The Alchemist of Monsters and Mayhem: An Accidental Alchemist Mystery, #7

CHAPTER 1

The Alchemy of Tea wouldn’t be opening until tomorrow, but that didn’t stop the man from peering into the window and shaking the storefront’s door handle.

The closed sign hung prominently in the window, but so did a Summer Solstice Grand Opening! sign. Perhaps the man wasn’t sure of the date. I had suggested to Max that he might want to be more precise with the sign, but since it was a shop selling tea and goods related to tea, he liked the seasonal theme more than a date.

The grand opening is tomorrow, I said.

At the sound of my voice from behind him, the man gave a start and stumbled away from the door of Max’s new shop. As he turned, I caught a glimpse of his profile. Tall, dark haired, handsome, and, most importantly, familiar.

Maybe. There was definitely something familiar about him, yet I couldn’t place him.

He held a takeaway cup of tea from Blue Sky Teas next door, and was dressed somewhat formally, in a marginally rumpled brown suit but no tie. I guessed he was in his sixties. Perhaps I’d known him years ago, but without context, I couldn’t place him now.

It’ll be open tomorrow morning at eight o’clock, I added.

Not if I can help it, the man muttered.

I was too shocked to reply. He gave one last glance at the decorated front window of the shop, then hurried down the street. A splash of tea fell from his cup. I’m sensitive to herbal scents, so I recognized it immediately. Oolong. One of Blue’s newest tea offerings.

A strange impulse made me consider going after him, but what would I say? He clearly liked tea, so why was he upset about Max’s shop opening next door? It was a perfect fit. Blue Sky Teas, with its weeping fig tree growing in the center of the cozy café that served both herbal and traditional teas, and the empty storefront next door now filled with Max’s dried tea leaves, tea accoutrements, and books about tea.

I’d been drawn to Max as soon as I’d met him right after moving to Portland, but we hadn’t met under the best circumstances—he was the detective investigating the dead body found on my front porch. But now? I was ready to shout from the rooftops that I loved Max Liu.

I wondered for a moment if the angry man worked for the city in the zoning division, but I knew Max had spent months obtaining the proper permits and licenses for his new venture. He did everything by the book, which is why the shop was opening much later than he’d initially hoped.

I pushed open the door of Blue Sky Teas, my original destination. It was a few minutes before closing time, and a line of two people were waiting at the counter. About half the tree ring circle tables were filled with people. Blue would undoubtedly let them stay for a while after she flipped the sign to closed in ten minutes, while she cleaned up the counter area. When she’d given up her old life practicing law to open the tea shop, she stopped wearing power suits and straightening and dyeing her hair, and no longer measured every minute by the metric of billable hours. The formal hours of her café were loose guidelines at best.

Blue greeted me with a smile as I reached the counter. Lovely to see you, Zoe. You’re a perfect last customer of the day. Dorian’s pastries sold out hours ago, but I’m only out of a couple of teas.

Golden milk. The warm drink made with turmeric and other spices would keep me going for the evening I had ahead of me. It wasn’t technically tea, but Tasty and Healthy Beverages didn’t have the same ring to it as Blue Sky Teas.

Nice choice. I’ve got just enough fresh almond milk to make you an extra-large cup, and I’ll use that big hand-thrown mug I know you love.

I don’t have time to stay, I said as I paid, so I’ll need it to go. I’m running⁠—

Nonsense. I won’t make it too hot, so you can relax for ten minutes before whatever it is that’s so important.

I consented. She was right. I’m almost three hundred years older than Blue, so I should have been the wiser woman. But like anyone else, sometimes I get caught up in what’s going on around me and forget to be present in the moment.

I’m Zoe Faust, plant alchemist, herbalist, and proprietor of the online antiques store Elixir. I wasn’t joking when I said I’m nearly three hundred years older than Blue. I was born in Salem Village, Massachusetts, in 1676. Ever since accidentally discovering alchemy, I’ve never been able to stay in one place for too long, but I’ve been based in Portland, Oregon, for the last couple of years. Here, I built a found family that made it worth the risk of staying for a while. The love and friendships I’d fallen into by both accident and design were far more than I ever imagined possible for someone who’d long since given up on finding those things ever again.

So yes, Blue was right. I could enjoy a warm and energizing drink, sitting at a tree ring table underneath a weeping fig tree, for a few minutes. Or at least, I could let myself enjoy the moment if I first figured out what was going on with that strange encounter moments before entering the café.

I leaned closer to Blue, not wanting to be overheard. Do you remember a nervous man who ordered a large oolong tea a few minutes ago?

The good-looking fella about my age? Sure. Blue turned away from the counter to begin making the drink, but since it was a cozy little café, that only meant taking two steps. He knew his tea and exactly what he wanted. Now that I’ve added a bunch more black and green teas to the menu, most people go for the splashier names, like gunpowder green. Why are you asking about oolong guy?

I saw him outside, and he was really interested in The Alchemy of Tea, but not in a good way. He’s upset that it’s opening.

Seems strange for a tea lover. He was incredibly appreciative of the tea I brewed for him. He said I got the water temperature and timing exactly right.

I grinned, my apprehension melting away.

What? Blue blushed as she grinned back at me.

"You have an admirer. That’s why he doesn’t like it that Max’s tea shop is opening next door."

But we’re not in competition with each other! I brew all sorts of herbal blends for people and provide a meeting spot, and Max will be teaching people about tea and selling dried tea and all sorts of books and merchandise so they can brew it at home and enjoy it on a deeper level. It’s a perfect combination that will help us both.

I don’t think your admirer sees the distinction.

She blushed again, but tried to hide it behind her poof of gray curls as she poured my golden milk into a mug.

I headed to a tiny tree-ring table, feeling much better from both the drink and Blue’s words. My gaze fell to the new window that was now in place next to the front door. A vandal had smashed the window earlier this week, and it had been boarded up neatly for a few days before the replacement was installed, good as new. I closed my eyes, felt the warmth of the solid clay mug in my hands, and breathed in the scents of the spices.

Through my closed eyes, I sensed someone close to me. I opened my eyes and saw that my respite was over. Blue stood above me, her cell phone in her outstretched hand and her worry creased into her forehead.

You weren’t answering your phone. Blue handed me hers. Dorian called mine to reach you. There’s an emergency.

CHAPTER 2

I reached home ten minutes later with the missing ingredient that had constituted the emergency. Coconut milk from the corner market. Dorian had run out, and he claimed it was of the utmost importance to have more.

It’s not like he could have run out to the store on his own to buy it. Still, he didn’t have to be so dramatic about it. With the murderous plots we’d encountered lately, I didn’t appreciate the word emergency being employed to describe a missing ingredient.

Dorian was running late with his baking. He and I were supposed to leave for Max’s dinner party shortly, but Dorian insisted on bringing the world’s best cake to accompany tea, to celebrate the occasion of Max’s grand opening.

The cake must be perfect! Dorian cried from where he stood on a stepping stool at the kitchen counter, lifting the whisk of a stand mixer and tasting his homemade coconut cream frosting. "How can I arrive with a gateau with less than the proper ratio of cake to frosting?" Tonight was the night that Dorian would be meeting Max for the first time.

You already baked a cake earlier today, I pointed out. I saw it. It was beautiful.

Beauty is only one aspect of food, Zoe. Surely you realize this. He clicked his tongue. In his agitated state, his French accent was even thicker than usual. Layers of my new cake are cooling, but it lacks frosting.

What did you do with the old cake?

Dorian gave a dismissive wave of his hand. I was not paying close enough attention the first time. The proportions were not quite right. It tasted more like a fruitcake than a cake that simply contained fruits and nuts. By using both fresh strawberries and dried berries, the flavors were overwhelming, not subtle. Max would think me a monster.

I couldn’t argue with Dorian on this point. It was a real danger. Not because Max was a cake snob, though. Because of Dorian himself.

I’ve been completely honest with Max about the fact that I’m an alchemist. It took me a while to convince him that I’m almost three hundred fifty years old, but he understood now. Dorian is an alchemist as well, which is how I met him. He sought me out because his life force was tied to an ancient book of alchemy that was slowly turning him to stone. Max would have accepted Dorian in a heartbeat if alchemy was his only secret. But it’s not. Dorian happens to be a gargoyle.

Not many people know that my gargoyle housemate exists, or that his life began as a stone grotesque carved for the cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. But Dorian now had a high enough opinion of Max’s character, and knew how serious my relationship was with Max, so we couldn’t put off introducing the two of them in person any longer.

Max and most of my friends, including Blue, thought Dorian was a French friend of mine who had been disfigured in an accident and was shy about meeting new people in person. He spoke with people on the phone, and in the dead of night, he baked pastries for Blue Sky Teas, making sure to return home before dawn. I’ve tried explaining Dorian’s unusual state of being to Max in the past, but he hasn’t known what to think. Was I joking, or perhaps suffering mental distress? It was time for them to meet.

You understand how important it is for me to make a good impression. Dorian opened his black eyes wide and wriggled his horns, making himself appear far more innocent than he was.

Dorian’s gray form very much resembles the Thinker gargoyle that stands at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, except that Dorian is only three-and-a-half feet tall. But on the stepping stool he used in the kitchen, he stood eye level to me. Before he was brought to life through alchemy, he was a stone prototype for the cathedral, but proved too small. It was a good thing, too, because if he’d been any larger, I never would have been able to carry him when he transformed into stone form.

I know it’s important to you, I consented. But you need to believe me that Max only cares about meeting you. He doesn’t care about the cake.

Dorian grimaced. That was the wrong thing to say to a chef. Max Liu will remember this night for years to come. Thus, he will also remember my culinary creations. He will truly understand how the act of baking is similar to alchemy—and how I have created the perfect complement to the tea he will no doubt serve after dinner. You understand that food served with tea must not be too overpowering?

Otherwise, the subtleties of the tea are drowned out.

"Précisément. Nuts and dried fruits are a perfect complement. Yet they alone do not make a dessert. The light, fluffy cake, with a creamy, subtle frosting will be perfection. Dorian gave a satisfied smile as he tasted a second spoonful of frosting. Bon. A hint of sweetness, but it is not too strong. A perfect complement for the cake."

Why aren’t you slathering it on the cake then? We’re late.

Patience, Zoe. The cake needs a few more minutes to cool. One cannot simply ‘slather,’ as you crassly put it. As one cannot rush the process of alchemy, one cannot rush the steps of baking.

Which was why until I had a chef for a roommate, I focused my alchemical processes on plants themselves, not on complicated cooking. My idea of a good meal was tossing fresh or preserved ingredients I’d grown myself into a blender to make soup or a smoothie. My ingredients did all the work.

Do you think Max will wish to become a true alchemist? Dorian asked as he wiped down the kitchen counters, careful to avoid the gift he’d wrapped for Max.

He already is, in a way.

Dorian clicked his gray tongue. Yes, yes, I understand he is using his intent transforming the leaves of the tea plants into an elixir. Yet it is not the Elixir of Life.

Alchemy, at its core, is about elevating substances through transformation. Regardless of whether you’re talking about elements found in rocks, plants, or oneself, the idea is to transform the impure into the pure. The quest to turn lead into gold is often the shorthand used to explain alchemy, but it’s so much more than that. The three core elements of sulfur, mercury, and salt can be used in different ways to transform the impure into the pure. Sulfur represents the soul, mercury the spirit, and salt the body. Various elements and alchemical processes can be used as the ingredients to transform disposable metals into gold, a failing body into a healed one, or a disturbed mind into one of clarity and purpose.

Max picked the name of the new shop because of the Chinese idea of alchemy, I said, which is an Elixir of Life that gives an energetic essence and rids the body of toxins. In other words: tea.

Does he truly have a whole section of tea blends sold as hangover cures? Dorian inspected the clean countertop and tossed the kitchen towel aside.

I don’t know how you knew that, but yes.

Dorian chuckled. I have very good eyesight in the dark. I saw the placard through the window late in the night. I was curious, since I knew I would not be able to visit like you and Tobias. He nodded as he checked the temperature of the cake. "Bon. I will frost the cake now. I will be ready to depart in ten minutes."

A whole ten minutes to frost a cake?

Patience, Zoe. This will be one of the best cakes you have ever eaten. He turned and selected a proper utensil, muttering about how his culinary genius was not being properly recognized.

I stepped into my back garden, which would calm me. A tangle of vines from the summer squash mingled with tendrils from the Persian cucumbers. I picked a handful of Blue Jay Blueberries from a bush, leaving more than enough for local birds to feast on. I’d be eating dinner soon, but I’ve never been able to resist fresh-picked berries.

I settled into a chair on my back porch. I’d fixed up this once-falling-apart Craftsman house, and it was now the cozy home I’d always wanted. The garden might look overgrown, but my plants were thriving. I only trim back what’s necessary for the health of the plants, not for curb appeal.

My phone rang as I was enjoying a burst of flavor from the ripe berries. It was Max’s sister, Mina. I steeled myself for her admonishment. I knew how important this night was for Max, and Dorian and I were more than fashionably late.

But Mina’s words weren’t the ones I’d expected to hear when I answered.

Dinner’s off, she said. Max’s shop was fire-bombed. It’s utterly destroyed.

The phone nearly slipped from my fingers as my mind conjured an image of the man I’d met earlier that day.

This was my fault. I should have taken that man more seriously. The Alchemy of Tea will be open tomorrow morning, I’d told Blue’s admirer. His reply ran through my mind: Not if I can help it….

Not if I can help it.

How could I have thought him harmless?

I found my voice. Max. What about Max?

The connection went dead.

CHAPTER 3

Sorry, said Mina as soon as my phone rang once more a few seconds later. I slipped on some of this fire extinguisher foam.

So Max⁠—?

Nobody’s hurt, she assured me. No one was here when it happened, but we’re all over here now, going through the wreckage. She lowered her voice. Max wanted me to call you and tell you the dinner party was off and you and Dorian shouldn’t come over. But he’s really depressed, Zoe. If you could come over here to the storefront⁠—

I’ll be right there. I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined the enchanting shop that Max had spent months preparing to open tomorrow morning. And I’ll tell Dorian the party’s off.

Dorian! I called as I ran into the house through the back door. "There’s an emergency at The Alchemy of Tea—a real one."

Max? Dorian scampered down the stairs. He has suffered an early heart attack? I knew he was pushing himself too hard. And he has always been rather uptight. It is not good for one’s physical health. He⁠—

His shop, I explained as I donned my silver raincoat, having given up on waiting for Dorian to pause for breath before I corrected him. Max is fine, at least physically, but someone has destroyed his shop.

"Mon dieu!"

I’ll let you know more as soon as I do.

I hurried out the door and jogged down the street to The Alchemy of Tea. Hawthorne Boulevard, the main street of shops in my neighborhood, was only a few minutes away from my house, so it was easier to go on foot.

As I grew closer, the acrid scent of smoke hit my nostrils. I rounded the corner and saw the once-beautiful front window of The Alchemy of Tea smashed to pieces. Max and his sister Mina stood on the sidewalk directly in front of the shop. Shards of glass covered the ground, and as I grew closer, I saw the glass wasn’t only from the window, but also glass teapots and some of the jars storing loose-leaf tea. Shattered porcelain comingled with the fragments of glass. At least the iron teapots weren’t broken, though they looked quite forlorn toppled and no longer artfully staged and instead lying askew in the rubble.

It wasn’t him, Max’s sister Mina was saying to him as I reached them.

It was, Max snapped. His normally well-tamed black hair was askew, as was the collar of his jacket.

You know who did this? I asked. Maybe it wasn’t my fault after all.

I do, Max said. He turned his furious gaze from his sister to me. It was my father.

I blinked at him in stunned silence. Max’s father had destroyed The Alchemy of Tea?

That’s why the man who’d threatened the shop had looked so familiar. Not because I knew him, but because he was Max’s father.

I think you two had better tell me what’s going on, I said. It was all I could do not to choke. The air was filled with dissipating smoke, and other scents mingled in the air with the smoke: burnt tea, charred cotton, and smoldering wood. I cast my gaze around the shop until I found the source of the burnt wood. One section of the shelving Max had hired local artisans to build was completely destroyed.

Max swallowed hard and swept me up into his arms.

I’m so sorry, I whispered into his ear.

I didn’t think he’d go through with it, Max whispered back.

After Max and I realized our relationship was blossoming in spite of its challenges, I had grown close to Max’s mom, Mary, and his sister, Mina. I’d also heard about his beloved grandparents, who had both passed away. But I had never met his dad. Max hadn’t ever spoken of him. The only thing I knew about Andrew Liu was what I’d learned from Max’s mom, and it wasn’t much. She’d met Andrew in college, fallen in love, gotten married in her early twenties, and had two kids. Mary and Andrew divorced when Max and Mina were young.

I had my own complicated family issues, so I never pressured people to speak about their families. I knew Max would tell me when he was ready. But I never expected it to be because his father had physically destroyed his fledgling shop. The start of Max’s second career that he’d put so much time and love into was being destroyed by his own father.

Can you tell me what happened tonight? I asked softly.

Max held onto me more tightly. I should have anticipated something like this when he came to see me this week.

Your father came to see you? I tensed. Why hadn’t he told me? You knew he was here? Was I going to meet him at the dinner party tonight? I unconsciously glanced down at my simple forest green dress. I wouldn’t have dressed differently, but I still would have liked to have known if I was going to meet my boyfriend’s father.

Max shook his head, still holding onto me and his breath warm on my shoulder. I didn’t invite him.

He came to town to convince Max to not open The Alchemy of Tea, said Mina. Since Max wouldn’t listen over the phone.

Max let go of me and looked sharply at his sister. You finally agree with me that it was him?

You’re the one who used to be a detective. She swept her arm across the damage. Shouldn’t you be detecting?

Actually, I said, shouldn’t you call the police?

They’ve already been here and left, said Mina. They bagged up the evidence: a brick used to smash the window and the flaming cloth it was wrapped in. And took a few fingerprints from the area where it looks like they ransacked the shelves.

The person who smashed up the shop came inside? I stepped around Mina and looked more closely at the shop beyond the smashed window. The Alchemy of Tea wasn’t utterly destroyed, as Mina had initially told me, but it was bad. Very bad.

Along with scattered loose leaf tea, broken fragments of pottery and glass dotted the floor—at least what I could see of the floor. Foam from a fire extinguisher coated a swath of the interior, including the Valentine typewriter in the front window that Dorian had given to Max as a gift for the store. A soggy sheet of paper curled on top. Max had typed one of his grandmother’s poems about tea on the typewriter, and the idea was to vary the poetry and quotes about tea on the typewriter, so that people who passed by the window could have their curiosity piqued.

One of the workers at a nearby shop was the one who heard the sound of breaking glass and called the police, said Max. He extinguished the fire as soon as he saw smoke, but he didn’t know who owned the shop, so the officers who responded had to track me down. That’s why they’re already gone. I was the last one to get here. He kicked one of the few shards of glass on the sidewalk. "I should have