All About Evie
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About this ebook
‘It’s an uplifting, rip-roaring read, peppered with nostalgic detail and plenty of comic asides.’ Daily Express
'A golden ray of sunshine. If you're after a funny, uplifting summer read then this is for you!' Libby Page, author of The Lido
'A joyous way to spend an afternoon.' Joannna Nadin, author of The Double Life of Daisy Hemmings
‘Taylor’s writing is sublime, effortlessly combining humour with pathos and spot-on period detail while sensitively exploring themes such as loss, grief, love and death. It’s sure to be another hit.’ Yorkshire Post
'A thoroughly uplifting and unputdownable sequel to the bestselling The Miseducation of Evie Epworth.' Waterstones
1972. Ten years on from the events of The Miseducation of Evie Epworth and Evie is settled in London working for the BBC. She has everything she's ever dreamed of (a career, a leatherette briefcase, an Ossie Clark poncho) but, following an unfortunate incident involving Princess Anne and a Hornsea Pottery mug, she finds herself having to rethink her life and piece together work, love, grief and multiple pairs of cork-soled platform sandals.
Ghosts from the past and the spirit of the future collide in a joyous adventure that sees Evie navigate the choppy waters of her messy twenties. Can a 1960s miseducation prepare her for the growing pains of the 1970s?
Big-hearted, uplifting, bittersweet and tender, All About Evie is a novel fizzing with wit and alive to the power of friendship in all its forms.
Praise for The Miseducation of Evie Epworth
‘Tight, clever and riddled with wit. Like discovering Adrian Mole or Bridget Jones for the first time.’ Joanna Nadin, author of The Queen of Bloody Everything
‘A sweet, fizzy sherbet dib-dab of a book - deliciously nostalgic, hugely funny and ultimately heartwarming. The perfect book for our times.’ Veronica Henry
‘Such a joyful and uplifting read. Just the sort of thing that people will want to be reading right now.’ Anita Rani, Radio 2 Book Club
'Full of fabulous characters, sprinkled with joy and drenched in wit.' Milly Johnson
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All About Evie - Matson Taylor
CHAPTER 1
Summer 1972
‘I am the wind. I skeet across tarmac and whoosh over dale. Birds skate along my amorphous limbs and the sun bakes down on my back. I am a sirocco, hot as the desert sand. I fly. I…’
‘Yes. That’s quite enough hot air for today, Evie.’
That’s Pamela, my boss, the producer. I’m in the Woman’s Hour recording studio at Broadcasting House and I’m soundchecking for an Extremely Special Recording. Princess Anne is coming in to do an interview. Amazing. Pamela (grey hair, jodhpur bothering, cruciverbalist) pulled a few horsey strings to get the interview and, ever since, she’s been busy arranging everything with the planning and precision of a moon landing.
And who am I? I’m Evie, a silk-scarf rocking, Biba frocking, hollyhocking, cheesecloth smocking, spatchcocking, coloured stocking, list up-knocking twenty-six-and-a-half-year-old. I grew up on a small farm in Yorkshire (that’s another story) but have been living in London for the past ten years, swinging my way through most of the sixties and hot-panting my way into the seventies. All that time, I’ve been working at the BBC, which makes me, officially, a metropolitan sophisticate who knows her way round an avocado pear and The Observer colour supplement.
I have everything I could ever want in life:
A career
A leatherette portfolio briefcase
An Ossie Clark poncho
When I first got to London, the only practical skills I had were knowing how to change a tyre (car and bike), tie a butcher’s knot and milk a cow. But now I am a modern woman armed with a broad range of modern skills, fully equipped to cope with all forms of modern life (cafetières, continental quilts, flashers).
What I can’t do, though, is keep Pamela happy.
‘Can you do it again,’ she says, huffing extravagantly, ‘but this time don’t lean into the microphone. It’s Princess Anne who’s coming, not Mick ruddy Jagger.’
Pamela’s standing with her arms folded, watching me through the studio glass. She has the nervy energy of an aerosol can and doesn’t look happy (she never really does). She’s in full battledress: tailored jacket and matching skirt. The skirt looks like it doesn’t really know how long it wants to be, so has settled on a compromise around the knees, exposing two heavily deniered mahogany shanks. I’ve opted for mustard trousers, white blouse, and a stirrup-themed silk scarf (in honour of our guest) but have been thoroughly reprimanded by Pamela because, apparently, trousers aren’t what one wears around royalty.
I pull back from the microphone and lick my lips, making them nice and moist. ‘Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran,’ I say, going a bit Cheltenham Ladies’ College.
As I speak, I can see Pamela playing around with the recording console. She’s frowning but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing as she frowns pretty much all the time. She flicks her eyes, cracks out a quick again and then gets back to fiddling with the various dials.
‘Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran,’ I repeat, this time giving it my best Glenda Jackson.
‘Yes. Good. We’re done,’ clips Pamela, sitting back and fingering her giant upside-down apostrophe glasses. She glances at her watch. ‘Eleven-thirty!’ She lets out another monumental huff (Pamela seems to spend all her time breathing out and never breathing in). ‘I need to see Marjorie and run through the questions. Can you get a jug of water and a glass for the Princess? And make sure the studio’s clean and tidy. We don’t want her thinking she’s walked into a garden shed, do we?’ She snatches her handbag from the recording console and bristles out the door.
The studio actually is a bit like a garden shed. The walls are panelled with wood (the same shade as Pamela’s tights) and there’s an underlying mustiness, caused by a damp patch in the carpet tiles (which I tackle with the occasional squirt of Rive Gauche). Non-garden-shed touches include a round table with three fluffy microphones, a photo of Lord Reith, and a door with a couple of coloured lightbulbs over it, each signalling Pamela’s likely reaction if you come in: green, semi-smile; red, death by a thousand tuts.
I think about all the things I have to do before Princess Anne arrives. The main one is practise my curtsey (there’s not much call for curtseying in 1972, even at the BBC) but there are other things too: make sure the recording equipment is ready, get a jug of water and clean and tidy the studio. Pamela’s also asked me to sort out the bookshelf in the editing room and make it suitable for our royal guest. By this she means get rid of the Germaine Greer (well-thumbed) and our review copy of The Joy of Sex (even better-thumbed) and then pad out the remaining books with a couple of Jane Austens and a Brontë she brought in earlier. I’ve decided not to bother doing this, though, as I can’t really see Princess Anne paying much attention to a bookshelf.
But before any of that, I’m going to sit and have a quick ponder. I love to squirrel away moments on my own, a consequence, I think, of being an only child. I’m often to be found lost in thought, weighing up debates and contemplating the important issues of the day, giving my head the feel of the Guardian letters page (the EEC, equal pay, crocheted cheesecloth crop tops).
I look down, staring at the table. Before I know it I’m tracing my finger along its gnarly old grains, picking up a conspicuous squiggle of dust. I smile, thinking of all the people in my past who’d be deeply unimpressed by this (in my village, dust is an evil greater than Satan). The dust worm stares up at me accusingly. I play with it for a while, rolling its squishy greyness between my fingers before flicking it on the floor.
Bugger cleaning and tidying.
I am a modern woman with a terracotta chicken brick and a desktop diary, living in the dirtiest, grubbiest, messiest city in the world.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My dusty reminiscences are interrupted by some loud knocking and a face squashed up against the glass. It’s Joyce, a very nice BBC colleague. There are two important things to know about Joyce:
She comes from Canada
She works in television
Something that I quickly learnt when I started at the BBC is that it’s very tribal. There’s the radio tribe and there’s the television tribe. Each looks down on the other – radio looks down on television because it’s the Populist Opiate of the Masses and television looks down on radio because you’ll never get Bruce Forsyth on the radio. Joyce and I, though, have managed to cross this divide, bonding over a pair of green-and-silver-zigzag platform sandals – hers, not mine.
‘Are you free?’ mouths Joyce through the glass.
‘Yes,’ I mouth back (doing a thumbs up for good measure). ‘Why?’
She doesn’t say anything but just waves her handbag in the air mysteriously.
‘Where’s the old battleaxe, then?’ she asks, as I step into the editing suite.
‘She’s gone to speak to Marjorie,’ I reply. Marjorie (lovely nails, cribbage queen, watercolourist) is the Woman’s Hour presenter. She is the extremely nice yin to Pamela’s always crabby yang.
‘Great. So you’re free?’
‘Well, free-ish. Why?’
She gives her handbag another quick wave. ‘It’s arrived!’
A little thing inside me chafes.
‘Oh. Right. I see.’
‘Yeah, it came in the post this morning,’ she goes on. ‘I’d have gotten here earlier but we’ve had temper tantrums in studio three again. Bloody Gardeners’ World.’
What’s arrived is a home pregnancy test, a piece of Canadian magic that will change the world for ever (like stretch fabrics and colour telly). Joyce asked her cousin to send one over from Canada on account of me missing my time of the month. My GP, Dr Walker, is a lovely sweet old man who I’m happy to talk to about sore throats or a rabies jab but not about anything down below (especially involving sex). The specific sex was with Anders*, a very handsome intern at the Swedish embassy. I met him at a party, where, after quite a few akvavits, he told me that I had great legs (amazing) and that he was going back to Stockholm in two weeks’ time (not amazing). We exchanged numbers and the next morning, I phoned him. And that was that.
*
Name: Anders Engström
From: Sweden
Appearance: blonde hair, blue eyes, strawberry Mivvi lips
Job: intern at Swedish embassy
Seen for: two weeks
Amazing: lovely nails, very good Strindberg joke, first fling with an umlaut
Less amazing: lutist, a little dull, moved back to Stockholm
‘Evie?’
Joyce is staring at me, head fully cocked.
‘Sorry, I was miles away. Yes. I’m ready.’ I clench my fist and stick out my upturned arm.
‘What are you doing?’ she asks.
‘It’s for the test. I thought you’d need to take some blood.’
‘Blood? God, no.’
‘Oh. What do we have to do then?’
‘Pee.’
‘Pee?’
‘Yes, pee. Well not us. You.’
‘What, just pee? How can it tell?’
‘No idea. It must be Canadian magic or something. Come on,’ she says, linking her arm through mine, ‘let’s give it a try before Pamela gets back.’ And she yanks me out the door.
‘Is that it?’ I ask, trying hard to hide my disappointment.
We’re in the ladies’ loos down the corridor from the studio. Joyce has just pulled a small cardboard box from her bag (very dramatically – you can tell she works in television) and is waving it around.
‘What do you mean is that it? This is state-of-the-art stuff. It’s what science is all about. Never mind men and their bloody Apollo missions. It’s about time science did something for us women.’
She passes me the box. It’s about the size of a pack of Jacob’s Cream Crackers. It’s mainly white with stripy turquoise flourishes, making it look swish yet reassuringly clinical.
‘You’ll need to open it,’ she says.
I hesitate for a second then pull open the lid.
We both peer inside.
You can’t see much so I gently tip the box on its side and slide the pregnancy test out. Everything’s held in a clear-plastic box: there’s a tube with a blue lid, a pipette with a blue squeezy thing, and a little mirror angled across the bottom of the box like a periscope.
‘Ooooh, fancy!’ says Joyce.
‘Okay,’ I say, spreading the instructions out across an ancient basin. ‘What do we do?’
It turns out Joyce was right. Peeing is involved. We need to put some of my pee into the tube (using the pipette) and then, a couple of hours later, check whether a red circle has appeared at the bottom of the tube.
‘I’m going to need something to pee into,’ I inform Joyce. ‘I can’t pee and pipette at the same time. It’d be carnage.’
‘Can’t you just hold the pipette in the stream and squeeze?’
‘Squeeze what?’
‘The pipette.’
We stare at each other blankly for a few seconds. Absolutely nothing in our lives up until now has prepared us for this moment.
‘Hold on, I’ve got an idea,’ says Joyce. And she dashes out the room.
I fold up the instructions and put them back in the box. The box is light, far too light really for something so important. Something that could change my life so completely.
I’d have to give up my job, of course. And platform shoes and miniskirts. Music. Parties. Trips abroad. And how could I tell Anders? In fact, should I tell Anders? And never mind all that – what would Dad say?
‘Here we go,’ says Joyce, walking back in and handing me a mug (a really lovely greeny-brown one I got last year on a trip to Hornsea Pottery).
‘What am I meant to do with this?’ I ask.
‘Pee in it!’
‘I can’t pee in this. It’s Hornsea Pottery!’
‘Look, it’s the first one I saw,’ says Joyce. ‘And it’s either the mug or the pipette and a pair of Marigolds. You decide.’
I take the mug and go into a cubicle, leaving Joyce outside with the pregnancy test kit.
What I need is a fully panted test run to work out the logistics of it all. A dry run.
This isn’t going to be easy. I’m not a great aimer at the best of times (as Miss McMinn, my school netball mistress, always used to point out) and, what with the added pressure of work and Princess Anne, the potential for urinological disaster is high. It’s at times like this that I wish I were a man, although experience has taught me that men, despite obvious biological advantages, are nowhere near as good as they should be in the aiming department.
I look at the loo then at the mug then back at the loo.
‘Are you all right in there?’ shouts Joyce. ‘What are you doing?’
‘It’s a bit awkward,’ I shout back.
There’s silence for a few seconds and then…
‘Look, do you want me to come and help?’
‘Help?’
‘Yeah, I don’t mind.’ She sounds completely calm, like she’s offering to put the shopping away or something.
‘No, I’ll be fine.’ I close my eyes and take a deep breath. ‘Honest.’
‘Don’t be daft. Look, it doesn’t bother me. I helped deliver six Newfoundland puppies once – it can’t be any worse than that.’
Two minutes later I find myself crouching over the loo, pants down and bum out. Joyce, strategically positioned beside me, is kneeling on the floor holding out the mug as if she’s about to receive Holy Communion.
‘Okay?’ she asks.
‘Okay,’ I reply.
And off we go.
I had thought Joyce would be assuming the more junior position (Eric to my Ernie) but I actually think the roles were the other way round. In fact the whole thing reminded me quite a lot of my cow-milking days back on the farm, except with me as the cow.
‘Well done,’ says Joyce, as if I’d just broken the land-speed record.
‘Oh, thanks,’ I reply, pulling my pants back up with as much dignity as a shared loo cubicle allows.
‘That’s the hard part done. Now for the fun bit.’ She passes me the mug and starts getting the pipette out of the clear-plastic box.
‘It’s just like being back in the lab at school,’ she adds.
(Not a good advertisement for the Canadian education system.)
She gently lowers the pipette into the mug, gives it a good pump, then takes it out and waves it around between us.
A golden rod of glistening hormones.
‘Have we finished with the mug?’ I ask, trying to pretend it doesn’t exist.
‘Yeah, it’s test tube time,’ replies Joyce, busying herself with the box. ‘Give your hands a quick rinse if you want.’
I open the cubicle door, pop the mug on a shelf, quickly wash my hands then dive back into the cubicle to see what magic awaits.
‘What happens next, then?’ I ask, rejoining Joyce in the cubicle.
‘We wait and see.’ She’s already decanted my pee from the pipette into the test tube and is giving the tube and its contents a little swill round. ‘If nothing appears after a couple of hours, it’s negative.’ She stops swilling. ‘And if there’s a little red ring at the bottom of the tube, well…’
Well…
My whole uncertain future summed up in one hazy, hollow word.
Joyce reaches out and holds my arm.
‘Hey, you’ll be okay.’
‘Yes, I’ll be fine.’
‘Yeah. Absolutely fine. Of course. Yeah.’
Suddenly the big heavy door to the ladies’ bathroom swings open, its creaks accompanied by some rasping heavily disguised as singing.
There’ll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow, just you wait and see-ee-ee-ee.
I quickly pull the cubicle door shut and we both freeze.
‘Sssh,’ I whisper to Joyce. ‘It’s Mrs Glazebrook, the cleaning lady.’
I know it’s Mrs Glazebrook (hairnet, cockney, unreliable dentures) not only because of her distinctive singing voice (Vera Lynn by way of Les Dawson) but also because the singing is accompanied by an overwhelming smell of Rothmans. The singing continues for a bit and then stops so that all we hear is the clatter of a cleaning basket on the basins followed by the occasional knock of an Ajax tin and some perfunctory surface wiping. Not long after there’s the sharp tszzzz of a cigarette being put out, more singing, a fair bit of clanking and – finally – the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing.
‘Oh, thank God she’s gone,’ says Joyce. ‘With singing like that, I’m amazed you guys got through the Blitz.’
I smile and take the test tube from her, then give it a little swirl and have a look at the bottom.
‘What do you think?’ I ask.
‘You won’t see anything yet, remember? We need to wait a couple of hours.’
I let out a sigh as long as a Tube train.
‘Look, you get going and I’ll take care of this,’ says Joyce, taking the test tube.
‘Yes, I’d better get back to the studio,’ I reply. ‘The last thing I need today is Pamela on the warpath.’
And I unlock the cubicle door, ready to embrace my future.
Whatever it is.
My future, it turns out, is waiting for me just round the corner.
Not a metaphorical corner but a real, parqueted-and-heavily-glossed BBC corner on the way back to the studio. As I turn it, several surprising things hit me all at once.
There’s Pamela, smiling grandly, surrounded by various important-looking BBC men.
There’s Mrs Glazebrook, smiling not-so-grandly (obviously struggling with her dentures), cleaning basket in one hand, my Hornsea Pottery mug in the other.
And there’s Princess Anne, smiling prematurely, looking very modern in a pair of sky-blue trousers (Evie 1: Pamela 0).
Mrs Glazebrook is mid-curtsey. As she goes down, an arm goes up. It’s the arm that’s attached to the hand that’s attached to…
Time slows to a dribble.
Princess Anne reaches out, thanking Mrs Glazebrook. She takes the mug with both hands – still smiling – and then regally, sedately, lifts it to her mouth, her hair piled high, her eyes alight and her mouth momentarily lost in a swirl of Hornsea Pottery green and brown.
CHAPTER 2
Summer 1972
‘Sacked?’
That’s Caroline, a magnificent Amazonian goddess in an emerald-green silk jumpsuit. It’s hard to take her seriously, though, because her face is slathered in cold cream and her beautiful red hair is full of Carmen rollers the size of soup tins.
‘Vicious old cow,’ she goes on, taking a big draw of her Gauloise. ‘I’ve always said you can never trust a knee-length skirt, darling.’
Caroline is my best friend. With her I have all the benefits of an older sister (clothes borrowing, advice acquiring, eyes opening) but without any of the drawbacks (bragging, ragging, nagging). She’s the daughter of my father’s old neighbour, Mrs Scott-Pym (the grandmother-I-never-had and a good friend to my long-dead mother), and I love her very much indeed. In fact Caroline is the reason I’m in London. She drove me down here in an open-top MG on a sunny, snowy January day in 1963, coddled in blankets and clutching a Thermos flask of hot tea. She’s the one who got me my apprenticeship at the BBC. And took me to the Albert Hall to see The Beatles. And bought me my first miniskirt and showed me how to apply mascara. In fact, Caroline has been responsible for introducing me to many things over the last ten years.
And what an amazing ten years it’s been.
I’ve seen Beatles strolling, two Stones rolling, Coward Noeling, Quant-tights holing; great trains robbed, long hair bobbed, pop stars mobbed (hormones throbbed); white heat, dancing feet, plastic seats, groovy streets. I’ve watched a World Cup win, been to West Berlin, had a fridge built-in, dyed a coat (sheepskin), made a dress (sequin), met a Redgrave (Lynn). Motorways, a trim-phone craze, All You Need is La Marseillaise. Yellow Submarine, Harpers & Queen, no more scouring thanks to polytetrafluoroethylene. Flower power, Woman’s Hour, revolving dates in the GPO Tower. Paris precarious, vexatious boyfriends (various), the age of Aquarius. Vidal Sassoon, tripped-out cartoon, women on a wage strike and a man on the moon. Power cuts, decimal nuts, shag haircuts.
Colour TV.
The Ford Capri.
Trousered princesses taking mugs and drinking pee…
‘What? She drank your pee?’
‘Well, yes,’ I say, feeling very sorry for myself. ‘It’s not my fault. The cleaner picked my mug up from the bathroom and was taking it back to the studio. I had no idea.’
We’re sat in Caroline’s kitchen. She’s getting ready to go out (hence the cold cream and Carmen rollers). She’s meant to be consoling me about losing my job but she’s far more interested in Princess Anne and my Hornsea Pottery mug.
‘But what on earth was your pee doing in a mug, darling? Honestly, I can’t keep up with the BBC sometimes.’
‘Ah, that’s my other news of the day,’ I say, feeling like Kenneth Kendall. ‘It was for a pregnancy test kit.’
‘A what?’
‘You pee in it and it tells you if you’re pregnant or not.’
‘Really! Like a Breathalyser?’
‘Well, sort of.’
‘Incredible, darling,’ she says, taking another drag of her cigarette. ‘They’ll have us whizzing around in flying cars next.’
‘Yeah, or rocket pogo sticks. Anyway, the test came out negative. I’m not pregnant.’
‘Oh, thank God,’ she replies, lifting a Gauloised hand to her forehead. ‘That’s such a relief.’
Is it?
‘The little Swedish chap was very sweet,’ she goes on, ‘but he wasn’t for you.’
She’s right. Anders is sweet. And handsome. And has extremely nice teeth. But, if I’m honest, I got a bit bored of him even before he went back to Sweden.
‘So you had to pee in a mug, then, for this newfangled pregnancy test?’
‘Well, not exactly,’ I reply. I’d hoped to avoid all the gory details but it’s no good with Caroline. She always wants to know every little thing (the gorier, the better). So I just tell her, trying to make it all sound as scientific as possible, which isn’t easy given Mrs Glazebrook, my poor aim and the Hornsea Pottery mug.
‘Darling!’ she laughs, throwing her head back (the Carmen rollers wobble). ‘It could only happen to you! I do wish you’d be more assiduous in your pill popping, though.’ She gives me a big-sisterly look. ‘Anyway,’ she goes on, getting up and walking over to a kitchen cupboard, ‘after a story like that I think we both need a drink.’
I love Caroline’s kitchen. It’s a very stylish buffet of orange plastic and highly polished rosewood. Everything’s fitted and there are clever hidden things all over the place that pull out, pop out or swivel out. The kitchen is German (amazing) and I can’t help thinking that if the Germans had been as good at building V2 rockets as they are at building kitchens, we’d probably have lost the war.
Her whole house, in fact, is fantastic. It was built last year and is a very modern mix of exposed grey bricks, big metal windows and slat-less stairs. It’s at the end of a picturesque Victorian mews, so it’s like walking through a BBC costume drama and suddenly finding yourself smack-bang outside the Trellick Tower.
‘Here you go,’ she says, landing a huge brandy glass in front of me.
I sit for a moment, swilling the syrupy burnt-gold liquid around, watching it swell up and down the deep curves of the glass.
Caroline sits opposite me, finishing her Gauloise. She has one last drag and then casually puffs out a smoke ring. ‘Well, look,’ she says, stubbing the cigarette out on a stray saucer, ‘I think it’s actually very good news that you lost your job.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, taking a big swig of brandy.
‘No, I mean it. You’ve become quite institutionalised.’
Caroline is brilliant in many ways but she has the tact of a dumper truck.
Unfortunately, though, she’s right.
‘Well, maybe I have been feeling a little stuck-in-a-rut-ish over the past year or so,’ I say, my eyes locked on the brandy. ‘But I didn’t want this to happen. This morning I had a career. A BBC travel pass. Luncheon vouchers. And now look at me. Jobless.’
She reaches over the table and takes my hand.
‘Hey, come on, darling. Where’s your pep? Where’s your Yorkshire grit? It’s 1972. A clever young woman like you can do just about anything.’
‘Anything?’
‘Yes, anything.’ She gives my hand a little squeeze. ‘It’s your chance to try something new.’
‘Oh, I like the sound of that… Something new,’ I repeat, rolling the words around in my mouth, tasting their potential. ‘Like what?’
‘You name it. The world’s your oyster!’
‘Oh, I don’t know. I think I’m too old to do anything new. I’m twenty-six.’
Caroline lets go of my hand. ‘Nonsense,’ she snaps, jolting backwards (the Carmen rollers jiggle again ominously). ‘And if you’re too old for something new, what does that make me? I’m thirty-six, darling. Hardly a pensioner.’
‘It’s different for you, though. You’re always doing new, exciting things. You’d never get stuck in a rut.’
(Caroline works in fashion. I’ve known her for ten years but I still don’t really have any idea what she does. She seems to flit around from one glamorous job to another but it’s