100 Places to See After You Die: A Travel Guide to the Afterlife
By Ken Jennings
3.5/5
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About this ebook
Ever wonder which circles of Dante’s Inferno have the nicest accommodations? Where’s the best place to grab a bite to eat in the ancient Egyptian underworld? How does one dress like a local in the heavenly palace of Hinduism’s Lord Vishnu, or avoid the flesh-eating river serpents in the Klingon afterlife? What hidden treasures can be found off the beaten path in Hades, Valhalla, or TV’s The Good Place? Find answers to all those questions and more about the world(s) to come in this eternally entertaining book from Ken Jennings.
Written in the style of iconic bestselling travel guides, Jennings wryly outlines journeys through the afterlife, as dreamed up over 5,000 years of human history by our greatest prophets, poets, mystics, artists, and TV showrunners. This comprehensive index of 100 different afterlife destinations was meticulously researched from sources ranging from the Epic of Gilgamesh to modern-day pop songs, video games, and Simpsons episodes. Get ready for whatever post-mortal destiny awaits you, whether it’s an astral plane, a Hieronymus Bosch hellscape, or the baseball diamond from Field of Dreams.
Fascinating, funny, and irreverent, this “gung-ho travel guide to Heaven, Hell, and beyond” (The New Yorker) will help you create your very own bucket list—for after you’ve kicked the bucket.
Ken Jennings
Ken Jennings is the New York Times bestselling author of Brainiac, Maphead, Because I Said So!, and Planet Funny. In 2020, he won the “Greatest of All Time” title on the quiz show Jeopardy! and in 2022, he succeeded Alex Trebek as a host of the show. He is living in Seattle during his mortal sojourn, but his posthumous whereabouts are still to be determined.
Read more from Ken Jennings
Planet Funny: How Comedy Took Over Our Culture Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maps and Geography Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maphead: Charting the Wide, Weird World of Geography Wonks Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Because I Said So!: The Truth Behind the Myths, Tales, and Warnings Every Generation Passes Down to Its Kids Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Greek Mythology Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5U.S. Presidents Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Outer Space Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Human Body Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Ancient Egypt Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dinosaurs Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5House on Fire!: A Story of Loss, Love & Servant Leadership Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTen Thousand Horses: How Leaders Harness Raw Potential for Extraordinary Results Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Greater Goal: Connecting Purpose and Performance Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
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Reviews for 100 Places to See After You Die
26 ratings5 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I received an advance copy via NetGalley.Jennings’s new release is an inventive, diverse tour guide to the afterlife, ranging from world religions to The Good Place to the Marvel Universe. Each chapter is a quick, snappy read, many only three or so pages in length, with a few more prolonged and detailed. To use an irresistible pun, the book is enlightening. There were several faiths and media-based afterlives I knew nothing about, and I appreciated Jennings’s tone. His humor can be dry, but there is never a sense that he is picking on someone.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I'm not quite sure how Mr. Jennings did all of his research, but this is a 'lite' travel guide, listed alphabetically, of 100 afterlife destinations. Quite amusing and great trivia too.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5You just have to love Ken Jennings! The man has the unique ability to take really esoteric and complicated information and turn it into a enjoyable and entertaining read. He's done it again with this book. What a great way to explore and learn about other cultures and their beliefs! Bravo! I look forward to his next book!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This originally appeared at The Irresponsible Reader.---WHAT'S 100 PLACES TO SEE AFTER YOU DIE ABOUT?Ken Jennings provides a handy tour guide through one hundred visions of the afterlife for the modern reader. Complete with tips on places to see, areas to avoid, local lingo, bits of trivia, dining tips, and so on, it's just the kind of thing you're going to want to peruse before you shuffle off this mortal coil, so you know where to go.The book is broken down into: Mythology, Religion, Books, Movies, Music and Theater, and Miscellaneous. Then (alphabetically) Jennings looks at a variety of afterlife locales in each category.For example, the Books section covers: Aslan’s Country • The Bridge • The Cemetery • The Empyrean • The Five Lessons • Half-Life • The Inbetween • Inferno • The Kingdom • King’s Cross • Mansoul • The Null • Pandemonium • Paradiso • The Parish • Purgatorio • Riverworld • The Third Sphere • The Time Bubble • The Undying Lands • The Valley of the Shadow of Life** From Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia and The Great Divorce; O'Connor's story "Revelation"; Saunders' Lincoln in the Bardo; Milton's Paradise Lost; Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven; Dick's Ubik; Sebold's The Lovely Bones; Dante's The Divine Comedy; Twain's "Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven"; Rowling's Harry Potter; Moore's Jerusalem; King's Revival; O'Brien/O'Nolan's The Third Policeman; Farmer's Riverworld; Matheson's What Dreams May Come; Oliver's The Time Bubble; and Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings.Jennings describes each place with wit, humor, Dad Jokes, puns, irreverence, and plenty of facts.DANCING THROUGH A MINEFIELDIt's one thing to talk about places like Valhalla, Hades, The Bad Place, Bill & Ted's Bogus destination, or Futurama's Robot Hell in a light-hearted or flippant fashion. It's an entirely different can of worms to discuss the LDS Three Kingdoms of Glory, Jannah, Jahannam, Ariel Toll Houses/Telonia, and so on—in the same tone.I will not say that Jennings was able to fully succeed in discussing the afterlives described in some major religions in an unoffensive manner. Primarily because I'm not an adherent of any of the religions he discussed, so my tolerance for that is really high. Had he tackled something I believe in, I very well could've been at risk of insult.That said, I think he did okay. Yes, he walks close to irreverent. But he maintains a decent degree of respect. The humor largely comes from the way he describes the beliefs not at the expense of an article of faith.Still, some people might want to skip over a chapter or two if they're worried about getting their toes stepped on. (but those people probably aren't going to be reading this book in the first place)A FEW HIGHLIGHTSOhhh, there are just so many.The Books section was my favorite—followed closely by Movies and Television—this is the kind of thing I blog about, think about, and so on, so it makes sense that those sections resonated with me most. The Books section, in particular, discussed portions of those works in ways I could really sink my teeth into.But there were multiple highlights in each section—I learned a lot about D&D, I couldn't help singing "Ghost Riders in the Sky" during that chapter, I think he pointed out a good plot hole in It's a Wonderful Life (I don't know, maybe he's not the first), I loved the discussion of Bosch's paintings, and so on.The chapter on The Good Life was fantastic—a great systemization of the series' take on the afterlife (and several characters). The chapter on Nirvana was sublime.Books, movies, mythologies, songs, etc. that I've never heard of, much less, read/watched/listened to/studied were described in enough detail that I could appreciate those chapters and maybe even develop an interest in following up on.PROBLEMS/QUIBBLES/THINGS THAT DIDN'T WORK FOR MEUm. Hold on, I'll think of something.......oh! Here's a problem: the eARC came with the typical "don't quote from this version until verified by the published edition" warning—but it was more pronounced than usual. I really want to use samples throughout this post, but I can't. (and I wouldn't have even without this warning, because I know things get tweaked in the final stages).Actually, I do have a legitimate gripe. There are no footnotes—or even endnotes*—for anything that Jennings says. Most of what the book contains could fall into the category of "General Knowledge" (at least for people who know anything about The Good Place, Dante, or the religion of the Maori). But I wouldn't have minded a point in the right direction to learn some more details, context, or background on many, many, many things Jennings wrote about.* It's been decades since I haven't asked why a book uses endnotes when footnotes exist, and yet I'd have liked to have them in this book more than the nothing we got. That's how much this bothers me.I CAN'T HELP PONDERING...Given the argument of Planet Funny: How Comedy Took Over Our Culture by Ken Jennings, I wonder about his approach to the subject of the afterlife. Sure, even Planet Funny was frequently funny as it critiqued the overuse of humor in our culture, but for his next book to take this tone, seems to undercut the work.Or maybe it just shows that even as he can look with clear eyes at some of the weaknesses of our culture, he's part of it and is subject to the influences. It's almost like he's human.SO, WHAT DID I THINK ABOUT 100 PLACES TO SEE AFTER YOU DIE?This section is going to be shorter than usual because I think I've pretty much answered the question already.From the "throwaway lines" to the big ideas, this was a delight from start to finish. I thoroughly enjoyed this approach to the subjects—quick hits that tell you the essentials and make you smile while telling them.Jennings' style is one I aspire to, and can't say enough good things about.I can't think of a reason not to give this 5 Stars, but my gut tells me not to. So I'll knock it down to 4 1/2 (which isn't a big deal since Goodreads, NetGalley, etc. won't let me use 1/2 stars, I'll round up). It's educational, it's entertaining, and it's thought-provoking. You can't go wrong with this.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5That was the one thing the world’s oldest civilization had figured out about death: that it was extremely permanent.from 100 Places to See After You Die by Ken JenningsOkay, just seeing this book cover made me laugh and I had to get inside it. And, it’s by Jeopardy champ and host Ken Jennings.It is a book best taken in bites, because, after all, how much time do you really want to spend in places where people are subjected to endless pain and suffering? Like the Inuit’s Adlivun where you meet Sedna’s old man who will pull you under a bearskin rug and torment you for a year. Or the Chinese Diyu, a purgatory where you might be sawed in half. Or worst of all, observe your home town that has happily forgotten you.Sure, there is the opportunity to get to some really nice places, where you are assured a good hunt at the other end of the Milky Way path to the heavens. Your dog even has his own route there. If you are one of the lucky 144,000, the Jehovah’s Witnesses believe you will govern heaven next to Jesus. Swedenborg had visions of communities for the good and the bad; nice parks and gardens for some, shantytowns and thieves for others.Jennings has scoured sources of all kind–of course mythology and religion but also literature and art and comic books and video games and D&D and movies and television like The Good Place, which my husband and I absolutely loved.Humanity has imagined a multitude of possible afterlives, but most seem to involve the same dichotomy: we will be punished for our sins or rewarded for good behavior–or after we atone for our sins.So, as Pascal posited in his wager, it’s better to err on the safe side, and you’d better be good.I received a free egalley from the publisher through NetGalley. My review is fair and unbiased.
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100 Places to See After You Die - Ken Jennings
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100 Places to See After You Die: A Travel Guide to the Afterlife, by Ken Jennings. Scribner. New York | London | Toronto | Sydney | New Delhi.INTRODUCTION
When Shakespeare called the afterlife the undiscovered country, from whose bourn no traveller returns,
he was echoing a tradition as old as recorded human history. Death, our stories have always said, isn’t a condition. It’s a place, a journey.
For the ancients, this was a very literal kind of travel. People from Persia to Ireland to Polynesia speculated on which specific caves or islands in their landscapes might be entrances to the underworld. The Egyptians and Aztecs died with itineraries in mind, maps and guides to help navigate a confusing and high-stakes tour through the world to come. In the Middle Ages, visionaries and poets produced elaborate travelogues of heavens and hells and purgatories. Dante was the world-building
champ of his day, the medieval equivalent of a George Lucas or George R. R. Martin, and centuries of readers pored over his careful geographies in the same way a modern audience might wander imaginary places like Hogwarts or Hyrule.
Of course, it takes a certain kind of fundamentalism to read Dante’s detailed travel notes about a nine-level pit and literally expect to spend eternity there. We live in a time of unprecedented religious skepticism, but the afterlife is as lively a topic as ever—now with new options that Dante never considered, thanks to the West’s comparatively recent discovery of reincarnation, astral planes, and ghost hunter reality shows. A 2016 study of religious participation and belief found that, even though the number of Americans who believe in God, pray, or attend religious services has declined steeply since the 1970s, the number of us who believe in the afterlife has actually risen slightly over the same time span. Even many die-hard rationalists, it seems, are reluctant to imagine that death is a final ending. All that time and complexity and experience—for nothing? It would seem such a cosmic waste.
When you look at afterlife journeys from stories told over the millennia, from ancient Sumer all the way up to The Good Place, the same routes and themes recur over and over. Ghosts are in at least their fifth century of moping around their old houses, moving objects by focusing very hard on them, and not even always knowing that they’re dead. Psychopomps,
immortal guides, still appear after death to lead the soul away from mortal life. Heavens, whether Miltonian, Hindu, or Capra-esque, are still heavy on music and clouds and wings. Hell hasn’t changed much between ancient China or Mesoamerica and South Park: still the same turnabout-is-fair-play ironic
punishments, the same jaw-droppingly long torture sessions, even the same gross bodily fluids. Dim underworlds still lie across rivers. (This trope probably arose from simple geology. Early humans knew that wells were deeper than graves, so buried souls would have to cross a layer of water as they headed downward.)
But afterlife destinations have changed over time in smaller ways, revealing the preoccupations of the living. In early civilization, life was so punishingly hard that paradise was generally just an absence: a place without disease, without winter, without crop failures. Later, as we could imagine a more luxurious life, new abundances appeared, feasts and harems and precious gems. The twentieth century saw a rise in benign but bureaucratic heavens that mirrored our efficient new age: lots of sterile waiting rooms, lots of fussy angels with clipboards. More recently, we’ve downgraded heaven further to fit into our new gig economies (Dead Like Me, Miracle Workers) or worries about technology (Black Mirror, Upload).
In this book, you’ll get the inside travel scoop on one hundred afterlife destinations, organized alphabetically within seven main categories—a chapter apiece for mythical afterlives, scriptural afterlives, movie afterlives, and so forth. There are even afterlife possibilities gleaned from paintings, video games, Sunday newspaper comics, superhero universes, and theme park rides. They range from the famous to the infamous, the well known to the off the beaten path. Browse them in any order you like, pausing on familiar destinations you’d like to learn more about or adding intriguing new ones to your post–bucket list.
As Hamlet pointed out, no one’s ever come back from any of these places, but despite that, I’ve tried my best to sketch in their regional highlights and most notable attractions. And like any good travel writer, I try to give something more elusive as well: the overall impression of a place, the vibe. A smaller number of prominent afterlives get longer entries, with more detailed information on dining and accommodation and day trips.
There’s no way to know for sure where you’re going when you die—and it might, of course, be nowhere. But this book isn’t just for armchair adventurers. Why not start assembling your own afterlife travel checklist now? If the gloomy Hel of the Vikings appeals to your inner goth, you’ll need to start offering sacrifices to the old Norse gods and avoiding—at all costs!—a brave death in battle. If the blissful Pure Land of East Asian Buddhism is more your speed, start chanting the name of Amitabha Buddha to yourself every day, because you’ll never understand the dharma without him.
It’s never too early to investigate your options and start making travel plans. Eternity is an awfully long time to end up in the wrong place, and you never know when your departure is going to be. So turn the page and begin to discover the undiscovered country
for yourself. These are trips that billions of people are dying to take!
Snowed In
ADLIVUN AND QUDLIVUN
The Inuit
Even by the icy standards of the Arctic, the Inuit peoples of Alaska, Canada, and Greenland invented a remarkably chilling vision of the underworld. Your most likely destination on this itinerary is a disturbing house straight out of a modern microbudget horror movie—but at least you’ll only have to spend a year there.
According to the Inuit, all living creatures have a soul called a tarniq. Your tarniq is a tiny version of yourself that lives in an air bubble in your groin, and it floats free at the moment of your death. Have you committed any misdeeds or violence in your life? If so, the news isn’t good. You’re heading to Adlivun, a land below the sea.
Adlivun is a dark, grim underworld of never-ending storms. When you arrive, follow the trail of clothing you see on the ice, which was discarded by victims of drowning. It will lead you to the door of the Sea Woman. She has many names—Takannaaluk, Nerrivik, Idliragijenget—but most know her as Sedna.
MEET THE LOCALS
In the Inuit creation myth, Sedna was a giant who gave her father no end of grief. She refused to marry and ran off with a hunter who turned out to be a seabird spirit in disguise. Sedna’s father later pierced out one of her eyes, threw her overboard in a storm, and chopped off her fingers when she tried to clutch the side of his kayak. Her finger bones sank into the ocean, where they became the first seals, walruses, and whales. Sedna soon followed them into the depths, becoming a goddess of the sea and all its creatures.
Sedna’s dwelling, the House of the Wind, might appear to you as a simple igloo or as a grand mansion of stone and whale ribs. Take care as you enter, because Sedna’s dog will be stretched across the southern threshold, gnawing on some suspicious-looking bones.
Once inside the dark house, you’ll hear the terrible sighing and groaning of the dead, muffled as if by water, as well as the blowing and splashing of sea creatures. On the far side of the room, Sedna will be seated on a bed with her back to a stone lamp. She keeps the souls of sea creatures in the lamp’s drip bowl, giving them new life in new bodies. (The exceptions are sharks, which she keeps in her chamber pot. This is why shark meat has that urinelike ammonia taste, in case you ever wondered.)
Sedna’s face, with its single pale eye, is covered in filthy, tangled hair. She is almost suffocating on the foul smoke rising upward, clouds of sins from the agonies of the dead. Just as you get your head around this horrifying scene, you’ll feel something on your ankle, cold and cracked like a caribou antler. The chill hand of death has reached out from under a bearskin and caught you in its clawlike grip. This is Sedna’s father, whom she brought down to Adlivun with her. He’s also missing an eye and some fingers, the result of Sedna’s ancient revenge. He lies across the room from her, frozen and almost motionless under dirty old skins, waiting to pull you under his blankets and torment you for a year as you lie by his side, suffering for all your sins.
After your time with the creepy bearskin dad is over, you might be reincarnated as one of Sedna’s sea creatures, but most of the dead are released to the Qimiujarmiut, the people of the narrow land
in the midst of a subterranean sea. There you can live and hunt abundant game in the Land of the Dead forever.
A small group of people avoid the terrors of Adlivun altogether. If you lived a virtuous life, or died by violence (including at your own hand, which could explain why suicide wasn’t historically uncommon in some Inuit cultures), you can follow the rainbow upward toward the dawn to Qudlivun, the land of the moon spirit.
The moon spirit was once Igaluk, a blind boy who was given supernatural second sight
by a loon who lured him out to sea in a kayak. After he and his sister Malina ascended to heaven, they chased each other across the sky as the sun and moon. The moon at night is Igaluk crossing the heavens on his dog sledge, over the ice of the sky and the snowdrifts of the clouds. He’s a mighty hunter and kindly protector of his vaulted heavenly realm, which revolves around the mountains of the north.
Qudlivun is an outdoor paradise second to none. There the people of day
live in a land where there’s never ice or snow, and they can hunt all the deer they like. You will laugh in the never-ending warmth, playing games with a walrus head for a ball. Your athletic prowess will be appreciated back on earth as well, because immortals kicking around a walrus head in the sky is actually what produces the Northern Lights. Who knew?
The Deep State
DIYU
China
To the Chinese, we currently live in the yang world,
but that’s only half the story. Our ancestors have gone on to the yin world,
a realm of spirits who spend their days much as we do, with all the daily pleasures and headaches—right down to the endless layers of bureaucratic red tape.
In the hot pot of Confucianism, Taoism, and Buddhism that forms Chinese religion, heaven is Tian, the supreme power that keeps the cosmos running. As an afterlife destination, it lies beyond the hazy Kunlun Mountains of the far west. You need to climb Cool Wind Mountain, which will confer immortality, then scale another peak twice as tall: Hanging Garden Mountain. This feat will grant you the power to control the weather. You can then tackle another mountain that is again twice as tall, which will elevate you to heaven.
The nine gates of heaven are a sight not to be missed. Each is a set of two great pillars with a phoenix resting on each, sometimes flanked by auspicious animals like dragons and tigers. The music of bells is always in the air, and the gods dwell within, as well as the sun and moon. (Look for an enormous mulberry tree. That’s where nine of the ten solar orbs rest while the on-duty one is taking its turn crossing the sky.) A Master of Cloud will guide you through the Bright Walls to the Palace of Mystery, where the Thearch on High reigns, just as the emperor does on earth below.
But most souls aren’t ready for Tian on their current spin through the wheel of reincarnation. You’re much more likely to be headed to the underworld of Diyu: the Dark City, the Yellow Springs. This is a purgatorial world of ten tribunals, each the jurisdiction of a legendary judge-king. You’ll see that each level of this hell is more like a county courthouse or DMV than a Dantean inferno: each lord rules not from a throne but from a desk strewn with scrolls and paperwork, surrounded by a complex apparatus of clerks and bureaucrats with titles like minister of grave mounds
or warden of gates
or assistant magistrate of the underworld.
(Assistant to the magistrate of the underworld?) See, these afterlife myths developed during the Qin dynasty, at the same time China was building out its own massive civil service. Back then, the dead would often be buried with documents addressed to afterlife registrars, certifying their possessions, legal status, tax exemptions, and so forth. Make sure your paperwork is up to date before your departure date arrives!
The ten courts of Diyu form a great ring on the underside of the world. As you advance counterclockwise through its procedures, beginning in the south, each honorable king and his courtiers will painstakingly pore through records of your life, noting all your misdeeds and even wrong thoughts. In the first court, gaze into the Mirror of Karma for a complete rundown of your Confucian virtues, or lack thereof. Then in the following courts, ghoulish bureaucrats like Horse-Face and Ox-Head will administer punishments to expiate all of your sins in turn. Each court is divided into sixteen wards, and each ward includes punishments for eight different sins, so many of the offenses addressed here are charmingly specific: people who complained about the weather, people who threw broken pottery shards over the fence (Han dynasty litterbugs!), people who borrowed books and didn’t return them.
The accounting may be thorough, but the penalties are brutal. You might be sawed in half, drowned in a pool of blood, pounded to meat jelly in a giant mortar, boiled in hot oil. The lustful are placed next to a superheated brass pillar, which they will repeatedly throw their arms around, mistaking it for their beloved. Arsonists are fed through a rice-husking machine, and committers of infanticide get iron snakes slithering in and out of their eyes and ears and mouth.
But the most diabolical torture of all is a simple tower called the Terrace for Viewing One’s Own Village. Climb up and take a clear-eyed look at your earthly hometown. Surprise! You’ve been completely forgotten! Nobody is praying for you, your last wishes have been disregarded, your partner has remarried, and your heirs are squandering your hard-earned possessions.
After a few years of purgatory, the Wheel of Fate in the tenth court will take you to reincarnation in one of six realms. But if you want to spend a few decades relaxing here in the yin world first, that’s fine. Now you’re one of the venerated ancestors, free to bling yourself out via the prayers and offerings of the living. If they burn some little yellow circles of cardboard, for example, you’ll receive a corresponding number of gold coins in the afterlife. If they burn paper dolls for you, you get servants. The same goes for magazine clippings of a fancy house or a flat-screen TV.
WHEN TO GO
The full moon of the seventh month each year is the Ghost Festival, when the gates of Diyu open and you can wander the living world unseen. The living will lay out incense and fresh fruit for you, and the front row will be left open at public performances if you want to enjoy some Chinese opera or burlesque. Two weeks later, look for a trail of lotus-shaped lanterns and follow them back to the underworld.
When you’re tired of ghost life and ready for reincarnation, head for Grandma Meng’s bridge and have the old crone pour you a cup of her famous tea of forgetfulness. Then wade across Wangchuan, the river of oblivion, as memories of your past life slip away. The only way to retain any of your old self is to carve a message to yourself in the Rock of Three Lives, which sits midway across the river. This rock can hold information about your current life, your past one, and your next one. If you don’t use it, you’ll have to start completely from scratch on your next pass through the yang world.
Let there be prepared for me a seat in the boat of the Sun on the day whereon the god saileth.
—The Book of the Dead
DUAT
Ancient Egypt
Thanks to the artifacts left behind from their elaborate rituals, we know more about how the ancient Egyptians died than how they lived. Five thousand years ago, embalmers would spend months preparing each corpse for its journey to the next world. Their preparations ranged from the brutal (like jabbing a metal hook up the deceased’s nostrils to puree and then drain their brain) to the sublime (postmortem manicures and nose jobs). All bodily organs except the heart were removed and placed in ceremonial jars.
Mummification was a big deal in Egypt because it was believed that death split the soul up into five components, like Voltron. There was your ka (life force), ba (personality), ib (heart), ren (name), and sheut (shadow). The tomb represented a nexus between this world and the next, and the ka and ba would be left homeless if there were no body there to return to. Only a good, decent person could pass the final trial of their heart and have their ka and ba reunited as an immortal spirit called the akh.
Duat, the underworld, was full of obstacles, which could only be navigated successfully with the protective spells found in the Egyptians’ famous Book of the Dead. Those obstacles comprise a full Indiana Jones temple of doom: there’s a lake of fire, crocodiles, bugs, decay, torture chambers, and even booby traps like decapitation blades and a giant net strung between heaven and earth. The spells are like video game cheat codes, instructing the dead on what to do when faced with the dangers of Duat.
For the adventurous traveler, the iron walls and turquoise trees of Duat make for an afterlife unlike any other. Just don’t forget to study your scroll of magic spells.
TRAVEL TRIVIA
Of the 189 spells in The Book of the Dead, the very last one protects travelers from a seemingly unlikely misfortune in the world to come: having to eat and drink their own poop and pee.
TOP ATTRACTIONS
THE MYSTERIOUS PORTALS OF THE HOUSE OF OSIRIS—A ring of twenty-one gates surrounds Osiris, the god of the underworld, along with a series of mounds and caverns. Each portal, mound, or cave is guarded by an animal-headed god squatting before you holding enormous knives. You’ll only be allowed to pass if you can name the god and his gate. Try not to worry that most of the guardians have ominous names like He Who Lives on Snakes, He Who Dances in Blood, and He Who Hacks Up the Dead.
THE HALL OF THE TWO TRUTHS—A can’t-miss. Get an early start, because you’ll want to arrive washed, anointed in myrrh, and wearing fresh clothes and white sandals. Final judgment in Duat takes place in this long, columned chamber, where Osiris and the other Egyptian gods sit enthroned under a canopy. Make sure you’ve studied up on the cryptic answers to their questions. For example, if they ask Where have you passed?,
they’re not just making small talk. You need to have a very specific answer ready: I have gone past the place to the north of the thicket.
The ibis-headed figure you see will be Thoth, the god of science and magic. He’ll watch carefully as Anubis, the jackal-headed judge of the dead, weighs your heart against an ostrich feather, a symbol of order and morality. (The Egyptians believed the heart was the seat of consciousness and memory, while the brain was only good for secreting mucus.) If the scales balance exactly, you’ll walk through the gate flanked by two giant statues of Ma’at, the goddess of balance, and Osiris will welcome you into the afterlife.
MEET THE LOCALS
The forty-two judges who assess you in the Hall of the Two Truths represent the forty-two nomes, or territories, of ancient Egypt. So no matter what part of Egypt you’re from, you’ll see a friendly face from your hometown!
THE SUN BARQUE OF RA—Every day, the god Ra travels across the sky in his gleaming solar boat. But at night, when the sun sinks beneath the horizon, he enters the underworld and spends the night in endless battle with the serpent Apep. As a denizen of Duat, you’ll get the chance to hop aboard and help Ra navigate one of his nightly duels!
DAY TRIPS
COMING FORTH BY DAY—Even after death, your ba, or personality, is allowed to leave the rest of the soul and wander back on earth. Different spells will allow it to take different forms: a falcon, a snake, a lotus flower, or even a god. Splurge on a sarcophagus shaped like a house or palace, so your ba has someplace to stay. A ceremonial false door
on your coffin will let your ba get out and stretch its legs. (Unless it’s a snake at the time.)
WHERE TO STAY
AARU, THE FIELD OF REEDS—If your heart gets the okay from Anubis, you move on to Aaru, located in the east where the sun rises. Aaru is a Nile-like delta of waterways that flow past abundant crops. The barley grows five cubits high here, and hunting and fishing are plentiful. The Field of Reeds has all the comforts of home: good food, good harvests, good sex. Live here with the gods in happiness and peace.
THE DEVOURER OF THE WEST—If, on the other hand, you are judged unworthy of Aaru, your soul will be delivered to Ammit the Devourer, a fearsome creature with the head of a crocodile, the body and claws of a lion, and the hind parts of a hippopotamus. Ammit feeds on souls, and those whom she slaughters die a (permanent) second death. Not recommended.
GETTING AROUND
Navigators through Duat should make sure they know the names of the four rudders of heaven: there’s Good Power in the northern sky, Wanderer in the west, Shining One in the east, and Preeminent in the south. And catching a ferryboat here isn’t as simple as buying a ticket. You’ll have to know the names of the oars (the fingers of Horus
), the hull beam (she who presides over gardens
), the wind, the riverbank, and so on. Then they’ll know you’re a