Get the Girl: Dating the High-Value Woman

Copyright © 2022 Andrea LaRosa.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

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Archway Publishing

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ISBN: 978-1-6657-2484-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-2483-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-2485-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022910670

Archway Publishing rev. date: 06/17/2022

CONTENTS

Introduction: Get the Girl

Chapter 1   The High-Value Woman

Chapter 2   The First Date

Chapter 3   The Curse of Online Dating

Chapter 4   Standards vs. Expectations

(Expectations Are the Devil!)

Chapter 5   The Myth of the Alpha

Chapter 6   The Fuck Boy Dilemma

Chapter 7   The 10

Chapter 8   Boundaries

Chapter 9   Talking Isn’t Communicating

Chapter 10 Body Language

Chapter 11 When Yin Meets Yang

Chapter 12 Straight Men Don’t Talk

Chapter 13 Flirting

Chapter 14 Your Broken Picker

Chapter 15 Filling in the Gap

Chapter 16 Fuck the Spark

Epilogue: The Return of the Fuck Boy

About The Author

INTRODUCTION

Get the Girl

First off, in no way is this book related to Matthew Hussey’s Get the Guy, nor did he collaborate on this project. This book is my version of how to start attracting women. Not girls—actual women. Men reading this might be thinking, Same damn thing! But honestly, the words you use are indicative of how you treat us. When you call us girls, then we are not your equal. And frankly, dude, you’re right! We’re better than you.

Yep! I’m going to double down on that one. We. Are. Better.

Want to know why? It’s because we actually hold all the cards. As soon as men realize that, life will change and mankind will freak the fuck out! I am not being a traditional feminist here—I’m a realist. And a note: my advice in this book is for and about the general population. There are always exceptions to the norm, but unless you are working with me one-on-one, then all of my advice will be geared towards that general population.

Back to how women hold all the cards. We can give birth to new life, not figuratively but literally. Men cannot have children without us. We can, however, have children without them. And we only need one man for a whole village of women. Men have seen that particular point as their power for ages—just one can impregnate an entire town of women! Men can have all the sex they want and not have to deal with nine months of discomfort.

But that’s all backwards. As women, we could get rid of the majority of men and still have the lives we desire: the children, the picket fence, the dog, the whole nine yards. (I’m pretty sure Hollywood has made TV shows and films about this very concept …) There is nothing a man can do that a woman cannot do. But clearly there are things men cannot do that women can do. That’s reason #1 why we hold the cards.

Reason #2 is that in today’s society, we have this thing called consent. That means a man cannot just take what he wants from women. Sure, it’s not a perfect system (probably won’t ever be), but it is leaps and bounds ahead of where we used to be even a century ago. We teach our children and the next generations about consent. How consent is sexy as fuck (AF). How to ask before touching another person. How to check in with your partner when becoming intimate. Okay, fine, not everybody does that, but we’re getting there. Baby steps of progress are better than no progress.

Reason #3 is that women in heterosexual relationships are no longer dependent on the husband being the provider. It’s now a choice we can make for ourselves. I would never condemn anyone who chooses any specific path—free will allows us to decide our own path in life. Some women choose to stay at home; others choose to get an education, have a career of their own, and be the breadwinners for their families.

Which brings me to what this book will be about. So often, I hear men say I want to date a strong, independent woman. If I had a nickel for every time I heard a man say that, I could have retired years ago! They are attracted to women who have a mind of their own, men say. They want a woman who has her shit together, who can take care of herself, who is passionate.

Then he gets her. He’s so excited at first! He is intrigued by her every time he sees her. Then he dumps her. She’s confused. She’s hurt. She is everything he said he was looking for. So why didn’t it work out? Why didn’t he fight for her?

If you’re a woman and this has happened to you, you might be shouting, YES! Why?? If you’re a man reading this, then you might be feeling sheepish right now. But I didn’t write this book to make you feel bad! That is not my intent, not at all. I wrote this book to identify some challenges in dating that strong, independent woman. I wrote this book to help you better understand her and how you can play a role in her life. I want you to be the pillar to her rock.

Think of it this way. Have you ever listened to presidents talk about their experiences in politics? Have you ever heard one not thank his wife for being the support he needed? At some point, every president has talked about his relationship with his partner, how she supported him and created space in their marriage for him to pursue his dreams. That’s because women are strong and know how to balance a family, a career (for some), and a husband with big dreams. Also, women are designed to multitask. Men are so much better if they can focus on one thing at a time, which spills into their approach to relationships.

That strong, independent woman whom men seek is the high-value woman. If you’re that woman, you have made it on your own, and now you must learn how to allow a man into your space. Relationships need balance to survive, and high-value women have learned to live without a man. You might even be afraid that if you let someone into your world—truly let them in—then everything will come crashing down on you. But I’m here to tell you that it won’t! Have trust in yourself. When we have solid boundaries that we know how to effectively communicate, then we can have it all.

On the other side of the equation, a man pursuing a high-value woman must learn how to support her and still feel supported himself. He needs to learn how to ask for what he needs without feeling intimidated by her strength. Most women are not trying to make men feel inferior, but high-value women are used to being in charge of their lives. A high-value woman is afraid that a man will upset her apple cart, and it can take a minute for her to let go of the reins. Gentlemen, give her time! I promise, she’s worth it.

1

The High-Value Woman

A Hot Mess

INDULGE ME FOR a moment as I describe a date gone awry. I share this story to showcase the dilemma of men who are seeking out high-value women.

He did everything wrong. First, he misrepresented himself on the profile—he sold himself as a working professional. He said he was a realtor, but he wasn’t a working realtor. In fact, he actually had four jobs.

But before we get to that, let’s start at the beginning of the date. We matched on the app and started to chat via text right away. I liked that we didn’t do any of the typical interview questions—instead, he said he wanted to meet up. Great! I prefer to meet in person right away.

So we set a time and date. I offered to meet him halfway because I believe that a first date is about both people feeling comfortable, not just me. He appreciated that, and we agreed on a restaurant. We met for lunch, which always makes for a nice first date because it’s casual. Plus, it’s light out during the day, which means it’s safer. (Whether you’re a man or woman reading this, if safety is at all a concern for you, please stick to the day dates!)

We arrived at the same time. When he got out of the car, I immediately thought, He doesn’t look like his profile pictures at all! In person, he looked kind of scrawny (not a deal breaker but off-putting), and he was not dressed for an adult first date. He reminded me of the fifteen-year-old boys I went to school with, the ones who wore clothes that were two sizes too big because they hoped that would make them appear bigger.

I wasn’t attracted to him, but I thought, Well, he might be a nice guy. It’s not always about being attracted right away—if he’s the right guy, then attraction can build over time. Besides, I wasn’t looking for a quick connection; I was looking for something long-lasting. We’d had some cool chats so far, so he couldn’t be that bad, right?

We sat down at our table. Immediately, he didn’t shut up. Oversharing, rambling about his childhood, dropping bombs about his kid whom he’d never mentioned before, dropping the baby mama. Then he told me about a painting of his he’d sold on social media for a lot of money and that he’d donated the money to a breast cancer society (a not-so-humble brag).

I asked what the drawing was of. He said he’d had it tattooed on himself. Instead of telling me about it, he decided to show it to me—he stood up, took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeve, and flexed his almost-nonexistent muscle.

I held back my laughter. A server walked behind him, and I heard the server say, Whoa! Lunch and a gun show!

Then my date started flexing rapidly, trying to make his tattoo dance. It was sad to watch; I could see the server laughing in the background. But you know what? My date wasn’t embarrassed and didn’t seem to be intimidated by the fact that