BLOODSHOT AND BROKEN
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About this ebook
When Julia wakes up in a hospital bed with a head injury and no memory of her past, she feels completely lost and alone.
As memories flood her mind and the truth starts to surface in dreams and flashbacks, her past starts to creep slowly back into her life and begins to intertwine with the life and family she has now built. Will the secrets she uncovers make her whole again or completely tear her apart?
A story of love, sacrifice, and vengeance and how far we can go to protect the people we care most about.
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BLOODSHOT AND BROKEN - Trisha Tillman
Prologue
Just like clockwork, every single night, I was waking up crying hysterically. It would start out as a dream that I could never quite remember once I was sat up in bed, screaming as tears streamed down my face, crying for something, for someone. For who or what, I wasn’t sure whether it was someone who hurt me or someone I missed, someone I loved or someone I hated, someone I was longing for, or someone I was desperately trying to get away from. But one thing I was sure of was that my heart was remembering things that my mind could not. And it was slowly tearing me apart.
This was the only life I knew. I had one before. Whether it was good or bad, I don’t know. But I do know I had one. But since I had no memory of it, this life of terror and never-ending questions was the only normal I knew. Who was I? Where did I come from? Did I have family? I didn’t even know if I was good or bad. So many secrets buried in my past. Maybe I was a spy, maybe an FBI agent, maybe I volunteered at an animal shelter, or maybe I was just the most boring person on the planet and lived with my fifty cats in a nine-hundred-square-foot apartment. Or maybe I was a criminal on the run from the law, always taking refuge in random locations, sure to never be discovered. All of them were possible. But to be honest, none of them felt right. None of them felt like me. But even if I didn’t like who I was, I just needed to know the truth. But the chances of that happening seemed to slip farther and farther away as each day passed. And the fear of the unknown and the possibility of never knowing was completely swallowing me whole as I sank deeper and deeper into this whirlpool of desperation, anxiety, and insomnia.
Chapter 1
October 1, 2014
Julia
What is that beeping noise? Why do I feel like my eyelids are so heavy that I physically can’t open them? Why are my feet numb? I’m freezing. Why is it so cold? Where am I? Wait. Who am I? What is my name? Why can’t I remember my name? Am I dead? Is that why? When you die, do you just automatically forget your name? That’s it. I’m dead. I can hear voices, but I don’t know what they are saying. They must be taking me to Jesus. Wait. Is that good? Am I even going to heaven? I don’t know who I am! Am I even a good person? I have to open my eyes. I have to see what’s around me. Wait. I think I did it. I see light. Yes, blinding light. This is it. This is the end. Whoever I am, I’m leaving this earth right now.
Julia, can you hear me?
Wait, who was that? Are they talking to me? Is that the head angel or the grim reaper? No, her voice is too soft to be the grim reaper. She must be an angel. Is she asking if I can hear her? Am I Julia?
Julia, I’m right here. Can you look at me?
Okay, someone just grabbed my hand. And I felt it. So maybe I’m not dead. Wait. I can see the lights better now. Am I in a hospital? Yes. That must be it. I’m hurt, not dead. So if this is not an angel, who is it? I have to see her face. If I can just slightly turn my head. Oh, there she is. She looks nice. She’s smiling. She seems happy to see me. I don’t know who she is, though. Hell, I don’t even know who I am, much less anybody else. Why does my head hurt so bad? What happened? I need to speak these words instead of just think them. Can I talk?
Wha… Wh…
It’s okay, Julia. I’m here. You were in an accident—a car wreck. It banged you up pretty badly. You were in a medically induced coma for three days. There was so much swelling on your brain. We weren’t sure. Well, we weren’t sure what to expect when you woke up. Do you remember anything?
This is too much. I want answers, but damn, that’s a lot to take in all at once. I think I’ll look back up at the light before she feels the need to say anything else.
Oh no, I hear more people coming. She must have alerted the media that I’m awake. I just want them to go away. I want all this to go away. I just want to wake up knowing who I am and in my own bed, wherever that is.
Julia, it’s nice to see you awake. I’m Dr. Roberts. You gave us quite the scare there, young lady. How are you feeling?
I’m sure to give the meanest look I can manage in hopes that he will just go away and take the rest of them with him. I think I’ll just go back to my coma now if you all don’t mind.
The doctor then proceeds to shine a tiny bright light straight into my eyes and then moves his finger back and forth in front of my face, asking me to follow it with my eyes. I do so lazily, then blink hard to get rid of the blindness that the light has left behind. Do you feel like answering a few questions for me, Julia?
he asks, smiling brightly. I slowly close my eyes and turn my head, dismissing his request.
Ah, I see. Not in the mood to talk, huh. That’s okay. Take your time. But as soon as you’re feeling up to it, I’ll need to evaluate you to see just how much damage has been done. Go ahead and get some rest for now, okay? See you soon.
Good riddance. If I find a way out of here before then, you won’t see me at all. I’m not sure why I’m so angry at everyone. I know they are all just trying to help. But I can’t help it. Anger is all I know to feel right now other than fear. And I’m not sure I can handle fear at the moment, so I’m going to stick with anger for now. I just want to close my eyes and make all this go away.
October 2, 2014
I must have fallen asleep. For how long, I’m not sure. But I feel a little stronger. My eyes are opening easier now. It’s early in the morning. The lights are off in the room, and the sun is barely creeping through the darkness outside. This is much more pleasant than the bright-white light I woke up to before. There’s that woman, the one that was here when I woke up the first time. She’s sleeping on the small couch next to my bed. The small blanket pulled over her has fallen and is mostly hanging to the floor instead of covering her up. I wonder how long she has been in my room. I wonder if I can lift my hands. I’ll start slow. I’ll try moving my fingers first.
I did it. Okay, now I’ll try squeezing my hand. Did that too. Okay, now I’m going to lift it, even if just a couple of inches. I did it! I knew I felt stronger. Now if I could just get out of this bed. Everything feels so stiff, but I’ve managed to slightly wiggle around and spark life into my body. Uh-oh, the woman is waking up. Busted.
Julia? Wha… What are you doing?
she says, yawning.
She’s standing over me now, gently grabbing my arm with one hand and stroking my hair with the other.
I think I can talk today. I’m sure of it. Maybe this nice woman will help me get out of here.
I wa… I want to leave,
I manage to stammer.
Oh, Julia, you have a long recovery ahead of you. You’ll be here for a while until you’re strong enough to care for yourself,
she says, smiling with sympathy.
She speaks to me as if I am a child or like I’m a complete idiot. I feel like I should be able to get up and walk out of here as I please. But deep down inside, I know she’s right. I barely just figured out how to move, how to speak. How am I going to leave? And where would I go? I don’t even know where I live.
Julia, do you remember anything about the night of your accident?
She’s really digging at me, trying to find out what’s going on in this damaged brain of mine. It’s like I’m a science project, another medical mystery. They can’t wait to poke and pry at me and study me and examine me. But maybe they should remember I am a person, not just another medical case for them to solve.
I don’t remember anything about that or anything else. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I came from. Do you know who I am other than my name?
I ask this hopefully, knowing she probably doesn’t know. I probably had some type of identification on me that told them what my name was. Other than that, this woman doesn’t know anything about me. I’m just another patient to her. I look at the despair that comes over her face. Tears are forming in her eyes. She wipes casually at them as she starts to speak.
Um, no. No, I’m sorry. I just, um, I was really hoping that this wouldn’t be the outcome for you, even though the doctor said it was possible. So you don’t remember anything or anybody?
No. Nothing. The only reason I know my name is because you keep saying it to me.
I am so sorry, Julia. Don’t worry. We are going to take good care of you. Everything will be okay,
she says while trying to convince herself as well.
Why are you always in my room? Who are you?
I ask in the nicest way I can manage.
My name is Anna. I was assigned to be your nurse to sit with you and take care of you. Someone with the amount of head trauma that you have suffered has to be watched constantly.
Oh, well, thank you for watching me. I guess I can speak with the doctor now.
Chapter 2
October 6, 2014
The past few days