purposeful practice of paring back both our material possessions and commitments in order to create a greater capacity to invest our time and energy in the things that matter most.

I had no idea it was possible for real people to implement minimalism in their everyday lives. My preconceived ideas about what minimalism meant kept me from even considering the very thing that, in fact, I desperately needed.

I had spent my entire life living an exact opposite lifestyle, holding on to everything, paring back on nothing. I would need to first meet a real live human, intentionally and joyfully living with less, before I could wrap my brain around doing this myself.

Thankfully, that’s exactly what happened.

Finding Less

That morning started off like most mornings. The only difference was this was the second Wednesday of the month, which meant I was at my church moms’ group, soaking up some kid-free time, coffee, and cream cheese with a side of bagel.

This week’s speaker was here to share tips for healthy meal planning while, ironically, I stuffed my face with a week’s worth of calories. Thankfully it was a judgment-free zone because I was ravenous. As per usual, I had spent that morning scrambling to get my older two kids out the door for school and the littlest ready for church. There would have been barely enough time to shower, pop my hair into a messy bun loaded with dry shampoo, and down a cup of coffee. I most certainly hadn’t had time to eat breakfast.

Life back then was one big juggling act. I lived in the land of busy at all times, constantly working to get caught up while tripping over the endless piles of stuff in my very, very cluttered home. I figured clutter and chaos just came with this motherhood gig.

The speaker began to share with us how she feeds her family of seven. (Yes, that’s a grand total of five children!) I really don’t remember much of her talk because of an aside she made partway through. She went from talking about batch-chopping veggies to moving her family across the country after one of her parents became ill.

She concluded her heartfelt sidestep with the statement: Thankfully, the packing wasn’t too difficult because we’re minimalists.

At that, I dropped both my pen and my jaw and let out an audible gasp. Sitting straight up in my chair, I waited to hear another gasp echo mine. I glanced to the people at my table and then began scanning the room. Had anybody else just heard what I had? My heart started racing, and in that moment I immediately began to feel lighter.

So wait, I thought, you can be a mom and a minimalist? You don’t have to keep everything, for everybody, for all of eternity? She has five flipping kids! I have only three and I’m drowning here.

For the remainder of the meeting, the speaker’s voice sounded, in my head at least, a bit like Charlie Brown’s teacher: "Wah wah waaaahh wah wahh." Frankly, I didn’t hear another word. I just sat there, picturing my home without all the clutter. With every passing second I grew more and more hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t so bad at adulting after all. Maybe I just had too much crap!

Once the meeting closed, I power walked my way to the back of the room as that speaker poured herself a cup of coffee. Stay calm, Rachelle, I thought. Don’t be a weirdo. My internal pep talk had little effect, and I immediately began to bombard her with question after question. How? What? When? For a second I debated kidnapping her and bringing her home to help me minimize my possessions, but I figured my newly uncluttered home would do me no good if I ended up in prison. Instead, I settled for the online resources she shared with me.

After grabbing my then one-year-old from childcare (God bless those childcare workers), I picked up my middle child from preschool and headed toward home. It was almost lunchtime, so I figured I’d give my husband a little ring to prepare him for this 180-degree turn our family was about to make. As I explained where we were headed, he listened quietly before following up with his usual response, Yeah, let’s talk about this tonight, which, in my experience, is code for, Did you seriously just call me at work to discuss such nonsense? In his defense, I have been known to get overly excited about outlandish ideas. I’m still waiting for him to agree to the idea of our moving overseas for a few years (but let’s be clear: I’d settle for a couple weeks).

Something about this particular outlandish idea was different, though. I could feel it. For the first time, I was hopeful there was a reason that, for so long, I’d felt an irrational dissatisfaction with my seemingly perfect life. Perhaps the solution was much simpler than I thought.

Perhaps the answer wasn’t found in doing more, spending more, or being more. Maybe the answer was hiding behind less all along. Could all of my efforts to keep up, outdo, reorganize, and redecorate actually be the root of my problem?

Growing Overwhelmed

The year or so leading up to our transition into minimalism was full of change—mostly good change, but change nevertheless. I’ve always been one who prefers things to remain exactly the way they are forever, amen. But after eleven years as a labor and delivery nurse, I had decided to stay home full time with our three kiddos. Yes, I wanted to spend more time with my little ones and cherish those younger years—isn’t that what good moms are supposed to say?—but deep down, I was hoping that I’d finally, finally, get a grip on our homelife.

When my oldest, Jameson, was born, I had gone from full time to part time. When my middle child, Raegan, was born, I went from part time to per diem, working even fewer hours. While I was cutting back more and more at work, our house remained a disaster. Getting dinner on the table practically killed me, and we were on the go constantly. 

With the birth of my youngest, Amelia, I finally resigned altogether. I turned in my epidural cartridge key, emptied my locker, and trashed my reliable yet wildly contaminated pair of Dansko clogs. Heading off the floor for the last time, I figured I had just uncovered the secret to a perfectly managed homelife. 

Yeeeaaahh, if you’ve ever been a stay-at-home parent for even just five minutes, then you’re probably silently mocking me right now. Go ahead, I deserve it. Yes, stay-at-home parents are physically home more; however, they are also physically home more. The mess was only made worse by my being at home all the time, and my inability to tidy didn’t improve at all. Now there was simply no escaping it.

When I was working in labor and delivery, I got to be the hero. I was the one with a direct line to the anesthesiologist at all hours of the night. But at home, I was just that crazy lady who kept begging people to put their shoes and toys where they go. I mean, how hard is it?

I thought opting to stay home meant that I was going to have all of the time in the world to exercise, tidy up, organize our space, and teach my little ones how to be polite, at least in public. When I realized that scenario was as likely as a Seinfeld reunion, I felt like a failure.

Over the course of that first year home full time, I worked hard to keep my head above water, maintain a grateful heart and a present mind. After all, not everybody has the opportunity to stay home full time with their babies. I so badly wanted to get it right.

Yet with each passing day I