We Are Dying Gods

We Are Dying Gods

Copyright © 2023 by C. M. Lockhart

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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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For the Black girls who never wanted to be magic.

You — simply existing — are enough.

Chapter One

In every generation, the goddess shall be more. More than the mortals, more than the gods, more than herself. She will come to embody a wrath that will destroy the realm and create it anew.

— Freya and the Power of Incarnation | Lindl’s First Holy Academy

FREYA’S DOMAIN — FREYA’S TEMPLE

PRESENT DAY

What will you do now that you wield the power of the goddess?

Cedric’s soft voice cut through the noise of the battle, demanding Brandi’s attention as they stood on the fractured stone steps leading up to what was left of Freya’s temple. The tall, white pillars and colorful murals had all fallen into indecipherable mounds of rubble. The smooth stone floors were smashed into jagged pieces and all that was left of Freya’s temple — of Brandi’s first home — was Freya’s throne. Even with the entire temple turned to dust around them, it stood as imposing and unwavering as the goddess herself.

Brandi had to force herself to tear her gaze away from the empty seat and tried to keep her heart from racing at the thought of carrying the mantle that came with the power Freya gifted her. She turned to look at Cedric as he moved to stand next to her. His violet eyes were bright as they bore into hers, searching for some answer within her gaze as if he could read her thoughts with as much ease as the holy texts in Lindl’s academies. She held his gaze and shrugged. She didn’t have an answer to his question.

In truth, Brandi hadn’t even begun processing the fact that Freya had relinquished her power and her title of goddess of the realm — that all the gods had done the same. Brandi felt her blood warming inside her veins, thrumming with a bold new power she’d never felt before, but she didn’t feel as if she’d ascended to something greater than what she’d always been. What did it matter that Freya had given up her mantle? Brandi was still a shadow, and right now, all that mattered was the carnage that waited for them on the battlefield.

The clang of weapons against shields and armor echoed throughout the clearing, and Brandi’s green eyes couldn’t look away from the scene playing out in front of them. A fog of red clung to the air, hovering above the ground and carrying the stench of copper, sweat, and vomit. Mangled bodies littered the ground as the rebels fought against Bert’s forces, holding their ground as the shaders Brandi had called forth gathered along the edges of the clearing, waiting for new orders.

They’d retreated to the edges with Lia after they’d devoured Saya, and the battle had escalated far beyond the single shot Brandi had lodged in Bert’s shoulder. It was a sight that Brandi had never seen before, and she’d sent more than her fair share of souls back to the gods. As the incarnation of Freya — the goddess of life and the judger of souls — and the queen’s blade, Brandi had long since grown immune to the horrors of death. But her targets had always had names and faces, final words whispered on dying breaths. She’d never shied away from watching the light leave their eyes, but watching dozens of souls return to the gods in a single battle was something that stole Brandi’s words from her.

The rebels were far more skilled, but most of them were shadows — trained on how to execute their orders without ever being noticed. They weren’t trained for large-scale combat, and the soldiers of the queendom outnumbered them three to one. This was a battle they wouldn’t win. It was obvious from the screams of dying men and the cries of wounded women, but it was the guttural sound of Sarah retching on the ground behind them, and the sheer stench of it all that turned Brandi’s stomach. But it also lit a spark within her.

She wanted to join the battle.

She wanted to feel her blade slicing through the pliant skin of her enemies and claim the life of every soldier who dared to march on Freya’s holy ground without invitation. But, more than anything, she wanted to gut the man with hazel eyes who stood on the other side of the battlefield. He clutched his shoulder, blood still seeping through his suit jacket where she’d shot him, but it was clear how at ease he felt standing behind the rear guard. 

Two lines of soldiers stood in front of him. The first row bore the crest of the queen on their deep blue uniforms and carried eurithium shields. Second in strength only to the harvested teeth and nails of shaders, the transparent shields were made of minerals mined from beneath the burned sands of the Scorched Desert. Only the queen’s personal force carried them, and the fact that they stood in the midst of this battle was telling of how deeply the queen cared for Bert. The second row of soldiers were draped in the deep violet cloaks that signified them as Bert’s league of blasphemous researchers. They clutched at the palm-sized spheres that hung around their necks, aiming invisible projectiles at the rebels, no doubt trying to use one of Bert’s inventions to even the playing field against those blessed by the gods.

The mere sight of Adam Bertanal flooded Brandi’s senses with fresh rage. She took a step forward off the stone steps, ready to launch herself across the battlefield and kick Bert’s face in until he had nightmares of her boot in his next life, but Tiki placed one giant paw in her path to stop her.

Brandi’s green eyes shot up to its eyeless face, ready to question Tiki on why it would stop her instead of aiding her in crossing the clearing so it could devour Bert itself, but the limp arm dangling from between Tiki’s razor-sharp teeth and the pile of mangled corpses piling up at its feet quelled Brandi’s rage as realization set in. Tiki had been guarding the entrance to the temple while they’d been meeting with the gods. The rage it felt was no different from her own, but there were times when protecting someone was more important than destroying an enemy. Being able to recognize that moment was a skill that was perfected with time and Brandi struggled to remember that, grasping at the fringes of her patience as she restrained her more reckless impulses.

She had no actual way of knowing how long they’d been away from the battle since time moved slower whenever they were in the presence of the gods. They could have been gone for moments, or it could have been hours. Regardless, the fighting was more than what they’d left it as and the rebels were being pushed back. Attempting to rush across the battlefield now to send Bert to the gods would be little more than a fool’s errand — she could admit that. And though she had no real loyalty to the rebels, the only reason they were fighting in the first place was because she’d asked Glenn for their help when Jack had been taken. So, she wouldn’t just abandon them, but the only one who was able to truly hold their ground against Bert’s forces was Najé.

Holding true to her promise to fight for Brandi’s side, she led the charge against the soldiers who’d come to serve as Bert’s reinforcements. She was covered in blood and vomit, her sweat tracing rivulets down her brown face as her lithe frame ducked and cut through the mass of soldiers who attempted to attack her all at once. Her long braids bounced against her back as she stopped in her tracks to avoid the wild swing of a soldier’s blade before she drew her knee up to ram it into the groin of her next attacker. He doubled over and she dragged her dagger across the nape of his neck, stepping aside to let him fall to the ground as she faced the next two soldiers approaching her.

She was fighting with all her strength, but Brandi could see the exhaustion edging in on her moves. She was sharper than the rest of the rebels, but she was only one woman, and the soldiers were a unit trained on crushing dissent in the queendom. They were patient in waiting for their opportunities to strike, protected in their armor, and practiced on how to destroy an unorganized rebellion. And despite their skill, the rebels all fought as individuals or in clusters of three. They had no leader to command them and no idea how to fight as a cohesive force.

If something didn’t change soon, the rebels would fall and Bert would return to the queen’s side, lauded as a hero. He would be rewarded for what would be seen as a self-righteous effort to protect his queen and her throne. The simple thought of that made Brandi grind her teeth.

Command us.

The words slipped into her mind as gentle as rain against her skin and Brandi looked over to Tiki, whose black tongue lapped up the blood dripping from its giant maw and felt her heart pound at the words. This battle was hers to fight. And, for once, she wasn’t alone in it.

How you feeling? Brandi asked, directing her question to Noble and Jack. She could feel her blood warming beneath her skin, throbbing in her veins with every heartbeat. The power she carried now was almost suffocating with how much of it swelled in her chest and she wondered if the others felt the same. Can you fight?

I feel like Rothe just shoved the whole sun down my throat, but, Jack released a deep breath, sparks drifting from his smirking lips as a gold ring circled his brown eyes, yeah. I can fight.

I’m always good to go, Noble said as the wind picked up around them. Just tell me what you need, Green.

We need to put an end to this, Brandi said. Najé’s drowning, she pointed out, nodding in her direction, and we need to get the rebels out of the clearing.

And then what? Noble questioned. Bert’s not just going to let the rebels run away.

I’m not going to give him a choice, Brandi said, glaring at the man standing on the other side of the clearing and channeling the heat circulating through her veins into her hands where a green light bloomed beneath her fingertips.

How long do we have? Jack asked, glancing down at her.

Three minutes, she answered. Both of you need to be behind the tree line before then.

They nodded at her words and moved into action. Noble cut through the battle, gliding through the rebels and soldiers as if he were Carna’s wind. He headed straight for where Najé fought in a circle of soldiers that inched closer to her, while Jack stood and worked to control his blessing from Rothe. Like Najé and many of the other devout Rothians who fought with the shadows, he had been blessed by Rothe before he ever met Brandi — gifted with the ability to increase his strength tenfold. But with Rothe’s full power residing in him now, Brandi saw the brief moment he struggled to contain it all. It was short-lived, but she didn’t miss the burst of flames that spiraled up his arm to his elbow before dissipating into a cloud of smoke, leaving a faint golden light emanating from beneath his brown skin. He cracked his knuckles and strode into battle, smashing through the metal helmets of the soldiers who approached him and gripping the rebels by the nape of their necks before hurling them toward the trees.

Catch them, Brandi said, giving the order to the shaders who began moving to break their falls.

What of us? Cedric inquired, his violet eyes locking onto hers as she turned to meet his gaze. He stood beside Sarah, her long hair in his hand as she kneeled on the ground and she tossed the last of her stomach into the grass next to the stairs.

Can you fight?

I’m a scholar, Cedric said, shaking his head.

Then take Sarah and get out of here, Brandi said, directing them toward the forest beyond the destroyed temple. The battle was contained in the clearing before them and the silence beyond the trees felt louder than the war cries of the rebels. Head north until you reach another clearing covered in moss and fallen trees. There will be shaders there, she warned, but they won’t bother the vessels of the gods. You’ll be safer than here.

Alright, Cedric said, his eyes wide and his voice shaking at the mention of shaders. We’ll wait for you there.

And pray to the gods while you wait, Brandi demanded, Freya’s abdication of her throne creating worrying thoughts in her mind. See if you can reach them. We need to know if we’re really alone in all this now.

Understood.

Cedric nodded and reached down to pull Sarah’s arm over his shoulder and help her up from the ground, but he released her when her face turned an unpleasant shade of green at the sudden movement and she lost her stomach again. Both he and Brandi looked down at her with mild disgust as she swiped at the vomit clinging to her bottom lip before staggering to her feet. She wobbled but managed to keep her balance as Cedric stepped forward to help her.

Make sure she rests up, Brandi told him. There’s going to be a lot of wounded rebels who will need her attention.

Cedric nodded again and Brandi watched as he led Sarah to the edge of the clearing. When they disappeared behind the trees, she turned her attention back to the battle. Najé and Noble were gone from the clearing and only Jack remained, dragging the last of the rebels behind him, their unconscious bodies piling up as he fought to protect them from Bert’s encroaching forces. He was the last one remaining and Brandi took a deep breath as she whispered the words that had always lived on the tip of her tongue.

Bless me, she whispered, hissing as a heat like nothing she’d ever felt surged through her, burning her skin from the inside out, for I am the wrath of the gods.

As always, her bow formed in the palm of her hand, manifesting in a wave of searing heat. She huffed out a breath of steaming air and worked to keep her hands steady as fire pulsed within her palms. She tried to keep her mind clear, but molten lava dripped down her spine, drying her tongue and tingling her scalp, nearly forcing her onto her knees. She gasped and focused on Jack, who was still fighting in the center of the clearing. She forced her mind to chase after the single desire of protecting him — of ending this battle and having the time to be grateful that Asari had healed him from Bert’s torture — as she opened her green eyes wide. Light built behind them until they were bright enough to rival the light of Rothe’s sun and she lifted her bow to the sky, releasing a fiery arrow that was wrapped in the same green flames she’d manifested before when she’d entered the clearing.

It exploded into a thousand more and the soldiers in Bert’s rear guard that carried the eurithium shields huddled together and raised them to the skies, protecting them from the blazing green fire that rained down on everyone left in the clearing. Jack stood still in the center of the barrage and not a single arrow came close to hitting him or the rebels he’d saved. The high-pitched screams of the soldiers were the only sounds that filled the air until they were replaced by the crackling of flames that licked at the charred flesh and broken bones that were left behind.

Brandi pulled another arrow and pointed it at Bert as she took measured steps into the clearing with Tiki following behind her. The flames on the ground danced at her approach, parting at her feet as Tiki began ripping into the bodies that clung to the last bit of their life. It threw its head back and released a sharp bark that brought forth the other shaders from the trees, hemming in the last of the soldiers as they began following Tiki’s lead and cleaning up the remains of the battlefield.

The soldiers protecting Bert shook at the display, their uniformed shield breaking and creating gaps as many of them lost their will to fight and dropped to their knees with looks of horror and despair written on their faces. Brandi held Bert’s gaze in an unwavering stare as she moved to stand next to Jack.

There’s no point in running, Bert, Brandi called out, her voice low and even as she spoke to him. This is where you return to the gods.

Return me to the gods? Bert scoffed at Brandi’s words and his lip curled as he looked down his nose at her, no doubt feeling secure behind half a dozen soldiers with near-indestructible shields. You have forgotten your place, he spat. You dare speak to me with such authority? You’re nothing more than —

Brandi released her arrow, letting it find a home between the brown eyes of a soldier with deep brown skin that had grown ashen in fear. Her head rocked back from the force of the arrow, and her shield clattered to the ground as her body went rigid and crumpled beneath her weight. Blood pooled around her and the remaining soldiers gasped as they clamored to fill the gap her absence created. They stood firm in their positions, but Brandi had made her point.

You’ve forgotten who I am, Brandi stated, narrowing her eyes. Your status means nothing to me. I’ll send you to the gods, same as everyone else.

Brandi, Jack said, her name a gentle whisper as he placed a hand on her wrist. We have to let him go.

What? Brandi questioned, her green eyes darting up to Jack’s. His face was set in a hard line and his brown eyes bore into Bert’s. You can’t be serious?

We’re not ready to fight the entire queendom, Jack said, looking down at her. If we send him now, the entire monarchy is going to press down on us.

And? I don’t care about that.

Then what was the point of saving any of these people?

His question wasn’t harsh, but it was unexpected. It was rare for Jack to think outside of what was best for them, and them alone, but his words served as a reminder to her that they were surrounded by hundreds of wounded and exhausted rebels. She could feel their eyes on her skin, watching to see what they’d do next. With Glenn gone and Najé exhausted, they were without a leader to guide them and, for better or worse, she and Jack were now filling that role for the time being.

If she sent Bert to the gods now, it would be the same as declaring war on the monarchy. That wasn’t much of a problem for her or Jack, but they’d already seen the outcome of what would happen if the rebels went up against the queen’s soldiers in an all-out battle. It wouldn’t be pretty. And Jack had a point — what was the purpose of saving them from this battle if she was just going to lead them into another?

I want to send him too, Bee, Jack whispered through clenched teeth. But now’s not the time.

Her entire body pulsed with a burning heat as she held his gaze before returning it to Bert, but she lowered her bow as she watched him. Jack made a valid point, and if he was willing to be patient in sending Bert to the gods, then so could she.

Leave, she demanded. This is not the moment I send you to the gods, but once the battlefield is clear, I won’t stop them.

Brandi watched as Bert’s hazel eyes darted to the shaders surrounding them. Tiki sat to her left and Lia stood on Jack’s right, blood dripping from her mouth as she finished off the last of someone’s internal organs, leaving the bones for the younger shaders behind her. Less than a dozen corpses remained, and only the smaller shaders still fed on the remains. The rest of them prowled the edges of the trees, low growls rumbling from deep within their chests as they edged closer to where Bert and his soldiers stood.

Don’t think you’ve won here, Bert warned. We’re not done.

No, Brandi agreed, and we won’t be until I escort you to the gods myself. So, I suggest you get your affairs in order, Brandi said, letting her bow dissipate. I’m not a patient woman.

He spared a single moment to glare at Brandi and Jack before he gave the call for a full retreat. The soldiers wasted no time in rushing back to the edge of the clearing where they’d, no doubt, left behind the fleet of pods they would have needed to reach Freya’s domain. Only Bert’s personal guard retained their composure and kept him surrounded as they withdrew. Once they were gone, Noble strode into the clearing with a barely conscious Najé clinging to his shoulder and wobbling on her feet. She offered Brandi a weak smile and Brandi glared at her before turning to Noble, who wore a questioning look on his face.

What now, Green?

Now, we regroup, she said, turning on her heel and walking back towards the temple in the direction she’d sent Cedric and Sarah in. Follow me.

The trek through the dense woods of Freya’s domain wasn’t an easy one. Of the three hundred rebels who’d arrived to support Brandi’s efforts to rescue Jack, a little more than two hundred of them had survived the battle, and half of them were wounded and groaning from broken bones and steady-flowing gashes. A third of them had already lost their fight with consciousness and were being dragged by their comrades over the uneven ground. Their dead weight left deep grooves in the moss beneath them and Brandi could sense the unease emanating from the shaders who watched their quiet march from the shadows. Tiki walked in front of them, leading the way alongside Brandi and Jack, and Lia brought up the rear, ensuring that no hungry shaders preyed on the terrified rebels.

It was a necessary precaution, but the shaders wordless anxiety and distrust for the outsiders only served to intensify her own exhaustion. She was already beginning to regret offering her help to the rebels, but it was too late to change her mind now. They’d come to her aid when she’d asked for it, and she wouldn’t ignore that to abandon them to their own devices. So, until they were out of Freya’s domain, she would be responsible for them. At the very least, she’d stay and allow her presence to protect them from the shaders until they could cross through the barrier into one of the other gods’ domains. As long as she was with them, Tiki would keep its pack away from them while the wounded recovered from their injuries.

Brandi would do what she could for now, but she wouldn’t deny that she was anxious to get away from the rebels and the hope they carried for her in their eyes. She could feel the weight of their gazes and expectations bearing down on her, and it triggered her desire to escape far more than just the battlefield. She rubbed at the goosebumps rising along her arms as she stepped over one of the thick roots in the ground, and Tiki pushed a gentle hum of concern into her mind. It was a wordless thought, and Brandi placed a hand against its giant leg as they walked.

I’m fine, she whispered. Just tired.

That is normal, Tiki hummed. You have fought a great battle.

I should have sent Bert.

You ended things as no one else could, Tiki reminded her. There is great value in that.

Brandi didn’t say anything else and let her conversation with Tiki end there. She wasn’t satisfied with the way the battle had ended, but she knew better than to dwell on it. There may have been value in letting Bert return to the queendom — she didn’t think Jack was wrong in pointing out how unprepared the rebels were to face the full force of the queen’s soldiers — but just the thought of him continuing to exist in the mortal realm was enough to heat her blood with rage. It chased away the chill that was settling over her skin as the thick of Asari’s night set in and she tried to push the thought away from her as she led the way for the rebels, weaving through the trunks of the trees and avoiding poisonous thickets until the clearing she remembered came into view.

She doubted anyone other than her and the shaders could see it with how far away it still was, but she let her green eyes dance over the familiar place for a moment, letting the memories she held of quieter times crash over her. The lake to her left flowed out through Lindl and Carna’s domains, all the way to the Blind Sea. She’d spent countless days splashing and bathing in the clear waters underneath Rothe’s sun with Tiki and Lia. The shore surrounding the lake was rocky and covered in smooth pebbles that gave way to the spongy green moss they stood on now. Looming gray stones were piled on the opposite edge of the lake and several shaders rested on them now, lounging in the bright light of Asari’s full moon. They raised their heads as if sensing the presence of the rebels, and Tiki moved toward them.

Your people will stay here for the night, Tiki hummed. Inform them not to leave the clearing. I promise them no protection within the depths of the forest.

Brandi nodded and Tiki melted into the night, making its way over to where the other shaders were. It took another twenty minutes for the rebels to reach the clearing, and before Brandi could sigh in relief that they’d finished the journey, she felt a pair of clammy palms grasping onto her arm. She tilted her head to see who it was, expecting to find some wounded fighter reaching out for help, but instead, she found Cedric. His light brown skin was ashen, and his violet eyes darted between her and the shaders on the other side of the lake, who seemed to be watching them.

Thank the gods, he whispered. You’re finally here.

Did you think I would abandon you or something? Brandi asked, brushing his hands away from her. He looked disheveled and Sarah was sitting on the ground beside him, her knees bent with her forehead resting against them as her long hair acted as a curtain around her face. Brandi couldn’t tell if she was awake or not, but she could tell from the subtle lift of her shoulders that she was, at least, still breathing. She didn’t look any better than she had when Brandi had sent them off though, and she wondered if Sarah would be up to the task of healing the rebels when the time came. It was something they’d find out soon enough as the last of the rebels staggered up behind them and she directed her attention back to Cedric.

On an intellectual level, I understood that shaders would be here, Cedric said, licking his lips as his eyes darted once more to where the shaders lounged on the rocks across the lake, but it’s a completely different experience to see them in person.

But you were literally standing next to Tiki at Freya’s temple, Brandi pointed out.

You were there!

Dear gods, Brandi sighed, pulling a hand through her hair. Her once neat cornrows were frizzing at the root, and she knew she would have to do something with them soon, but it was a problem she would have to deal with on another day. I just need to know if you did what I asked. Or did you spend the whole time cowering in fear at the shaders who didn’t bother to attack you?

Cedric froze at those words as his eyes narrowed and Brandi waited for his response. She didn’t know what went through his mind as he watched her, but she could tell that her words were sinking in. It was clear that he hadn’t allowed himself time to process the facts in front of him and Brandi glanced at the shaders his eyes were locked on.

I already told you, Brandi said. You’re a vessel of the gods. They wouldn’t have hurt you.

You’ll have to forgive me, Cedric whispered. It appears my fear led to ignorance.

Did you pray? Brandi asked, ignoring his request for forgiveness and redirecting the conversation to getting the information she wanted out of him. She didn’t fault him for being afraid of shaders — even Jack had been the first time he met Tiki — but she’d have no patience for someone who couldn’t follow simple instructions.

I did.

Great, Brandi nodded, stepping past him towards the clearing. We need to discuss that.

The moment she stepped out from behind the trees, the shaders let loose a low growl of excitement. It would have sounded terrifying to anyone who didn’t know their thoughts, and she wasn’t surprised when Jack’s steps faltered behind her. He’d been a few steps behind her the entire way, but he’d been silent the entire way. It was unusual for him, but they hadn’t had a moment to talk since Asari had brought him back from the brink of having his final meeting with the gods. As her eyes met his, he offered her a quick smile, and she felt her own lips quirk upward in response as he stopped at the edge of the trees to stand beside Cedric. The other rebels stumbled up next to him but kept their distance as another growl reached them from across the water.

Daughter of Freya, the smallest shader squealed as it rose to its feet. I have heard much about you!

It jumped from the rock it was on and bolted over to Brandi, its body a black blur as it circled around her, sniffing at her clothes and wagging its tail. She could sense the fear radiating from the rebels behind her, each of them holding their breath as if that was the secret to keeping the shaders from feasting on them should they have the desire to. Brandi could almost laugh at the irony it would be for them to have survived the battle at Freya’s temple, only to be led deeper into the forest to be eaten by shaders.

Do you have a name, little one?

Brandi reached her hand out the young shader as she asked the question in the common tongue, hoping to ease the minds of the rebels gathered