All a Man Is
4/5
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About this ebook
Big risks hold no appeal for Julia Raynor after losing her husband to his high-danger career. And his vice cop brother, Alec, doesn't seem much differentalthough he is there for her and the kids. So when her son is headed for big-city trouble, Alec voluntarily becomes police chief in Angel Butte, Oregon, to remove him from temptation.
But temptation stalks more than her son. Living close to Alec, the long-denied attraction Julia harbors won't be ignored. And Alec's actions say it's not one-sided. Can she believe in another Raynor man? Yet, when a threat catches up with her family, Julia knows Alec is the only one she can trust!
JANICE KAY JOHNSON
The author of more than ninety books for children and adults, Janice Kay Johnson writes about love and family - about the way generations connect and the power our earliest experiences have on us throughout life. An eight time finalist for the Romance Writers of America RITA award, she won a RITA in 2008 for her Superromance novel Snowbound. A former librarian, Janice raised two daughters in a small town north of Seattle, Washington.
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Reviews for All a Man Is
2 ratings1 review
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Good book. The romance is a slow growth one, but no less intense because of it. Julia lost her SEAL husband a year and a half earlier. Her thirteen year old son wasn't handling it well, so she packed up her kids and moved to LA to be closer to her brother-in-law Alec who has been a great support to her. They aren't there long before Matt is getting into worse trouble, so Julia decides to move the kids to a small town somewhere. She's surprised when Alec offers to move with them, to continue to be an influence in their lives. He gets hired as the new police chief in Angel Butte and Julia follows a few months later.I really liked both Julia and Alec. Julia was obviously at her wits end trying to figure out what to do about Matt. Ever since her husband's death he's been angry, rude and constantly in trouble. She really hopes the smaller town will reduce his chances and get him back to the kid he used to be. She's also very happy to be near Alec again, as having another adult to help will reduce her stress somewhat. But it increases in another area, because being around him so much just strengthens her attraction to him. She's fighting guilty feelings over her husband's death, as they had argued before he left. Their marriage had been in trouble for awhile. She had never expected to be attracted to Alec, who also has a dangerous job. Alec has been attracted to Julia for a long time but as his brother's wife he buried those feelings deep. With his brother's death he feels responsible for looking out for them and is just as worried about Matt as Julia is. When he hears her plans to move them away from the city he realizes that he really doesn't want to let them so far out of his life. He has no problem with the idea of uprooting his own life to do what is best for them, so starts applying for jobs in smaller towns. He gets hired as police chief in Angel Butte, replacing a chief who had been found to be corrupt. Cleaning up the department has been a challenge but things are getting better by the time Julia and the kids arrive. Having them so close makes Alec realize how much he's been missing in his life and how much he wants them all for himself. It's not long before he discovers that the feelings he has for Julia are mutual, but both of them have to lay their guilt to rest first.I felt so bad for Julia. Her son is being a real pain in the butt and she is running out of ideas on how to cope. She knows there has to be a reason he's behaving that way but so far she hasn't figured it out. I loved seeing the trust and cooperation between her and Alec as they worked out the best way to deal with him. I could feel their worry about him, and their hope that they could soon find out what was behind his behavior. There were some very intense times as things came to a boil for them all. That confrontation was heartwrenching for them and emotional to read.Alec was also dealing with some threats against him and the family. He's being told to give up supporting a candidate for sheriff who is running against an incompetent, possibly corrupt man or harm could come to his family. He also has to return to LA to testify in the murder trial of a drug trafficker. He isn't sure if the two things are connected, and when Matt is kidnapped he has to find a way to save him. This was a very intense part of the book and kept me hooked until it was all over.
Book preview
All a Man Is - JANICE KAY JOHNSON
PROLOGUE
HALF A DOZEN MEN and three women sat around the conference room table. Some had laptops open, others notebooks.
Lieutenant Alec Raynor found his attention kept wandering to the five red pins stabbing a map on a display board propped on an easel. Each pin represented a particularly brutal rape and murder, all similar enough for detectives to have linked them to a single perpetrator. One of those pins was within his jurisdiction, his responsibility, the Los Angeles Police Department. Two belonged to the county sheriff’s department, one to Beverly Hills P.D. and the most recent to Santa Monica P.D.
This killer liked his victims to be upscale.
The task force had been formed after the third murder. Unfortunately for the detectives working the crime, the killer was smart and clearly well educated in the collection of trace evidence. Result: they had next to nothing to go on.
Alec’s phone vibrated and he barely glanced at it, intending to let it go to voice mail. The name displayed, though, had him rising to his feet.
Excuse me for a minute. I need to take this.
He answered as he left the room. Julia?
Unless it was prearranged, his sister-in-law never called him during normal working hours. Certainly not in the middle of the afternoon like this.
I’m sorry to bother you, Alec.
The stress in her usually melodic voice ratcheted up the worry that had gripped him the minute he saw her name on the call display. I should have waited. If you’re tied up—
I can take a minute. Something’s wrong.
She laughed, a sharp sound. As usual, it’s Matt.
Both her kids had been named to honor Alec and his brother’s mother and her Italian family. Matteo had recently turned thirteen. Alec kept hearing that girls were hell on wheels at thirteen, but boys had to mature for a couple more years before they were ready to rebel. Not Matt.
Thank God Matt’s sister, Emiliana—Liana for short—was, at not quite eleven, still a little girl.
Alec’s niece and nephew had both been slammed by their father’s death a year and a half ago. Liana’s grief and bewilderment seemed normal, while Matt’s original shock had come to more closely resemble a bomb packed with gunpowder. It was dangerous to handle and had so many explosives tamped down inside, Alec expected the worst when it blew. Some days, he had trouble recognizing the boy he loved in the sneering, foulmouthed shit he’d become.
What bothered him most was that he had no idea what was going on in the kid’s head.
Julia didn’t call after every one of his escapades, and certainly not in the middle of the day.
What happened?
Alec asked.
He was caught stealing a bottle of whiskey from the Grove Street store. From Mr. Santana.
Mr. Santana had to be seventy-five if he was a day. He’d had cataract surgery recently on one eye but the other remained clouded. He’d continued running the store after his son was killed in an armed robbery and he was left to care for his daughter-in-law and her three children. The oldest boy, Javier, was an earnest seventeen-year-old who helped his grandfather every minute he wasn’t in school. Sweet Mr. Santana was known throughout the neighborhood for his kindness to children.
Matt had very likely gone there to shoplift because he knew Mr. Santana’s vision was poor.
It gets worse,
Julia warned, and now Alec could hear fear along with anger in her voice. He was already drunk.
Son of a bitch. His thirteen-year-old nephew had gotten wasted? Where is he?
Oh, his room.
She sounded hopeless. But you know how much good putting him on restriction does.
Alec knew.
I’ve done some thinking today, Alec. I’d...like to talk to you if you can come over whenever you get off. Or—it can wait until tomorrow if you’re tied up.
No,
he said roughly. I’ll be there after dinner sometime.
Thank you.
All the grief he’d begun to believe she was letting go of was there again, so heavy he could feel the weight. Tonight,
she said, and was gone.
* * *
ALEC STOOD IN Julia’s kitchen, leaning one hip against the edge of the tiled counter, and tried to conceal his shock at Julia’s announcement.
He couldn’t help watching her as she busied herself pouring them both cups of coffee. Julia—his brother’s widow—was a beautiful woman. Elegant, but not flashy. He remembered being surprised the first time he met her, because Josh usually went for buxom blondes, and the girl he was suddenly serious about was neither. Petite, no more than five foot three or four, she had the fine-boned build of a dancer. Alec learned later that she actually had taken dance classes for years, without being serious enough to consider it as a career. Her straight brown hair was a rich color with a warm cast, more like maple than mahogany, he had decided. And then there were eyes of a witchy green-gold she had passed on to her daughter but not her son.
When he’d first arrived this evening, he’d spent a few minutes with Liana. Skinny and small for her age, she had darker hair than her mom. He heard about her fascination with the algebra her fifth-grade advanced math group was currently studying.
There’s this boy who likes me,
she had added shyly, pink tingeing her thin cheeks. I mean, I guess he does. His name’s Tyler. He told Jose, who told Brooke.
Brooke, Alec knew, was Liana’s best friend. He wants me to be, like, his girlfriend or something.
Girlfriend! He’d had damn near as much trouble grappling with the concept of this little girl having some guy after her as he did with the idea of Matt boozing. They were turning into teenagers before his eyes.
They had been at just about the worst possible age to lose their father.
Alec hadn’t trusted himself to talk to Matt yet. Instead, he’d left Liana instant messaging with friends and retreated to the kitchen.
What happened to playing with Barbie dolls?
he asked plaintively.
Amusement lightened Julia’s distress, if only for a moment. What’s she doing?
When he told her, she laughed. Oh, she still has her Barbies and plays with them, too, but mostly by herself. She’s not sure which friends will think it’s totally uncool and childish.
She’s ten.
Almost eleven. Sixth grade is in the middle school, you know. There’ll be dances.
Older boys,
he said with the voice of doom.
He expected her to laugh again, but she didn’t. Alec, I think I need to take the kids away from L.A. You’re so important to them.
She bit her lip. To me, too. That’s why I’ve been so reluctant to do this. But you know my parents would like to have me close, and I have to believe Matt would do better in a small town.
The small town where she’d grown up was on a lake somewhere north of Minneapolis. Half the country away. More than half.
Alec felt sick. He had the impending awareness of devastation. In a distant part of his mind, he’d known he loved his niece and nephew, and, sure, Julia, too, as much as he dared let himself. When Josh had been killed in Afghanistan, Alec had naturally stepped in, assuming some of his brother’s responsibilities. Julia and the kids were family. That was what a man did.
Until this moment, he hadn’t understood that they were the three people he loved most in the world. He didn’t know how he could survive without them.
Your mother drives you crazy,
he heard himself say hoarsely.
I wouldn’t move in with them. I’d get us our own place.
Her face was pinched as she searched his face. What would you suggest? That I close my eyes and stab a pin into a map, pick someplace to go at random?
For a second he had double vision, those red pins floating before his eyes, and he thought with an astonishing burst of anguish, Julia. What if somehow, someway, that creep came across her? Los Feliz, the part of L.A. where she and Alec both lived, was upscale. She was pure class and beautiful. He—whoever he was—would like her. Want her. Hate her.
She and the kids would be better off, safer, away from overcrowded, smoggy, crime-ridden Southern California.
This was the moment when Alec realized he would do anything at all for her, Matt and Liana. Anything for them, and to keep them in his life even if he was painfully aware he was destined to remain on the outside looking in.
"We’ll pick somewhere, he said.
I should be able to get a job running a police department in a peaceful small town somewhere. Don’t go home to your parents. Let’s stay together."
The shock in her green-gold eyes was such that, for a terrifying instant, he thought he’d blown it. And then those eyes filled with tears. I can’t ask you—
I’m offering.
He couldn’t let himself touch her, so he didn’t move. I’m ready for a change, Julia.
She pressed fingers to her lips, laughing and crying at the same time. Oh, God. If you mean it...
All the fear left him in a rush. I mean it. I’ll go online and start looking tonight. I’ll let you know where I find possible job openings. You can research the towns. We’ll find the perfect one. I promise.
There was a minute there when he thought she wanted to throw herself into his arms. But, as always, she turned away. Snatching up a dish towel, she began mopping her face.
Do you think this is what Josh would want us to do?
She always did that, produced his brother’s name as if she were lighting a candle at his altar.
And I’m pathetic to feel jealous. Worse than pathetic, he thought in disgust. Why wasn’t he glad she’d loved his brother so much?
Yeah.
He pulled a smile from the hat. Josh would say go for it.
CHAPTER ONE
EW, GROSS! MO-OM! Mattie just spit on the floor,
Liana whined.
Tattletale,
her brother snarled. And don’t call me Mattie again or I’ll make you sorry!
The dull throbbing in the left side of Julia Raynor’s skull sharpened until she felt as if a drill bit was viciously driving through her forehead. She stole a glance in her rearview mirror to see her children glaring at each other.
She should have separated them by letting one ride in front, but she’d lost her temper this morning when they started fighting about whose turn it was.
Both of you,
she’d snapped, backseat. No argument. We’re not doing this.
She’d wonder why Matt wanted to ride up front, given how thoroughly he seemed to detest her, except she knew. Keeping his sister from getting what she wanted seemed to be one of his few pleasures.
Julia’s only consolation was that she was pretty sure the sibling warfare was normal, no matter how aggravating it was from her point of view. So little about Matt seemed normal now, she’d take what solace she could.
The entire trip had been the closest thing to hell she could imagine. A step beyond purgatory. It should have been fun, an adventure. Not that long ago, it would have been.
Before Josh died. Before Matt became so angry.
Silence simmered behind her. It was like driving with a feral animal in a trap on the backseat right next to a fluffy, cheerful Maltese terrier now getting whiny and snappy out of fear, and Julia was beginning to wonder if the trap door was secure.
We could have flown. Been here in a few hours instead of the longest two days of my life.
Clenching the steering wheel, she wished she’d followed Alec’s example and sold the damn car and bought a new one when they arrived. She’d been worrying about how much life her eight-year-old Volkswagen Passat still had in it anyway. Clinging to the familiar was one thing; clinging to a cantankerous car that would not like cold winters was something else again.
We’re almost there,
she said, hoping to stir some tiny remnant of excitement. Not that Matt had ever felt any. He was bitterly resentful about the move.
So what else is new? she asked herself wearily. For the past year and more, her son had bitterly resented every word she spoke, every decision she made.
You keep saying that,
Liana said sulkily. Even Julia’s good-natured daughter was wearing down.
"Because we are getting closer. The sign we just passed said eighteen miles."
Oh.
This time, a glance in the mirror assured her that they were both at least looking out their respective windows, as if some curiosity had surfaced.
The landscape was intriguing and very different from the brown hills and canyons of their most recent home. No ocean beaches here in central Oregon, either, although Alec assured her there were countless clear, cold lakes. The highway had been following a beautiful, tumbling river for some miles now. This stretch of Highway 97 was wooded and...knobby. Those lumps couldn’t all be volcanic cinder cones, could they? If so, they’d become overgrown with pine trees.
The fact that she was moving her children to a spot in the heart of volcano country made her a little nervous, especially now that they were here and she could see the evidence of it all around. Earlier they’d passed signs pointing to Crater Lake, which was the water-filled caldera of a truly monstrous volcano that had wrapped the entire world in black ash when it erupted 7,700 years before. She was already planning a trip back to the park in the next few weeks. Even Matt would be impressed, surely.
To the east was Newberry National Volcanic Monument, which was described in the literature as potentially active.
The smaller cinder cones in the area—including Angel Butte—were like pimples scattered on the edges of Newberry Volcano, which didn’t rear into the sky like Mount Rainier or Saint Helens. It was a shield volcano, she’d read, primarily made up of lava flows.
Julia had educated herself about volcanoes before agreeing to this move. In the end, she’d decided that her family was in more danger from earthquakes in Southern California than they would be from the unlikely event of a volcanic eruption.
Of course, Minnesota didn’t have either. But it also didn’t have Alec, which was the deciding factor.
The truth was, she would admit only to herself, she’d have gone anywhere he’d chosen.
Not because she needed him, although she did, but because Matt needed him, too.
It’s kind of pretty,
Liana said timidly.
There’s nothing here.
Matt sounded stunned. It’s, like, the middle of nowhere.
Short of moving to a village in Alaska accessible only by fishing boat or small plane—and, oh, how tempting that idea was—Angel Butte was the closest she and Alec had been able to find to the middle of nowhere. Or so they’d convinced themselves. Alec was discovering this town had considerably more crime and corruption than he’d imagined. She could only pray it didn’t reach the middle school, where Matt would start eighth grade this fall.
The silence in the car had a different feel when they saw the sign for the turnoff to Angel Butte. They really were only minutes away from their new home. Julia was only sorry they’d have to wait a few days for their furniture and other possessions to catch up with them. Although Alec had bought the duplex where they were going to live, she and the kids would have to stay in a motel until their beds arrived.
The narrower two-lane highway swept through forestland that gradually became more open. To each side were Old West–style ranches with split-rail fences and a few horses drowsing in the midday heat. Horse-crazy Liana gazed in delight. More houses appeared, closer together, and finally a Shell gas station. With startling suddenness after that, Julia felt as if they could be back in Southern California. Alec had said a little drily that she’d be able to buy anything she needed when she got here, but he hadn’t mentioned that their small town in the middle of nowhere had Target and Walmart stores, a Petco, Staples, Kentucky Fried Chicken, McDonald’s and Red Robin.
I’m hungry,
her daughter whined, predictably.
How could she be, after snacking all day long?
You know Uncle Alec is eager to see us. He said he’d take us to dinner.
Matt didn’t say anything. His respect for Alec was the only hope keeping Julia going, but he’d even been sullen with Alec during the occasional weekend visits he’d managed these past few months. Julia wasn’t sure whether Matt was afraid Alec was trying to ditch them or whether he was mad at Alec, too, because he’d conspired with Julia to move him away from his new and not-so-savory friends.
Maybe she should have stayed in San Diego after Josh died instead of uprooting the kids to Los Angeles almost right away so that she could lean on Alec.
As exhausted as she was, she wasn’t going to let such a well-worn worry take root. It was too late. She and the kids had moved, and the truth was she hadn’t wanted to stay in San Diego when all of her friends were the wives of navy SEALs. As a widow, her very presence would cast a shadow on them, and she hadn’t liked thinking about what Josh had done for a living.
There really is an angel up there,
Liana said suddenly. I can see her.
Where?
her brother demanded.
Julia, too, lifted her gaze to the top of the small butte with steep sides made up of rusty red cinders partially masked by clusters of small pine trees. Yes, there it was. She, too, caught a glimpse of white, almost a gleam, although she couldn’t make out details, not without taking her eyes from the road longer than she dared.
Weird,
Matt pronounced. Occasionally he forgot his angry persona and still sounded like the thirteen-year-old boy he was.
Get Uncle Alec to tell you the story of how the angel came to be there,
Julia suggested.
You mean, she didn’t fly down from on high?
her charming son sneered, having recollected himself.
Poor Liana, stuck back there with him.
Poor me, stuck with him.
Immediately Julia felt guilty for the unmaternal thought.
Julia spotted the sign for the hotel where Alec had made reservations. She found a parking spot, set the emergency brake and reached for her phone.
Alec answered on the first ring. Julia?
We’re here,
she said simply, with vast relief complicated only a little by her apprehension and guilt.
* * *
ALEC USED THE EXCUSE of steering her through the restaurant door to lay a hand on Julia’s back. Feeling the small flex of muscles beneath his fingertips filled him with exultation. He was embarrassed by the strength of it. He felt like an idiot teenager whose crush had finally agreed to go out with him. This was ridiculous. Nothing had changed between them.
He couldn’t seem to squelch it, though, damn it. He all but had neon lights in his head flashing, Julia is here, at last!
Trouble was, he’d spent months living for this day.
Waiting for the kids to emerge from the restaurant behind them, the two of them paused. He reluctantly let his hand drop.
Let’s at least drive by the duplex,
Julia suggested, and after a moment Alec nodded.
He wasn’t looking forward to showing her, never mind the kids, their new home. Compared to the one they’d left, it wasn’t very impressive.
Julia, of course, had seen photos online and knew it didn’t match the charm of the Spanish-style stucco bungalow she had bought when she moved the kids to L.A. from San Diego after Josh’s death. There were charming houses in Angel Butte, of course, but once Alec saw the duplex for sale, he’d been so struck by the advantages of them living side by side, he’d called her to see what she thought. The idea of sharing the cost had appealed to her, too, he suspected; being able to hold on to some of the money she’d made from selling her house eased the urgency of her job hunt. She could take her time and find something she really liked. Down the line, they had agreed, they might keep the duplex as a rental property.
Dinner had been at a chain restaurant where the kids already knew what they wanted to eat. Alec was less enthusiastic, but he’d seen how exhausted Julia was and knew a fancier meal would be wasted on her. Besides, this place shared a parking lot with the hotel where he’d booked a room for her and the kids. The hotel wasn’t anything special, but it was clean and decent and had a swimming pool. He had known without asking that she wouldn’t accept if he offered to put them up at one of the area’s nicer, lakefront resorts. She had become increasingly prickly about money, probably because she worried about depending on him too much. Alec had enough pride himself to admire the same quality in others.
I’ll drive,
he said, leading the way to his Chevy Tahoe. After flying here in February for the initial job interview and getting stuck for an extra day because of a snowstorm, he’d known his Camaro wouldn’t do. It was time, even if he hadn’t needed four-wheel drive. He’d wanted a vehicle suitable for a family. Now he felt satisfaction as the kids clambered into the back and Julia hoisted herself into the front seat.
If only they were his family rather than his brother’s.
Your Camaro was so cool,
Matt said from the backseat. But this is okay, I guess,
he conceded grudgingly.
Alec grinned at him in the rearview mirror. Thank you.
He glanced at Julia. We’ll take a spin through downtown, which is a lot more attractive than this stretch.
He explained that the commercial strip had grown up outside the city limits until a fairly recent annexation changed that. He didn’t figure they needed to hear about the headaches that annexation had brought to an understaffed police department. Once he’d been on board long enough to see the big picture, he had begun an aggressive campaign to increase funding for the department. He didn’t much like his boss, Mayor Noah Chandler, but had to concede Chandler was backing every budget demand he’d made to the city council.
He drove down the main street, once the traditional downtown when Angel Butte’s population had been a third of its current size. The hardware store, dry cleaner’s and newspaper office had retreated to side streets; the false-fronted buildings here now housed trendy bistros, boutiques, galleries and sporting-goods stores. The economy had become heavily dependent on tourism. From what he’d been told, the change had happened so quickly, old-timers were still in shock.
Thus, he figured sardonically, the reluctance to admit a small-town police department was no longer adequate.
He pointed out the redbrick public-safety building where he worked and the historic courthouse with a wing that housed city hall. They detoured by the middle school, bland as schools built in the 1970s usually were, and then the more modern elementary school where Liana would go.
Finally, he drove past the upscale part of Old Town where people with money lived, and then to the neighborhood of modest ramblers where the worker bees felt lucky to own homes. The duplex he’d bought was on a corner, which gave it a slightly larger-than-average lot, but he hadn’t done anything yet that could be called landscaping. Right now, a lawn with sun-browned patches surrounded it. A few overgrown shrubs crowded front windows. The only thing he had done to the exterior was to have the place painted, going for a dark green with cream-colored trim.
He pulled into the driveway on his side of the duplex, set the emergency brake and turned off the engine. In silence, all four of them stared at the forty-year-old rambler clearly built as a rental. Each side had a single-car garage. Two concrete walkways led from the sidewalk to the identical front doors.
Matt broke the silence. You’re kidding.
This is only temporary,
Julia said uneasily. You know that. Having Alec right next to us is ideal.
He cleared his throat. It’s a good neighborhood. Liana can walk to school. You can get almost anywhere in town on your bikes.
He’d actually considered a place outside of town so Matt wouldn’t be able to get anywhere on his own, but that had other drawbacks.
Can we see inside?
Julia asked, unhooking her seat belt.
Sure,
he said, sounding hearty and phony even to his own ears. They got out and approached the door on the side he’d decided would be theirs. He made a business of taking the key from his ring and giving it to Julia. Uh...it’s pretty bare-bones still,
he warned.
He was glad they hadn’t seen it before the work was done. He’d discovered that beneath the badly worn brown carpet were hardwood floors. Instead of replacing the carpet, he’d had the oak refinished to a glossy sheen. Bathrooms on both sides had new vinyl floors and shiny new fixtures. Julia knew he’d had the floors refinished, but not about the bathrooms, and he had no intention of telling her the duplex hadn’t come this way.
The kitchens he hadn’t touched yet, on his side because he hadn’t been home enough to bother, and on Julia’s side because he figured she would have her own ideas about what she wanted to do.
They moved over the threshold in a clump, even Matt sticking close to his mother. There was no entryway to speak of; the front door let straight into a cramped living room with white walls and a white-painted brick fireplace. The floors looked damn good, if he did say so, but Alec still winced at the comparison with the living room in the house Julia had just sold. It had had a bay window, glass-fronted built-ins, high ceilings and open, dark wood beams.
There are three bedrooms,
he said, but only one bathroom.
We’re going to have to schedule morning showers,
Julia said lightly.
They all peered into the bedrooms, two of them the standard ten-foot-by-twelve-foot boxes with inadequate closets. The master bedroom was only slightly larger.
He saw Julia breathe a sigh of relief when she saw the bathroom.
Brace yourself,
he said in a low voice just before they reached the kitchen with some extra floor space optimistically designated as dining area.
Dark brown Formica countertops went with the ugly dark cabinets, which were scarred in places. The flooring was a dated orange-and-yellow vinyl that at least was in good shape.
You should have let me have this remodeled before you got here,
Alec said, feeling inadequate as he watched them inspect their new