Defeating Tinnitus and Hyperacusis
By John Diehl
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About this ebook
In this autobiography, John tells the inspiring story of how through these unexpected diagnoses, he discovered new empathy for his patients, a new path as a medical professional, and a new life in his faith. He hopes that readers will find hope in reading his words.
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Defeating Tinnitus and Hyperacusis - John Diehl
PROLOGUE
Appearances
From the outside, I looked like I had a good life.
In many ways, I did.
My wife, Lisa, was a beautiful woman who I still loved after decades of marriage. My kids had grown into adults I was proud of, and they’d started giving me the awesome gift of grandchildren to love on and spoil. My business was successful, and I took pride in not only having a profitable company but in giving back to our community. We lived in a nice home in Hanover, Pennsylvania, and had a vacation home in Florida where Lisa and I could get away to the beautiful beaches and blue skies for rest and relaxation.
Measured by all the common metrics, my life was pretty grand.
But in 2019, I found myself in a situation I could never have imagined.
Quite frankly, I was hoping to die.
A Dark Night of the Soul
In the middle of another sleepless night, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was pushed beyond the limits of my own willpower and shoved over the edge of sanity. I was afraid that I was going to harm myself because I could conceive of nothing else—short of death—that would offer me any relief. I had run out of options, failed to find any answers, and I was scared of what might happen if I were left to my own devices.
Take me to a hospital,
I begged my wife in a panic. That I had come to this, that my thoughts had turned so dark that I was afraid of myself, really scared me. Make them put me in a coma. I can’t take this any longer.
Lisa held me tight. She rubbed my head and comforted me. God has already given me peace about this,
she repeated with a calmness I could no longer fathom. You’re going to be fine.
She got me another sleeping pill and held me for hours until the worst of my panic attack had passed. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to be fine.
In the comfort of her embrace, I calmed and finally drifted into a fitful sleep.
What Might the Future Hold?
That was the darkest, most troubling night of my life. I had been pushed to the point of palpable terror and caused my wife—who has never been anything but kind and loving— undeserved stress. I’d driven right to the brink of something I could not control and from which I would not have recovered. Contemplating my own self-destruction had rattled me. It was something I would never have believed would cross my mind.
Worst of all, I had no assurance that things would change. By the light of morning, I was incredibly thankful that Lisa had been by my side in that darkest of nights, and I was filled with sorrow for the terrible scene of the night before. But the next day promised to be more of the same. And the day after that. And the day after that one.
I was desperate to believe Lisa’s reassuring words: You’re going to be fine. But I had lost my hope. The medical professionals had all told me to suck it up because there was nothing anyone could do. The mental health practitioners had failed me. I’d tried the Western cures and even dabbled in some Eastern wellness practices, but I only found the slightest, temporary relief. I was in pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and the only things that helped me were the strong drugs that robbed me of my joy, my consciousness, my very life.
I had survived that darkest night, but what did the future hold for me except more of the same?
1
CHILDHOOD AND GROWING UP WITH ANXIETY
1.1 Typical Childhood
Iwas born in a small Pennsylvania town in 1964. My childhood was pretty typical for the ’60s and ’70s. My mom and dad were solid parents, and I had three siblings—an older brother and two older sisters—who I got along with most of the time. One set of grandparents lived next door, and the other set lived seven houses away. Other family members also lived nearby, and family interactions were a big part of my childhood and adolescent years. We were a tight-knit group. Most of my life in those early years was centered around family life, church activities, and hanging out with my friends.
Church was a significant part of my childhood, too, though I didn’t like it much. My parents were very devout in their church attendance,