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    Rubbish Pet Portraits
    Rubbish Pet Portraits
    Rubbish Pet Portraits
    Ebook141 pages33 minutes

    Rubbish Pet Portraits

    By Hercule Van Wolfwinkle

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    A hilarious collection of Hercule Van Wolfwinkle's 'extremely realistic' pet portraits. Warning: may not be suitable for anyone who actually likes animals or has the ability to see.

    Not only does Hercule's unusual talent shine through on every page, each portrait is captioned with a review written by its bewildered recipient:

    "Tell ya what mate, why don’t you get back to me when you’ve drawn a picture of my actual dog"

    "It gets worse and worse the more your eyes scan down the page. Which is really quite the achievement given how bad her face looks"

    "We really miss Marley. If I ever think I might be forgetting what he looked like, I can gaze at your portrait and know it was nothing like that."

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins UK
    Release dateMay 27, 2021
    ISBN9780008468170
    Rubbish Pet Portraits

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      Book preview

      Rubbish Pet Portraits - Hercule Van Wolfwinkle

      Introduction

      I’ve been called lots of different things in my life. I’ve considered myself to be very few. An artist certainly isn’t one of them.

      Apart from the odd doodle on the back of an envelope while patiently waiting on hold to my electricity provider, I’ve never really drawn in my life. Art was never even a hobby, never mind something I attempted to take seriously.

      But all of that changed one afternoon when I was trying to coerce my young son, Sam, into making some thank you cards for my mam and dad. Being a six-year-old boy, Sam would rather be playing on his computer, getting muddy outside or wiping bogies up the wall than sitting down with me and doing something vaguely resembling schoolwork. So, to get him interested in the pens and paper that I’d laid out on the dining-room table, I drew a picture of our dog, Narla. It was rubbish. But it did the trick because Sam was suddenly interested in what I was doing and swiftly came to join in.

      While Sam was cracking on making the cards, I decided to attempt to draw a couple more pictures of Narla, this time trying my best to copy some photographs that were saved on my phone. They were rubbish. So naturally I stuck them on Facebook with the following comment:

      **FOR SALE**

      BEAUTIFUL HAND-DRAWN PICTURES OF YOUR FAVOURITE FAMILY PETS.

      Just send me a photo and I can produce a unique and wonderful piece of art that will grace any home and make the memories of your furry friends last a lifetime.

      Some examples have been posted (I know it’s hard to tell but the photographs are the picture on the left in each one).

      £299. No VAT.

      By the end of the day I’d drawn six commissions for people! Of course, I didn’t really charge £299; I didn’t charge anything. It was all just a bit of fun between friends. However, just two days later my portrait requests were into double figures and I was beginning to receive friend requests from people I didn’t know, asking for pictures.

      By day three, I had a waiting list of over twenty people, so to see how far the joke might go, I set up the Facebook page ‘Pet Portraits By Hercule’.

      It was, of course, all very tongue-in-cheek, but the tone was that I’d now gone into business due to the popularity of my portraits, and that’s when the idea for the Just Giving fundraiser was born.

      I’d drawn a picture of my friend’s Golden Retriever, Jess, and Matt (Jess’s owner) was insistent on paying something for it. But the portrait was rubbish and there was no way I was accepting his hard-earned cash for it. So, as a compromise, I told him to donate some money to our local homelessness charity, Turning Tides. He duly obliged and came back to me with the suggestion of setting up the Just Giving page.

      And that’s when it all started to change ...... very quickly!

      When we set up the Just Giving page, I set the target amount as £299 (the spoof recommended retail price of one of my pictures). I remember me and my wife, Ashley, laughing on the sofa together at the thought of making £299 for charity by selling

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