Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)
()
About this ebook
A new collection of laugh-out-loud poems from the international bestselling author of Look Mom I’m a Poet (and So is My Cat).
Tired of Instagram poems about whiskey and self-love? Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow) is the hilarious antidote you didn’t know you needed, complete with crap drawings that make Rupi Kaur’s look like they belong in the Louvre.
From poignant odes to snack cakes (“The Last Temptation of Little Debbie”) to tough love for friends (“You are Not a Mermaid”), Shaffer’s biting satire will have you questioning why you ever wasted time reading lesser verse jockeys.
Andrew Shaffer
Andrew Shaffer is the author of Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love and, under the pen name Fanny Merkin, Fifty Shames of Earl Grey. His writing has appeared in such diverse publications as Mental Floss and Maxim. An Iowa native, Shaffer lives in Lexington, Kentucky, a magical land of horses and bourbon.
Read more from Andrew Shaffer
Literary Rogues: A Scandalous History of Wayward Authors Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Hope Never Dies: An Obama Biden Mystery Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like F*ck This: A Humorous Holiday Anthology Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Look Mom I'm a Poet (and So Is My Cat) Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Catsby: A Parody of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Mad, Mad Marjorie Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHope Rides Again: An Obama Biden Mystery Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOh My Goth: Jokes for When You Feel Dead Inside Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)
Related ebooks
The First Five Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAll is Fair Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAn Aria in Venice: The Musical Interlude Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGlitter & Mayhem Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5me Aunt Jemima and the nailgun. Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Fights in the Streets, Tears in the Sand Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCave and the Vamp Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCrime Scenes Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLucky Wreck: Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5If All Else Fails Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGypsy Blood Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Sex Alcohol and This Poet's Soul Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSubterfuge Sobriety: A Collection of Absurdist Poetry Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsJane Carver of Waar Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Sparkling Jewel of Naturism Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIlliterate Rants of a Poetic Mind Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Anthologist: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Gentleman's Fate Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Very Short Book Of Very Short Stories Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTalking Pillow Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHomo Sayswhaticus Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAngel Hamilton, Private Angel: Lonely Hearts Vampire Club Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFated Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsB Is for Bad Poetry Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5nomaD Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAnimal Ballistics Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5October Nights: 31 Tales of Haunting & Halloween Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNightmare Magazine, Issue 108 (September 2021): Nightmare Magazine, #108 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Book of Love: Improvisations on a Crazy Little Thing Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRemedies for Hunger Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Poetry For You
The Divine Comedy: Inferno, Purgatory, and Paradise Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Sun and Her Flowers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Bell Jar: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dante's Divine Comedy: Inferno Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Canterbury Tales Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beowulf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Odyssey: (The Stephen Mitchell Translation) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Poems That Make Grown Men Cry: 100 Men on the Words That Move Them Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Iliad: The Fitzgerald Translation Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Prophet Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Edgar Allan Poe: The Complete Collection Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Love Her Wild: Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tao Te Ching: A New English Version Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Iliad of Homer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dante's Inferno: The Divine Comedy, Book One Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson (ReadOn Classics) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Way Forward Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Inward Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Daily Stoic: A Daily Journal On Meditation, Stoicism, Wisdom and Philosophy to Improve Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5For colored girls who have considered suicide/When the rainbow is enuf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Leaves of Grass: 1855 Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Gilgamesh: A New English Version Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beyond Thoughts: An Exploration Of Who We Are Beyond Our Minds Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Selected Poems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Twenty love poems and a song of despair Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Odyssey Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPretty Boys Are Poisonous: Poems Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Bedtime Stories for Grown-ups Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Collection of Poems by Robert Frost Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow)
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Not Today, Satan (Maybe Tomorrow) - Andrew Shaffer
praise for shaffer’s books
Like a terrible accident scene that I felt ashamed for staring at […] except the book was funny and accident scenes aren’t.
A Bookish Butterfly
Andrew Shaffer is a mood.
Bookstagram of Mine
This book made me infertile. It was either this book or the vasectomy I had around the same time I was reading it.
Bob Lingle, Good Neighbor Bookstore
I’m not a laugh out loud
kind of person, but Andrew Shaffer had me giggling at work while trying to pretend I was actually working.
Books Anxiety
You’re not funny and if I ever met you I would punch you in the face.
Amazon Customer
For everyone who told me there was no money in poetry…
you were right.
All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.
— Oscar Wilde
contents
After the Break-up
He was a Precious Metal—
Her Madness
Can We Please Stop Using the Word Crazy
?
The Last Temptation of Little Debbie
In the Twilight
All for You, My Love
The Six Saddest Words in the English Language
Live Free or Die
The Only Thing
Magic
Travel Advice
Only God Can