32 Candles: A Novel
4/5
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About this ebook
Davie—an ugly duckling growing up in small-town Mississippi—is positive her life couldn’t be any worse. Just when she’s resigned herself to her fate, she sees a movie that will change her life—Sixteen Candles. But in her case, life doesn’t imitate art. Tormented endlessly in school and hopelessly in unrequited love with a handsome football player, James Farrell, Davie finally finds the courage to leave the only life she knows.
Years later Davie has reinvented herself in LA and is living a glamorous life far from where she started—until she bumps into her former crush James Farrell. To Davie’s astonishment, James doesn’t recognize her, and she can’t bring herself to end the fantasy. She lets him fall as deeply in love with her as she once was with him. But just as they’re about to ride off into the sunset, the past comes back with a vengeance, threatening to break her heart again.
“Ernessa T. Carter is a fresh new voice. In Davie Jones, she has created a wicked yet empathetic character.” —Terry McMillan, #1 New York Times–bestselling author of Waiting to Exhale
“32 cheers for Ernessa T. Carter! She’s created one of the freshest, funniest characters I’ve ever read. . . . 32 Candles is a charmer.” —Carleen Brice, author of Orange Mint and Honey
“This summer’s juiciest beach read. . . . [A] disarmingly moving tale.” —Essence
“Potent and well rendered.” —KirkusReviews
“[Davie’s] need for sweet revenge adds a welcome dark edge.” —i
Ernessa T. Carter
Nikki Walton is a licensed psychotherapist with a master's degree in psychology from the University of North Carolina and the founder of CurlyNikki.com. Born in St. Louis, she now resides in Pennsylvania. Coauthor Ernessa T. Carter, a graduate of Smith College with an master of fine arts from Carnegie Mellon, is the author of the novel 32 Candles and the founding editor of FierceandNerdy.com. She lives in Los Angeles.
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Reviews for 32 Candles
59 ratings8 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/52/2/2019: saw this marked down to 1.99 today if anyone's interested.
4 stars..
I'm no fan of John Hughes movies, never really was, but I can also understand the fairy tale endings and romantic appeal in a big way. And Davidia Jones just thinks she deserves her Molly Ringwald ending. 16 Candles is her favorite movie, and her movies are essential for her. She quickly finds her Jake Ryan in James, a new boy at school who is as sweet as he is beautiful.
This book had far more layers than that (this review won't even scratch the surface), though, from concepts of beauty in an all-black town , self-loathing, abuse, and class divides, finally to choosing your own family and making your own way against all odds. It even features easy-to-fall-into relationships that are, at their core, complacent, and how to heal and move on with someone you care deeply about. (This is one book where centralizing the story on Davie, as she's later known, and her relationships wasn't distracting--it was just her book) The beginning of this book is not gentle, much in the same way her idol's life is at the beginning of 16 candles, Davidia's is in shambles. Far worse off than Sam, though, Davidia chooses not to speak due to prior trauma with her abusive mother. James is extraordinarily warm and kind but Davie's life are quickly set about a different path through necessity, heartbreak, and desperation.
But we don't see all of the 16 years between 15-31 as clearly--and warning here--Davie edits for us too. We learn that Davie has made some terrible, awful, hurtful choices herself. I wondered if I would ever come around on her again.
I need to mention though, because I see others reviews say this isn't romance, I believe it is at its core. James eventual pursuit of Davie is clearly entitled, won't take no for an answer (see where he reminds me of Hardy Cates), but in a much less threatening way. However, this bit is a pretty big hang up for me--it was a little too persistent for me to love their courtship at the beginning. The meat of that romance is where this wonderfully grounded novel shine, along with its humor and sneaky social observations. I also have to say another highlight is the end, where we begin to see Davie as a protagonist making her own way and dealing with her choices-maybe in a miraculous way, but I love good endings.
There's an awful lot of growth. James isn't as fully fleshed as he is 'perfect' but the surrounding secondary characters with all their flaws, love, mistakes, loyalty, along with Davie's absolutely stunning journey more than make up for it.
I do warn, if it's not clear, this book isn't always easy to stomach. It didn't have me weeping, but it is certainly not fluff. It is a novel that is centrally about redemption, surviving,thriving in hostile environments through loyalty, luck, and love-and yep that romance too. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5First of all, I am glad that I didn't read the book summary here on goodreads before I bought this book. Whoever wrote the summary, I assume not the author, basically posted an opinionated review instead of just a summary, and along with giving out too much information it gives misinformation! I feel like the editor or random person that was allowed to write the summary on GR skimmed parts of the book. Same with the blurbs on Amazon that made it seem like JUST a rom-com; 32 Candles is so much more than a lighthearted comedy.
This novel was not what I expected, but I loved it so much. My heart broke so many times for Davie as she suffered through most of her childhood and adolescence in silence. The story continues as she finally finds her voice and moves forward with her life. Then she gets a second chance at her "Molly Ringwald Ending" but you know, as does Davie, that it can't possibly turn out the way it does in the movies. Ultimately the novel is redemptive for many of the characters and at last heartwarming. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I didn't know what to expect with this book club pick, but I loved it! What a fun book! I read it in one sitting, staying up way later than my bedtime, lol. Now I need to see the movie Sixteen Candles again. I loved all the characters and I loved the story. This would make a great movie!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A great story about finding yourself despite a rocky childhood and surviving questionable decisions that you make in adulthood. The link between 16 Candles and Carter's work is extraordinary. I love the movie 16 Candles and understand every girl's dream of being swept off her feet by the one she adores. The twists in this story is what makes it remarkable and gives the ending more meaning. We often see love stories but never the grit and pain involved in going for that happy ending. I love this book and even hugged it to my chest after reading the last word. It was refreshing and delightful.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/532 Candles is a smart and warm romantic comedy that I think would appeal to males as much as females. The story is narrated by Davidia “Davie” Jones, who was brought up in poverty with in small, insular Glass, Mississippi. Her mother was an alcoholic and a prostitute, she had no father, and the kids in school made fun of her because of her dark skin, calling her Monkey Night and taunting her by making monkey sounds when she would pass by them. Even though she was in love (from afar) with the rich quarterback, James Farrell, he didn’t know she was alive, and so Davie watched Molly Ringwald movies and daydreamed about how it would be if she “got the guy.” But after a particularly brutal beating by her mother and a particularly awful humiliation by kids in school (led by James’ hoity-toity high-yellow sisters), she runs away, catching a ride with “Mama Jane,” a truck driver, to Los Angeles.In LA, Davie has the opportunity to remake herself, and become what she has always wanted to be. She has a fight on her hands, however, because the Davidia she was – timid, angry, and revengeful - is always trying to make a comeback. Discussion: I loved the honesty of this book. I adored the loving, lesbian mother-figure (Mama Jane) who takes care of Davie, and I loved Mama Jane’s hilarious miserly nephew who eventually becomes Davie’s father figure. Corey Mays, the clueless but sweet football player, is another well-drawn, appealing character. In fact, all the male characters are terrific, except, ironically, for the object of Davie’s obsession - James Farrell, who never gains much definition. He seems almost like the "American Graffiti" iconic figure of the tantalizing blonde in the T-Bird (played by Suzanne Somers in the movie), who no one really knows but who inspires the boys to be more than they are. For me though, the absolute best part about this book is that the heroine is a dark-skinned, non-hair-straightened black woman who, in spite of being picked on by other kids and growing up thinking she was ugly, ends up turning into the swan. Davie is far from saintly however, and this not only adds to her deliciously snarky in-your-face sass, but enables the author to send her, eventually, on a journey of self-awareness and atonement. Evaluation: This entertaining amalgam of The Ugly Ducking and the John Hughes/Molly Ringwald Eighties oeuvre of films is a delight.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Growing up in small-town Mississippi with an abusive mother and classmates who make fun of her, midnight-skinned and wild-haired Davidia Jones makes her escape into Molly Ringwald films. Davidia dreams of her own Molly Ringwald Ending one day, in the form of the most popular boy in school and her crush, James Farrell of the Farrells of Farrell Fine Hair, sweeping her off her feet in front of the whole school. But after a particularly bad school joke, Davidia decides to head west, to LA, where she renames herself Davie and transforms into a sultry lounge singer.However, Davie’s past catches up with her in LA when, 16 years after high school, she crosses paths with James Farrell again. A lot has happened in the meantime. Will Davie’s history prevent her from ever getting her happy ending?I have been hearing unequivocal love for this book for, oh, about two years or so before I finally had the opportunity to participate in a blog tour for 32 CANDLES. First stop: dive into the book that a small but important contingent of the blogging population has been raving about ever since its publication. And I wasn’t disappointed. I so wasn’t disappointed, in fact, that 32 CANDLES is easily one of my favorite books of 2011 so far, and one of the most adorable books I have ever read.The star of the show is Davie Jones. Neurotic without going overboard, self-reflective without it getting in the way of pure entertainment, and unapologetically weird, Davie stands out from the slew of debilitatingly neurotic female protagonists that usually feature in romantic comedies. Davie is like a black Bridget Jones without the weight obsession, which, let’s admit it, got frustrating real quickly. Davie’s weight obsession equivalent is her endless fascination with James, which in her high school stage was admittedly a bit scary. But somehow Ernessa Carter, through the voice of Davie Jones, makes everything okay. We don’t judge Davie for her neuroses; we love her all the more for them.No romantic comedy is complete without a swoon-worthy romantic interest, and James has got the role down pat. He is a perfect black man, and yet somehow his perfection seems like a perfectly natural part of his character, instead of a fictional construct forced upon readers that screams “I am perfect! I am perfect!” without ever actually showing us why. So, another point in 32 CANDLES’ favor. Yay!I’m sure there are many other reasons I can go on and on about—how the secondary characters take on lives of their own; or how the plot, while twisty and turny, wraps itself up in the most delightful and unexpected of ways—but I hope it suffices to say that 32 CANDLES will retain a permanent position on my shelf, as something I will reread whenever I want a dose of a good ole romantic comedy that won’t ever fail me. Brava, Ernessa Carter, and I want more!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Davie, growing up in the South as an unattractive outsider in her black community, stopped talking after she was beaten by her mother when she was five. Nobody knew she could have talked if she'd wanted, or that she was crazy-in-love with James, the new, ultra-handsome, ultra-rich boy at her high school. Even her mother, and her mother's many "friends" who visited her bedroom each night, had no use for her.Her life changes, somewhat unbelievably, when she runs away from home and hitches a ride with a lesbian truck driver. Suddenly she is in LA, and working at a club as a singer. There she has an opportunity to meet all kinds of people, and maybe, just maybe, will have a chance at her Molly Ringwald ending (just like in 16 Candles) after all.Carter has created a likable character who is a very unreliable narrator. She just leaves out parts she doesn't want her audience to hear! All of the characters are well-drawn, from her mother to the truck driver to her boss and lover at the club.A very entertaining chick-kit read!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Rating this book a five makes me regret some of the other fives that I've given out, seriously this book was that good!The whole thing is just so well put together, that you have to love it on the basis of plot development alone. Often when you read books that fall into a particular category they start to get formulaic and predictable but I can honestly say that this was a read that took my by surprise. The best coming of age story that I've read in a long time!Davie is so well developed, that you instantly connect with her and with character development normally I would B**** about how the mother is too mean to be realistic, or that James is too perfect- but in this story it just fits (especially considering the extra development to these characters that occurs in the latter portion of the book)! I'm recommending this book to all of my friends, it's just too good to pass up.
Book preview
32 Candles - Ernessa T. Carter
PART I
Then
ONE
So you’ve probably heard of this thing by now. It’s called life. And it’s hard. Even when it looks easy, it’s hard. That’s pretty much everybody’s situation, and it was mine, too.
And on top of the usual business of life, I was ugly. I knew this because I lived in Glass, a little town in western Mississippi, where people aren’t ever afraid to tell you how they feel—especially if they’re women. In fact, it’s impossible for a Southern black woman not to state a thing as she sees it. So they would often come up and say what they were thinking on the subject of my looks, while I was out with Cora, whose beauty offended them.
Cora had caramel-tinted skin—not light enough to be called yellow, not dark enough to be called plain. She was just right, with a heart-shaped face and large brown eyes that kept the title of ugly far from her door.
And there was another thing about Cora that offended the women in our town. She had a lot of friends. A lot of male friends, but not one female friend. That’s really why folks hated her.
She was the kind of woman that men met at Westons, the one bar in Glass. She went there near about every night, and some of the time she didn’t come home. But a lot of the time she came stumbling in the door, reeking of alcohol, with a guy right behind her.
These were the guys she called her friends if she called them anything at all. And she didn’t care if they had a wife or a girlfriend, she’d still bring them home to the one-bedroom shack that she inherited from her mother. She wouldn’t even shush them as they walked past her daughter (me), sleeping on the couch in the front room. And she’d show them a good time. From what I could hear, sex with Cora was fun and exciting and real loud.
Cora’s men were often appreciative of her friendship. I always waited till they had left to get up and use the toilet. And when I walked past her bedroom, sometimes the lights would still be on and I’d see wrinkled money on the nightstand. Or sometimes there’d be a bill that needed paying and Cora would ask one of her friends real pretty if he could take care of it. And I’d watch as he stuck it in his pocket.
I’d guess about seventy percent of the friends that Cora brought home came back for more. I’d also guess that by the time this story begins in the spring of 1984, she had slept with at least half of the husbands and boyfriends in town.
And that’s why black Southern ladies, who wouldn’t deign to walk on the same side of the street as her most days, would go out of their way to come over to us in Greeley’s Mini-Mart and say things like, Oh dear, when you planning on putting a comb through this child’s head?
Or, She sure is dark, ain’t she? You’d lose that child in too much night.
Or, Why, she didn’t inherit none of your looks, did she? Maybe she got that face from her daddy.
A beat. Whoever that is.
And Cora would smile, mean as a snake, and say, She named after him.
Which of course didn’t tell them nothing, since my name was Davidia, and there were at least a dozen Davids in town. Cora never said, but I always suspected she’d done that on purpose.
I had serious doubts that she actually knew who my daddy was. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had just decided on the name that would hurt the most people. I think she liked the idea of wives and girlfriends, lying awake at night, wondering, Is that his child? Is that dark, nappy-haired thing his child?
And in their eyes, this made me even uglier. It made me so hideous that they could justify going up to Cora and calling me ugly straight to her face, as if I wasn’t standing right there.
I always wanted to tell them not to bother, that insults against me slid off Cora’s back like the hot water of the quick five-minute showers she took after her men left.
Cora didn’t like me. Sometimes I thought she might have even hated me. But I knew for sure she didn’t like me.
It wasn’t the hitting. All Southern black mamas hit. It’s in their nature, like it’s in a jaguar’s nature to attack on sight anything that ain’t a jaguar.
But the only time Cora ever touched me was to hit me. That’s how I knew she didn’t like me.
So when those women would come over to us in the mini-mart, I’d look at them, thinking, Don’t you see you can’t hurt her through me? She’s not even holding my hand for God’s sake.
Still, I never said anything when they called me ugly. I wasn’t much of a talker. This is actually an understatement. I should say that I never ever talked unless I absolutely had to—and sometimes not even then.
. . .
My grandmama took care of me until I was five. Then she died and Cora moved in. It actually took me a while to figure out that this woman was my mother. I had never met her before and my grandmama had only referred to her in passing as a poor lost soul who still hadn’t found her way to Jesus.
I’m still not sure when I put two and two together, but by the time I was six I had figured out who she was, how alcohol smelled, and what sex sounded like through a couple of thin walls.
Also, I had figured out how to amuse myself after Cora went out for the evening. And the night that I stopped talking was like many of the ones that had come before it.
As soon as the door clicked behind Cora, I went to get two towels out of the linen closet. These towels were my Tina Turner hair and my Tina Turner dress.
I took off all my clothes and wrapped one towel around me. Then I secured the other one to my head, using a shoelace from one of my Payless ProWing sneakers, like one of them Indian headbands.
Hair in place, I got some lipstick out of Cora’s makeup tray and put it on my lips. I made dark red circles on my cheeks and smeared it on my eyelids, too. This was my Tina Turner face.
Then I dug Cora’s red high heels out from behind the radiator, where I had been hiding them all summer. These were the magic shoes that made my entire Tina Turner transformation complete.
. . .
Cora didn’t really believe in buying me anything beyond what was strictly necessary for my ongoing survival. But a week before that night, one of her friends had given me a black Barbie with yellow wood glue in its hair.
We can’t get the glue out,
he said, and that was all. He handed it to me and walked to the back of the house with Cora.
I ran my finger along the smooth yellow stripes that bound her strands of hair together and made her unwanted by some other black girl.
Your name is Gloria. You can be my backup singer,
I said to her.
Gloria and I were both outcasts, which is probably why we worked so well together.
The night I stopped talking, my black Barbie introduced me to the imaginary forms of the other twenty kids in my kindergarten class.
Presenting Davidia Jones!
I imagined the crowd clapping, while I loaded Cora’s Ike and Tina Turner Workin’ Together album onto the record player.
Then I sang the entire side two for them, word for word, from Funkier Than a Mosquita’s Tweeter
to Let It Be.
By the time I got to the end, my classmates were on their feet and clapping.
Sang another one! Sang another one, Monkey Night!
Everybody was cheering and crying and jumping up and down like they were at a Michael Jackson concert.
In real life, Monkey Night is what the other kids in kindergarten called me. Mississippi may have had some of the lowest standardized test scores in the nation, but I’ll tell you this right now: The kids at my school excelled in creative cruelty. They nicknamed me Monkey Night within three weeks of making my acquaintance, because I was ugly like a monkey and black as night.
I was going to reset the needle on Cora’s record player for an encore, but Gloria stirred in my hand. No,
she said, her falsetto voice shrill with anger. Not unless you stop calling her Monkey Night! Her name is Davidia!
The imaginary faces of the kids in the audience filled with remorse.
Perry Pointer, who was always putting gum on my seat and kicking me real hard in the shins, was the first to speak. I’m sorry, Davidia,
he said. Please be my friend.
He brought a candy bar out of his pocket. I’ll give you a PayDay if you be my friend.
No,
Gloria said for me. She don’t want to be your friend, Perry Pointer. You don’t deserve no friends.
Perry started to cry, but Gloria ignored him and said to the other kindergartners, "The rest of you can be Davidia’s friend, if you stop calling her names and talking about her. If you do that, she’ll be your friend and sing you more songs."
Everybody cheered, including Tanisha Harris, who was the most popular girl in kindergarten because she always wore cool beads at the ends of her cornrows, which her mama changed out every day to match her dresses.
That night, she was wearing blue beads and a blue sequined dress. I always took the time to plot out exactly what Tanisha would wear in these imaginary scenarios, because she was usually the one that led the crowd in chanting my name.
Davidia! Davidia!
she shouted. And the rest of the kids joined her, getting louder and louder until I put back on the Tina Turner record and started singing and dancing to Proud Mary
—my encore song.
"Big River keep on rolling . . . Proud Mary keep on—"
What the fuck you doing?
came Cora’s voice from behind me.
I was worried even before I saw her face, because I didn’t smell the alcohol on her. Cora’s general hatred for everyone and everything only seemed to burn hotter when she hadn’t had a taste of something. But I was a little braver back then, so I did turn around.
My eyes searched for and found the reason for her return. There was a green and white packet of cigarettes in her hand. Only Cora would come all the way back from the bar to get her cigarettes, the particular Virginia Slims she liked, because of their ad campaign slogan, You’ve come a long way, baby!
How she managed to figure these liberated ads had anything to do with her, I do not know. But she was faithful to them, would even drive back from the edge of town to make sure she had them, since no self-respecting Glass man would ever smoke Virginia Slims, and no self-respecting Glass woman would ever talk to her, much less allow her to bum a cigarette.
What the fuck you doing?
She took a step toward me. Loomed. What the fuck you doing?
I’m Tina Turner,
I said, before my mouth could catch up to my good sense.
She backhanded me, sending my Tina Turner hair flying off my head. Then she beat me. Beat me until both of us were exhausted and I lay on the floor burning all over and naked except for the red high heels. There were tears coming out of my eyes. I knew, because I could feel them on my hot face. But they didn’t feel like they were coming from me exactly. They felt like my body’s physical reaction to the situation, like sweating in the summer. I knew the tears weren’t coming out of my heart, because all I felt was anger at myself.
I stared at my Tina Turner dress crumpled on the floor. Away from the magic of my body, it had morphed back into a towel. If only I were bigger, if only I were faster—
I better stop before I break something,
Cora said. I had no idea whether she meant break some part of herself or me. She snatched the shoes off my feet. Don’t let me catch you in my shoes again, you hear me, heifer?
I heard her.
You sounded like a goddamn saw, carrying on like that.
The click of her cigarette lighter came from above me. She lit her Virginia Slim and took a drag.
That’s when I decided to stop singing and, while I was at it, to stop talking. At that moment, it seemed like it was probably in my best interest.
. . .
The thing about being really dark is that you don’t bruise. I went to school the next day, and nobody noticed anything different, except that I had stopped talking all of a sudden.
Miss Karen, my kindergarten teacher, told me to my stone-silent face that I was just going through a phase. But a few months later, she started withholding toys and other things from me unless I said thank you. Out loud. I guessed she had let go of that phase
theory.
Quitting toys cold turkey was like most things, I discovered: hard to be without at first, but after a while you got used to it.
With enough time and patience you can get used to anything. Believe that.
. . .
Those were Dark days, which is why I remain grateful for the discovery of Molly Ringwald movies, two years after I lost Tina Turner.
There was one particularly sad friend of Cora’s named Elmer. He worked with her on the assembly line at the Farrell Fine Hair factory, and either he was in true love with her or a straight fool for lost causes, because he seemed to adore my mother.
It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t encourage his love and made it real clear that he wasn’t her only friend. But still . . .
One night he showed up with a box-sized bulge in his left pocket. Even at eight, I recognized it as one of those boxes that jewelry came in. That’s what living with Cora had taught me.
I got something for your mama,
he said when I answered the door.
I opened the door wider and looked back at Cora, who was watching a rerun of Good Times in her big easy chair.
I got something for you,
he said to her when he got inside the living room.
Cora’s eyes lowered to his left pocket. What you got, baby? Is it in your pants?
She was the queen of saying nasty things in a sweet voice, and Elmer deflated a little. I supposed it was hard for any man to have his jewelry box reduced to a hard-on.
I got to talk with you about it, first,
he said. He pulled a five-dollar bill out of his pocket and handed it to me. You wanna go into town? See the dollar show on me. And get you some popcorn, too.
I looked at Cora. Sometimes she let me have presents. Sometimes she didn’t. And five dollars was a lot of money to give to an eight-year-old.
She don’t need five dollars,
she said to Elmer. Come back with four,
she said to me.
I nodded and walked out.
She still not talking?
I heard Elmer ask her behind me.
I guess not,
Cora said. And then the door closed on that conversation.
. . .
The dollar theater in Glass wasn’t picky. They pretty much played whatever all the other dollar theaters in the chain were playing, especially if there weren’t any black movies available. It was August 1984, and everybody must’ve been playing Sixteen Candles, because that’s what was showing at the one movie theater in Glass.
I gave the old black man at the box office window my folded five-dollar bill, and he gave me back four wrinkled ones. Then I went into the theater and watched a white movie that didn’t have a single black girl in it and loved it. The first time I saw it, I loved it. And as the credits rolled against the backdrop of Molly Ringwald kissing the most popular boy in school over a birthday cake, I cried, because before then, I had not known that unpopular girls could make good.
In fact, I thought, maybe you, Davidia Jones, might one day have the same kind of ending. A Molly Ringwald Ending. Maybe that will happen for you in high school, just like it happened for Molly Ringwald. Yes, maybe a boy, a boy just like Jake Ryan, will come along and transform you from Monkey Night into the luckiest girl in school, because he sees you for what you really are. Special in a good way.
I floated home on long dirt roads and found the house dark when I got to our cement front steps. Elmer’s car was parked outside, so I supposed that he and Cora had already had their gift conversation and moved into her bedroom.
But I was wrong. Elmer was still in the house, sitting hunched over in the easy chair when I walked in.
He looked up at me, his eyes red like mine from crying. Your mama gone to the bar.
My eyes went to the jewelry box that was now in his hand and not on Cora’s vanity, as I had expected. At the time, I thought it strange that Cora would turn down jewelry. It would take me years of mainstream movies before I realized that the velvet box had actually housed an engagement ring, the one kind of diamond that Cora’s nature prevented her from accepting.
She don’t love me. She don’t care if you got a daddy or not,
he said. She don’t think about nobody but herself.
More shocking than finding him sitting alone in the dark living room was the realization that this was actually news to him. I was glad that I had already decided to stop talking by then, because I did not have any words for somebody that blind.
But I also didn’t have anything else to do, so I sat down on the couch and waited with him. About an hour later, he got up and left, silent as a ghost. And I never saw him again.
I’m still not sure why that scene wasn’t enough to kill my newfound sense of romance. I thought about it often during my first year in Los Angeles, and I wondered why it didn’t occur to me then that if I kept on down this road of impossible hope, one day that would be me walking out of Cora’s house a shell of a human being. Just like Elmer.
TWO
The first time I saw him, I loved him. Just like I loved Sixteen Candles from day one. I spotted him across the street, and I loved him. As he walked toward me, skin the color of sunshine, smile whiter than snow, I loved him.
It was 1991, I was fifteen, and I didn’t know his name.
But I knew my mama had lied.
Two years beforehand, she had sneered into her brandy-laced morning coffee and said, "All them people on TV and in the movies falling in love. Now these movies got women in real life losing they mind, talking about, ‘I want me some big love.’
But there ain’t no such thing. Believe me, I done slept with too many mens talking about, ‘I loves my wife. I loves that girl I go around town with. I got BIG love for them.’ Fuck them bitches, I’m telling you, there ain’t no such thing.
However, I didn’t believe a word of it as I watched this boy walk toward me. Gooseflesh appeared on my dark arms and every nerve in my body rose up like antennas finding their station. And even as my brain turned to static, I recognized these things for what they were. Big Love.
He was tall: six-one, maybe six-two. He had brown eyes that were soft enough to be appealing and a buttery face that was hard enough not to be too pretty. He was wiry with muscle, but not the regular, descended-from-slaves, black boy muscle. He had the kind of body that comes from machines and weights, from actually working out.
That’s not what made me love him in an instant, though. I loved him because I could see all the beauty that he carried inside of him. It was practically pouring out of him and spilling onto the sidewalk as he came up to me, awesomely turned out in jeans and a short-sleeved polo.
Excuse me, do you know where Greeley’s Mini-Mart is?
He had a Southern accent, but he wasn’t from around here. I knew this because I had laid eyes on everyone in Glass, and I had never seen him before. I also knew this because his accent was smooth, polished, like he ran all his words under the faucet for a couple of seconds before letting them fall out of his mouth.
I could barely hear his question over the static in my head. It was so loud, and I was at a loss as to how to function now that this vision had walked into my life.
I wondered if this was how Molly Ringwald felt when she met Andrew McCarthy in Pretty in Pink.
The first thing I thought to say was I used to sing Tina Turner at the kindergarten concerts I threw in my head.
The second thing I thought to say was Everybody calls me Monkey Night.
And the third thing I thought to say was Cora lied. I believe in Big Love now, because I am in love with you.
In the end, though, I didn’t say anything. I pointed across the street, keeping my eyes just beyond his shoulder.
He turned around and chuckled. Right behind me. Aw, man.
He looked back to me with an embarrassed smile. But it wasn’t really embarrassment. Even then I could tell that he was one of those boys who only pretended to be ashamed of himself. I could tell that just from the way he ended our conversation with a Thank you very much.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t even smile.
I just watched him walk back into the sunshine. I wondered if that was where he had been born, where he came from. The sun.
No, our first conversation did not go as well as I would’ve hoped, but I could already feel it. The grabbing hold, the transformation that was now starting to take place just because I had met him. He was my Jake Ryan. And more importantly, he was my Molly Ringwald Ending.
. . .
Everybody at school was talking about him the next day. That’s how I found out that the boy I was dreaming of was named James C. Farrell.
His great-grandmama started Farrell Fine Hair—I ain’t lying,
I heard one girl say to her boyfriend as I put my books away.
He got two fine-ass sisters,
a basketball player said to his buddy, while not paying attention in math class.
The three Farrell siblings, according to hallway and classroom gossip, were the main heirs of the vast Farrell Fine Hair fortune. Their father, who was the president of one of the oldest black hair companies in the United States, had moved his family from Houston, Texas. And now he was working out of the Farrell Fine Hair offices in Columbus, Mississippi, and sending his kids to Robert C. Glass High School.
No one could quite figure out why he had decided to do this. Sure, the main factory was in Glass, but even the floor managers there didn’t make their kids go to the local public school. It was like planting silk trees in a cotton field.
Coach talking about making him quarterback, even though he ain’t never been played with us before,
Corey Mays, a large football player, said to Dante Hubbard, another football player; they were both in the lunch line behind me.
Man, that’s fucked up,
said Dante.
Well, you know, he from Texas. They for real about playin’ that shit out there. And it not like we exactly threatening up state with Pointer.
Perry Pointer was now the most popular guy in school: cute, athletic, dumb, and mean as shit, so of course he was king of Glass High. But from the sound of it, he was about to get his throne straight snatched from him.
And that only made me love James more.
. . .
That afternoon I saw the Farrell sisters for the first time.
I was walking down the cement steps when they came out the school’s main entrance. They strutted like Charlie’s Angels, in acid-washed jean skirts and baggy, off-the-shoulder, neon-colored sweatshirts that somehow managed to hug their bodies in all the right places. They even wore heels—and mind you, this was at a time when teenagers never wore heels outside of prom.
Every head turned as they glided past in a cloud of designer clothes and expensive perfume. Even mine. Because seriously, I had never seen anything like them outside of a magazine ad.
I could not help but stare.
Not that they noticed. They walked with straight-ahead eyes and thrown-back shoulders, seemingly unaware of us pie-eyed regular folk. It wasn’t a manner I recognized back then, but now that I live in Los Angeles, I realize that the Farrell sisters moved like women who were used to lots and lots of attention. Like celebrities.
They were spectacularly gorgeous, though not necessarily in the same way.
The taller sister had the glowing skin and open face of a Disney princess. You almost expected a bluebird to land on her bare shoulder. But the other sister was chilling to look at, with sandy brown hair and gray eyes so cold, they made Alaska look like a warm destination. I guessed that this was the one named Veronica.
Earlier in the bathroom, I had heard Tanisha Harris, who was now the head cheerleader, say to her friend, Tammy—that’s the younger one. She real nice. She want to try out for the team. But the older one—Veronica—think she too good for that shit. You should see that bitch. She think she all that.
After my first glimpse of Veronica, I would have to accuse the head cheerleader of being wrong. Veronica didn’t think she was all that, she knew. Knew in the way that only the very beautiful and the very rich can.
Up until that point, I had trained myself out of wishing for things. I thought that I had learned down to my very bones that I would never be pretty or rich or even liked. And I had accepted it, because at least I was smart, and at least I had books and Molly Ringwald movies to keep me busy.
But now, I stood there with my matted ’fro and my oversized thrift store dress and my shoes that were run down at the heels. I watched those beautiful girls jump into Veronica’s red convertible, like they were the Sweet Valley High twins, and I wished. I wished I could be like them. Easy and breezy like a cover girl, with the wind blowing in my naturally straight hair.
. . .
I began to stalk James the next week. Of course, it didn’t start off as stalking. It almost never does. It was more like a research project at first.
The school newspaper did a page three article, entitled New Kid on the Field,
with a pretty complete background on the school’s new quarterback, and I clipped it.
The Glass High Call informed me that James had been on the honor roll at his old high school. Also, Notre Dame, USC, and just about every college in Texas had sent him letters of interest—but he hoped to attend and play for Princeton. He’d probably get his wish, since he’d scored 1450 on his SAT his junior year—being next in line for the presidency of Farrell Fine Hair probably didn’t hurt, either.
According to the article, James didn’t have a girlfriend back home in Texas, but the reporter hinted that a certain TH (the same initials as the head cheerleader) already had her eye on him.
I cut the article out and placed it reverent-like between the pages of my hardback edition of The Color Purple. It was my favorite book and home to Celie, the black character I identified with most in the world, because she was ugly and got treated ugly but still found her way to a happy ending. Sort of like Molly Ringwald. And exactly like me. Eventually. I hoped.
So I clipped that article and put it in my book. Then I started stealing looks, which was not as easy as it may sound. I was a sophomore and James was a senior, and we didn’t have any classes together.
On account of that, getting my daily fill of James required me to first nail down his schedule. For a full week, I carried my entire class load of books around in my backpack, so that I could stand down the hall from his locker and follow him to his classes. If my fellow classmates hadn’t already taken to ignoring my silent presence, my stuffed-to-the-gills backpack might have drawn stares or, even worse, questions. But luckily they had grown disinterested in me over the years and had ceased believing that I could get any stranger. It lent me a certain invisibility, which I used to my advantage in tailing James that first week.
He had three classes in the same hallways as me.
So every day in chemistry, at 11:05 a.m., I raised my hand. From the very first time I did this, Mrs. Penn could tell that this meant I needed a bathroom pass. All the teachers at Glass High knew/were warned that I didn’t ever speak, so this would be the only reason for me to raise my hand. Within a month, it became so clockwork that Mrs. Penn would hand me the pass without breaking from her lecture.
I would then walk down the hallway and crouch outside the door to college biology and look in on James.
He usually sat slumped back in his seat, taking notes while the teacher talked.
I would stare at him for three minutes, which I timed on my green plastic