All Through the House and Other Tales from a Random Place

Billy! whispered Leah. Billy! Wake up!

What? groaned Billy. Though he hadn’t yet learned how to read the time, little Billy could tell it was late in the night by looking out the window. The sky was an inky black, with only the light fluttering of snow passing by the window to break the dark monotony.

Do you hear that? Leah asked.

Before Billy could even ask what she was talking about, a thumping sound from downstairs chased away any sleep he still had. He looked his older sister in the eye, both of them silently agreeing that the sound could be only one thing. Santa was here.

Without saying another word, Billy and Leah slipped their feet into their slippers and slowly left their bedroom. They walked carefully, so the floorboards would not creak. With a gentle pace, they crawled down the staircase. Leah halted before she reached the bottom and crouched down, peering between the wooden bars of the bannister. Billy expected to see a large smile plastered on her face, delighted by the sight of the jolly old elf eating the cookies they had laid on a plate before they’d gone off to bed.

But there was no smile. There was nothing. Leah stared blankly into the living room, her mouth opened slightly. When Billy caught up with her and looked for himself, his blood turned to ice.

There, in front of the Christmas tree, carefully holding an ornament between two elongated claws, stood a thin skeletal being. Its bright red skin hung loosely from its thin and brittle-looking frame. A small turtle-like head on top of its long thin neck moved from side to side, mesmerized by the glass figurine. It was a little Mickey Mouse, dressed in a Santa suit and crossing off names from a list with a long feather quill. It held the mouse to its face and opened its two large nostrils, which up until that moment had not been there. It could shut them as tightly as the children could shut their eyes, something which the creature seemed to be incapable of. Large yellow eyes took up the majority of its face, but not once did the creature blink.

Having grown bored with the ornament, the thin specter gently hung it back on its designated branch on the pine tree, then turned to other matters. Its large eyes had fallen on the plate of cookies and the glass of milk. With its two fingered hand, it lifted the glass, then opened its maw. A large prehensile tongue that shot out into the glass. Within seconds, the milk vanished from its container, leaving behind a puff of steam, as if it had boiled off in an instant. The cookies met a similar fate when the figure took the plate and placed it in its mouth. When it pulled the plate back out, all the cookies had vanished. Not even the smallest crumb was left behind.

Then, to Billy’s horror, Leah gasped. It was the lightest of gasps, one that only the most alert of adults would have picked up, or perhaps a guard dog. And even then, they wouldn’t have thought much of it. But the red creature heard, and jerked its head toward them. With wide, serpentine eyes, it regarded the two small children huddled at the bottom of the staircase.

It began to crawl toward them, walking on its knuckles as it tried to place its long bent legs in ways that would not knock any of the furniture over. Billy wanted to run to his room and hide, but he couldn’t move. Leah sat there, just as frozen as he was, her lip quivering as the red-skinned creature approached them. Then, it stopped, looming over the two with arched back. Billy could count the ribs in its chest and the vertebrae protruding from its neck. He believed he would cry, but looking into those yellow eyes was oddly soothing. It turned to Leah.

"Lee…ah…, it groaned in a hoarse voice. Gut."

The creature tilted its head back. It began to make a hacking sound. How-how-how it went, like a cat expelling a hairball. Its throat expanded as a large ball was pushed up, while snow-white tears streamed from its eyes. Then, without warning, it spat up a box wrapped in gold and silver wrapping paper. The phlegm that clung to it evaporated within seconds. Then, it turned to face Billy.

"Whhilll…jem… it groaned. Gut."

The two children watched with astonishment as the creature repeated the process, this time expelling a large thin box and a set of three smaller boxes from its mouth. Once finished, the creature panted heavily to catch its breath. It reached out its hands and placed it on both brother and sister’s heads, brushing its thin talons through their hair.

"Staaai…gut," it muttered, before crawling on all fours to the chimney and climbing up into it. The moment it vanished, the fire, which had died long before the children’s bedtime, reignited. They could hear the faint sound of bells, gently fading away into the cold December night.

Billy felt that he could move again. While still reeling over what they had just witnessed, his curiosity compelled him to step out and unwrap the boxes the creature had spit out. He made quick work of the wrapping paper and beamed with delight when he saw the Silverado train set that he’d wanted for weeks now. The three smaller boxes contained an additional car each. Leah, on the other hand, found that her box contained the Little Suzy doll that she had asked from Santa.

Both children took their new toys up to their shared bedroom and laid in bed with them. Though neither of them could find their sleep. For both children wondered the same thing as they clung tightly to their gifts.

What if they had not been "gut?"

~

Elephants need feeding. I can hear ‘em from their pen. They trumpet loud enough for anyone to hear when they get hungry. I run around with my barrow to grab some of the hay. Got enough till summer. Find some other way to get more by then. Thank God the giraffes don’t eat as much. They’re doing fine on their own. Breaks my heart whenever I can’t feed one of my critters. Had been times where all I could do was watch ‘em starve. The chimps were the worst, back during the first winter.

I remember the early days, right after it happened. The bombs went off across the ocean. The clouds got real dark from all the ash in the air, and we hadn’t had sunshine in two months. Food stopped coming to the city when the crops went bad. Guess them farmers went on hoarding it for themselves. Heard something once about the national guard trying and failing to storm the farmer’s depots. In the cities, we had nobody who knew how to grow food and people started starving to death. The dead piled up so fast we had to put ‘em into garbage bags and chuck ‘em into pits of fire.

Then came the riots in the streets, with people killing each other over a can of beans. We expected the mob to storm the zoo any day an eat all the animals. Then the snow started falling, and the cities emptied out. Everyone ran out west. Even most of the people who worked at the zoo left. Not me though. Had nowhere else to go. The animals needed keeping, so me and two others stayed.

I was the last one left outta all the keepers. Lisa died that first winter from hypothermia. She worked herself to death during the coldest days. Chuck died trying to fight off looters we caught trying to swipe the feed from the storage shed. Now it was just me. Those two are at peace now, buried at the foot of the big oak near the empty gazelle pen. Sometimes I’m glad they never got to see it, though. Those long winters where it got real bad. It would’ve broken their hearts. Like it did mine, seeing the critters suffer like they did.

I remember the sight of ‘em, in the ape house. All the chimps, huddled into the corner of their pen, looking for scraps. I figured that they’d hold on until the winter ended. Then they turned on each other. I hadn’t figured on that.

Chuck, Nada, Kobo, and her young’n were the only ones left. Had no choice but to let ‘em out in the spring. I still see ‘em from time to time in the trees. I do miss ‘em. But there’s something about a chimp screaming its lungs out and biting through another’s throat that changes your idea of apes. They ain’t that cute no more, that’s for sure. Their blood-stained teeth. That possessed look they get in their eyes. Never been more scared of any animal in my entire life. Except for one.

After running over the bridge, I reach the elephant pen. They were waiting for me near the fence. Hungry and happy to see me, despite the weather getting colder. Bala rubs her trunk on my head. She used to be so shy of people as a calf. Now she’ll cuddle up to people better than any of ‘em. ‘Course it’s just me now, but still. Barbar is stomping around right behind her, trying to push her aside and trumpeting like some overexcited angry kid in the marching band.

Hey, pipe down ya impatient mongrel! At least we got food now, I yell at him.

They say elephants never forget. Don’t know about never, but Barbar seems to have forgotten those winters where all I could muster up for food was tree bark. First rule of surviving winter: keep the elephants alive. Their crap is the best fuel in this place. Last you longer than trees, and it don’t run out unless you lose your elephant. And you’ll need to keep the heat up. Especially these days. You can use the droppings to run lil’ stoves and put ‘em in the pens. I couldn’t save the tropical critters that way, but the others are just dandy with a nice well-placed stove for warmth. Pachyderm crap also works wonders on a lil’ generator I found to keep the reptile house working.

After feeding Bala and Barbar, it was time for the birds in the aviary. That meant walking under the overpass. I checked the sun. The girls don’t start their rounds ‘till nightfall, and they tend to go into town, outside their territory, to find food. They sleep most of the day, so it should be safe to walk the route.

But what about Sandokan? No, as long as I walk relaxed and keep my mask on, I should be fine. Or so I tell m’self every time I make the walk. Can’t fault ‘em for their nature, but it’s sure easy to get peeved when you’re down on the food chain these days. But we got an agreement. At least, I think we do.

The overpass is straight ahead. Kinda grey, covered in ivy vines. You can still tell it used to be white. I walk under it pushing my barrow for less than a minute when I get the feeling I’m being watched. Sandokan? No, it ain’t him. The rhythmic panting and the sound of overgrown paw nails tapping on the concrete road? Coyote, or one of the African wild dogs that roam around here? I turn to look to see a lil’ pup running after me. Big ears and covered with black and brown spots. It’s a wild dog all right. I try to shoo him away. Don’t want him staying down here too long.

Shoo mutt! Get outta here. Back to the hill with your ma!

It sits down and looks up at me. Little hungry eyes. For a minute I think of the jerky I have back at my shack. Feed the lil’ guy. Keep ‘im alive. Maybe give him a home.

No! He has a home. The wild. He’s free. They ain’t pets. Only the ones that can’t take care a’ themselves I feed.

Before I get to think it over, a bigger dog comes running in. The pup’s ma. She ignores me as she grabs her pup in her jaws and runs back to what used to be the ol’ meerkat hill, before the wild dogs chased ‘em out. Meerkats now live somewhere hidden, fighting with squirrels and raccoons over food.

Sometimes it feels like they don’t really need me. Like they never needed anyone. They find their way, even when all the people slowly died off with the growing cold. Still, there’s also a bunch of other critters that do need my help with feeding and cleaning. Can’t leave those guys by themselves. I’m their keeper.

I walk on, under the overpass and toward the aviary. Behind me I hear the happy yelping of little wild dogs.

***

I’ve been working at the zoo since I was sixteen. Dropped right outta high school and went straight to work here. I didn’t know much about nothing, on account of me being pretty dumb. But I knew about animals. Fact it, that’s all I really knew. Wanted to be a vet when I was a kid, but that got unlikely considering my grades. But you don’t need no degree to shovel shit, so that was the one job I could do that kept me close to the animals.

I was never any good with people. Even before it happened, I didn’t spend much time with ‘em. Can’t explain why though. There’s just something that calms me, sitting among critters, watching ‘em eat their fill and be satisfied.

People are never satisfied. You feed ‘em till they’re full, and they’re already thinking about their next meal. Give ‘em shelter? They want to be entertained as well, or it ain’t worth the trouble. Gimme some critters to feed any day. At least they appreciate what they got, without needing to lose it first. And they don’t start shit that brings the rest of us down. They would never cause anything like this. If it was up to ‘em, we’d still have blue skies.

***

I reach the aviary. The large dome shaped cage surrounded by the little smaller cages for the birds of prey. ‘Bout a year back, I put all the smaller, friendlier birds together in the aviary to keep better track of ‘em. When winter comes, I put ‘em inside the empty gorilla house to keep ‘em warm. The gorilla house is well insulated, properly heated and comfortable for ‘em, and plenty of room to fly around. Might as well use it, since it ain’t had apes since the first winter.

That one winter was the worst. I was the only one left to look after the animals. Lost so many. Starved or frozen to death, including the gorillas. Worst was when the chimps turned on each other. Turned their pen into a bloodbath, ripped the baby from its momma and ate it. All I could do was watch through the glass. The last time I let any of ‘em go hungry. The critters needed me, and I wasn’t gonna leave ‘em the way the others did. Even if the world was crumbling down into dust, I would stay with ‘em. I was the keeper, and it was my job to keep ‘em safe.

That was four years ago. Turned out the world didn’t end that night. Just our human world. No more busy streets. No more shopping on the weekend. No more Super Bowl. No nothing. Just empty streets, left behind by folks trying to run. It’s just me that’s left, along with the animals.

I grow food through the summer for the herbivores. Turned the old patch of land behind the ol’ panda house into a lil’ field for corn and hay. I can grow just enough to get all of ‘em through the winters. I’m just glad the elephants like bark every now and then, or the giraffes would be starving too.

The carnivores are tricky. I let most of ‘em out during the last days of the first winter. Most I never saw again, but some stuck around and still pop up every now and then. The girls, seven lionesses, roam the edges of the zoo. They hunt deer and other small stuff. They’ve gotten a bit thin, so I think they might move soon if they can’t hunt enough in the area. The wild dogs, the hyenas, and the cougars are around, but I hear ‘em more than see ‘em. And then there’s Sandokan. He’s out there now, probably watching me.

This is pretty much my day to day work. Checking on all the animals. Feeding ‘em. Cleaning their cages. Keeps me busy. Keeps me from going crazy. Just me and the animals. They don’t show much gratitude or nothing, and they don’t need to. I’m the one who should be grateful, giving me purpose and all. If I didn’t have ‘em, I would’a probably never started growing the crops and the hay.

Pretty much live off what I grow. Can’t remember the last time I had meat for myself. Sometimes I find a dead deer or something, but that usually goes right inna Slim’s pen in the reptile house. Slim’s the Komodo dragon. He ain’t too picky on the quality of food, so that’s a plus. Anything else I can find, I give to the smaller lizards, but they’re fine with the roaches I catch in the shed.

It’s still hard on all of us. Weather ain’t getting better, and we’re lucky if the rain don’t burn us. And the storms are getting more frequent. Ripped one of the trees right outta the ground a few weeks back. Found a dead chimp near it. Didn’t know him, so that means there’s new critters being born. Good for them.

Dang. All this reminiscing made me forget the time. All the birds are happy eating their share, so they’re good for now. Need to check the small mammals. Them aardvarks get antsy when they don’t get their bugs. They should be happy I save each dead ant, fly, and spider I find. I’ll need to sprint to the other side of the zoo.

Looks like rain’s coming. And I don’t wanna run into nothing when it’s pouring. Least of all Sandokan.

***

I leave the small mammal house when I hear the shouting. It’s coming from the south. Scavengers? A few years back there was a group of ‘em looking for food. Lost the bison an’ two Scottish Highlanders. Had to beef up the security after that. I ain’t got any weapons, so I had to set some traps. Did they fall in them?

I grab my shovel and head south. I’ll take a few of the shortcuts down to the hippo pens. They’re the only ones left in the south of the park. They should be safe from harm in their pit. Nobody gonna pull ‘em out anytime soon.

Thunder from above. Rain’s starting. It’s bad to be out in the rain. But I have to make sure them trespassers ain’t up to something. I try to cover my eyes when the first drops of rain begin to fall. Last thing I need is burning eyes. Take some cover under the trees, avoid most of the heavy rain.

By the pen. Three—no, four of ‘em. Two guys, a girl with a baby. Skinny, sorry looking bunch. Their clothes are worn down pretty bad. They’re looking in the pen. Are they planning on going after—?

Look, there’s food down there. They’re being fed, one of the guys yells out to the others.

Someone’s feeding them? Who? the other one asks.

Dunno. A zoo keeper maybe. That means someone is growing crops here. There’s food here, he shouts with excitement.

We should ask if they’ll share. Maybe they’ve got cows here and we can get milk for Dylan, the girl suggested.

No cows here, miss. But there’s a few yaks left on the north side. That’s when it sinks in. People. People to talk to again. A family who was desperate for help. Desperate for food and shelter. Needing help only I can give ‘em. I knew what I had to do.

To draw attention, I pull out the little red whistle I hide under my shirt and blow on it. The three look up, looking around ‘em. They don’t see me, so I stand up and make myself heard.

Hey! You folks all right? I yell out.

They turn around in shock. Must’ve not seen another soul in a long while. Or they have, and they wished they hadn’t. The taller guy steps forward.

Who are you? he asks, trying to sound intimidating.

I live here. I’m the keeper round these parts. You folks okay? We’re hungry. We’ve been on the road for months. Do you maybe have some food to spare? he says.

And do you have anything like milk? My baby needs food and I’m … my— the girl adds.

We’re a bit tight, but I’m sure I can find you folks something to eat. Follow me. I gesture ‘em towards me. They follow, barely able to walk on account of being so hungry. I’ve been there. So desperate and starving you can barely think. I’ll take care of ‘em.

Where are we going? the tall man asks.

I got me a cottage with a kitchen on the other side of the park, not far from the elephants. Got me a generator and a furnace, so it’s plenty warm, I tell ‘em.

The girl smiles to the guys. Probably haven’t seen electricity in years. Funny how happy you can make someone with something you once took for granted. Not that I’ll ever take warmth and food for granted ever again.

Are you the only one here? the shorter guy asks.

Yeah, it’s jus’ me. Me and the animals. Ever since ‘it’ happened, I’ve been the only one to take care of ‘em. We’re doin’ all right, though. Some of ‘em aren’t locked up no more, so be careful of the chimps. They bite when they’re angry.

We walk for a while. The girl is covering her baby with what’s left of her clothes. The two guys keep looking around as if they’re scared of something.

You folks all right? Acting all nervous?

We’re sorry, the tall guy says. We’re not used to being treated like this.

Like what?

Properly, the girl chimes in. With kindness.

S’alright. Just being neighborly. Been a while for me since I had guests, so it’s just nice to be nice, y’know.

I think we’re being watched, the short guy says.

We might be, I tell ‘im. Like I said, lots of chimps around these trees. There’s also smaller monkeys, wild dogs and ocelots all around. Had to let ‘em out when the food ran low. Never expected ‘em to do so well.

Are we almost there? the tall guy asks.

Yeah, we just gotta go under that overpass over there. ‘Bout four minutes walk from here to my place, I tell him.

We enter the underpass, getting out of the rain for a bit. The baby wails loudly.

We can get your baby some milk from the yaks later, when the rain stops, I tell the girl.

She smiles at me. The best news she’s heard all day. Then she hears it. We all hear it. A different thunder. Deep, growling thunder.

What was that? The girl asks.

We hear it again. Closer. One by one we turn. The girl gasps. The short guy whimpers as he pisses his pants. The tall guy says nothing. I bite my lip, as I know exactly what’s coming. A large shape comes out from among the trees. Heavy paws with sharp black claws come down on the pavement.

Sandokan. Right behind us. Hungry. Angry. His teeth bared. His orange fur glistening in the rain. Sandokan, the Malayan tiger, found himself some prey. And that would be us.

The short guy starts running for it. Dumb-ass turned his back. That’s just giving the tiger the okay to start hunting. Sandokan lunges at the short guy, digging his teeth in the soft fleshy part of the guy’s neck. Blood stains Sandokan’s white and orange fur. His eyes sparkle as he tastes the fresh kill on his tongue. He chows down again and begins to wiggle the guy in his jaw like a rag doll.

Eric! Goddammit, let go of him! the tall guy screams, grabbing a rock and throwing at the two-hundred-pound tiger.

One hits Sandokan right above the eye. That oughta piss ‘im off real good. He roars and moves his mind onto the tall guy.

The stupid son of a bitch stands there frozen. Might as well have a sign that says Eat me, I’m easy meat ‘round his neck.

I grab the girl by the wrist and make a run for it.

Sandokan lunges at the other guy and with one swipe of his paw rips the guy right open. The guy falls screaming to the ground, holding his guts in his hands. It’s worse than a stuck pig, and it don’t stop until Sandokan pulls his throat out by his teeth.

Kevin! the girl screams.

Sandokan’s head jolts up, baring his teeth. He lowers his back, his black eyes looking at nothing but us. Two pieces of running prey, with their back to the hungry tiger. From the corner of my eye, I see him get real low to the ground. He’s gonna pounce. We keep running. We stop running, we’re dead.

Sandokan leaps and gives chase after us, so I jolt up the hill with the trees. The girl’s arm in my one hand, my shovel in the other.

C’mon. We gotta go up the tree. Keep running! I shout. Sandokan lets out a roar. He’s coming for us.

And the girl can hardly climb. She’s too weak. Not an ounce of

strength in her withered arms. She tries her best, but can hardly pull herself up by

the tree’s branches.

I can’t! I can’t do it, she cries. She suddenly holds the baby up to me, tears rollin’ down her face. Take him! Please take him. Save my baby!

She holds the kid out to me. He screams as the rain falls on his little face. I know what to do. I nod and take the baby from her.

Don’t worry, miss. It’ll be all right, I tell her.

She smiles, still sobbing heavily.

Sandokan slowly walks toward us. He roars, louder and deeper than any thunder.

The girl is paralyzed with fear. She looks at me again. Her eyes widen as I raise the kid above my head.

In one quick move, I chuck the kid at Sandokan, who snatches it outta the air like a dog with a tennis ball, not missing a beat. She screams, clutching her hair. She wails loudly as Sandokan chows down on his meal. She doesn’t even notice when I put on my mask on the back of my head, raise my shovel, and bring it down, burying it deep in her skull.

***

It’s late at night. I’m sitting comfy in front of my self-made fire place. It’s really just the stove with the lil’ door opened, but it works just fine. Turned the generator off for the night, so I don’t waste too much oil. I throw another elephant turd on the flames. The pot on top of my stove is stewing nicely. Happy I could get so much meat from something so skinny. Whatever’s left I can always give to Slim. Komodo dragons ain’t too picky when it comes to eating. It’s been a while since I had me some good meat. It’s the only kind I ever eat anymore, if I get it. Not many folks drop by like them folks today. Last time I had me some was when them other fellers tried to run off with the bison and the Highlanders. And just like tonight, Sandokan took care of them bastards trying to move in on my zoo. He took claim of the stolen critters as well, leaving me with what was left of the looters, but at least now we’ve come to an understanding. Don’t know what it was, but we had ourselves an agreement that night. The zoo needed two keepers. One to keep everyone fed. One for protecting.

Neither of us eats any animal from the park. In return, I bring the drifters, the looters, and the beggars into the park. Blow the red whistle loud enough, and he’ll come running towards the noise. That’s when we hunt ‘em. We take ‘em out and split the meat. I go on keeping the animals alone, and Sandokan goes on living with a full belly. Well, we both do.

And why the hell not? Should I feel bad for those poor people? It’s them that made this happen to our world. Making the sky dark. Making the rain burn. Their kind left all the animals here starving. Not me though. I keep ‘em alive. And the tiger protects ‘em, even if he just does it to get himself a decent meal. It all works out.

Oh, my stew’s done. Dinner time.

~

I move seven of the fingers on one of my thousandfold hands, and with it, I set the skies ablaze. Which skies? All of them. The little ones scream as all they have ever know collapses around them. And I will not stop there.

I hunger. I hunger for every little thing and every soul that roams these vast spaceways. I am the great eater of all, feasting on this existence. Planets and moons are flung from their trajectories. Liquids boil. Gasses solidify. Solids melt. Then I turn it all sideways and downwards, making fire freezing to the touch and the darkness blinding.

With my many jaws, I crush the very fabric of this reality. Time dissolves at my touch, like snow in the sun. My many wings shatter gravity and the laws of nature themselves. I peel away the threads of sanity, leaving countless mad and writhing, foaming at the mouth as they scratch their eyes from their sockets.

The scene has played out its welcome. The time to finish it all has come. I grasp my clawed hand onto the still beating heart of this universe and rip it from its place, squeezing it to a pulp. Light dies. The stars crumble. Billions of lives come to a close in that instant. Lovers