When a Moth loved a Bee: Destini Chronicles, #1

Prologue

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. The Stranger .

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THE HEART.

A simple organ. A vital instrument in keeping mortal flesh alive.

To pump blood.

To give life.

To keep bone and breath from returning to ash and memory.

But that is not it’s true purpose.

I wished I’d remembered that when I found her.

I wished I’d remembered that the pounding in my chest wasn’t from a simple organ, striving to keep my fragile, feeble form alive, but the quintessential pathway back home.

Back to who I was, what I was.

Back to every memory of her.

If only I had remembered that.

Perhaps then, we could have avoided all the pain.

Chapter One

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. Girl .

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ARE YOU...ALIVE?

Something firm but kind rocked my shoulder, causing scratchy eyes to open and dry mouth to swallow. Someone rolled me onto my back, forcing me to stare up at the blinding, boiling sun.

I winced and tried to curl away.

A tapping on my cheek. Wake up. Come on. Say you’re alive.

She’s dead, Niya. Leave her to the vultures.

She’s not dead, Kivva. The tapping grew in earnest, making my head crunch against the stones beneath my skull. The pain dragged me from the thick, foggy place. It tethered me, shedding the empty floating feeling, tying me firmly to a form that’d forsaken me.

I gasped as my heart beat stronger. My lungs breathed deeper.

That’s it. The tapping on my cheek stopped, sifting sweetly through my hair instead. You’re okay. You’re not alone anymore.

Alone.

That word stabbed a lightning bolt through my chest. It made tears I couldn’t afford to shed roll down sunburned cheeks. It filled me with such bone-snapping pain I couldn’t catch another breath.

I choked.

I coughed and—

She’s struggling to breathe, Niya. It’s the sickness. Get away from her.

It’s not the sickness, Kivva. She’s just coming back from the land of death, that’s all.

Death.

Another word that tugged on my heart, digging claws and teeth, ripping my spirit apart.

Whoever touched me kept running their fingers through my hair, giving me an anchor in this world while I tried to decide if I wanted to return to it.

Come on. Open your eyes. I know you’re not dead, the female voice soothed. At least...not anymore.

Could I come back from the dead?

Was that where I’d been, ever since I’d collapsed on this river’s shore?

Her touch went to my eyes, pressing down on my cheek while another pulled up my eyebrow. My eyelashes cracked open under her control, sending a blinding ray of light to pierce my vision.

I moaned and summoned all my strength to swat her touch away.

She let me go.

Darkness descended again.

But there had been something.

Something different.

This world that seemed to hate me had delivered something I’d never seen before.

People.

Like me.

Gritting my teeth, I opened my eyes of my own accord.

See? The girl beside me grinned over her shoulder toward the others. I told you she was alive.

Yes, but is she sick? One of the taller figures shifted closer. Where is her clan? No one survives out here alone. Did they banish her? He raised a long stick with strips of vines and leaves fluttering from the top. Brandishing it at me as if it would ward off my evil, he added, We should leave, Niya. We don’t have time to hunt and carry her too.

The girl kneeling beside me bared her perfect teeth. Are you so heartless to leave a mortal to die? A mortal like us?

If she deserves it. The man nodded, his nostrils flaring. Look at her. She has no clothes, no possessions. Not even a waterskin. Mark my words, she was stripped of rank and banished from her clan. She wears the mark of the sullied.

I flinched as he jabbed his long stick against my upper thigh. Right there. She is branded by death itself.

Again, my heart hitched on the word, tugging with something, only to fade with another beat.

Niya bent over me, her gentle touch swiping at the mud and dirt clinging to my leg. Spitting on her dark hand, she smeared saliva over the filthy splodge the other man had stabbed. With her forehead furrowed, she studied my thigh far too closely.

Skin prickles cloaked me as I tried to shift away.

But I couldn’t.

My body had no strength. No energy left to fight. All I had were a few remaining heartbeats to fade into the whispering fog and forget about this place.

It’s not the mark of the sullied, Niya murmured, glancing at me with black eyes framed with blacker lashes. It’s a birthmark.

A taint from the source itself! The man rattled his stick, sending its vines and leaves swinging. The other men behind him bowed their heads and pressed fingertips to their eyes as if to shield themselves from my monstrousness.

It is not. Niya snorted. You’re not our Spirit Master, Kivva. Don’t pretend you know what you’re talking about.

"Then take her to Solin and have him tell you. But then you’ll be responsible for sickness sweeping through our clan for daring to bring that into our home."

"That is a person, same as us, Niya snapped, her temper revealing itself in a bloom of thorns. And the mark you’re so afraid of is just a birthmark, like I said. A birthmark shaped sort of like a sunburst, if you must know."

The man crossed his arms, his decorated stick clutched in a fist. She stays here. She dies here.

She comes. Niya turned on her knees to face me fully. You need to stand now. You’re coming with us. She smiled kindly. We have healers. If you’re sick, we have cures. You need help and—

She needs to be left to die, the man growled. Come along. He strode away from the two other men and one woman he’d been standing with.

My vision faded in and out as my heart still struggled to beat on starvation fumes. Compared to my sallow skin and prominent bones, these people glowed. The two males behind the suspicious one had skin that glistened as rich and precious as black river rocks. Their dark-skinned hands, etched with tendon and bone, had fingernails that gleamed almost pink, crowning the end of each one. Their eyes were just as dark, glossy with depth and wisdom.

The male who’d stabbed me rudely with his stick had light skin, splattered with freckles and sun-faded brown hair. The other female had similar colouring to him, unlike the girl kneeling beside me, but it was their intricate braids that made me gasp.

Long hair on both female and male, all intricately weaved and coiled with feathers, beads, and shells. The wind caught a few feathers, twirling them in a breeze.

I swallowed, doing my best to ignore the pain of my body so close to fading. My gaze locked onto the flower-threaded braids draped over the standing woman’s breasts.

I stiffened.

For all the perfection of their health and vitality, they’d hidden parts of their bodies with slaughtered animal furs. The men wore strips around their hips while the women had an extra piece binding their chests.

These people had covered their nudity with the dressings of their prey.

Why did that incite such strange feelings—?

Don’t worry, Niya said kindly, drawing my attention back to her. We’ll find clothing to cover you. She glanced at my dirty, emaciated form. My bare skin hovered between the colours of hoof-trodden dirt and sun-bleached earth. The ivory lines of scars on my legs and fresh cuts up my thighs only added to the blisters from my sunburn. My colourless, white hair carried its own version of leaves and bracken but not from decoration. I merely wore despair and survival.

Come, the man with his stick commanded. Enough of this.

No one from his clan moved. Their eyes bounced from me to Niya on her knees, making up their own minds.

Niya used their uncertainty for her gain. She’s just a person. Same as us. She’s not a spirit. She’s not sickness or evil. We leave her here, and she dies. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to confess that my inactions led to someone’s death at the next fire counsel.

Those words seemed to work magic.

The two men leapt into action. Surrounding me, they passed their matching long sticks to the woman with thick feather-threaded braids and arched eyebrows at Niya. Move then. We’ll have to carry her. Hunting is over for today.

Niya rose from her knees, giving me an assuring smile. We’re going to pick you up now, okay? Her black eyes flashed. Do you have a name?

A name?

What was a name?

I didn’t think so.

I don’t remember...

Not waiting for me to answer her question, she pointed at the ring of people towering above me. This is Huo, Rin, and Moke. Arching her chin at the surly one, she added, And that’s Kivva. Tapping her own fur-wrapped dark chest, she smiled with white teeth. I’m Niya. Her eyebrows rose as she pointed at me. Now you...do you have a name?

I swallowed back the dryness, tilting my head at the bubbling river beside me. I needed another drink. My body kept begging for water, food, and shade. Things I needed to stay alive, but I didn’t want to stay alive if staying alive was this hard, this lonely.

How long had I walked before my body finally gave out?

A moon, a year, a decade?

I’d walked until my feet bled and bones threatened to snap. I’d walked beneath blistering sun and bruising rain. I’d tried to find shelter in the dens of beasts, only to be chased away by howl and fang. Even the kinder animals avoided me, scurrying away as I tripped through their territory.

A few suns ago, a wolf pack with spiral horns on their majestic heads had started to tail me. Their noses locked on the scent of my impending death. Death that I’d given into when I’d found this river and fallen face first into its wet welcome.

Tears tried to form.

My heart swelled agonisingly in my chest.

I didn’t know why I’d been walking, what I’d been searching for, or why I’d been so alone, but every piece of seclusion and savage solitude came crashing down upon me.

A sob gathered in my chest.

I tried to curl into a little ball, to hide, to forget, to die.

Hey... Niya ducked to her haunches again, cupping my dirty cheek. You’re okay. Her eyes glossed with overwhelming kindness. You’re not alone anymore.

You’re not alone anymore.

Her voice echoed.

Her words repeated.

They chased me back into the eternal forgetful fog.

And the last thing I remembered was strong arms slipping beneath me.

I turned weightless as the sky claimed me for its own.

Chapter Two

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. The Stranger .

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I FLINCHED AS SOMETHING WET and warm ran over my face.

The first sensation I’d felt in so long.

Too long.

The wet-warmness came again, following the shape of my nose and up over my dirty forehead. Groaning, I curled tighter in the grass where I’d collapsed last night.

My last memory was the moon shining down, pitiless and murderous as the final dregs of energy abandoned me.

It hadn’t cared that I’d reached my limit.

It didn’t try to stop me as my knees buckled, and I folded into the dirt.

It just watched me die.

I was alone.

Just like I’d been since I could first remember. I had no memories of another life. No recollections of another existence apart from the never-ending walking, searching, struggling.

I just wanted to fade...

Black fog settled over my thoughts again, hushing the grasshoppers chirping in the grass and blotting out the dusk that signalled my last day on this painfully lonely earth.

The wetness returned.

This time, it slicked over my bare shoulder and down my arm.

I didn’t have the strength to swat it away. I didn’t even have the strength to groan again.

A huff of warmth on my side as something cool and damp snuffled against my skin.

I suddenly knew what it was. 

They’d been stalking me for days.

Trailing me in the shadows and slinking from the moonlight.

Wolves.

Wolves that left pawprints bigger than my own foot. Four-legged hunters with black-and-silver fur dusted with gold around their thick ruffs. Their spiral ivory horns looked as sharp as their fangs as they howled at the night. 

So be it.

I relaxed every muscle.

I gave in to my fate.

If my exhaustion could provide them with a meal, then I would gladly die. I would be grateful to them for ending my loneliness and taking away my unbearable hollowness.

The wolf nosed me again, nudging my shoulder.

I flopped onto my back as my heart stuttered with its final beats, giving myself up, presenting my bare belly for its teeth.

The hunter huffed and licked below my naval, tasting my dried blood from when I’d crawled through a thicket of thorns a few days ago, eager for the scant berries on its branches.

That had been my last meal.

I’d found nothing since.

I was glad it was almost over.

I tensed and waited.

I waited for its teeth to rip into me. To tear at my unprotected belly and transform me from living to a meal.

I waited.

...

I waited longer.

...

And the wet lick finally came again, following the scars down my thighs and lapping at my weakened legs. The brush of coarse fur tickled my hip as the beast nudged me with its snout. The faint scraping of fangs sent a last-ditch effort of survival through me.

If I didn’t move, I would die.

Even if I did move, I would probably die.

I had no strength to fight off a hungry wolf.

It didn’t matter if I fought in my last moments or lay still, I was dead. And I chose to ignore the sudden racing of my heart and remain strewn in the grass.

Hurry.

Get it over with.

Its tongue lapped over my face, dipping into the corners of my mouth. A blanket of fur covered my cold and naked body as the wolf settled beside me, pressing itself close.

My eyes that’d turned hazy with starvation fluttered open. Dusk-light cast everything in creeping shadows. The sun set behind a mountain in the distance, illuminating the plain where I’d collapsed, turning green grass into reds and golds with its blazing beauty.

It took everything I had to turn my head and force my eyes to focus.

To focus on the giant spiral-horned beast beside me.

I locked eyes with it. With its ancient soulful gaze.

It held my stare, licking its lips with a tongue that caught on sharp teeth. Bowing its majestic head, catching the final dregs of sunset on its coiled horns, it opened its mouth and captured my wrist.

Pinpricks of fangs threatened to pierce my skin, but I didn’t yank my arm away. I didn’t try to strike the wolf or defend my impending death. I merely lay on my back and gave whatever I had left to this creature about to put me out of my misery.

Thank you... I whispered, hoarse and thick. The sound vibrated in my aching chest, resonating from me but not at all familiar.

My heart spasmed.

The wolf tightened its grip on my wrist, its teeth breaking the fragility of my skin. Its fangs burned, and a wash of fear crashed over me. Would it hurt to be eaten? Would it kill me before it started chewing?

I forced tense muscles to slacken once again.

Whatever pain it granted couldn’t compare to the emptiness inside.

The nightmares that haunted me.

The dreams of someone I once adored.

This was a relief. A relief to feel something other than loneliness. A relief to finally close my eyes and no longer have to keep searching.

Sighing heavily, I sank deeper into darkness as the ground thudded with more paws. The pack that’d hunted me joined the alpha, ready to feast.

I stared at the five wolves that’d appeared from the sea of grass.

They sat on their haunches, ringing my naked body; their fur glittering with the last ribbons of sunset, and their horns shredding the dusk-etched clouds as they lifted their heads, bared their teeth, and howled.

Chapter Three

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. Girl .

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ARE YOU READY TO TALK?

My eyes ripped up to the person standing sun-framed in the parting made by two sticks holding open the bison hide. When I’d first woken in this place, I’d thought I was in the belly of a beast. Awake while being devoured.

I’d screamed and thrashed, my legs kicking off heavy fur blankets as my fists pounded at the sky.

People had come.

They’d held me down and opened my mouth.

I’d spluttered on the sour liquid they poured down my throat.

And then I was back in that forgetful fog, safe, alone...unwanted.

Four suns had risen since then, and each was easier than the last. I now knew I lay in a lupic—a shelter created by the ingenious minds of the Nhil people. They lived on the plains where no trees grew and hunted the large bison that travelled through the vast grass sea.

Every part of the beast was used, but its hide was prized most of all. It provided homes, clothes, and bedding.

Over the past few hours, my strength had finally improved enough to sit up in the furs I’d been given. I’d basked in the quiet, all while listening to the soft voices of the clan outside. My legs were still too weak to join them, so I’d sat and studied the structure.

Saplings held up the skins while vines and sinew secured them into a conical shape. A hole existed in the centre roof, allowing dense smoke from the fire, ringed in its river rocks, to escape.

The fire wasn’t lit now.

Only at night when temperatures waned.

Do you understand me, girl? The man stepped into the lupic. His feet weren’t bare like mine but encased in bison skin with braided reeds weaving up his legs. The fur wrapped around his legs hid his manhood while his ebony-skinned chest welcomed shadows to curl around him.

Shadows...

That word drew claws down my mind. Yet another important thing. Yet another thing I couldn’t remember.

Bowing his head, making the feathers and leaves dance in his long black hair, the man padded over the mats made of weaved rushes and sat cross-legged before me. We’ve educated you on where you are, who we are, and what is expected of you, but you stay silent in return. He placed his hands on his knees. I have been patient. My people have healed you and given you food and safety. No harm has befallen you, yet you still act as if you don’t trust any of us.

I blinked and licked my lips.

I wasn’t refusing to talk.

I’d just been...overwhelmed.

The first days were a blur of food forced down my throat and liquid poured after it. Sleep was heavy and confusion cloying. Hands touched places that had never been touched before, and my body had been bathed, healed, and tended, all while I floated in the half-life where I felt closer to something I couldn’t name.

A faceless male.

A heartmate from a dream filled with the shadows of death.

I feared for my mind.

I worried that, regardless of their kindness and care, part of me had died by that river. I’d given up. Why should I stay alive when I couldn’t remember a single thing about who and where and why.

Your thoughts speak loudly, child. The man smiled. Open your lips and let some of them spill free. Dark skin wrinkled around his eyes as he smiled deeper.

I couldn’t guess his age—he seemed both young and old, inquisitive and wise. Regardless of how many years he’d lived, he had an aura about him that spoke of power and authority. Out of all the Nhil people who had tended to me over the past few days, he was different.

He carried himself purposefully, sagely—like he knew things others did not. He stared into the fire at night when he believed I was sleeping and entered a trance that sometimes lasted until morning.

And he watched me as if he knew more about me than I ever did.

Holding his rich dark stare, I bunched the furs around my waist and licked my lips again. My bare chest seemed so sickly next to his. My ribs stood out; my pale-earthen colouring faded and lacking. When I dropped my gaze to my nipples, shame filled me.

I’d been found naked and was still naked.

The man kept sitting patiently, like he always did. Ever since I’d been carried here by Niya and her hunting party, I’d woken in a half delirium, half death state and locked eyes with this man.

He’d sat vigil while others fed me, healed me, and bundled me in furs to rest.

He’d stayed as the sun set and the moon shone through the hole in the ceiling, dancing silver with the stone-ringed flames.

Climbing nimbly to his feet, he strode toward the entrance of the lupic. His silhouette etched by sunlight as he called to someone close by. Hyath, bring what you fashioned for our survivor. She’s no longer on death’s shores.

I flinched again.

I always did when that word was used.

Death.

If I was to turn my back on it and decide to live, I needed guidance. I needed help to return to the living when so much of me clung to a shadowy, silvery world that seemed desperately like home.

Returning, the man resumed his cross-legged position and smiled. In case your mind was still in the in-between realm when I last spoke, allow me to remind you. Clasping his hands on his lap, he said, We are the Nhil clan. We are peaceful and respectful, but our hunters are as fierce as any warrior. We are happy with our lands and have no intention of invading other kingdoms, unlike some, and we are honoured to be included in the borderlands that make up Quelis. He cocked his head, sending his long hair and its braids swinging. Does that word mean anything to you? Are you from Quelis or Lokath? Perhaps you hail from Rivoza or Vetak? Speak, child, and share your tale with me.

I blinked, waiting for the words he used to taste familiar to my forgottenness. My shoulders slouched when none of them felt right.

After a heavy pause and my usual lack of reply, the man inhaled and continued, The Nhil people are proud to live in the kingdom of fire. To be Quelis is to belong to the fire element that has shaped our way of life since the beginning. We are blessed with its mercy and worship the messages the flames deliver us.

Shifting a little, he deepened his tone, I tell you this so you know whose home you share. Some believe my people are savages who cannot defend our clan, but they’re wrong. We do not seek enemies... His dark eyes churned with warning. As long as you treat us with peace and respect, you will always be welcome. You will be a friend instead of a foe.

I nodded.

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard his speech.

I’d learned in the past few days that the Nhil were a generous, fierce people who laughed and loved but had an underlying dangerousness that was bred from the cradle and harnessed in their way of life.

I knew more about them than I did my own life.

His dark skin gleamed in the gloomy light, watching me closely. Your silence is full of questions. Care to ask a few of them?

I gave him a barely-there smile and another shrug.

I couldn’t remember a time when I’d used my voice.

I don’t know what I sound like.

Nodding as if used to my silence, he waved his arm, incorporating the homey shelter. This lupic is mine, and you are welcome for however long you need. I am fortunate to have my own and not have to share. But I will gladly share with you. He gave me a tight smile. I’ve seen you watching me when you pretend to be asleep. I know you’ve seen my communion with the flames.

Arching an eyebrow, he waited for me to confirm or deny.

I merely held his stare, waiting to understand what he did late at night and why the fire could trance him so.

Shaking his head slightly, he cleared his throat. If I’m to give up who I am, then your silence must come to an end. I expect your truth in return for mine. Understand?

I swallowed hard. My heart raced. Fear crawled through me that he wouldn’t accept who I was because I had no idea who that was. But I wanted to know him. I wanted to know his people. I wanted to show how grateful I was that they’d saved me...even if I wasn’t sure I wanted to be saved.

Slowly, I nodded.

I touched my silent throat and bowed my head.

He accepted my promise, and without delay, he said, I am my clan’s Fire Reader and Spirit Master. A magic inherited by my kin and passed down from blood to blood. He paused, assessing my reaction.

If he expected awe, he got it. If he searched for terror, he wouldn’t find it.

Everything was magic and unknown and new. I didn’t know if his clan were like me or something so much better. I was just a creature who was so frail the elements made me shiver and sweat, so feeble I needed constant food and water, so weak that whatever I’d lost and forgotten was enough to drive me into a grave.

To me, the Nhil people were already magic. They were vibrant and prosperous and happy...

You are a complexing thing, the man murmured. Your eyes are wide with wonder, just like a babe’s, yet your body is that of a woman. His gaze dropped to my bare chest. A woman who came from nowhere with scars on her young form and a mouth empty of words.

Shaking off his wondering comment, he continued with his tale, My people come to me for visions that the flames provide. Only I have the gift of interpretation. Even our chief and chiefess listen to my council. His eyes glittered. A vision will come—just as it did when you were first found—and I’ll know who you are soon enough. He smiled and bowed his head. I told you my name when you first woke but allow me to repeat the greeting, so you may know how to do the same. I am Solin. I’m descended from a lineage of Spirit Masters and Fire Readers and am honoured to rank second within my people. You will meet our chief and chiefess, Tral and Tiptu, when you are strong enough to join the others. When you’re—

Solin, I’ve brought what you requested. A girl appeared at the entrance, startling me. Not because of her sudden arrival but because of how opposite she was to the man sitting before me.

Opposite.

That word triggered a gasping pain deep in my heart.

A pain that slithered into my belly and sank teeth into my spirit.

A flash of a male wrapped in shadow.

But then it was gone, and I drank in the new girl.

Her skin wasn’t dark like Solin’s but so pearly transparent the blue and red strings of her lifeforce in her throat and wrists were clearly visible. Her shoulder-length hair gleamed like the seedheads outside, ready for harvest, and her eyes blazed a startling green.

Perfect timing, Hyath. Solin beckoned her forward. I was just about to tell... His gaze caught mine. It’s your turn, girl. You know my name. Now, give me yours.

The girl hovered with her arms full of furs. Her lips twitched into an encouraging smile, and I found myself wanting to speak.

Skin prickles darted down my back as I swallowed, coughed, and said faintly, I-I would give you a name...i-if I remembered one.

Solin tensed as if he hadn’t been expecting my voice. It sounded so frail compared to his. Husky and worn as if I’d been alive far longer than I recalled.

Studying me closely, he said, Memories can sometimes be lost if we spend too much time in elsewhere.

El-Elsewhere?

Yes. He smiled, wary but kind. The in-between realm where our minds can go but our bodies cannot. Slumber allows us to visit, along with visions, sickness, and death.

Death.

I stiffened again.

Solin noticed, his shoulders softening. You react strongly to certain words. Are memories linked to them? He didn’t give me a chance to reply before asking, Where were you traveling to? Who do you belong to? Is what Kivva says true? That you were cast from your clan and banished?

His questions crowded in my skull, chipping away at the emptiness inside me. The girl standing behind him didn’t move, waiting as eagerly as Solin for me to speak.

With a slightly trembling hand, I rubbed my throat and spoke as much truth as I could. "I-I...don’t know. I don’t remember anything. How...how do you remember? Perhaps I’ve forgotten how, and I merely need to remember how to remember...and I’ll...know..." I looked up, my voice trailing into nothing.

Solin shot a worried look at Hyath, who stood frozen with her bundle. With a curt stare that kept me firmly as a stranger, even though he’d just welcomed me into his home, he said, If you don’t remember anything about yourself, surely you recall the singular first memory that we all share. A memory that has been passed down for generations?

I searched my mind.

I shook my head when only darkness and nothingness replied.

His braids made a comforting jingling as he shifted closer, peering deep into my eyes. The memory of our creation. We took our first breath when the ground parted for our birth. As one, we stepped out of earth and became air, fire, and water. We carry every element within us, but some were blessed with stronger gifts from each. Despite our differences, we are all birthed in the image of Source itself.

Source?

The power that gives life.

My heart skipped a beat, but nothing else teased.

I wished I shared his conviction of his existence. I wished I knew who I’d been before his clan found and fed me. Shaking my head, I said timidly, I’m sorry.

Hyath stepped closer, her pale legs bare and toes dusty. It’s okay, she said softly. You almost died. Your body is healing. Let it regain its strength, and then your mind will heal too.

Solin gave her a kind smile before nodding at me. Hyath is wise. I apologise for rushing you. Reaching out, he patted my bare shoulder. There is no danger here.

I flinched beneath his warm, solid hand.

His touch was soothing but foreign. Gentle but strange.

Locking eyes with him, I whispered, I might not know who I am, but I promise you, I am not ungrateful. I swallowed again, wincing against the soreness in my throat. I...I am not your enemy.

Solin squeezed my shoulder before leaning back and dropping his hand. I know. His forehead furrowed as if he just realised something important. The fires haven’t offered a vision, but common knowledge has. You are from Quelis.

I-I am?

Hyath’s pretty face broke into a grin. Of course she is. Oh, Solin, how wonderful. Hugging her bundle, she added, You speak our tongue. You speak Firenese.

Firenese?

She bounced on the spot. You aren’t Nhil, but perhaps you are from Lagol or Karfe. They’re our cousins across the grass seas. We all speak the mother tongue of Quelis, also known as Firenese.

My head swam with new phrases, pounding with attempts to understand.

I’m one of them?

They’re kin?

All my walking and searching had led me back to cousins I couldn’t recall?

Hunching further into the furs, I fought the urge to hide. To bury deep into the fog that’d cocooned me for so long and run from the confusion of this new life. Tears prickled my eyes as I whispered with heavy shame, I’m so sorry but...I don’t remember any of those names. I don’t know if I’m from... I shook my head, already forgetting the places she’d mentioned. I’m so sorry.

Solin suddenly unfolded his legs and swooped to standing. There’s nothing to apologise for. Time will gift us answers. We merely have to be patient.

If you’re from Lagol, Hyath said, you might remember the deep lake where shrimp shimmer with rainbow colours. Or if you’re from Karfe, you would’ve been raised in the giant ranges of the Sunite Mountains where stones glisten like flames and—

Hyath. Solin shook his head slightly. Too many words are as confusing as too little. He caught my eyes. Don’t force your mind to give answers you’re not ready to hear. For now, all you need to know is you’re a guest of the Nhil and the grasslands are now your home.

A headache bloomed hot, right between my eyes. So many things. Too much to remember.

The lupic spun, making me dizzy.

I didn’t know how much more of this I could take.

Nothing made sense.

Everything was wrong.

I remember nothing.

I didn’t remember a previous clan or familiar words. I didn’t remember lupics or fires or kin with blended midnight and starlight skin.

My breathing picked up.

Tears trickled down my cheeks.

Hey... Hyath ducked to her haunches and placed her hand over mine, clawing at the furs. It must be so hard to be told things when you have no memory of them. With a soft sigh, Hyath pressed her bundle into my lap. Here. Tucking my white, colourless hair behind my ear, she whispered, We can talk again...when you’re ready. For now, you should rest. Sleep and heal. Standing, she moved to Solin’s side. You’re safe here...with us.

I raised my head and swiped at my tears. Clutching the bundle she’d given me, my heart swelled with gratitude. Thank you.

She smiled. It’s clothing. I made it myself. And you’re welcome.

Solin took her hand in his.

Dark skin twined with light, their fingers linking. With a quick bow, Solin murmured, You might not remember your people or your past, but you’re Nhil for as long as you wish to be. Running a hand down an inky feather in his hair, he moved to leave, taking Hyath with him. Rest. If you have strength later, dress in the clothes Hyath made you and come join us. The rest of the clan would love to welcome you.

Chapter Four

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. The Stranger .

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I OPENED MY EYES.

Was I dead or still alive?

A full moon shone above, silver and bright, illuminating the long grass where I’d accepted my death and somehow hadn’t succumbed.

Why was I still breathing?

Sucking in a thin breath, cursing the vise-like pain in my stomach and the haze in my head, I forced my eyes to focus.

A soft thud landed on my chest.

It was warm, heavy, and wet.

A wolf stood over me, its tongue stained crimson and horns puncturing the moon. It whined and bent its giant head to nuzzle my chin. Its large bushy tail wagged in the gloom. Another wolf joined it, standing on my other side. It wasn’t as big as the one still nosing my chest, shifting the heavy weight placed there.

I flinched as the second wolf growled, its teeth glinting in the moonlight as it snatched at the thing draped over my heart, and a spurt of warmth coated me. It shimmered black in the darkness as the sharp scent of blood struck my nose.

I tore my gaze away from the wolves, focusing on the carcass they’d placed on me.

A hare.

A dead hare with its belly torn open and flesh jagged from killing teeth. Still warm. Still bleeding.

With its silver-dusted black fur, the larger wolf licked my chin, then nosed the carcass toward my throat.

I...I don’t understand.

I’d waited for them to eat me, not...feed me.

A third wolf sat on its haunches by my feet, raising its majestic muzzle to howl at the moon as if impatient with my lack of understanding. A fourth padded above my head, its giant paws catching in my overgrown dirty hair as it bent over me from above, clutched the hare in its fangs, and dropped it squarely onto my mouth.

Floppy legs and long ears draped over my cheeks.

It suffocated me as its death shot up my nose, making my own demise that much sadder.

I groaned and used energy I didn’t have to try to lift an arm. I needed the bleeding corpse off my face. I wanted to die with fresh air in my lungs, not the musky terror of a dead hare.

Another wolf joined the smaller one in a howl. My ears rang. My eyes watered. And the hare’s blood slipped past my lips and onto my tongue.

I choked on the metallic liquid, still warm from its torn-out heart.

And for a moment, my stomach revolted.

I retched and blacked out, leaping into the fog that’d stalked me far more successfully than these strangely behaving wolves. But as I tripped between living and death, the hare’s blood rolled over my tongue, cascaded down my desiccated throat, and pooled into my emaciated belly.

A spark.

A light.

A flicker.

Life roared through me.

Fierce and ferocious.

The hollowness of missing someone I couldn’t remember was filled up with blood, erasing the ever-present grief I carried, replacing it with hot instincts to survive.

My body moved with primal need.

Shaking arms soared upward.

Trembling hands clamped on the dead hare.

And my teeth, which hadn’t eaten anything in so very, very long, tore into the cooling flesh, ripping off strips and swallowing them down before I had a chance to chew.

Primitive noises echoed in my chest. Noises I didn’t know I was capable of making.

Growls and grunts, snarls and savagery.

With each bite, I felt stronger.

With each swallow, death faded and let go.

And by the time I’d eaten my fill and the bloody bones of the hare glistened in the moonlight, I opened my eyes and saw clearly for the first time in so long. No starvation haze. No dehydration delusion.

I had enough power to push my still-shaking, blood-covered body into a sitting position.

Moonshine hair and eyes glowing with the sun; her laugh caused flowers to bloom—

I tripped forward as the vision buckled me.

I blinked at the ring of spiral-horned wolves.

They blinked back.

They licked their lips.

They glanced at the rivers of blood coating my chest, arms, and hands.

Whatever I’d seen faded beneath forgetfulness, and for a heartbeat, I feared they’d fed me so I’d have the energy to fight. That they intended to revive me just enough to provide sport as I bolted from their pack only to be slaughtered as I ran.

The largest wolf stood and padded toward me. The alpha. A male so large and powerful he blotted out the moon, towering over me like a fur-covered mountain. His nose touched mine.

He stared into me.

I felt no fear.

Only...friendship.

Reaching out to thank him, I paused as the alpha stiffened. My blood-drenched hand trembled as he sniffed my fingers, snorted a great gust of warm air, then lowered his head just enough for me to touch.

I shivered as my hand buried into his thick ruff.

I swallowed in awe as the mighty beast licked my nose.

And it was only natural for me to press my weight into the powerful bulk of my rescuer, stumbling to my feet, keeping my hand on his fur as my body slowly remembered how to stand.

If my body could recall such things, perhaps my mind would follow.

The alpha twisted his giant head to look at me. His horns spiralled into the sky. His fangs white and sharp. With a huff, he shook his muscular bulk, and I felt a bond form between us. A link that went past species and into a realm I didn’t understand.

I swear his lips shifted into a canine smile before he growled softly, his yellowed eyes shifting over his moonlit pack. My fingers vibrated with his snarl, his fur tickling my arm.

As one, the pack slinked into the shadows, looking back as if to deliver the invitation to follow.

For a breath, I didn’t move.

I swallowed the lingering taste of the life-saving meal they’d gifted me.

I’d embraced death.

I’d wanted it.

Yet life had somehow given me a second chance.

With a soft grumble, the alpha stepped forward with a massive paw, crushing grass with his weight. He stepped again, tugging me forward with my hold on his fur.

With my shakes fading and stomach pleasantly full, I followed him.

* * * * *

Climbing the shower of boulders that’d tumbled from the hillside, skirting the thickets of weeds and vines that hung over the mouth of the cave, I ducked into the black yawn of a den.

A snarl welcomed me, followed by the scurry of claws on stone.

The alpha growled, his hackles raising as his yellow eyes glared into the absolute darkness. After so many nights of wandering with nothing but starlight to guide me, I’d grown used to seeing in even the darkest of midnights, but I still flinched as a female wolf exploded from the cave.

She skidded on pebbles, her tail lashing and teeth bared.

The alpha stepped in front of me, his tail swatting me in the face as his growl switched to a bone-shattering snarl.

The female instantly lowered herself to the ground, pressing her snout to the dirt, her horns coiled and not as large as the alpha’s. She showed submission to her mate but kept her luminous gaze locked on me.

Behind her came the fumblings of many paws and happy yips of pups. A tumble of them appeared from the depths, snapping playfully, their chubby bodies wriggling with excitement.

The female roared at them to halt, her growl full of protection and worry. 

So that was why she was aggressive.

This was their den.

I was a threat to everything precious within it.

The pups whimpered as the female snapped at them, sending them scurrying back into the darkness. The alpha grumbled another warning, sending the female back to her belly.

She never took her eyes off me, hungry and hateful.

The alpha stepped toward her, towering over her as he took her nape in his powerful jaws.

My heart lurched.

I didn’t think.

"Stop. Lurching forward, I dropped to my knees in front of the female, pressing my hand against the alpha’s muzzle where he held her pinned. Let her go."

I braced for teeth.

I knew I interfered and had done something incredibly stupid.

But I didn’t need the alpha protecting me.

I wouldn’t have him defending me against his own kin.

If his mate didn’t want me, then so be it.

I was used to being alone.

I removed my hand from his snout, swaying against the sudden crippling ache in my lower belly at the thought of returning to a life of emptiness.

I would prefer death over that.

Slowly, the alpha let his mate go. With a glowing, searching gaze, he studied me. He licked his lips and finally stepped back. With a snort of authority and acceptance of my suicidal plan, he moved past the female and disappeared into the den’s darkness.

I didn’t move as the other wolves who’d been out hunting with him trailed past, all sniffing me with their wet, cold noses.

Only once the last one had gone did the she-wolf swoop to her feet and snarl directly in my face.

My heart pounded.

I stayed on my knees.

I waited for her to either kill me or accept me.

With a violent sneeze, she dug at the ground. Her claws scraped over rock, her teeth wet with spit.

I stiffened as she sniffed my filthy hair. I cringed from her fangs as she licked at the hare’s blood on my chin.

She sneezed again, the noise explosive as if my scent offended her.

I raised my jaw.

I caught her ferocious glower.

I didn’t look away as I raised a shaking hand and reached across the small distance between us.

A growl grumbled, but she didn’t bite.

I steeled myself and...touched her.

Her glowing eyes widened as I stroked her thick ruff.

Her growls ceased as I sank my fingers into her warmth.

She suddenly whimpered and crowded closer, colliding our forms and making my heart ache with love.

I’d been loved once.

I’d loved someone once.

She tasted like sunlight and frost, her lips as soft as—

I shuddered as a gush of what I’d lost washed over me. Viciously intense. Ruthlessly overwhelming. My bones broke with longing and loneliness, and I couldn’t help myself.

I crawled into the wolf.

I buried my face in her fur.

I inhaled the musk and warmth of a beast that could so easily slaughter me and threw my arms around her.

She whimpered again, lowering her head onto my back, tucking me close against her. We shared an embrace as if we’d known each other all along.

As if, once upon a time, we’d been kin.

Chapter Five

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. Girl .

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I JOINED THE NHIL PEOPLE the next night—just as the sun died a brilliant death of reds and golds, casting its sunset over the plains with its sky-blazing power. I stood blinking at the swirls and swathes of colour, feeling utterly inconsequential and terribly, terribly alone.

It didn’t matter that I was surrounded by incredible people.

They weren’t my people.

If they were, I would remember them...wouldn’t I?

If it were true that my kin were related to them—that I spoke the same tongue as them—surely, someone would recognise me? Some wanderer or trader who travelled between clans could give me a name at least? Shed light on my history that stayed so stubbornly forgotten.

I sighed and drank in the sunset. Its fiery blaze hitched my heart, sending a crippling wave of homesickness through me.

Homesickness for what?

For who?

Argh, stop it.

Swiping at the dampness on my cheeks, I sniffed up my tears.

I was so sick of crying.

I was more exhausted coming back from the dead than I had been in all the moons I’d walked alone.

Gritting my teeth, I tripped away from Solin’s lupic. Cursing my wobbling legs, I hated being so frail and weak compared to the happy, laughing people ringing the large fire in the centre of the camp.

My eyes scanned the village, taking in the many other lupics, spearing into the darkening sky with their bison-hide walls. The largest one sat at the top of the clearing. Reed mats were scattered outside, and river boulders were arranged in a circle as if offering a place for people to sit, chat, and share.

Other members walked from lupic to lupic, their hands full of things I couldn’t name, doing tasks I didn’t understand.

Some had skin as black as the night, some were a rich honey, while others were as white as the heart of a flame. Some were tall and others short, some were stocky and others as slim as reeds, yet they all flowed as one—so at ease with each other, sharing the same purpose.

My stomach clenched for that.

My heart bled for that.

For someone I’d once loved but now had lost...

I moved closer toward the large fire, glowing merrily in the centre. Orange flames danced over the differences in skin and hair colour as the sky deepened into darkness. 

The scent of roasting food made my mouth water as I forced my brittle legs to shuffle a few more paces.

A girl looked up from her task of chopping something juicy and red, her ebony face splitting into a wide smile. You’re alive! Stabbing the bone knife she’d been using into the dirt, she swooped to her feet and crossed the small clearing. I’m so glad the herbs worked, and you’re no longer sick.

I blinked as she came close enough to touch me.

Her fingers cupped my elbow in friendship, but I flinched as if she shouldn’t. My heart seized at the thought of something bad happening from her touch. Something disastrous that would smite all these wonderful people who’d taken me in and given me a second chance.

I hunched and looked at the sky.

A-Are you okay? The girl released me. I didn’t mean to upset you by touching you.

I shook my head, struggling to drop my stare from the awakening stars.

What sort of past did I have that a simple thing like touch drove me straight to fear?

I’m the one who should apologise. Forcing a smile, I looked properly at her face. I didn’t mean to...oh...it’s you.

I stilled.

A nudge of remembrance lit up my mind, proving that I could remember certain things.

Niya.

The girl who’d found me, fought for me, saved me. The girl with dark eyes and dark skin. Her long pretty hair was currently tucked behind her ears, cascading over her shoulders with a lone sparrow feather knotted in the strands.

My heart swelled with gratefulness. Despite my fear of this new life and my constant emptiness for what I’d misplaced, without her, I would still be by that river’s edge—a pile of bones after the wolves had gnawed them clean.

Don’t worry if you’re not ready to speak just yet, Niya said softly. This must all be so overwhelming.

Biting my bottom lip, I twisted my fingers, trying to arrange my mess of words into something cohesive. T-Thank you, I murmured. For saving me. My eyes widened, worried she might have forgotten what an incredible thing she’d done. By the river. Y-You saved me. I would’ve been eaten if you had not—

Hey... She interrupted me with another grin that crinkled her eyes and made my heart flutter at her welcome. Of course, I remember. And I would do it all over again. Smiling wider, she added, I’m grateful Solin and the healers were able to help you.

I was sick?

I vaguely recalled the surly man named Kivva worrying about sickness and refusing to take me to their clan.

Ah, I see you’ve found her. Solin appeared from the heavy dusk, the fur around his waist now adorned with a belt of twisted reeds and shells. In his right hand, he carried a staff like Kivva had when I’d first been found. Unlike Kivva’s, Solin’s wasn’t just decorated with vines and leaves but the skull of an animal with ivory fangs and empty eye sockets.

He caught me staring at it and shook the stick, making it rattle. The head of an infant lynx. We found the den by accident a few moons ago. Two pups were already dead, and a third was ice cold with barely a heart murmur. He sighed and stroked the skull. The mother had died from fevers. The third cub would die if we did nothing. So...we helped it, just like we helped you.

Niya suddenly whistled, piercing the falling night.

I jolted and almost tripped over my frail and wobbly legs.

Solin’s hand lashed out and caught my elbow, waiting for me to find my balance. I wonder if it’s wise for you to be out of your furs so soon. His fingers bit into my flesh, fighting my sway to keep me standing.

I-I’m fine. I smiled thinly, cringing as Niya whistled again.

Solin lowered his voice. Whatever you’re afraid of, it cannot find you here. His voice was as rich as the darkness surrounding us. It’s okay to trust in us. You’re safe. He continued to hold me, and I swallowed against the strange discomfort.

Solin studied me as if I’d lost my mind at the river.

Exhaling heavily, I forced myself to give him a faint smile. I am... I frowned, repeating a word that I’d used a lot. Sorry. I shrugged. I don’t mean to be so...

Jumpy? He arched an eyebrow.

Yes. I nodded. Jumpy. I threw a look at Niya, who paced away a little, pursing her lips into another piercing whistle.

You’re permitted to be on edge, Solin said gently. We don’t know what you endured before we found you. Has any of your past returned to you?

I tensed and shook my head. The words to apologise once again clung to my tongue.

That’s okay, Solin said, clutching his lynx-skull staff. The flames will tell me soon enough. Either you will remember or the fire will gift a vision. One day, you will know.

My heart beat thickly with hope. Thank you. I lowered my chin, brushing the furs covering my nakedness. The furs that Hyath had made me. The sensation of being covered and warm felt so different after stumbling in the rain and being cold with nothing for so long.

Pulling the chest piece a little higher, I blushed, hoping he didn’t think I fussed with what he’d given me because I was ungrateful. It wasn’t his fault the two pieces were slightly too big for my malnourished frame.

I caught his eyes, rushing with words, Thank you...for the dressings.

Clothing, he corrected with a gentle grin. And you’re welcome. Hyath has become very proficient at curing skins so they’re incredibly soft to wear. Her mother had the honour of making the matrimonial gown for Tiptu when she wed Tral twenty years ago. Hyath has picked up the same gift her mother had.

Matri...moneeeal? I stumbled over the new word.

Marriage, Niya said, returning to us with a scowl. That stubborn cub is ignoring me. Glancing into the darkness and peering impatiently around the fire, she finally shrugged and dragged her attention back to Solin and me. Marriage or matehood is a ceremony to declare love and commitment. They did it to commit to each other but also to assure the clan that they will watch over us as one.

They are our chief and chiefess, Solin added.

You will meet them tonight, Niya said. Just like I hope you’ll meet Syn. It’s the full moon, and we always celebrate the full moon to bring luck for the next month.

Something golden and spotted galloped toward us, white fangs gleaming with firelight and glistening yellow eyes that saw straight through the dark. With a roar, it leaped the final distance. Paws spread, claws sharp, its body twisting with graceful strength.

My knees buckled.

Solin caught me.

And Niya wrapped her arms around the animal, burying her face into its gold and black pelt. Stub-like antlers sprouted from its head while its tail split into two, whipping in all directions as the air came alive with loud vibrations.

Are you purring, you baby beast? Niya laughed. You look so terrifying, yet you act like a cuddly mouse. Standing upright, she kept her hand on the cat’s spotted shoulders as it twined around her thighs.

This is Syn. Niya patted the cat’s head, tugging on a tiny antler. She’s still a youngling but is already bigger than most of the lynxes around the plains. Her smile deepened as the cat headbutted her thigh. I think it’s because she gets fed by everyone and has her choice of any lupic to sleep in.

I couldn’t stop looking at the predator. At her knowing yellow eyes and wicked-sharp fangs.

She won’t hurt you, Solin murmured. She’s tame. Our intention was to save her like we saved you and give her the choice to return to her family, or at least find her own kind, but... He shrugged. She decided to stay. He grinned as the cat rubbed herself against him, grabbing his staff in her sharp-toothed mouth, grumbling a little growl when he tapped her on the head to release it. She knows that mortals are not food. We are her pack. She also knows that she’s not the leader of this pack. Don’t you, Syn?

With a snort, the lynx let his staff go, her twin tails flicking left and right in strange harmony.

She turned to face me.

I stiffened as her eyes locked with mine.

The happy glow in her gaze switched to lethal intrigue.

I couldn’t look away.

Couldn’t stop staring.

Couldn’t stop the rise of something vast inside me.

The lynx braced herself, her mouth opening as if to drag my taste along her tongue.

Her eyes snapped closed.

But then they opened, and her haunches sank.

I knew her intention as surely as if she’d spoken.

I tripped back a step.

Don’t worry. Solin held up his hand. She won’t—

She leaped for me.

Her giant paws landed on my shoulders, and her weight slammed me to the ground. I gasped as all the air in my lungs vanished. I cried out as the lynx pinned me down, her whiskers tickling my cheeks as her cool, wet nose pressed to mine.

It felt like a kill.

Like an embrace.

My heart pounded as my hands sank into her dense fur, and the cat growled as if my touch physically hurt her.

Syn, get off her at once, Niya shouted, tugging on the cat’s antlers.

But it did no good.

The lynx merely lay down over me, blanketing my entire body with her golden-spotted heat.

The cat let out a low whine. A cry. A whimper.

The sound arrowed through my heart, and I found myself crying with her. Giant tears rolled down my cheeks, unbidden and without reason. Raising her head, she pressed her nose to mine, breathing my breath, staring into my eyes.

And the world fell away.

The starry night disappeared.

The fire and the clan were no more.

It was just me and Syn, locked in place where golden light surrounded us. Bright, blazing light that glowed and warmed and whispered of wicked, archaic power.

It felt...familiar.

Right.

Home.

His kiss tasted like moonlight and honey—

I gasped.

My tears turned into a river as the lynx tenderly licked my salt-wetted cheeks with her gentle-coarse tongue. Purrs rumbled in her chest. She nuzzled my chin, and I wrapped both arms around her, hugging her so, so tight.

She huffed and buried her face into my neck, kneading my shoulders with her paws, pinpricking my skin with her claws.

Something swelled between us.

Something full of recognition and importance, rife with answers and—

Get off her! Solin snatched the beast around her waist and threw her off me.

The moment shattered.

I was disoriented and confused.

Syn growled and whipped her tails, throwing me a beseeching look while hissing at Solin. And then she was gone, bounding around Niya, and leaping into the thick swaying grasses that ringed the outskirts of the camp.

For a moment, no one moved.

I sucked in a shaky breath,