Fear Regret, Not Failure: The 7 Pillars of Success: “The SECRET to forging the mindset necessary to take risk, create wealth and succeed in an uncertain world”

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Copyright © 2023 by Tony Velasco

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Dedication

-No One Does it Alone-

Your mindset defines who you are. It affects your confidence, impacts your decisions, and determines whether you effectively pursue that which you desire most. It becomes the foundation of every thought and action you take. 

The strength of your mindset, more than anything else, will determine your chance at success. Having a strong, positive mindset allows you to withstand failure and loss. It provides you the confidence to see past skepticism and doubt and gives a reason and purpose to everything you do. It is what allows you to overcome your fears and hesitations.

Possess a weak or negative mindset, however, and doubt will quickly replace confidence, invading your thoughts anytime resistance enters your world. Failure will be perceived, not as a lesson, but as a reason to quit. Struggle seen as evidence that you aren’t good enough. With a weak mindset, you suddenly become much more susceptible to being confined by fear and crumbling under the pressure of life’s challenges.

Your mindset is the foundation of everything you do. When it is well built, its strength can withstand any amount of weight placed upon it. A weak mindset, just as a weak foundation, will crumble when that same pressure is applied. The most important thing you can do if you’re going to build something of value that will survive the test of time is to make sure the foundation upon which you build it is a mile deep.

 Fear Regret not Failure will be that foundation. It will become the platform for everything you build. It will be the foundation that not only gives you the strength to withstand failure and loss but also to learn to welcome both because of the knowledge that accompanies them.  It will provide you with the confidence to push forward when onlookers doubt you. It will give purpose and direction to everything you do. This book and the concepts contained within it are the fuel that will allow you not just to overcome your fears, but to leverage the power of regret to motivate you toward achieving your dreams and building a legacy worth remembering.

I assure you, however, that none of this is possible without one essential ingredient: people. And, more specifically, the strength and support of the individuals with whom you surround yourself. Achieving success is an impossible feat without help, guidance, coaching, and support from others. It is why surrounding yourself with people that make you better, that embody positivity, that hold you accountable, that challenge, support, and encourage you is of critical importance.

The strength of your foundation, and in turn, opportunities for your success will directly correlate with the types of people you choose to keep by your side. For it is the people closest to us who not only have the most significant impact on our lives but also give us purpose. They have the power to inspire us to pursue our dreams and passions and help forge the mindset that will be the foundation for everything we do. The people closest to us can either hold us back or inspire us to greatness. 

Inspiration is defined as the positive influence or impacts a person, idea, or thing has on an individual or group. Most people draw inspiration from other people and their actions, which means that where we draw inspiration from is directly tied to our closest relationships. Who we surround ourselves with will either fortify our fears or help us to overcome them.

The power of these relationships affect more than our personal lives. Business, the economy, and our culture are all determined by human interaction. Our relationships can change our actions, influence our thoughts, and impact everything from our businesses to our personal lives. In short, our relationships not only dictate our lives on an individual basis but a cultural level as well. No business, no country, no economy, and no one person succeeds without guidance, support, and help from others. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or has an entirely misguided sense of reality.

Maybe at no other time in recent history have these concepts been more tested. In 2020 and 2021 millions of lives were lost, economies decimated, and countries are now at war. The world is more divided than ever and we are on the verge of a global recession. Now more than ever is why these concepts are so important. Who you surround yourself with will be the ones that cultivate an environment that will either lead you down a path of succumbing to the negativity and fear of what lies ahead or push you to become something even greater in tough times.

Throughout my entire life, I have sought guidance and help from others and have been inspired by some amazing people without them ever knowing they were doing so. I have seen and felt love, heartache, success, failure, and struggle. I have learned from my experiences and became stronger because of them. For this reason, I would like to take a second to say thank you to all the people who have helped me throughout my journey. I want to thank everyone who gave me the strength to face fear head on, which is exactly what I hope to do for all of you.

First, I’d like to thank both of my parents, without whom I would not be the man I am today. Thank you to my mother for instilling in me compassion for others. You showed me what unconditional love looked like, and what strength and perseverance meant as a working single mother. Somehow, you balanced working full time while raising two kids. You took us to school, helped with homework, cooked, cleaned, and did everything else to run a household—all without ever breaking a sweat or complaining. 

Thank you to my father for never allowing me to settle for less than my best, for teaching me what a strong work ethic is, for being tough on me when it was necessary, and always being there when I needed guidance.  Thank you to my friends for your constant and undying support: Even if there were times you were uncertain of the risks I was taking, you were always there for me.  Thank you to my business mentors, who impacted my life when you probably didn’t even realize you were doing it. 

Thank you to the entire team at Afterburn Fitness. We would not be where we are today without the contributions of each one of you. You continually raise the bar and amaze me day in and day out.  Finally, thank you to my wife, who is undoubtedly my better half. Not only are you beautiful on the outside, but you are even more so on the inside. You will probably never know the impact you have had on me; just know that it is unparalleled. I cannot thank you enough for your constant trust, support, and encouragement. You are my rock, and everything I do, I do for you.

This book is for the people who have impacted my life, inspired me, and continue to do so. This book is for the naysayers and doubters. You fuel my fire more than you will ever know. Not just because it gives me the motivation to work even harder, but because maybe once you see it’s possible, you will realize that not only could I do it, but you can too. 

I only hope that this book can, in some way, repay all those who have helped shape the man I am today and, in some way, inspire you to chase your dreams. This book is about relationships and the power they hold. It is for anyone who is looking for inspiration and to better themselves just as I aspire to better myself every day. 

Fear and regret are powerful words that have powerful meanings to me, and hopefully, by the end of this book, will to you as well. This book is about overcoming the fear so many people have that ends up suffocating their dreams. It’s about understanding that regret if left unchecked, will haunt you later in life. This is about developing the mindset required, not just for you to achieve your goals and dreams, but to dare to dream in the first place. Most of all, it is about inspiring others to do the same.

PHASE ONE: THE PERSON YOU

MUST BECOME

Chapter One:  Liquid Courage

-Every decision has the power to change the course of your life-

I waved my hand in the air in desperation, hoping someone would see me. Nothing. I tried again to no avail. My adrenaline was pumping, my heart was racing, and my palms were beginning to sweat because the situation I was in was turning dire.

Frantically I began to look around for someone I knew, anyone. If I could just spot someone and make eye contact, I thought then maybe, just maybe, that would give me the opening I needed. All I needed was a chance.

There were bodies everywhere, making it difficult to move. I could have made a dash for the exit, but in my mind, that just wasn’t an option. I needed to push ahead, and I needed to do it now. Time was running out, and if I didn’t act quickly, all hope would be lost.

It was 1:25 A.M., and last call was in 5 minutes. The crowd to get a drink at the bar was so overwhelming I had just about given up hope, and then it happened, the opening I needed. I spotted a buddy of mine at the other end of the bar, getting ready to place a drink order with the bartender. I lifted my beer high up in the air and gave him this drunken variation of some combination of sign language and something resembling a steal sign a third base coach would give to a runner on first.

Most would have been completely lost as to what I was signaling to him from across the bar. Yet, without hesitation, my friend knew exactly what I was asking for without ever hearing a word uttered from my mouth. It’s a language all our friends understood, of unconditional love and friendship; the silent gesture saying, Beer Me!

It was March in Tucson, Arizona, and just another Friday night at Dirtbags, at the time one of the best college bars in town. Yes, Dirtbags. Back in 2005, Dirtbags was the bar almost everyone who attended the University of Arizona went to on Friday night. There was nothing fancy about it (hence the name), but it had this fondness that no other bar in the area had. There was a large wooden oval bar in the middle of the main room at the entrance, but the room and the bar itself weren’t very big. 

Along with the small main room, there was a tiny dining area that was only large enough for a couple of tables, and a small outside patio. That’s it. The stale smell of tequila shots, beer, and vodka almost seemed to permeate from the pores and cracks in the wood floors and walls, but to us, on Friday nights, Dirtbag was home.

It was nowhere near as large as some of the other college bars close to campus, nor was it nearly as nice or well kept, but this one held a special place in the hearts of everyone who went there. Simply put, going to Dirtbags was a part of the experience of those going to the University of Arizona. After all, their tagline was, Dirtbags … a part of growing up.

As special a place as it is for so many Wildcats, it holds an even stronger place in my heart. You see, it wasn’t just that last-ditch effort to get a drink before last call that made that night special. It was what happened afterward that set the rest of my life in motion. The last-second drink order before the bar cut us off wasn’t the only miracle in store that night. The truth is, I still had one last Hail Mary left in me.

The school year was about to be over. Come to think of it; my entire college tenure was coming to an end. I was in my senior year at U of A, and graduation was only two months away. College was one of the most memorable chapters in my life, and I was hell-bent on making sure the last couple of months would be no different. As I made my way through the sea of people to collect the beer my friend had so generously snagged for me, I bumped into a girl I shared a class with that final semester. She was cute, blonde, had blue eyes, and had a smile that could win anyone over. 

As we crossed paths, we said, Hi, chatted for a few seconds, and then both of us continued on our way. Now, up to this point, I would have considered us to be acquaintances at best. We were in the same class, would see each other around campus, and would occasionally chat when we ran into each other, but nothing more than that. I had always thought she was pretty, but we each hung out with our own group of friends, so our relationship never moved beyond being acquaintances. This was probably due more to circumstance than anything else.

That was until this night. This night I was fired up. I had just pulled off a last-second buzzer-beater, snagging a final drink before the bar cut everyone off, so I was on cloud nine. Well, that and I probably had some liquid courage going on. I figured I would capitalize on it and test my luck some more.

My best friend, Jay, and I were chatting on one end of the bar, and the blonde girl from our class was standing on the opposite side of the circular bar talking to some random guy. Jay also knew who she was. We had all run into each other on several occasions, probably had a drink or two together, and chatted in the past. However, outside of my telling him I thought she was cute, I had never really discussed any intention to try and pick up on her. Tonight, however, was going to be the night that changed all of that. I pointed her out to Jay from across the bar as I prepared for my next move.

To this day, I have no idea who the guy she was talking to was. I don’t know if it was just a friend of hers or just some random dude hitting on her, but my intentions were simple. I was going to make my way over and steal her away from whatever conversation she was having and win her over.

What happened