Face

Copyright © 2016 by Albert R. Cumberbatch.

Cover by Natasha (Tasha) Cumberbatch, Graphic artist/Illustrator

ISBN:   Softcover   978-1-5245-3520-9

eBook   978-1-5245-3519-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 12/22/2016

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

The Beginning

Ad 2009

Ad 2010

Ad 2012

Ad 2013

Ad 2014

Ad 2015

Ad 2016

Epilogue

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

For Tasha

(Whose thunderous silence of approval is priceless)

Mark Zuckerberg

(For opening Pandora’s Box)

INTRODUCTION

You would notice that Mark Zuckerberg, with a stroke of genius, was onto something here when he created Facebook. His creation, like many others, immediately filled a gaping emotional hole, so to speak, that had arisen in modern society, to wit, a lack of social human interaction.

As usual, I checked with the last princess who, as usual, agreed with what I wanted to do, that is, to write a book, which included my better observations on the human condition. It is said that if you want a friend, get a dog. I say, if you want a person who loves you unconditionally and unquestionably supports your, off-times, not too balanced endeavors, have a daughter, or as many as you choose. The last princess would say okay, to my ventures. As I am fully confident, she would say okay, if I failed, fully confident that I would pick up the pieces and move on. If I am successful, the look would say, But of course, you’re my dad. Daughters are like that.

So with such unquestioning support, I ventured into this book. Since Facebook is oftentimes mentioned, favorably, I must say, and funny at times, I decided to make an attempt at contacting its founder Mark Zuckerberg in order to see if he wanted to offer any type of advice or collaboration. What with his giving away his largesse, while, at the same time, increasing the amount of mouths to feed, in his family, so to speak. I figured whatever extra bucks can be generated here might come in useful.

Which wife in this universe, Melinda accepted, lets her husband give away all of their loot?

But who am I to judge the affluent? Me who is precariously and dangerously hanging from the bottom rung of the economic ladder? This collection of written mental images is organized by year, not to lend gravity to the reading event, which it obviously has, but to give our left-brained readers the pleasure of organizing their great adventure as they see fit.

The Beginning

AD 2009

March

Guyana:

Figuring out how to get a manatee to look me in the eye when I try to video it. They never do. Shoo.

Guyana:

An exciting Easter weekend should always include sitting up to your armpits in a man-made lake named Camoudie in Annai with your local hosts and friends while catching fish using a plastic gallon bottle with a four-inch hole close to the bottom of it. It works folks only to be told later by your host that the name of the lake, Camoudie (anaconda) Lake, has history and validity to it.

April

Saw Pretty Woman, the movie, again. Awesome!

May

The reason for holidays is so civil servants can show how powerful they are by shutting down the country for a day! No such power in the USA though, because everything is practically open on holidays— business as usual.

If we kill off all the bad germs, what happens to the good germs?

What do you do when your brother and best friend tells you that he has chest pains and is going to the hospital and you are 3000+ miles away?

My bro is okay, whew! Glory days!

People of strong convictions deserve the best.

The earth may be warming but the oceans sure are not rising. Not so you’ll notice.

I fight my wars on the jogging trails, on parquet floors and gridirons and on one side of a four-foot high net, and struggling up mountainsides. That the world should follow.

Impending departure always leave me in two states of mind; sad that I am leaving and happy that I will be changing scenery.

I won’t quit until women have full equality.

- Guyana’s Hon. Minister of Education, Priya Manickchand

Is that ever possible?

June

Is it humanely possible for all races and religions to coexist peacefully? I think not. I think coexistence transcends religion and economics but not power, which is innate to all human beings.

Finally! Got 60 percent of my first book written. Y’all don’t start ordering first copies yet, booker pals. Plan to surprise myself by Christmas.

What defines a beautiful woman?

Do we blame others for our predicaments?

Really?

July

If humans could live forever, we would destroy this planet in one-half the rate we are doing it now.

What racial profiling by the police in America? Yeah, right.

Men lay down their lives to defend their loves. Women lay down their lives for unrequited love.

A complete checkup is like an autopsy. They check into everything.

The die has been cast. The commitment made. One small step for me, one giant leap for my... book-publishing ambitions.

August

To all my friends who are inviting me to play games, my sincere apologies, I am unable to spend so much time on my PC with all the other work I have to do. So sorry.

I’m trying to become the number one hero in hero world.

Fault truly lies with the romantics.

So I decided to run another marathon. What should I do first? Talk to the triumvirate of course.

Chatting member #3 (The youngest):

— Hi... How are you? — Fine, Dad.

— What are you doing?

— Waiting for school to start.

— Oh, why?

— Not much to do now, okay, Dad.

— I’m going to run a marathon again.

— Oh, okay, Dad.

— You’re invited to attend. I have your support right?

— Okay. Where and when?

— Boston, in May.

— That’s past, Dad.

— I mean 2010.

— Okay, but I have school.

— Call in sick.

— You know Mom won’t go for that.

— Sigh. But it’s a Saturday!

— Okay.

— Well, we’ll talk, honey. Love you.

— Love you too, Dad.

(Very chatty, that girl.) —

Sigh.

September

The world is made up of those who perform ‘inhumanity to man’ and harmful acts to other livings, and to Gaia (Mother Earth) on one hand, and those who bear witness either by their recording history or placidly observing it.

If at first you don’t succeed, try money.

The blind can’t drive because the sighted won’t let them.

Your Lamborghini is only as fast as the eighteen-wheel rig in the passing lane.

On life’s highway, there is always an eighteen-wheeler up ahead in the passing lane.

The gas station is always on the wrong side of the road.

I have a split personality; a very funny person or a smartass. I love the latter best myself.

Do not ever be anesthetizing to the beauty of Mother Nature.

Everyone is entitled to make himself a consummate jackass at least once or maybe twice. After that, break out the straitjackets.

October

I’m just catch and release, said the avid angler.

The stranger always has an advantage in chaos; he can’t lose his way, only find it.

Subjectivity, like religion, must never be debated. Objectivity must never be trusted.

Life contradicted itself.

All of men’s actions are driven by one biological imperative, which is...

Our eyes are the mirrors from which others’ behaviors are shaped.

Blame it on Galileo.

Men always tell the truth until we’re found out.

Pride in who you are takes precedence over all.

If you give a man a million dollars, he will give the greater half to a woman.

Yes or no?

If women ruled the world—and I ain’t complaining, mind you—what changes should we expect?

People with no opinions should not have your back in a firefight.

He who has never had a broken heart is probably living under a rock.

To climb the mountain of life is a bitch, but the best view is from the top.

November

Whence the most depraved? Those who kill, or those who need to parade the killed?

It’s truly amazing how you can be so stressed about something and a casual friend will just casually solve it for you. I love humanity!

The NE Patriots broke my heart. I’m so angry I could spit nails.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Auntie Katie comes to me, speaking words of wisdom. Let it be. (With apologies to the Beatles.)

December

Ever so, but not too often, one must have the brasos de cajones to reinvent oneself.

I’ve made it my life’s work to either make people laugh or make them feel good about themselves. Sometimes, I’m not too successful either way.

To the observer, moral outrage is economical and/or political. To those involved, it’s emotional and/or economical, principally speaking.

I love rituals and I love holidays, and there is none that comes close to the Christmas season. Even the Christians seem to forget the real reason for it. Bring on the masquerade band! Break out the eggnog!

Oh, and let’s go to a New Year’s Eve mass at Brickdam Cathedral. Before the ball!

Oh, Holy Night,

C’mon now, which one you sing along to?

Luciano Pavarotti, Nat King Cole, Billy Eckstine, Perry Como, Leontine Price, Dame Kiri te Kanawa, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Sarah Vaughn, Shirley Bassey, Saint-Martins-in-the-Fields, Whitney Houston, etc. etc.?

My tolerance for your beliefs should be reflected in your intolerance for mine.

Waaah! Lost my voice! Haven’t had laryngitis since I was a wee bairn. Must be all of my booker friends whom I poke fun at getting the big cajuna to put a hex on me. Can’t jump up for Christmas if you can’t sing. Rats!

Merry Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho! Humbug!

Men are born with a harem complex. This is severely limited by what his woman would allow and what he would lose if he doesn’t keep it in his mind, only.

AD 2010

January

New Year’s Resolution #1:

The quest for the Holy Grail continues.

New Year Resolution #2

I will not eat tuna again until the United Nations places restrictions on Japan in order to ensure the survival of the species. JOIN ME!

Friends lie and say I am generous and forgiving, but they tell the truth when they say, on the highway of life, when I reach a fork in the road, I take it.

Come fly with me. Not like a stone trying to grow wings but like a soaring eagle, aloft and ahead.

A dark day in infamy. My beloved NE Patriots lost to Baltimore Ravens. Break out the Prozac. These were the days men say when said Christ slept!

I will always question the wisdom of God when children die.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Be nice to your kids. Someday they’ll be choosing your nursing home!

If you believe that man does not have faith in man, you have not driven over Donner Pass, CA, during rush hour, in January!

Ultimately,