Barracking from the Sidelines: The Songs Book 2
By Greg Tuck
()
About this ebook
Politics in Australia offers up some very strange characters who become even stranger when elected. This book contains parodies of well-known songs about the weird antics that they get up to and the awkward positions they find themselves in. There has been a revolving door on Prime Ministers. Cabinet ministers seem to forget their oaths of office, and ministerial responsibility disappeared long ago. Australian politicians leave themselves wide open for criticism and ridicule. This book, along with the other books in the series, shines a light on some of the important events on the Australian political stage since 2014.
Greg Tuck
I am a former primary teacher and principal, landscape designer and gardener and now a full time author living in Gippsland in the state of Victoria in Australia. Although I write mainly fictional novels, I regularly contribute to political blogs and have letters regularly published in local and Victorian newspapers. I write parodies of songs and am in the process of writing music for the large number of poems that I have written.
Read more from Greg Tuck
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Barracking from the Sidelines - Greg Tuck
THE SONGS
This is to the tune of Words as sung by The Bee Gees regarding Scott Morrison saying that he never said the people in the asylum seeker hotel in Melbourne weren't refugees. He is recorded on tape saying what he is now denying. There have been so many other instances where his later denial of his comments can't be backed up. (2022)
Scott, your strange and smirky smile
Is a smile that strikes fear in meg
Even though this year has just begun
It makes us think just how bad it’ll be
While we fall prey to worry
You bask in your own self-glory
That’s all made up,
Right now, you never give us time
To let us try somehow, to call your bluff
You use a careful choice of words
That avoid all responsibility
You twist things so they’re not lies
And dismiss all accountability
We think that you don’t even mean
A single word you say
It’s only words, and words are all you have
To try to shift the blame
We think that you don’t even mean
A single word you say
It’s only words, and words are all you have
To try to shift the blame
It’s only words, and words are all you have
To try to shift the blame
It’s only words, and words are all you have
To try to shift the blame
This is to the tune of Land of Make Believe as sung by The Moody Blues about Scott Morrison’s continued avoidance of the truth and responsibility. (2022)
He’s living in the land of make-believe
But he just doesn’t want to know
Won't admit his fault with vaccines
For games are all that he en-joys
He said that opening up was the way to go
He bends all kinds of truth
Rejects facts saying they’re not right
Hopes that we will just push through
All the times we’ve heard
Him trying to sell his lie
We’re best in the world
With no facts for the reason why, why
When we were stuck in lockdowns
He tried to turn of life support
Still thousands of people trapped overseas
Mustn't be very good at sport
He knows it’s true
But says there’s nothing he can do
And it is all Labor’s fault too.............................
This is to the tune Vincent as sung by Don McLean about what might happen in May (2022)
Come election night
When at last we’ve all have had our say
A change may have taken place
And we may be filled with some joy and hope
Up on Capital Hill
A place known to attract real dills
Maybe the seats will at last be filled
With people who care and understand
They won’t make demands
They’ll show responsibility
And introduce some wanted sanity
I suppose it’s good to dream
Those there don’t listen, they do not know how
They just love talking loud
Come election night
With a new team there in place
Ones who only have one face
Ones who will always tell us the truth
And deal with issues
Not just kick cans down the road
And boost their own egos
But ones who care and understand
They won’t make demands
They’ll show responsibility
And introduce some wanted sanity
I suppose it’s good to dream
Those there don’t listen, they do not know how
They just love talking loud
This is to the tune of America from West Side Story as sung by Trini Lopez about the PM avoiding blame (2022)
Blame the disease on Victoria
Lack of vaccines on Victoria
Poor quarantine on Victoria
RAT kits not free on Victoria
Have to save the economy
Though some will die needlessly
It’s not Scott’s responsibility
Not when he’s got Dan you see
How does Scott deal with omicron?
Hasn’t a clue what’s going on
The vaccines he forgot to order
So he blames it on state borders
Announcements but nothing’s done
Don’t worry he’ll blame someone
The truth’s something he tries to hide
Promises made are all denied
Blame the disease on Victoria
Lack of vaccines on Victoria
Poor quarantine on Victoria
RAT kits not free on Victoria
Couldn’t hold a hose told Victoria
Turns up his nose to Victoria
Doesn’t smell like a rose in Victoria
Will lose lots of votes in Victoria………..
This is to the tune of Cool for Cats as sung by UK Squeeze about RATs kits misinformation (2022)
The government has said that they have acted very fast
But still keep throwing stones in their house made of glass
They blame the premiers to avoid accountability
And say that they have ordered far more kits than we’ll need
But they make us pay for them because they’ve stuffed the economy
Though we all know that they’re always talking through their hats
‘Cause they can’t explain away why there’s no RATs
There’s no RATs (there’s no RATs)
Chemists are complaining because they’ve no supply
The government tells everyone that is just a lie
They call in the A triple C to back up their claims
Once again, they’re looking for someone else to blame
Now they say there’s hoarding like toilet rolls again.
But we all know that they’re always talking through their hats
‘Cause they can’t explain away why there’s no RATs
There’s no RATs (there’s no RATs)
They have said they have ordered more than enough
But if you miss out, well that’s just your bad luck
I had a thought as I handed over my cash
That I was paying twice because I paid my tax
But it was obvious that they didn’t give a RATs
They continue to tell me that they have just ordered stacks
But they can’t explain away why there’s no RATs
There’s no RATs (there’s no RATs)
They’ve cut restrictions till now there’s none at all
There ain’t enough vaccines for kids to go to school
They tell us not to worry, it’s just omicron
But they haven’t got a bloody clue about what’s going on
Been the same for the past two years since covid came along
And we all know that they’re always talking through their hats
‘Cause they can’t explain away why there’s no RATs
There’s no RATs (there’s no RATs)
This to the tune of Lady in Red as sung by Chris de Burgh about debt deficit and the economy (2022)
We’ve never heard so many political lies
We’ve never seen poor Joshy try
To try to explain the Coalition’s stance
About the state of finance
And rorts and grants
And we’ve never seen such lack of caring
For all those deep in debt and on hard times
While Scott denies
The budget’s in the red, no surplus we’ll see
The economy
Now covid’s here
Is way up that creek
Further up than it has been
But Scott won’t use, the money he has set aside
To give him a chance, to avoid a landslide
Remember when there was an emergency because the debt was high
But they just let it climb
To a trillion
Now they spend like there’s a never-ending supply
And when they spin it with their lies
It takes your breath away
It seems that there’s no debt ceiling
Have they forgotten what they said or gone nuts?
They should just resign
The budget’s in the red, no surplus we’ll see
The economy
Now covid’s here
Is way up that creek
Further up than it has been
But Scott won’t use, the money he has set aside
To give him a chance, to avoid a landslide
This is to the tune of I’m Sorry as sung by John Denver about Scott Morrison's only possible chance to get re-elected (2022)
I take responsibility
That’s what Scott should say
If he wants to win our trust come election day
Admit to what he denies
Stop offloading blame
And realise that he’s not playing some silly game
"I'm sorry for upsetting France and China
I’m sorry for the stuff ups with vaccines
But more than anything else
I’m sorry I didn’t help
The blame lies right here with me"
"Women, I did nothing to help you
I said everything was fine
Covering up mistakes was how I spent my time
I was accused of lying
Maybe Macron was right
There are so many things that I chose to hide"
"I'm sorry for all the lies I told you
I'm sorry for the things I didn't do
But more than anything else
I’m sorry I didn’t help
The blame lies with me, not you"
"I’m sorry for the rorts that were granted
I’m sorry about my bushfire absence too
But more than anything else
I’m sorry I didn’t help
The blame lies with me, not you"
This is the tune of The Times they Are a Changin’ as sung by Peter, Paul and Mary about pork barrelling and other tactics (2022)
Come gather 'round people
It’s time to take note
For it’s up shit creek
Australia’s been rowed
But the Libs will do anything
To secure your vote
The smell of pork’s all-pervading
They’ll even promise more
If their chances are remote
But their policies they won’t be changin’
The journos and media
Are still their best friends
And we’ll be saturated
By government ads again
But what they say
Well, it is nothing but spin
It gets worse when their hopes are fading
They’ll offer you the world
So that they can win
But their policies they won’t be changin’
In the past three years
They’ve done nothing at all
On vaccines and climate change
They’ve dropped the ball
There’s still no ICAC
So they’ll continue to rort
For they have no idea what shame is
They’ll make all sorts of promises
Like they’ve done before
But their policies they won’t be changin’
We saw in the pandemic
They let things get out of hand
They’re good on announcements
But have no real plans
Down the road they just kick
Lots of new cans
But it’s our deck chairs they’re just rearranging
It’s all smoke and mirrors
Please understand
That their policies they won’t be changin’
When you line up
And your vote is cast
Will there be a change
For us at last?
Just stop and think
Is all that I ask
It’s an important choice you are making
Do you want a repeat of what has just past?
For these leopard’s spots won’t be changin’
This is to the tune of You’re So Vain as sung by Carly Simon about the PM (2022)
You’re a symbol of your party, but loved by all you’re not
Your mistakes may raise many eyebrows
But you are all they have got
You use lots of smoke and mirrors and you speak a lot of rot
And think that come next May you’ll be re-elected
You’ll be re-elected and
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
Don't you? Don't You?
You tend to twist all the data in an attempt to deceive
Well, you tell us that you really care
But you know that’s hard to believe
You look down on us from up above. Your disdain’s there to see
You have dreams of leading the country
Leading the country and
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
Don't you? Don't You? Don’t You?
You have dreams of leading the country
Leading the country
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
Don't you? Don't You?
Well, you are not some Julius Caesar, or God’s appointed one
Be aware that before this campaign is over
You may have to account for what you’ve done
Well, don’t think you’ will fool us this time
We all know your motive
You have dreams of leading the country
Leading the country
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
Don't you? Don't You? Don't You?
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
You’re so vain, you probably think nothing’s wrong about you
Don't you? Don't You? Don't You?
This is to the tune of Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better, From Annie Get Your Gun as sung by Doris Day and Robert Goulet. It is game on between the leaders. (2022)
Scott: Anything you can pledge, I can pledge higher.
I can pledge anything higher than you.
Anthony: No you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can, Yes, I can!
Anthony: Anything you can spend, I can spend more of.
One thing I’m sure I’ll spend more than you.
Scott: No, you won’t.
Anthony: Yes, I will.
Scott: No, you won’t.
Anthony: Yes, I will.
Scott: No, you won’t!.
Anthony: Yes, I will, Yes, I will!
Anthony: I will save the reef, that’s my belief.
Scott: You’ll offer just millions, I will put in billions
Anthony: Well mine is fully costed.
Scott: And you ask how I’ll pay?
Anthony: Yes.
Scott: I don’t have to say!
Anthony: Any pork you can sell, I will offer extra.
Scott: I can sell anything better than you.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I CAN!
Scott: Anything you can give, will always be cheaper.
You will always be cheaper than me.
Anthony: Inland train
Scott: Oh, that again
Anthony: An ICAC
Scott: I’ll do that!
Anthony: No, you won’t!
Scott: Yes, I will,
Anthony: No, you won’t!
Anthony: Anything you have done, I could have done better.
Scott: I’m a much better leader than you.
Anthony: No, you’re not
Scott: Yes, I am
Anthony: No, you’re not
Scott: Yes, I am
Anthony: No, you’re not
Scott: Yes, I am
Anthony: NO, YOU’RE NOT
Anthony: Just for starters, I will try harder
Scott: I’ll play the martyr because I’m much smarter
Anthony: I will never pass the buck.
Scott: You’ll take all the blame?
Anthony: Yes.
Scott: And go down in flames.....you fool!
Anthony: Any seat you have now, I can win off you
Scott: I can hold any seat and get some from you.
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can
Anthony: No, you can't.
Scott: Yes, I can
Anthony: No,