Couples in the Bible: The Good, the Bad, and the Downright Evil

Copyright © 2014 Jim Schnorrenberg.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-4999-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4998-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-5000-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014915585

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/29/2014

Contents

Preface

1. Noah & Mrs. Noah– True Companions

2. Ruth & Boaz– Faith Rewarded

3. Aquila & Priscilla– Side by Side

4. Ahab & Jezebel– Dead End Road

5. Isaac & Rebekah–A couple that drifted…

6. David & Bathsheba– Too Close to the Edge

7. Ananias & Sapphira– Losing the Game of Charades

8. Abraham & Sarah– Laughter for the Road

9. Zechariah & Elizabeth– Tender Mercies

10. Joseph & Mary– Utter Trust

Notes

Hello. My name is Jim Schnorrenberg, and I am married to a wonderful wife, Gwen, and we have 3 sons, all married to wonderful ladies, and 8 beautiful grandchildren. I am the Pastoral Care and Counseling Minister at First Christian Church of Owasso, Oklahoma, and a retired US Army Chaplain. I am also a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. I have a Master of Divinity degree from Abilene Christian University, Abilene, Texas. I have a keen interest in helping strengthen families and marriages and will be writing regularly. I like to read, exercise, teach, travel, watch movies, and root for my favorite team – Oklahoma State University.

Families are God’s idea, and I want to do all I can to help you have a strong family and marriage. I will be sharing any wisdom I have from 42 years of marriage and maybe you will find something useful to help you live a more successful and enriching life.

Dedicated to my darling Gwen, my True Companion.

Preface

This book began as curriculum for my Sunday school class for young couples. I started this class soon after arriving at a new church as the Family Minister. Now, there is no shortage of good marriage books, and more are written every year. Most of these are topical studies of marital issues and how to resolve them, like communication, conflict resolution, and marital roles. They are also heavy into research on marriage and real-life examples of counseling and best techniques. They are good and useful and I have a whole bookcase full of them. But I wanted something more, something that went right to the source.

So, I wanted to use a source book that went right to the core of a biblical marriage, with less of man’s opinions and more on what God said about marriage. Gradually, it came to me that I needed to start with the Bible. How can it get any better than that? So I decided to use curriculum that highlighted real life couples from the Bible. The Bible is front and center in this book. It is not just a verse here and there that I pick out to illustrate my point. However, as I researched the available material, I couldn’t find much of anything written out there that simply examined real life biblical couples, both the good and the not so good. So, I decided to write my own book as I developed and taught the class.

A lot of couples are mentioned in the Bible, but we don’t always have a lot of information about them. I have to believe that God has written just what we need, both to know Him and follow Him fully. The Bible contains history, but it is not a pure history book. The Bible gives us short accounts of couples, but not a complete account of any one couple. So I’ve tried not to add things about these couples that we just don’t know (although I’ve attempted to couch some of their behavior in modern examples). But what we have is rich with stories and insights of how they lived and loved. We know these people. They’re not just characters, but real people who fell in love, raised a family, loved, argued, loved some more, and grew old together (well some of them did).

God describes people and events warts and all. There is no sugarcoating, no spin job. We see people and couples in their best behavior and worst behavior. However, this is helpful to us as we can learn from both the good and the bad, and even the downright evil. So I can learn from the positive example of a Ruth and Boaz, a bad example of a David and Bathsheba, and the terribly bad example of an Ahab and Jezebel.

So I hope you enjoy this book. You may find that it is different than most other books on marriage. My prayer is that this little book may be the catalyst to save a marriage or help a couple strengthen their marriage. It has already strengthened my own marriage to my beautiful wife, Gwen. Hopefully, it will help you too.

(Much thanks to my Sunday school class at First Christian Church of Owasso [Oklahoma]. You didn’t know it, but you refined this teaching with your thoughtful input and wisdom. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Jeanna Harris, for your editing help. Thanks to my sons and daughters-in-law who encouraged me to write this book. Thanks to my parents, Port and Joann, who now reside in heaven, and who modeled a loving and lasting marriage. Thanks to the staff and elders of First Christian Church, for your support and leadership. And thanks to my lifelong friend and fellow minister, James Robinson, who encouraged me to publish this book.)

Finally, thanks to ten dear friends in our Life Group who graciously read this manuscript and offered their affirmation and wisdom – Ray and Rhonda, Gary and Brenda, Sid and Nancy, Eric and Karla, and Bruce and Missy. May our God continue to bless you with a fantastic marriage.

PS – You might want to check out Jim’s website for couples and families – It Takes a Family, (http://jimedd71.wordpress.com).

Chapter 1

Noah & Mrs. Noah–

True Companions

Genesis 6 - 9

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. Ecclesiastes 4:9

By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear, built an ark to save his family. Hebrews 11:7

But God remembered Noah… Genesis 8:1

We don’t even know her name. God evidently didn’t see the need to record Noah’s wife’s name in scripture. Other wives of significant biblical men are named, but not Noah’s wife. When I was a little boy, I thought it was Joan as in Joan of Arc. OK, I guess there’s always time for some kid humor. One woman related this story about Noah: "During a weekend visit with my sister, I read to her granddaughter Adrienna from her children’s Bible story book. After our story time, I quizzed Adrienna on what we read."¹

Who was the man with the big boat?

Noah, she piped right up.

Then – I don’t know why, but I asked, What was his last name?

Zark! she replied with authority.

Since we don’t know the actual name of Mrs. Noah, and because I will get tired of just referring to her as Mrs. Noah, I think we will just call her Norma. Norma was my maternal grandmother’s name, and I’ve always thought that it indicated strength and grace. And, it actually kind of goes with Noah.

Even though we don’t know much about Norma, she is a prime, yet overlooked part of this story. Generally, our sermons and teachings are built around Noah, and rightfully so. Scripture lists Noah, alongside Moses, Abraham, and other great people of God in the commonly called Roll Call of Faith, (Hebrews 11). Nothing is said of Noah’s wife. However, if we look closely, a lot is implied. I believe Noah and Norma made a strong team. They are the perfect example of a couple of faith. Noah heard God’s outlandish call and obeyed it; Norma simply stayed by her man because she believed in him and respected him.

Most of us know the story of Noah and the ark pretty well. It was one of the first stories we were taught in Sunday school and Vacation Bible School. We have read it to our children. If I ever sing another verse of Arkie, Arkie I think my head will explode. We’ve given little Noah’s Ark toys to our kids where the roof comes off and you can add the animals two by two. These toy arks usually have wheels and a drawstring. We talk about the animals, the flood, the size of the ark and the rainbow. We wonder about inconsequential things like who gathered the animals and why they didn’t eat each other and who shut the ark door.

Tremendous lessons of faith, obedience, patience, sin, judgment, salvation, and hope are imprinted in this story. Perhaps most of all, this is the wonderful lesson of a faithful man and his faithful wife.

Jesus uses the story of Noah and the ark as an example that we should be ready at all times for the Lord’s coming – "For in the days before the Flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day that Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. This is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man" (Matthew 24:38-39). So for all those who want to dismiss this story as mere myth, Jesus saw it as truth.

In 1988, Robert Fulghum wrote a little book entitled, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. This credo became a phenomenal #1 best seller. There have been lots of imitations of the All I really need to know idea. One of my favorites is about everything I need to know about life I learned from Noah’s ark. Here are a few of the many lessons:

1.  Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

2.  Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

3.  Remember, the ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic was built by professionals.

4.  No matter how bleak it looks, there’s always a rainbow on the other side.

This is a pretty good list, but there is another lesson that applies– When all else fails, read the directions. The best directions for life and relationships are found in the Bible.

For couples, I find several lessons in this story of Noah and the ark - lessons of trust, courage, and hope.

Will You Trust Me?

Let’s imagine what it could have been like when Noah walked home and told Norma about his conversation with God about building the ark. Her question has doubtless been repeated by millions of wives – He asked you to do what? Perhaps her question may have been what Noah was thinking, but didn’t ask, when God told him to build an ark. Remember the Bill Cosby comedy routine, where we hear God’s deep voice offstage telling Noah to build an ark and to make it three hundred cubits, by fifty cubits, by thirty cubits, and Noah says, Yeah – Right. Who is this, really? What’s a cubit?²

We do know from scripture that "Noah did everything just as God had commanded him" (Genesis 6:22). There is no indication that Noah even questioned God. He just did it because God told him to.

So here we have a husband, sane by all accounts, coming home one day and casually telling his wife, "Uh, honey, our life is about to be completely turned upside down." If Noah were very clever, he could have said something like, "Honey, you remember how you’ve always wanted to go on a cruise? Well, now’s our chance." (To which, Norma may have replied, "Yeah – Right. What’s a cruise?")

So why did Norma go along with her husband on this venture? She hadn’t heard God speak to Noah. All she had was Noah’s account. So all she had was her man. And this whole ark thing wasn’t some minor decision. It would be the major decision of their life and change their future forever. We talk about Noah’s faith, and rightfully so, but Noah had heard God’s direct voice. All Norma had to go on was Noah. Yet she still believed; she still trusted. Try this for a simple definition of faith: faith is when you obey even when it doesn’t make sense.

So why did this wife go along with the deal? I believe the answer is found in Scripture – "Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked with God. (Genesis 6:9). Noah was a man (in fact, the only man at the time) who had his priorities right. He didn’t fall to the temptations to sin that were literally all around him. Noah was different. He didn’t go with the prevailing culture. He was in step with God. Norma observed this man. She knew his walk matched his talk. She knew he was better than any other man. He was utterly trustworthy. He was a man of integrity. His walk described his worthy behavior. She may have reasoned to herself, Hey, I didn’t hear God, but I trust my man and I believe that he heard God."

She trusted when it didn’t make sense. She trusted with a lack of evidence. She still trusted when it meant that her whole world would be turned upside down. Even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and they were miles from the closest lake and Noah had never built a boat before, here was her man, telling her of their new mission. This was a mission that, by the way, would take over 120 years to accomplish. (Genesis 6:3 – if this passage refers to the length of time it took Noah to build the ark.)

The movie, Noah, which came out recently, is beautifully filmed, well acted and inspiring. It is not perfect. Nor is it literal to the Bible. But my wife an I liked it for 2 reasons:

One, It gets the main story right - the effect of sin on man; the righteousness of Noah (who is still a man who sins); the truth that this story is actually true, and not a myth; the obedience of Noah to the Creator; the consequences of sin (death); the deliverance through the ark; and the promise of God through the rainbow.

We also liked the depiction of Noah and his wife. We know virtually nothing of her, but I liked the way she followed her husband, and also stood up for her children and spoke wisdom.

Someone once said that behind every good man is a good woman. Well, if Noah was the only righteous man living, Norma must have been a pretty good woman. Shaunti Feldhahn, writes about men in her book For Women Only, and says: If a man’s wife is supportive and believes in him, he can conquer the world – or at least his little corner of it. He will do better at work, at home, everywhere. By contrast, very few men can do well at work or at home if their wives make them feel inadequate.³

The word that applies here is respect. Ladies, what men need most from you is respect. Going back to the Feldhahn book, the author recounts a retreat she attended for single young adults. The speaker divided the group in half and placed the women on one side of the room and the men on the other.⁴

The speaker said, "I’m going to ask you all a difficult question. If you had to choose, would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected?

He then turned to the men and said, "Okay men. Who here would rather feel alone and unloved than disrespected?" The ladies were shocked to see most of the hands raised up. This finding was verified later in a survey conducted by the author, in which she found that 75% of the male respondents would choose to feel alone and unloved rather than be treated with disrespect.

Respect for a man is huge. Men need respect as much as women need to feel cherished, as much as fish need water. I wonder if that is why Paul tells men to love their wives, but for wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). I also wonder if our wives really know how much we men need respect. If men are put down or dishonored in the workplace, then they need to find respect at home. Or sometimes men find respect in the workplace, and then are not respected by their wife at home.

I’ve seen women chip away at their man’s respect through the following ways – teasing jabs in public, pointed criticisms of their husband when the wife is with other women, questioning his role as a provider if he doesn’t have a large income, questioning his decisions, or simply not respecting his judgment or abilities. If a man doesn’t feel respected, then he doesn’t feel loved. This issue is probably at the heart of most marriages that are devitalized.

Another Bill Cosby comedy routine shows how the neighbors must have made fun of Noah. "Hey Noah, what are you building? An ark", Noah replies. "Right." Or I can imagine the lumberyard salesman asking Noah why he needed 1000 tons or so of gopher wood. You’re building a what? Hey guys, old Noah is building an ark. Says it’s gonna rain for forty days and forty nights and that we’re all gonna die unless we believe in God. Who does he think he is? Can you imagine the comments Noah and his family received day after day, for 120 years by the way, as people walked by and watched them building the ark?

I can’t see the people telling Noah, Hey, you’re really doing a great job on that Ark. Way to go. No, he got just the opposite—ridicule, anger and indifference – day after day. However, when he trudged home, he received respect from his wife. It’s what kept him going.

The writer of Hebrews gives us another picture of the type of man Noah was.

By faith, Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family (Hebrews 11:7). Noah knew God, and knew that He meant business. He loved his family and would do whatever it took to save them. I think of James Dobson’s dad, who, when he found out that young James was giving his mother problems, gave up preaching on the revival circuit which kept him on the road for months at a time, to take a small pastorate so he could be home with his family.

Noah did more than just build the ark during these 120 years. The Bible also calls him a "preacher of righteousness" (2 Peter 2:5). So he would build and preach. After all, it is in God’s nature to save people who truly repent. Just ask the people of Nineveh who repented upon hearing the message of God through the prophet Jonah. Presumably, if enough people had repented, God would not have had to destroy the world, and the ark could have ended in a museum.

So here is Noah, preaching day after day, and after 120 years, the result is zero – no converts, no large church, nothing. Even this great length of time proves God’s patience to us and his desire to give us every opportunity to change. However, from a worldly point of view, Noah was a colossal failure, a preacher with no converts and wasting his time building a boat to nowhere.

People who follow God closely are often ridiculed, slandered, cursed and called "fools." Paul was called a fool of Christ (1 Corinthians 4:10). It is hard for a wife to see her husband ridiculed, and she was likely ridiculed along with him. A lesser wife would have urged him to quit this folly. Remember Job’s wife, who urged Job to "curse God and die?" Not Norma, who stayed by his side out of love and continued to support and encourage Noah and their three sons and