The Wonder Test: A Novel
3.5/5
()
About this ebook
A widowed FBI agent grows suspicious of her son’s new school in this thriller by the New York Times bestselling author of The Marriage Pact.
Lina is on leave from her job in New York at the FBI in order to clean out her father’s home in Silicon Valley. As though letting go of her father isn’t hard enough, Lina has also recently lost her husband in a freak traffic accident. Still reeling, she and her teenage son Rory must make their way through this strange new town and the high school around which it all seems to revolve. Rory soon starts coming home with reports of the upcoming “Wonder Test,” a general aptitude assessment that appears increasingly inane, and Lina is shaken out of her grief by a sense that something is amiss in Hillsborough.
When she discovers that a student disappeared last year and was found weeks later walking on a beach, shaved and traumatized, Lina can’t help but be sucked into an impromptu investigation. Another kidnapping hits closer to home and reveals a sinister link between the Wonder Test and the rampant wealth of Silicon Valley’s elite. A searing view of a culture that puts the wellbeing of children at risk for advancement and prestige, and a captivating story of the lengths a mother will go for her son, this is The Wonder Test.
Praise for The Marriage Pact
“A fun, can’t-stop-eating-the-potato-chips kind of premise.” —The New York Times
“A smart, searing and frightening look at modern love.” —Today
“A high-concept, fast-moving thriller . . . a gripping and intriguing read.” —Sunday Mirror
Read more from Michelle Richmond
Hum: Stories Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Girl in the Fall-Away Dress Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5
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Reviews for The Wonder Test
23 ratings5 reviews
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5This book warrants 2.5 stars. Although the premise and aspects of the novel were intriguing, the plot and characters felt under-developed and lop-sided.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I love this author’s storytelling and writing style. I love this author’s characters. It’s easy to care about them, one way or the other. I enjoyed reading about all sorts of places I know in the San Francisco Bay Area! Many of them were real and even the made up ones did a good job of describing the areas around the San Francisco Bay Area. The town in this book is fiction. I still tried to guess where it was supposed to be. I ended up thinking Hillsborough, or maybe Woodside, or maybe even San Mateo. I don’t think Palo Alto or Menlo Park because they were in the wrong direction. The author mentioned other real towns that were not it so I knew they were other towns. Included were Burlingame, Atherton, and Belmont. I love the “wonder test” questions at the start of every chapter. What a hoot! Also, fun that they gave a faint hint of what was to be in that next chapter. I get a kick out of when this author makes subtle references to her own previous books. In this book I noticed it on page 95 of the hardcover edition. It’s always fun when she does this. Just FYI: On page 72 there’s a huge spoiler for the short story The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. I didn’t appreciate that. I first read that story when I was 13 and in 8th grade but I know adults who’ve read it for the first time just recently. I love this author and I love that she dedicated this particular book to her son, but I will say I had to suspend disbelief big time that she would do the activity she did with her son, no matter what the circumstances, and what she chooses to do and to not do after the event seems even less plausible. I did enjoy the entire story anyway and also liked how it ended, even though much of the happenings were too hard core for my usual taste in entertainment. This book was less out there than her last book The Marriage Pact and I liked this one better than that one. I really liked this one, but The Year of Fog and No One You Know are the novels that remain my all time favorites. I think this one will stick with me though, in a good way. I’d love to know what will happen with these characters and I wonder if there will ever be some sort of sequel.4-1/2 stars
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Mostly entertaining. The plot is ridiculous, but at least it is modern. Schools, real estate, Silicon Valley, parenting all tie in. Better than a super-villain trying to blow up the moon with a laser. The epigraphs—supposed to be questions from the titular test—are terrible. Richmond seems to be aiming for a short-chapter thriller, but then she interrupts every chapter change with an implausible, poorly considered problem. Certainly after the first few chapters, by which time her creativity was dwindling, she should have axed the epigraphs. They destroy any momentum, and remind us—banging it into our heads over and over again—that the novel's central concept makes no sense.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A few years ago, my sister gave me a book and told me I had to read it. It was called “The Year of Fog”. Soo good. When I requested this book, I didn’t realize it was the same author, but I loved the write-up and the tie-in with the cover! So happy to have rediscovered this author!The Wonder Test, is intense to say the least. If the questions asked at the beginning of each chapter are any indication, I’d have failed miserably! As our kids pre for SATs, these NoCal kids prep for the Wonder Test. It is all this elite district can think, talk and care about. Newly widowed Lina and her 15 yo son, Rory, leave NY to close her father’s home. Lina is on leave from her FBI job, but an agent is always an agent. Previously, a teenager was reported missing and turns up weeks later, walking out of the ocean on the beach. Then another teenager goes missing, but this one is closer to home. As the mystery evolves, Lina becomes more and more involved until it comes to a frightening end. This story will keep you reading and on the edge of your seat. Richmond shows how far a mother will go for her child, and the lengths some people will go to to stay No. 1. Emotions are raw with Lena and Rory, and you can feel the love and loss between them. Even though I thought I new where the author was going, she definitely threw some twists in there. Thanks to Ms. Richmond, Atlantic Monthy and NetGalley for this ARC. Opinion is mine alone.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Wonder Test is an engrossing and a surprising read.In this book, the female protagonist, Lina Connerly,, an FBI agent and profiler, is dealing with the recent tragic losses of both her husband and her father. Still reeling, Lina uproots her teenage son Rory temporarily from their home in New York to the hilly elite suburbs of San Francisco to settle her fathers estate. The atmosphere at Rory’s new high-school is very strange, with teachers, parents, and the broader community all placing a weird and prodigious amount of attention on the achievement of excellent results in an high-tech intelligence assessment tool, called the Wonder Test, that all students must complete in grade 10. In this strange new world the proximity of Silicon Valley has resulted in the permeation of the tech influence and mantra everywhere - giving the new school setting an almost robotic achieve-at-all-cost morality that is creepily disconcerting. Lina learns of a mystery that no-one is talking about surrounding the disappearance and subsequent traumatized re-appearance of students from Rory’s school, each occurrence a year or so apart. On hiatus from her FBI duties, Lina cannot help but feel the pull, allowing herself to be drawn into solving the crimes. We follow her on a nail-biter of a path as she draws on her considerable FBI problem-solving, people-deciphering skill-set to get to the bottom of it all. I guessed the solution to the mystery early on, as most readers likely will, but surprisingly, (yes, we’re finally up to where the surprise comes in!), this didn’t affect my enjoyment of the plot at all. As it turns out, this book is about so much more than the resolution of the crime itself. The author does a wonderful job in crafting the character of Lina, who is a strong female protagonist in a fictional world where there are not too many women standing alone and not as a partner or appendage of an equally capable male counterpart. Smart, brave, independent, dedicated to her sometimes horrifying and always all-consuming work, Lina is deeply worried about her son Rory as they both struggle to adapt to their new circumstances. This relationship between Lina and Rory, (and even more compellingly, between Lina and her own self) against the backdrop of the crimes and their ultimate resolution, forms the substance of this book.Recruited into the FBI years ago directly from literature graduate school, the turmoil of this alienating setting compels Lina to turn inward, picking away layers of pain and shame to re-claim her own narrative thread, now thin and tenuous but just strong enough to be woven into a true cord of connection between her past and her future (and that of her son Rory).Overall, I found this book a great read. The plot is fast-paced and well-written and along the way the author also manages to explore a few other interesting themes including parental responsibility, extreme careers and work-life balance, morality, achievement, authenticity, the omnipresent rise of technology (particularly the mega tech companies) and trust. A big thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author, for an advance review copy of this book. All thoughts presented are my own.
Book preview
The Wonder Test - Michelle Richmond
Also by Michelle Richmond
Golden State
No One You Know
The Year of Fog
Dream of the Blue Room
The Girl in the Fall-Away Dress
Hum: Stories
The Marriage Pact
THE
WONDER
TEST
A Novel
Michelle
Richmond
Atlantic Monthly Press
New York
Copyright © 2021 by Michelle Richmond
Jacket design by Becca Fox Design
Jacket art © iStock/Getty
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review. Scanning, uploading, and electronic distribution of this book or the facilitation of such without the permission of the publisher is prohibited. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated. Any member of educational institutions wishing to photocopy part or all of the work for classroom use, or anthology, should send inquiries to Grove Atlantic, 154 West 14th Street, New York, NY 10011 or [email protected].
Two lines of Legacy
from In Mad Love and War © 1990 by Joy Harjo. Published by Wesleyan University Press and reprinted with permission.
Epigraph from An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth by Chris Hadfield, copyright © 2013. Reprinted by permission of Little, Brown, an imprint of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
FIRST EDITION
Published simultaneously in Canada
Printed in the United States of America
This book is set in 11.5-pt. Scala LF by Alpha Design & Composition of Pittsfield, NH.
First Grove Atlantic hardcover edition: July 2021
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is available for this title.
ISBN 978-0-8021-5850-5
eISBN 978-0-8021-5851-2
Atlantic Monthly Press
an imprint of Grove Atlantic
154 West 14th Street
New York, NY 10011
Distributed by Publishers Group West
groveatlantic.com
for Oscar
When you’re 200 feet above the ground, going 240 knots, you want to know where you are at all times, but it’s easy to get lost on the prairie.
—Chris Hadfield, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth
Prologue
We ride the elevator in silence, emerging on the third floor. The company has revamped an old warehouse, making stylish use of exposed beams and concrete floors. There are no offices, no cubicles, just a series of cafeterias and conference rooms enclosed in glass walls. We step into a café, quiet save for the clicking of laptop keyboards. Nicole leads us to a dimly lit booth, and Kyle and I slide in side by side.
Nicole returns moments later with three coffees in black cups bearing the company logo. She’s stirring cream into her coffee, avoiding our eyes, when two young men in nearly identical tech uniforms—slim jeans, slimmer shirts, loud socks—pass our table. Nicole covers her face with one hand, but it’s no use. Missed you at the scrum,
the younger guy says.
Nicole acknowledges him with a nod. I don’t blame her for not wanting to be seen with us.
Kyle takes a red notebook out of his messenger bag and places it on the table. Uncapping his pen, he looks more like an eager college freshman than a police detective.
I was wondering if you might tell us about that day on the beach,
I begin.
Nicole glances nervously at the notebook, so I slide it off the table into my bag. Her shoulders relax. All of it?
Yes.
She fidgets with a red string tied around her wrist. It was a cold, wet morning. I went out to Half Moon Bay to meet someone—
Who?
She pauses, searching for the right words. A new friend. We parked at the beach.
Nicole’s eyes scan the room. We ate sandwiches in his car, and then he left. Before heading back into the office, I decided to go for a walk.
The day was cold and wet, yet you went for a walk?
Nicole frowns. I needed to clear my head. The sandwiches in the car were a bad idea. It didn’t go quite the way I was expecting.
Do you often eat sandwiches in the car?
Kyle asks.
Nicole glances at Kyle, annoyed. It wasn’t my first, but I haven’t had one since.
She turns her focus to me. I suppose women our age shouldn’t be eating sandwiches in cars.
Sometimes one needs a sandwich. Not for me to judge.
True.
She almost smiles. After a few minutes I sat down on a piece of driftwood to take a call from my assistant. There was no one else on the beach.
Kyle taps his pen on the table. What did she want, your assistant?
"He said I needed to get back to the office right away." Nicole picks at her cuticles, reluctant to say more. I sip my coffee, waiting. Two beats, three. She has green eyes, a few freckles emerging from underneath the makeup. I glimpse the Catholic schoolgirl she once was beneath the trappings of her tech exec exterior.
My assistant was describing the latest fire I needed to put out when I looked up and saw a shape far down the beach. The figure was moving in an unusual way, slow but jerking, like an injured animal. It was disturbing and mesmerizing at the same time. My first thought was that a space alien had landed in the Pacific and drifted ashore. You know, creature from the black lagoon.
Your second thought?
I prod.
‘How am I going to explain this in the office? How do I justify being on the beach in Half Moon Bay at ten o’clock on a Tuesday morning?’ I wanted to hurry back to my car, but I couldn’t move. I was hypnotized by this thing moving toward me. Shuffle, two, three, four. I’d never seen anyone or anything move that way, not so much a walk as a strange, gyrating groove. The figure was ashen white, glowing. The voice in my head told me to run.
Why didn’t you?
Kyle asks.
It looked so
—she shakes her head—so helpless. I stood up and walked toward it. My eyesight isn’t great. Until I was about twenty feet away, it still looked like an amorphous blob.
I wait for her to look up at me. Her eyes are sunken, her face pale. At first, I thought her ravaged expression had come from working insane tech hours, staring at the screen, drowning in coffee, forgetting to eat. Now I understand it’s something else. All these months, she has been haunted by her discovery on the beach.
She finally meets my eyes. I lean forward and ask, When did you realize it was a boy?
1
Assuming the universe is always expanding, at what point does it become less likely that you will find your lost keys by continuing to look for them? Diagram and discuss.
In the garage of my father’s house, I find the bike wrapped up on the outer edge of a pallet, the smell of New York City still clinging to it. My son, Rory, is asleep upstairs. Since we moved to Northern California, I’ve been waking earlier and earlier, and Rory has been sleeping later and later. He is growing taller, his voice losing its adolescent scratchiness and settling into a baritone that reminds me of his father.
I cut through the plastic with scissors, nudging the bike free. Cruising down the long driveway and out onto the street, I turn my face up to the cold, wet wind. Down the hill, right on Santa Inez, left on El Camino. The momentum carries me, and I lean into the free-falling sensation—rolling effortlessly, barely slowing down at the intersections. The streets are empty, lit by the half moon and the omnipresent glow of the airport five miles south. I pedal faster and faster, into Burlingame, along California Drive, flying through the red lights.
The insomnia struck in adolescence. Even back then, my mind was prone to racing. Insomnia can drive you crazy, or it can just drive you. If not for Rory, asleep there in his warm bed in my father’s house, I would just keep pedaling, race away, somehow escape this awful year, annus horribilis, the Queen would say. I would ride west, up over 92, left along the coast, all the way down Highway 1, pedaling through Southern California, into Mexico, South America, the miles melting away. Maybe I could even go faster than the speed of light, somehow turn back the clock, set things right.
Down Oak Grove, past McKinley School. Only when I turn the corner onto Broadway do I realize where I’m headed. The neon letters of the Royal Donut Shop reflect off the wet street, just as they did so many years ago. I’m surprised to find the sign is still standing, the shop still open. I’m even more surprised to find myself here. The Royal Donut Shop. Again.
In 1989, I was eleven years old, and I had a paper route. I delivered the San Francisco Chronicle to thirty-six homes throughout the Laguna addition. It paid fifty-four dollars per month plus tips. I woke each morning at five, folded papers on our cold doorstep, and rode my bike across the railroad tracks to launch newspapers onto porches before the fine citizens of Burlingame stepped outside in their slippers and bathrobes. Sundays were the toughest. The paper was thick, the bags heavy. After I’d delivered every paper, my load lightened, my arm sore, I would stop at the Royal Donut Shop. It was my favorite moment of the week, sitting alone on the green bench outside with a warm doughnut and a carton of milk, the sun just beginning to rise.
Eventually, I got to know the owner, Mr. Melfoy, and the kid who worked the counter, Vince LaRue. Vince was five or six years my senior, and his younger brother went to my school. I wouldn’t say Vince and I became friends. It wasn’t like that. I rarely talked, and he was busy setting up for the morning rush. But after months of my arriving at the same time Sunday after Sunday, always ordering the same thing, we became familiar. He usually seemed happy to see me, and I was more than happy to see him. He had a way about him, a strange light, a magnetic pull—charisma, I realize now.
One morning, as I walked through the door, Vince took a white paper bag from under the counter. As I made my regular order, I noticed his hands moving rapidly, as if he was doing some sort of magic trick. Then he rang up my glazed old-fashioned and milk—eighty-nine cents. I handed him my money, counted out to the penny, and he handed me the bag, filled to the brim.
Enjoy,
he said, winking.
Outside, on the bench, I opened the bag and discovered a treasure trove of doughnuts—fancies and plains, raised and cake, even a chocolate French cruller.
The next Sunday and every Sunday thereafter, the same thing happened. To this day, I can still conjure the joy of riding my bike across the railroad tracks, along the freeway sound wall, smiling giddily, leaving a trail of crumbs in my wake. It went on like that for nearly two years. And then one Sunday—by the time I was old enough to have developed a crush on Vince, to wear my hair in a ponytail instead of pigtails, to put on lip gloss—something happened: Vince wasn’t there.
I didn’t say anything to Mr. Melfoy that morning as he bagged my single doughnut and carton of milk. I went outside and sat on the bench, disappointed. Alone, I ate my doughnut, wondering why Vince hadn’t told me he’d be gone. The following Sunday, he was still missing. The third week, I gathered the courage to ask Mr. Melfoy.
You didn’t hear?
No.
Mr. Melfoy shook his head. Rafting accident up north. Terribly sad.
Then he handed me my doughnut and returned to the grill.
I didn’t know what to say. I had never known anyone who had died. Until this year, this horrible year, when I lost both my father and my husband in the span of three months, I lived a fairly charmed life. In the past, death always made me think of Vince LaRue—the finality of his absence. Whenever I dealt with it in my work, I would think of him—the sad, sinking feeling I had in the weeks after receiving the news, how I rode my bike past the Royal Donut Shop every Sunday, haunted by the same thought: Vince LaRue won’t be working at the Royal Donut Shop today.
And it haunts me again this morning, after all these years.
The green bench, now weather-beaten, is still bolted to the patio. I prop up my bike and open the door, the bell jangling a familiar tune. Inside, the aroma of fresh doughnuts hits me. The counter has moved a couple of feet to make way for a Lotto machine, but otherwise, everything is the same.
The young guy behind the counter smiles. Morning, what can I get you?
One raised, one chocolate old-fashioned, and a coffee, please.
He pours the coffee and rings up the order. I pull three dollars out of my pocket, pleasantly surprised by the bargain.
As he’s handing me the bag, he notices the writing on my sweatshirt. I forgot I was wearing it. Since the move, I’ve had trouble finding clothes in our disorganized piles. FBI New York,
he reads aloud. You really FBI?
Sixteen years. Taking a little break, though.
It’s awkward saying it out loud. I don’t like the weight of failure that attaches itself to those words.
Hold on.
As his hands move quickly behind the counter, it all comes back in a rush—the sleight of hand, the friendliness, the unspoken gift. He passes a full bag across the counter. I wonder if I’m dreaming.
But—
It’s all good. The owner loves law enforcement. FBI saved his ass twenty years ago.
Mr. Melfoy?
No, no, Mr. Yiu. Maybe one day you can get him to tell you the story.
Outside, I take my place on the green bench, leaning against the crooked boards. The heft of the bag, the fog over California Drive, the intoxicating scent of sugar and baker’s yeast all take me back so many years. I can’t escape the feeling that the bench has been holding on through the decades, fighting off the elements, the rain, the sun, the graffiti, the gentrification—waiting for me to return.
But something is different. It registers seconds later than it should. A man stands at the edge of the patio, coffee in hand, talking quietly on his cell phone in French. He’s dressed too elegantly for this time of morning—navy suit, red cashmere scarf, telltale lapel pin, trois couleurs. I glance around the parking lot, noticing a black Peugeot, diplomatic plates. He slides the phone into his pocket, meets my eyes, glances at the writing on my sweatshirt. And so it goes.
2
Ranchers in Wyoming, tired of losing sheep to wild coyotes, implemented an aggressive plan to cull the coyote population. Ten years later, after dozens of successful hunts and hundreds of kills, the coyote population is more than an order of magnitude larger than before the slaughter. In a 750-word essay, discuss the folly of conventional wisdom and the power of expecting the unexpected.
Rory has assimilated to this strange new place much better than I expected. Greenfield is so unlike New York, where we raised him to have the freedom of a city kid, at home in the noise and the chaos, navigating the subway, the park, the occasional crazy street scene. And yet, despite his skills, tenth grade at his tony new public school has him a little baffled.
Like private school, with a better stock portfolio,
one of the moms whispered to me during Winter Networking Night.
He’d been all set to return to his public school on the Upper West Side, and then the unthinkable happened. Staying in New York didn’t seem feasible—too many reminders of his dad in our tiny apartment, too many reminders of his dad in every shop front along Columbus and Amsterdam, all over Central Park. It wasn’t good for Rory. It wasn’t good for me.
If I’m honest, there were other memories too, buried across New York, that I wanted to escape. The one case, the one source, the one mistake for which I can’t forgive myself.
Before Fred’s accident, I’d planned to take a couple of weeks off, come to my dad’s house alone, handle everything in one fell swoop—settle the will, clean out the house, put it on the market. Now, everything has changed.
Just for one semester,
I told Rory.
How can you make me leave my friends right now?
he exploded. What kind of mom does that?
Then he retreated to his bedroom and didn’t speak to me for three days. But that was the end of it. The fact that he accepted his fate so easily, with so little resistance, made life easier, but it also broke my heart. I sensed he was trying to take care of me, to protect me somehow, when I should, of course, be taking care of him.
My father’s house has never ceased to surprise me. Complicated and enormous, it is as incongruous with my father as the town of Greenfield itself. Population 10,231, average income astonishing, minimum house size three thousand square feet, minimum lot size one acre. According to a school pamphlet that appeared in the mailbox the day after Rory enrolled, Families are strongly encouraged to donate a minimum of $5,600 per child per year to ensure excellence.
I’ve been trying to figure out how I’ll manage that. This town is not meant for midlevel civil servants.
I don’t have any actual classes,
Rory tells me over tacos at the end of his first day. We’re sitting at the kitchen table, bowls of meat, cheese, guacamole, and shredded lettuce arranged on the lazy Susan. At least, not regular classes, math, science, whatever. Instead, the day is divided into seminars focused on the Wonder Test.
Never heard of it.
It’s apparently the gold standard of standardized tests. It happens in the spring of tenth grade, and every public school in Silicon Valley is obsessed with it. The kids have been preparing since day one of freshman year. According to our assemblies, which are more like pep rallies, the test is crucial to the teachers, the principal, the parents, the whole town.
I take a sip of my Modelo. What about the kids?
I’m not sure anyone asked them.
He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a thick yellow booklet, which he slides across the table. Wonder Test Prep is printed in red on the cover. We have to do one question per section each day at home, and we spend the first half of each school day analyzing our answers.
I flip to the table of contents:
Part 1: Analogies
Part 2: Ethicalities
Part 3: Diagrams and Analyses
Part 4: Theories of Global Patterns
Part 5: Future Functionalities
I turn the page and skim the introduction. According to research published in 2012, well-constructed multiple choice questions trigger a retrieval response that can help encode memories of correct information.
Footnotes reference various articles on the subject, ranging from the impressive (Harvard) to the questionable (Global Institute for the Advancement of Academic Assessment).
I glance at the first question and read aloud: ‘Mars drilling is to Chopin as: (a) polyatomic ions are to mollusks, (b) blue is to brown, (c) Berlin is to Belgrade, or (d) reinforced concrete is to steel.’
The next few pages include complex diagrams and graphs to explain why three of the proposed answers are incorrect.
Why is it called the Wonder Test? That sounds so new agey.
I think it’s the opposite of new agey,
Rory says. More like Silicon Valley on steroids. ‘Disrupting the educational paradigm: Learning through testing.’ At least that’s what the posters say. All I know is that I need to figure it out. The test is the first week of March. Our school has had the highest scores in the country for the last five years.
He takes a giant bite of his taco, spilling shredded cheese all over the table.
Whatever happened to chemistry and world history?
Mom, that is so ninth grade.
I consider my next question. Is it wise? I’m not sure, but Rory could use a distraction, and I could use his help. I have a covert mission for you.
His eyes light up: Go on.
At school, you might meet a French girl.
3
Orange and green are considered more complementary in European cultures than they are in the United States. Discuss the geographic and socioeconomic implications of global color theory.
When I drop Rory off at school the next morning, I have to run a gauntlet of Range Rovers and shiny new Teslas. As Rory exits our Jeep and wades into the crowd, I envy his ability to blend so easily. Somehow, he’s wearing the right jeans, the right shirt, the right backpack, even the right hairstyle.
I’m the one who doesn’t fit in. Black pants at the volunteer signup meeting where tennis whites prevailed. A dress to the school board meeting, where everyone was wearing designer jeans and stilettos. This morning, I chose jeans and a silk blouse for the superintendent’s coffee, but as I join the stream of women entering the library, I realize my error. Apparently, the event calls for workout gear.
Inside, I head straight for the coffee and pastry table. A woman sidles up to me. You didn’t get the email about the uniform?
she asks, lifting a scone from the artfully untouched display.
Pardon?
Her dark hair is gathered in a ponytail, and she wears a blazer with a pencil skirt and navy pumps. The mom uniform,
she whispers. There’s some kind of code. I’ve been here six years and still haven’t figured it out.
Glad to know it’s not just me.
I pick up a croissant, leaving an obvious dent in the perfect row. Lina Connerly. New in town. My son, Rory, is in tenth grade.
Brenda Mills. Eleventh grader, tenth grader, and, surprise! A third grader.
She reaches into her purse and pulls out a business card, which she presses into my palm. She’s VP of research and development at a space tech firm. Text me. We’ll have lunch.
A tall, handsome man strides up. Kobayashi,
he announces, thrusting his hand toward me. Is Kobayashi his first, last, or only name? He has wavy black hair, onyx cuff links, an air of authority.
Lina, correct?
Firm handshake. Intense gaze. Southern accent. We’re so pleased to have Rory. I looked at his transcripts and test scores from freshman year. Quite impressive. He’ll be a real asset to the school. If I can do anything to smooth the transition, let me know.
He turns and walks to the center of the room and raises his arms to quiet the chatter. Welcome, everyone. Shall we begin?
I turn to Brenda and whisper, Does he always read the new kids’ transcripts?
Read them?
she says. "He studies them. You’ll find this school leaves nothing to chance."
Back at my dad’s house, I take my old boom box into the garage to continue unpacking, wondering for the umpteenth time about the wisdom of my decision to move us here. I leave the garage door open to air the place out. The first indication that the Cure’s Lovesong
is cranked up too high is the angry glare from a woman pushing a stroller by the house, golden retriever in tow. The town probably has an ordinance against the open garage door, another one against the Cure.
I’ve made scant progress when a black-and-white pulls into the driveway. An officer, no more than a kid, steps out and walks over to the garage. With his short blond hair, scrubbed skin, and perfectly pressed uniform, he could star in a commercial for laundry detergent.
Lina?
How did you know?
Your dad talked about you a lot.
Nice to meet you, Officer . . .
Kyle.
Officer Kyle.
Just Kyle. Sorry for the bother, but I noticed you’d moved in.
He takes a step inside the garage, nearly shouting to be heard over the music. Your dad hoped you were going to live here. Are you?
For a little while.
I glance at the chaos around me. Not only Rory’s and my stuff, but my dad’s things too. Decades of it. I used to hound him for not giving me a sibling, somebody else to clean out the house when you’re gone.
That was back when I was in grad school, and I couldn’t imagine him actually being gone.
I reach over and turn down the volume on the boom box. Sorry for the noise. Did someone complain?
First rule of Greenfield: somebody always complains. Clearly, you didn’t grow up here?
I point east, down the hill, in the direction of the tiny bungalow in San Mateo where I lived as a child. Two miles south and a world away. Maybe Dad told you, he was a mechanic, had a Jaguar place on North Amphlett. He worked night and day, said that’s what it would take to move up the hill.
And he succeeded!
Officer Kyle smiles.
Yep, a few years after I moved away.
I don’t tell Kyle that my dad had recently been pressuring us to come live with him, to escape our cramped, junior two bedroom on Ninety-Second and Columbus. I don’t tell him Fred wanted to take my dad up on the offer, give Rory the good life, the sunshine and fresh air, the trees and the ocean and the bright promise of Silicon Valley. I was the one who never wanted to move back. I was the one who couldn’t imagine life without my squad, my work in New York City.
So, I hear you’re FBI. Your dad said you’re a profiler?
Actually, I’ve spent my entire career in foreign counterintelligence. Behavioral analysis is a collateral duty. But yes, I’ve been profiling for twelve years now. Taking a break at the moment.
From the profiling?
From all of it.
Sure. Understood.
He doesn’t understand, of course, but I don’t want to go into the details.
He glances around at the mess in the garage, as if he’s formulating a plan for it. I get the feeling he could clear this whole place out in a single afternoon. If . . .
He hesitates. If I, like, hypothetically, needed a little help on a case, would you mind me running something by you?
It would be my pleasure,
I say, surprised. And it would be. I never minded the work. At the moment, I just can’t take the rest of it: the office, the questions, webTA, Sentinel, Delta, the meetings, quarterly firearms, FISA training. The work itself I always loved. The bureaucracy not so much.
All righty, I’ll leave you to it. What day is good for you?
Any day. I’m right here until this garage is cleared.
He turns to walk back to his car. Kyle, what’s the second rule?
Pardon?
"You said, ‘Somebody always complains is the first rule of Greenfield.’ What’s the second?"
He points to the sky. Property values only go one direction: up.
4
True or False: Circles are more efficient than triangles.
At night sometimes it rolls through my head—the love of my life, the love of my life.
From the moment we met, nineteen years ago, I never went a day without feeling grateful for the grand luck of having met Fred, the great coup of having landed him. And when the love of your life is gone: what then?
But he was more than that, of course. He was also the center of our family, the grounding force, the anchor that held us in place.
When Rory was three years old, Fred quit his job as a data engineer at a Fortune 500 company to open his own one-man firm. After a shaky start, he built a strong business and did pretty well. He had boom years and bust years, but overall it worked. He was the one who coached soccer and attended PTA meetings when Rory was small, the one who shepherded our son through doctors’ and dentists’ appointments, the one who was free on Saturdays for a movie and pizza, the one who gave the sex talk, the drug talk, the respect-for-girls talk, the one who was fully there.
If I was obsessive-compulsive about work—the travel, the late hours, my head often buried in a case even when I was at home —I told myself Rory didn’t suffer. After all, he had his father. Until, one day, he didn’t.
With Fred, it was unexpected. There were no warning signs, no lengthy disease, no period of getting used to it. One morning he was there, and later that same day, he wasn’t. He didn’t have time to prepare,
and Rory and I didn’t have time to say goodbye. The abruptness was the worst part, I think: the sense of simply going about our lives, everything according to plan, until, suddenly, it wasn’t.
A car accident on the West Side Highway. A law school student, texting, crossed the divider and hit Fred’s car head-on. Your husband died instantly,
the coroner said, as if that somehow would ease the pain. It didn’t. It doesn’t. The word instantly
is misleading, anyway. Did Fred see the Ford Taurus barreling toward him? Didn’t he know it was coming, if only for a second? Wouldn’t he have understood, in that moment, that he was about to leave everything behind?
So cruel, swift, and random.
My father, on the other hand, knew for months that he was dying, although he kept it hidden from me. He promised the doctors had it under control. I have a gift for sussing out lies, half-truths, obfuscation. But with my father, somehow, my instincts failed. I think I didn’t want to believe the truth.
He must have spent hours during his final weeks writing notes on orange Post-its, placing them strategically around the house. He obviously planned for me to spend some time here. I imagine Rory’s kids will still be finding their great-grandfather’s Post-its years from now. The thought of Rory’s kids makes me smile, but the thought that Fred won’t be around to meet them makes me cry. This is part of why I’m not working.
Of course, I want to be here for Rory, to try to fill some part of the void Fred left in his life. But there’s more to my hiatus than maternal concern. I don’t want to be that agent. The one who breaks down in the office, the one who can’t cut it, the one for whom others have to take up the slack. I was always good at compartmentalizing, focusing on the task at hand, zeroing in on a complex problem and solving it methodically, fearlessly, no matter how many months or years it took.
But when Fred died, I discovered my limitations. Days after his accident, I made a mistake for which I still can’t forgive myself. That’s when I understood that I needed to step back, recalibrate, get my head together.
In the garage, on a cabinet filled with leather polish and car wax, my father has left a note: Don’t hesitate to throw my things away. I know how you hate stuff. But keep the Jaguar. Her charms will find you. She needs a little TLC before she’s roadworthy. Go to John’s Jaguar in San Francisco. Now that I’m gone, he’s the best.
On the box of coffee filters: The best coffee is at Philz on Primrose.
On the desktop monitor: Router password is your birthday. For Wi-Fi or other issues, call Mr. Beach. Good guy.
Above the phone: "This place is not like where you