Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter
By A. E. Moorat
3.5/5
()
About this ebook
For all the rabid fans who devoured Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, comes A.E. Moorat’s Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter! This outrageously entertaining and deeply irreverent tale of palace intrigue and bloody supernatural mayhem features the most unlikely monster-slayer ever to go toe-to-toe with the living dead. It’s George A. Romero meets the Bronte sisters—it’s Max Brooks’s World War Z in Victorian garb! Watch out flesh-eating zombie scum, it’s Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter!
A. E. Moorat
A. E. Moorat works as a freelance journalist in England. He is the author of the critically acclaimed Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter and lives in Leicestershire with his wife and two children.
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Reviews for Queen Victoria
78 ratings12 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I don’t even know how long I’ve been wanting to read this book. All I know is that it’s been years and I can’t believe I have finally read it. After reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies when it came out, and loving it. Then reading Romeo & Juliet & Vampires a couple years ago and not liking it, I wasn’t sure how I would feel about this one. I was hoping I would enjoy it, but I wasn’t going into with the expectations I had for it when I first found out about it and added it to my wish list.It was so good. I didn’t want to put it down. I lost track of time while reading it and stayed up until 2 AM. I can’t even remember the last time that happened. It was so funny and had great action. There were so many times I was laughing out loud. There were times when I just had to go read bits of it to my dad. I couldn’t wait to see how it would end, but at the same time, I didn’t want it to end.I thoroughly enjoyed this book and I can’t wait to read more by this author. I’ve had Henry VIII, Wolfman on my wish list for years as well. I might need to pick that one up soon.If you want a fast, funny read, with strong female characters and you enjoyed books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, you should check this one out.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Pretty good, a pleasant diversion, but not meaty enough for a bona fide classic.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This story follows Victoria as she becomes Queen of England, and realises there is more to life than she'd thought. On the night her uncle dies and the throne becomes hers Victoria meets her first demon, and Maggie Brown one of the team of Protektors charged with keeping her safe from them. There is far more that she will have to learn than she'd ever imagined, and all whilst she pursues Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gothe. At the same time in London Lord Quimby holds a party that ends up with a bloodbath and his loyal manservant Perkins being turned into a zombie. Whilst trying to foil a blackmail attempt they start to formulate a plot that will allow them to use their new zombie making skills.
I was fairly dubious before I started reading the book - I'd avoided all of the monster twists on classics but as this was original fiction based on facts I thought it might be okay. I'm no historian so I wasn't too worried about glaring historical inaccuracies - it's worth a mention that there are deliberate anachronisms that may bother readers with an interest in history.
It's really hard to try and describe this book and I think one of the main reasons for this is that there are two main plotlines working throughout the book. Whilst they're both just about working toward the same end point they don't feel very connected. Victoria's plotline does at times feel very thin. I liked the idea of a secret demon hunting team within the royal household and Victoria's involvement with them. I frequently found myself wishing that the author had carried on with her story rather than jumping back to the other main plot. The plot for Quimby and Perkins on the other hand was stronger, it did add a little more graphic detail at times for my tastes but I'm sure many readers will love this. The dark humour that accompanied their story worked really well, I found myself really enjoying it.
I enjoyed some but not all of the characters, there were a number of characters that felt a little panto-like. I would have loved to see more of Victoria and Albert, and the Brown family. The bizarre Jeeves and Wooster style pairing of Quimby and Perkins were wonderful.
I did, in general, enjoy this book though I think I would have enjoyed it far more if the two plotlines had been expanded and given their own books. I suspect that if this had happened the Victoria book would have been the book I had expected to pick up and the Quimby and Perkins book would have been a thoroughly enjoyable bonus. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Queen Victoria is surprised that when she becomes queen she also inherits an obligation to hunt the demons who threaten England and the stability of the world. However there are certain things about her that she doesn't know and things about the world that she will find shocking.Add to this some zombies and you have a fight on your hands.Now I'm not fond of zombies at all so this coloured my perception of the story, even if I did like Quimby and Perkins, I didn't like them enough to truly enjoy this story. It was interesting and entertaining but not entertaining enough for me to want to hunt up more books by this author.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Another entry into the genre inspired by “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”, QVDH takes a different tack: rather than taking a work of fiction and adding some zombies and gore, the author has taken a historical figure and created his own plot. This worked a lot better for me; while I was amused by PP and Z at first, about halfway through the concept wore thin and I haven’t picked up any other mash-ups until this one. I decided to take a chance because I find Queen Victoria to be a very interesting figure. Taking place at the beginning of her reign, Victoria learns on the night of her accession that demons exist and that the royal payroll includes mysterious people who protect her from such creatures. While this is something she never expected, at this point in her life she is too busy with her new job and her relationship with Albert to worry about it much. The real action doesn’t start for her until after she has born two children- one of them the male heir to the throne. Then Prince Albert is abducted and she finds she must take the fight-quite literally- into her own hands….The story bounces back and forth between Victoria and the low-life Lord Quimby, a debauched dabbler in the black arts. Quimby has succeeded in reanimating the dead; the problem is, they have an insatiable hunger for human flesh. This little talent of his creates problems for him down the way. Quimby and his zombie man-servant both play an important role in the plot and provide comic relief. The plot? Nothing less than an effort to have demons rule the British Empire. It’s an amusing story, told with a good balance of gore-it is *very* gory- and humor. It teems with demons, zombies and werewolves. Victoria comes off as a steel spined woman with maturity beyond her age, but one with humor and earthiness rather than the stout old woman in black saying she’s not amused. I suspect there will be a sequel (Queen Victoria’s future relationship with John Brown is set up in this one) and I look forward to it. And hey, any story with a sly tribute to the movie Alien has to be worth having a look at!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Fresh off the success of the zombie mayhem in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies comes a new "historical fiction" novel about the young Queen Victoria and her untold life as a demon hunter. But unlike P&P&Z, the story is original and the characters are taken from history, but with a demon/comedy-horror element thrown in.While the concept is completely absurd, that's where the amusement comes in. The story is based very loosely off history and spun into something original and genuinely funny. The characters were surprisingly well constructed for an absurdest horror-comedy novel. Maggie Brown is a fun demon hunter that I couldn't help but cheer for and Victoria is young, interesting, spunky and passionately in love with Prince Albert. Heck, even the romantic element between Victoria and Albert was well-done in this novel, despite the focus on demon mayhem.I found myself laughing out loud several times during Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Queen Victoria is a fun, light read that filled with absurd demon hunter antics and is perfect for fans of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters and any other type of zany horror-comedy that doesn't take itself seriously at all.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Young Victoria lives in a world where succubus and werewolves exist and that's bad enough, because they occasionally attempt to kill the princess. But when she ascends to the throne, the perverted Lord Quimby just happens to discover how to bring the dead back to life and begins to form a zombie army.A fun book where Queen Victoria gets to fight the bad guys who are attempting to keep her from her beloved Albert.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Unlike so many of the books out today that turn history into a story about the supernatural, this one was actually a fun read. It moved quickly and the characters were all quite likable.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Before the young Queen Victoria can officially take the throne, an attempt is made on her life. The attacker, though, isn't your everyday assassin, unless you consider a succubus a routine threat. Thanks to the quick actions of Maggie Brown and the Protektorate, Victoria survives the threat and learns of a devilish plot to bring an unspeakable evil to the throne. While the news weighs heavy on her conscience, Victoria still has a country to run, a people to protect and leaves the demon-battling to the Protektorate. When the terror hits closer to home with the kidnapping of her beloved Prince Albert, the young Queen takes matters into her own hands, battling zombies and werewolves and the hellish hospital Bethlem -- known by its other name Bedlam -- to bring him to safety.Okay...For those history buffs crying foul, you must take this twisting and re-working of the early days of Queen Victoria with a grain (or two) of salt. Because that's part of the fun. Reading as the Queen slices a zombie with a small rotating saw, the gore splattering over her face; as werewolves undertake a tricky quest to kidnap Prince Albert through a garden maze on the grounds of the Palace; as the inmates of Bedlam are loosed upon the Queen by Sir John Conroy. A.E. Moorat doesn't create a parody world but rather weaves a great horror tale that just happens to include the real monarchy and also sheds some light on the class differences of the time, especially with the dark and filthy description of the living conditions at a workhouse. He does add some levity to the mix, such as with the Bethnal Green Baptist Ladies' Prayer Association taking a night visit to the hospital (Bedlam) and toying with what to call the patients. And his character of Lord Quimby, despicable as he might be, along with his faithful servant Perkins, who happens to have been turned into a zombie by Quimby, also had me laughing. "Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter" is a fun read that I couldn't put down once I started, and Anglophiles as well as horror fans will enjoy it equally.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This was a fun book if a bit gory at times.It is very camp and humorous.Set in the time of Queen Victoria and there are demons and zombies running around .Queen Victoria is a pretty tough demon hunter, she can swing an ax with the best of them. I also liked the fact that the head of her Protektors is a woman and the best on her team is also a woman.This Queen Victoria is no girly girl she doesn't take crap from anyone and has a mind of her own!The Supporting characters are great Quimby & Perkins will make you laugh.The last 100 pages were filled with action and the ending makes you wonder if there will be another one,although the story is wrapped up well.All in all a fun romp. 3 1/2 StarsFull Disclosure:I recieved this from Goodreads Giveway Thank-you!
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This novel is a kind of high-camp, gore fest that combines oohh err missus double entendre with gloriously ridiculous violence. I loved it - but then I love camp English comedy and zombie films so I'm obviously it's target audience. Moorat is a fine comic writer and he's at his finest when he lets himself indulge entirely in Wodehouse-esque farce. The zombie carnage is, in parts, stomach-churningly revolting but not over-used or gratuitous. The novel's major weak point is in the characterisation (or lack thereof) of Victoria. It's highlight is the hillarious duo, the amoral Lord Quimby and his zombie manservant Perkins. I humbly suggest they deserve their own spin off.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I can't say that I loved this book. It is an interesting concept. I did find that I really liked the parts with Victoria and Albert, but some of the parts were extremely slow. It's worth reading if you like the werewolf, zombie type fiction.
Book preview
Queen Victoria - A. E. Moorat
Part One
‘I will be good’
I
19 June 1837
Notting Hill, home of Lord Quimby
Much later, as he watched his manservant, Perkins, eating the dog, Quimby gloomily reflected on the unusual events of the evening.
But oh! It had begun so promisingly! All of the zombies were safely confined to the lower quarters, the prostitutes had arrived and were being served drinks in the library and Quimby was briefing the man about the…
‘What is Henry calling it, this new technique of his?’ he had asked, directing his question at the young man who stood in his study, Henry’s assistant.
Quimby had schooled with Henry Fox Talbot at Harrow. The two had since gone their separate ways, of course: Quimby had inherited his father’s title and estate and used his leisure and wealth to pursue a life of dissolution, ungodliness and an unholy interest in revenance; Henry, meanwhile, had inherited his father’s great intellect and put his time to altogether more worthwhile use, developing something called calotype.
How calotype worked, Quimby wasn’t sure and didn’t care. He was interested only in the end result, and upon hearing of this invention and seeing its great potential for adding an extra frisson to his debauchery, he had issued a summons. Fortuitously, his knowledge of certain events at Harrow had secured him access to Henry’s new process, though–somewhat understandably–not Henry himself. Instead Talbot had sent a young apprentice, a snickering fellow named Craven, to do his dirty work for him (and if Quimby had his way, which was after all a foregone conclusion, it would be very dirty work indeed) and it was he who now stood in Quimby’s study having set up the contraption for his lordship to inspect.
It looked like nothing more than a box on a tripod, and a rather shabby box at that, but was, apparently, so it was said, capable of doing something most extraordinary.
‘It’s called photogenic drawing, sir,’ said Craven. ‘Though in France they’re calling it photographie.’
Quimby thought about this for a moment.
‘Hm,’ he said, ‘much as I hate to credit our seditious overseas neighbours with anything approaching common sense, it has to be said that photographie is certainly less of a mouthful than photogenic drawing, do you not think?’
‘Mr Talbot’s very keen on photogenic drawing, sir.’
‘So be it. And what has Henry photogenically drawn so far?’
‘He’s captured some scenes of the lake of Como, sir, very nice they are too, as well as the Oriel window in the south gallery of Lacock Abbey, a truly beautiful photogenic drawing, sir, if I may say so.’
‘Scenery,’ snorted Quimby derisively. ‘Scenery. Typical of Henry. No imagination whatsoever.’
‘Sir?’
‘Craven, listen carefully,’ said Quimby, his voice taking on the tone of a conspirator, ‘in the library downstairs sit three of London’s most debased and degenerate women, and shortly I shall be availing myself of them. One at a time and all at once, though not necessarily in that order. It will be your job, Craven, to document this momentous event, using…that,’ he indicated the tripod Craven had carried into the study, which now stood in the corner of the room, ‘and I can promise you the results will be far more diverting than scenes of the lake of Como.’
‘Yes, sir.’
Quimby leaned close. ‘It has been said, Craven, that one of these ladies can accommodate an entire pineapple.’
‘Goodness, sir.’
‘Exactly. Not a sight we wish to entrust merely to our memory.’
‘No, sir,’ beamed Craven, happily.
From outside came the sound of a scream, and Quimby moved to the window in order to push aside his gratifyingly weighty drapes and peer out to the street beneath.
Filthy cobblestones shone dully, the only illumination from weak gaslights positioned at either end of the street or else from his own scullery window. He frowned, squinting, looking for the source of the noise–from the mews behind him, perhaps? But then, as he watched, a man appeared at one end of the street, running for his life, eyes wide in terror.
He wore the cloth cap and leather apron of a working man–a cooper, perhaps–and he appeared to be streaked with some fluid.
Was it tar? Oil? The gas-lamps were flickering wildly, as though affected by something more than the wind.
Flickering off.
Then on.
Off.
On.
No, not tar or oil, Quimby saw, as the man drew nearer, passing beneath his window; it looked like blood.
For a moment the only sound was of his boots on the cobbles. Next, another noise that Quimby took a moment to place. Scuttling.
Then he saw it. The man was being chased by rats, four score of them at least. They seemed to flow along the street after him, thick and viscous like a stream of effluent, black apart from bared teeth. At their head, unmistakably, was a rat that was much larger than the rest.
A rat that had two heads.
The running man glanced desperately behind him then screamed again. In response the pack began to squeal, and for a second or so the sound was so piercing it was all Quimby could do to not cover his ears.
Then the man reached the corner and was turning it just as the pack leader jumped, the teeth of one of its heads slicing deep into his neck, the other head twisting back then striking, almost like that of a cobra. The man was dropping to his knees as he turned the corner out of sight, his hands coming back, flapping at the two-headed rat, trying, failing, to dislodge it, his impetus carrying him forward, around the corner.
Just his feet visible now, kicking on the cobblestones.
Quimby watched as the chasing rats turned the corner, seeing their mass build. A pool of blood spread around the man’s boots, still scrabbling but unable to find purchase, the weight of the vermin bearing down on him, preventing him from finding his feet. His screams became muffled, as though something had been forced into his mouth. Then came the sound of wet gagging.
Then silence.
His feet stopped kicking, his whole body jerked by the mass of rats as they ate him alive, the gas lamps flickering on and off.
‘Sir?’
Craven spoke from behind him and Quimby turned. How long had he been standing at the window? He rubbed at his eyes. Christ, that was the last time he touched absinthe. The absolute last time…
‘What was the screaming, sir?’ said Craven.
‘You heard it, too?’
‘Yes, sir. From the road outside.’
‘Did you hear…squealing?’
‘Something very odd, sir, yes.’
Perhaps, thought Quimby, he’d been too hasty in blaming the absinthe. Maybe an unfortunate cooper really had been attacked by a two-headed rat right outside his window.
He barked with laughter.
Don’t be so bloody ridiculous, Quimby. It was nothing but a hallucination. An old drunk running, who fell and hit his head, that was all.
Could be dead, he mused.
Hm, they were always in need of a cadaver. Messrs Hare and Burke had become so bloody expensive of late; neither were the bodies as fresh as they might be; thought they could charge the earth just because they had the name. Who’s to say they really were the sons of the Burke and Hare anyway? After all, they could be any old pair of Scotsmen; there were so bloody many of them in London these days…
Anyway. Quimby took a deep breath. Clapped his hands briskly.
‘Right, my boy,’ he told Craven, ‘down to business. Bring your contraption and we’ll repair to the library for some…Hm, I’ve a mind to christen the process pornogenic drawing, what do you think?’
‘In France they’ll call it pornographie, sir,’ joked the younger man.
‘It’ll never catch on, Craven.’
Just then came the noise of an almighty scream, this time from inside the house, and the door to Quimby’s study was flung open.
The two men started as into the room burst Quimby’s manservant Perkins, red-faced and flustered, reaching for the door and slamming it closed on the unmistakeable sounds of a great commotion from downstairs, then standing with his back to it as though to keep it barred. He stood for a moment, wide-eyed and breathing heavily, his clothes in disarray.
‘Really, Perkins,’ snapped Quimby, ‘what is the meaning of this?’
‘Sir, it’s the zombies, sir,’ Perkins managed, breathing heavily.
There was a crack of lightning from outside, a rumble of thunder.
‘Yes?’ said Quimby, still irritated. ‘What about the zombies?’
‘Sir, they’re eating the prostitutes.’
II
20 June 1837, twenty-five minutes past
two in the morning. A servants’ residence
in the grounds of Windsor Castle.
All was silent in the small, low room as Clara entered from outside, her brisk knock having gone unheeded. She bent to pass through the miserly frame then turned to close the door behind her, shutting out the night and a summer storm that raged hard and rent the sky: maniac lightning; distant, angry thunder; rain that fell in huge droplets then stopped. Then started again. Then stopped.
She was pleased to escape it; grateful the rain had ceased long enough for her to make the dash across the lawns from the castle to the relative sanctuary of the Browns’ cottage.
Which was quiet, the family at rest. In the parlour before the fireplace, even though the fire was not lit, snoozed Margaret Brown in her rocking chair, a shawl pulled over her shoulders. Her husband, John, would be sleeping off the whisky behind the thick, dirty muslin curtain which hung from a rail dividing the room; while not far away was a low cot in which lay her son, John, eleven years old, curled up, sleeping and no doubt dreaming of catching fish on the River Dee in Crathie.
Clara stood before the redoubtable matriarch, smoothed her apron, silently cursed her misfortune–the short straw, again–and cleared her throat as loudly as she dared.
Mrs Brown slept on; young John Brown slumbered undisturbed; there was neither sound nor movement from the other side of the tattered muslin curtain.
Clara swallowed, thrust out her chin, clasped her hands in front of her, then, casting her voice loudly and clearly into the room, said, ‘Ma’am, I’m very sorry to have to disturb you, but…the King is dead, ma’am.’
At that Brown jerked awake in the rocking chair, her eyes wide and her hair, long and black as a winter night, wild and untamed about her visage.
‘The King is dead?’ croaked Mrs Brown. ‘Did you say the King is dead?’
She put her palms to her eyes, pushing the sleep from them.
‘Yes, ma’am,’ replied Clara, and she crossed herself.
The Royal household had been in a state of preparation for this eventuality since the end of May, when Sir Henry Halford, physician to His Majesty, had reported that King William was ‘in a very odd state and decidedly had the hay fever and in such a manner as to preclude his going to bed’, which the King had–gone to bed, that is.
Shortly afterwards the foreign secretary, Lord Palmerston, upon visiting the King, had felt it his sad duty to report that the King was in a very precarious state and unlikely to last long. (Privately the foreign secretary had declared that he hoped the King would last longer, ‘for there would be no advantage to having a totally inexperienced girl of eighteen, just out of strict guardianship, to govern an empire.’) On which note the Royal household had begun to ready itself for this very moment.
And now the King was dead, and Mrs Brown, furious at having let herself fall asleep–quite literally, she thought, caught napping!–stood and reached for her broadsword, which leaned against the brickwork by the side of the fire. Picking it up she shrugged off the shawl to reveal a rough jerkin over which was strapped a leather brigandine.
She wears armour, Clara realised with a start, and it was all the serving girl could do to suppress a laugh. Not of joy, but of shock.
‘How long?’ barked Mrs Brown
‘Ma’am?’
‘How long has the King been dead, stupid girl?’ she roared.
John stirred slightly at the sound of his mother’s raised voice and Maggie Brown cursed herself. He was so sensitive; he had such visions–such visions–he needed protection from all of this…
‘How long, Clara?’ insisted Brown, her voice lower and kinder now. ‘How long is it since the King passed over?’
‘I was told five minutes ago, ma’am,’ replied Clara.
‘And have they left?’
‘Have who left, ma’am?’
‘Lord Conyngham and the Archbishop of Canterbury. Have they set off for Kensington Palace with the news?’
‘Yes, ma’am, they have.’
‘Then in two hours’ time England will have a queen. A new reign will begin.’
And nothing would ever be the same again, she thought. For too long England had been ruled by tyrants and madmen, womanisers and fools. Europe was wrought by revolution and in France…well, it hardly bore thinking about, what had taken place in that godforsaken country, the blood that had flowed in the name of revolution. As a result of it, English eyes were cast in that direction; some nervous, some envious.
Revolution. Bloodshed. Anarchy. It was his work and he chose his moments well.
Brown ceased busying herself then tilted her head slightly so that she appeared to be sniffing the air.
‘There is a disturbance tonight,’ she said, softly at first; then, her voice rising, ‘there is darkness abroad. I must reach the wee lassie before he does.’
‘Before Lord Conyngham, ma’am?’
‘No, girl, he: the lord of misrule. He who would bring war, disease and pestilence to this land. I can sense it, lassie, he’s ready; he’ll make his move tonight. He’s assembled his acolytes, his hellish acquiescents.’
Clara gulped. They spoke of this below stairs; that every so often Mrs Brown took leave of her senses and spoke in tongues; that two hundred years ago Matthew Hopkins would have drowned her for a witch but in these more enlightened and liberal times she found herself in the King’s service and from there it was said she was dispatched often for secret, stealthy assignations; that she often rode out at night, caring not a jot for decorum; that her horse was shod in felt and velvet so that she might travel in silence and that she wielded weapons with all the ferocity and power of the best, most highly trained soldier.
They said much, below stairs.
Mrs Brown swept back her glorious hair and pulled on a tunic, still talking as though she had taken leave of her senses.
‘Rank upon rank of them, Clara.’ She held out a hand, rubbing forefinger and thumb together like an archaeologist testing dirt he’d scooped from around his boots. ‘They’re in the air, can you feel them?’
Clara shook her head no, edging back along the flagstones; nevertheless, entranced by the sight of the firebrand in full flight.
‘Satraps and viceroys of the night,’ said Brown, eyes burning with gypsy fire beneath her coal-black fringe. ‘They’re on the move…’
She reached and tightened her sword belt; she tossed her hair and, standing with her legs slightly wider apart than was proper, she put her hands to her hips.
‘How do I look, girl?’ she demanded of her visitor.
‘You look…like a warrior queen, ma’am,’ gulped Clara, feeling herself grow hot all of a sudden.
‘Do I scare ye?’ asked Brown.
‘A little ma’am, truth be told.’
‘Good. It’s the effect I desire. If you, who attends Royalty, is touched by the cold fingers of fear, then what hope the denizens of Hell, eh?’
‘Denizens, ma’am?’
‘Servants of the fallen and beasts summoned from the infernal regions,’ she said as though it were obvious, moving past Clara to the door.
As she did so, the muslin curtain was swept aside and standing there was John Brown in breeches and vest, his long hair unkempt.
He coughed.
Husband and wife stared at one another for some moments.
‘Make the wind your minion, Maggie,’ he said, at last.
‘Aye, John Brown,’ she said, the ghost of a smile upon her lips. ‘Aye, that I will.’
‘And watch your stance,’ he added, ‘block and parry.’
But if she heard him she didn’t respond. She was gone.
III
Earlier
Kensington Palace
Princess Alexandrina Victoria, heiress presumptive to the throne, was seated at a generously sized mahogany writing desk in her bedchamber, making a list by flickering candlelight.
Or, to be precise, she was making lists, two of them in fact: on one page of her diary, a list of those things she liked; on the other, those that formed the subject of her loathing.
Princess Victoria (it was years since she had last been addressed as Drina, and then only by her closest family) was aged eighteen, having achieved womanhood just one month previously. Young though she may have been, she nevertheless had much learning behind her: at three years old the Princess could speak English and French in addition to German, her first language, and shortly afterwards developed an excellent knowledge of Latin, Italian and Spanish, all linguistic skills she put to good use: by sixteen she had already read Mr Dryden’s translation of The Aeneid, Mr Pope’s Iliad and Mr Voltaire’s history of Charles XII (in the original French, naturellement). Since then her appetite for education had proved almost insatiable. She had gone on to read Ovid, Virgil and Horace; Messrs Cowper, Shakespeare and Goldsmith; she had pored over vast treatises in business and astronomy; she knew law from Blackstone and had studied geography, natural history and moral teachings, learning many of them off by heart. She had studied Mr Goldsmith’s History of England, as well as his fascinating histories of Greece and Rome; Mr Clarendon’s History of the Rebellion and Miss Mangnall’s Historical Questions.
Indeed, it was whispered that her education, presided over by her governess Baroness Lehzen, quite rivalled that offered by the University of Oxford, an establishment she was, of course, ineligible to enter on account of her gender, future Queen of England or not.
Above and beyond those subjects she had studied, all endeavours conducted within the walls of Kensington Palace, within which she was virtually a captive, there was one thing she knew with the greatest resolution–and that was her own mind.
Which was how she was able to say with absolute certainty that she really and truly, completely and utterly, despised turtle soup.
Hated it.
The sound of scratching, her quill upon the page of her diary, was the only noise in the room as she wrote the entry ‘turtle soup’ in an elegant hand in the right-hand side of her diary.
Just the thought of it. Turtle soup. Ugh. Her stomach turned. Her mouth pursed. Just the thought of it was enough to make a pinchpenny of the most generous heart.
The Princess shared her room with her mother, who now looked up from her own reading.
‘It’s getting late, Victoria,’ she said, in German, the language they used while in private.
In fact, noted Victoria, it would soon be getting early, it being almost past midnight. ‘A little longer, mother,’ she asked.
‘A sovereign needs her rest,’ admonished the Duchess of Kent, smiling.
Twenty miles away at Windsor Castle, King William IV lay dying of his ‘hay fever’ and it was no secret that the Duchess would welcome his expiration more than most. ‘Hay fever,’ she had snorted derisively upon hearing the diagnosis, ‘he is to be pollinated to death. Quick, let us send flowers to wish the King a speedy recovery!’
‘Tsk, mother,’ chided Victoria then, as she did now, for she loved her uncle. It was certainly true that he and her mother had quarrelled and that he was held in no great affection by the English public, but he had always treated his niece with great kindness and affection.
‘You can continue your writing tomorrow, my dear,’ insisted the Duchess, and rang the bell. Victoria hid her disappointment. She loved to stay up late.
There was once more silence in the room.
That is, apart from the scratch, scratch of Victoria’s quill. She had transferred her attention to the left-hand side of her diary and more pleasurable thoughts.
Few were more pleasurable than those featuring her spaniel Dash–her beloved Dash. She dressed him like other young girls dressed their dolls and bathed him every week, regular as clockwork, come rain or shine; she took him everywhere with her and in return he was the most playful and faithful companion she could possibly have hoped for.
As well as being quite the little cupid. Why, only last year, Victoria had been paid a visit by the rather handsome and dashing Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg, and Dash had had quite a hand (or should that be ‘paw’, she thought to herself, inwardly groaning at her own pun) in turning what was at first a rather tiresome encounter into something…well, something perhaps a little more.
It was a visit for which she had to thank her uncle Leopold, the King of Belgium, whose name would surely soon be joining Dash in the left-hand page of her diary, for it was he who had arranged that she should meet Albert and his brother Ernest at Kensington Palace on the occasion of her birthday.
It was true that she disliked these carefully engineered introductions intensely; arrangement and connivance hung so heavily over them that it was almost impossible to enjoy them on their own terms, though she tried, of course: there was usually dancing, at least there was that to be said for them. Dancing was another entry for the left-hand side of her diary; she absolutely adored to do it, and took every opportunity to do so. The trouble was, those opportunities came so rarely.
Just then there came a knock at the door.
Victoria glanced over towards where her mother sat, but the Duchess was asleep in her chair, her book hanging from her fingers and her lips vibrating slightly as she snoozed. Looking at her, watching her sleep, Victoria felt a longing for her mother’s embrace, her kiss, her understanding and love. It was there, between them, she was sure of it–somewhere–but it had become buried, like diamond in coal, and in place of maternal affection there was something else. Expectation. Ambition. Not all of it, Victoria was sure, with the very purest of intentions. Now though, asleep, her face devoid of its usual cunning, the Duchess seemed so serene and almost vulnerable. Victoria found herself wanting to go over there and clasp her mother in her arms.
Another knock at the door. It brought Victoria from her reverie.
‘Come,’ she said, hearing a croak in her voice, thinking herself silly and weak. She dabbed wet eyes discreetly as the door opened softly and into the room came a lady-in-waiting, one of the eight ladies of the bedchamber, her long skirts rustling. She held a candle, a hand cupped in front of the flame.
Except, Victoria, realised, her eyes adjusting, she wasn’t actually one of the ladies of the bedchamber, and neither was she accompanied by two maids of honour, as was the custom…
Which was most unusual. Unheard of, in fact…
Seeming to acknowledge her confusion, the lady put down the candle then curtsied, casting her eyes downwards to address the Princess. ‘Your Royal Highness,’ she said, ‘the chief butler sends his sincere apologies and begs your pardon, but there has been a measure of uncertainty concerning the rota. He and the housekeeper are seeking to reach a resolution now, your Highness.’
Victoria could well believe it. Uncertainty and confusion were regular guests of the household and it was not unknown for the chief butler and the housekeeper to exchange lively words on such occasions.
‘Oh dear,’ she said, pleased to hear that her voice had returned to its usual timbre, ‘is there a terrible upset?’
‘Quite an uproar, yes, your Highness.’
The Princess glanced over at her mother, aware that any uproar was as nothing compared to the potential conflagration should the Duchess be informed. Victoria had lived at Kensington almost all of her life and had never known such a thing happen, so goodness only knows how her mother would react.
‘Very well,’ said the Princess, ‘then we shall do our best not to make matters worse…’
She cast a meaningful glance at the sleeping Duchess and touched a finger to her lips.
‘You may carry on,’ added Victoria.
For a moment her visitor’s face was illuminated as she moved to place the candle, and Victoria took the opportunity to study her, though she was still unable to recognise her. A lady in her mother’s household, perhaps, a new arrival; after all, they each had complete autonomy when it came to the hiring of staff. She was quite beautiful, that much at least was apparent. Then her face was again in the shadows and she turned her back and began busying herself turning down the beds, preparing the chamber for sleep.
From outside came a distant rumble. A summer storm? Victoria fancied that the room was lit more brightly all of a sudden, as though illuminated by lightning, then, as if to confirm it, there was a second crack of thunder.
Pleased to be indoors, she turned in her chair, her back to the lady-in-waiting, her thoughts returning to Albert.
She had to admit, she had not been immediately bowled over by the Prince’s charms, though charms he most definitely possessed. He was undoubtedly the better-looking of the two; she noted his beautiful nose and mouth in particular. She had decided many years previously that she liked to watch a person’s mouth in conversation. Others said it was eye contact one should endeavour to establish but, as usual, Victoria had her own feelings on the matter and for her it was most definitely the mouth. Albert’s was full and sweet; she loved his moustache. Oh, his eyes were lovely, too, clear and bright. What’s more, he was musical and could draw well.
But, on the other hand, something of a bore.
For a start, Albert had arrived suffering from terrible, almost debilitating seasickness. Well, that wasn’t a very good start, was it? He was a little shy, to tell the truth. Now, Victoria detested men who were too confident (one in particular sprang to mind and she pursed her lips at the thought of him) but there was such a thing as being painfully shy. In that respect, Albert was quite unlike Ernest, who also displayed greater enthusiasm for those pursuits Victoria enjoyed: the receptions, dinners and balls, and the late nights that went with them. At one point on his first evening at court, Albert had even fallen asleep, causing great hilarity, while on the evening of her seventeenth birthday ball he’d had to excuse himself and go home early, ‘as pale as ashes’ as she later wrote in her diary. Almost a week later and he still hadn’t sufficiently rallied to enjoy the Grand Ball held at Kensington Palace, when she twirled and danced into the early hours of the morning. Once again, Albert had retired early.
Yes, it was nice enough to spend time with him during the daytime, when they would sing and play piano, go riding and draw, but his habit of disappearing at night-time was really rather a bore and to be honest, she thought now, only half-hearing the sounds of the lady-in-waiting behind her as she bustled about the room, she might well have ended the visit much preferring Ernest, even though he was not nearly so pleasing to the eye.
It was Albert’s treatment of Dash that played the greatest part in turning her affection towards him. He played with Dash and fussed all over him and was most attentive; in return Dash seemed to like him back, taking every opportunity