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    The Sun Rises and Sets
    The Sun Rises and Sets
    The Sun Rises and Sets
    Ebook104 pages1 hour

    The Sun Rises and Sets

    By Dianne Hupka Pedersen

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    About this ebook

    This book touches on many topics, and youll experience some of them as well as others on your journey through the grief process, particularly if youve lost a beloved son or daughter. You are embarking on a difficult journey, and you have to find the strength to move forward. You will undoubtedly never be the same, but you will survive to your ability and in your own time. This book also takes on a twisthow religion and my intuitive side helped me. I hope my advice will benefit you. I dont consider this book a self-help book but an our loss book, a category youd never find online or in a bookstore.

    My journey will take you through a brief history of my family, the different situations I have encountered with the passing of my son, the coping strategies I used, and how I handled some bewildering situations and thoughts. If you are alone on this journeyno spouse or familyit will be more difficult but still doable in our lifelong crisis. The sun rises and sets each day, and youll basically do the same but with some cope. Different strategies and perspectives will assist you. We can only hope over time our sadness and turmoil will not have the better of ourselves but our coping can assist us to move forward as our loved ones would want. A challenge it is, but we will do it.

    Front cover drawn by Michael at age eight

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherWestBow Press
    Release dateApr 10, 2015
    ISBN9781490874074
    The Sun Rises and Sets
    Author

    Dianne Hupka Pedersen

    Dianne Hupka Pedersen was born and raised in Toronto, Canada. She currently resides north of the city with her husband, Borge. Her late son Michael was her inspiration in the writing of this book.

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      Book preview

      The Sun Rises and Sets - Dianne Hupka Pedersen

      cover.jpg

      Copyright © 2015 Dianne Hupka Pedersen.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      WestBow Press

      A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.westbowpress.com

      1 (866) 928-1240

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      ISBN: 978-1-4908-7406-7 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4908-7408-1 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4908-7407-4 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2015904585

      WestBow Press rev. date: 04/01/2015

      Contents

      Prologue

      Introduction

      Chapter 1 Taking Care

      Chapter 2 You Have To Get On With It

      Chapter 3 Coping

      Chapter 4 Keeping Active

      Chapter 5 Getaway

      Chapter 6 Memories

      Chapter 7 How Are You Doing, Really?

      Chapter 8 Extraordinary Experiences

      Chapter 9 Making Decisions

      Chapter 10 Marital Risks

      Chapter 11 Bereavement

      Chapter 12 Retreat Centers

      Chapter 13 Michael And Mary In The Trees

      Chapter 14 Grief

      Chapter 15 Complex Grief And Depression

      Chapter 16 Joy In Suffering

      Chapter 17 An Empty Nest

      Chapter 18 Different Lifestyles

      Epilogue

      In

      memory of my son,

      Michael Andrew Høegh Pedersen

      Prologue

      Where does one begin? You have to start somewhere, and I’m no procrastinator, so let’s get started before the sun goes down! I thought about writing this book and quickly decided to do it. If everyone took a backseat and hoped others would handle something, it would never get done.

      I decided to write this book about the loss of my son, Michael, not for me but for you. I wanted to share my experiences and some coping strategies that might assist you. This book touches on many topics, and you’ll experience some of them and even others on your journey through the grief process if you have lost a loved one, particularly a son or daughter. You are embarking on a difficult journey, and you have to find the strength to move forward. You will undoubtedly never be the same, but you will survive.

      I could have started my novel perhaps with giving you great hope that everything will be okay, but that’s not my style. I don’t sugarcoat things; your loss is great enough. You will survive, but to your ability and in your own time. Believe in yourself and do things in stride but with caution.

      We all have different stories, but we can learn from the journeys taken by family, friends, acquaintances, and anyone else who has lost a loved one.

      My journey will take you through a brief history of my family, the different situations I have encountered with the passing of my son, the coping strategies I used, and how I handled some bewildering situations and thoughts.

      I hope my advice will benefit you. I don’t consider this book as a self-help book but an our loss book, a category you’d never find online or in a bookstore. This book also takes on a twist—how religion and my intuitive side helped me. Each chapter offers different topics.

      My gifts and abilities helped me cope with my loss and sadness. Crying doesn’t make you a weak person; it shows you are human. The days will come and go, but how you handle them is up to you. If you are alone on this journey—no spouse or family—it will be more difficult but still doable. Keeping well and healthy is a good starting point.

      The loss of a child is such a personal experience; your ability to cope will differ depending on the type of death your child suffered. The next time someone asks you how you’re doing, what’s new, or anything along those lines, don’t lose it; just contain yourself. You can do it. As difficult it is; it isn’t unachievable. Just smile and be polite. Maybe the person has forgotten about or never knew of your loss. Say the minimum or be silent. You’ll get on with life but with sadness.

      Ironically, sadness can help you cope. You could try to become aware you need to work on eliminating some of it and make sure it doesn’t become clinical depression. Enjoy some humor at times. Remember that your loss will always be on your mind even when something makes you laugh. That really got me in the beginning. My take on the word cope is that there isn’t a past tense form of it, because coping is lifelong. Your struggles will differ from others’ struggles, and holding onto good things will give you the strength to survive. Try embracing willpower and determination as coping strategies.

      Our son, Michael, passed on October 22, 2011, at age twenty-four. That was difficult to write. A different mindset took over me after my loss, but my desire to get on with my life was healthy, as is keeping a positive attitude.

      People will not understand your loss unless they have experienced such a loss. People will compare your loss of a son or daughter to their loss of a parent or spouse, but there is no comparison. The wise ones will say they can’t imagine what you’re going through and admit they don’t know what to say. I appreciate that reaction. You may find it difficult to accept other people’s comments; being polite may be your refuge. Wouldn’t it be nice to tell them to hush up? No, don’t go there. The same ignorant individuals would say you’re not handling things well.

      If necessary, put them straight—tell them there is no comparison and change the topic. I experience this time and again with the same narrow-minded and insensitive person. I’ve calmed down now and am making only a valid point of awareness.

      Grieving parents are not alone as much as they might think they are. Many people lose their children. I call them children because even though they may be adults, they are their parents’ children. Trying to cope may seem unbearable at times, but if parents in this situation are patient, they can learn to cope.

      Remember, there isn’t a past tense of cope; it is up to you to cope in an ongoing process. Utilizing your inner self’s qualities, good values, and ethics will assist you in daily healing. Please don’t change and remove any bitterness you may be harboring. It ain’t worth it. If ain’t helps you remember this, then it isn’t bad grammar.

      Many think there isn’t a word to describe a parent who has lost a child. Well, there is. Horeh shakul is a Hebrew word for a parent who has lost a child. This may offer you the comfort it offered me knowing it linked me to God’s people.

      Shortly after my son passed, my husband, Borge, and I got away for English Good Friday on April 6, 2012. We went to the Hamilton Gun Club, southwest of our home. It seemed as if no time had passed since the early eighties when Borge, my fiancé then, would shoot while I slept or read. Trapshooting is definitely a participant’s, not a spectator’s, sport. Borge hoped to rekindle his interest in the sport, and we planned to go to Niagara Falls, a place I find calming and mystic. It must be the Pisces in me!

      Getting away, escaping for even just a weekend, is a good move. You may want to do it because you feel alienated; I

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