Soul Shift: The Weary Human's Guide to Getting Unstuck and Reclaiming Your Path to Joy

Praise for Soul Shift

"As we face more and more demands for our time and attention, it’s easy to be distracted from what we value most in our lives. In many ways, we’ve become disconnected from what gives us joy. With Soul Shift, Rachel Macy Stafford has created a hope-filled path to help us rediscover what it means to truly thrive."

Arianna Huffington

founder and CEO, Thrive Global

"Reading this miraculous Soul Shift book by Rachel Macy Stafford will plant a loving new voice in your head and cause your heart to mightily expand through the guided processes in the pages. These guided processes will literally lift and reshape your soul."

SARK

succulent wild woman, PlanetSARK.com

"Rachel Macy Stafford is, above all else, a spiritual guide and a compassionate healer. Her books are the kind that take people by the hand, and Soul Shift is no different. Indeed, it is a guide for all of us, and if we take Rachel’s hand and let her lead the way, we will find transformation on the other side as we enter into her stories and experiences, carefully curated for us to find healing in ourselves and in the world. This book is a safe place to pause, assess, and enter into care for ourselves and one another, making room for the soul shift we so desperately need."

Kaitlin Curtice

award-winning author of Native and Living Resistance

"Rachel Macy Stafford is not only an incredible person and gifted storyteller, she is unapologetically honest about things that most people hide. That is what makes her writing so powerful and life-changing. Soul Shift is filled with practical takeaways from a self-help perspective, but it doesn’t read like one. It’s a book that offers guidance without saying where you ‘should’ be. Read it. And start your journey of self-acceptance and relational healing."

Joshua Becker

author of Things That Matter

"In Soul Shift, Rachel Macy Stafford shows she is a beautiful balance of inspirational writer and pragmatic teacher. Rachel does not lecture, shame, or claim to know all the answers; she accompanies readers on a unique journey of self-discovery. Page by page, we learn how to reclaim our uninhibited, carefree, curious childhood selves so we can remember what brings us joy, peace, and fulfillment. Soul Shift is a trusted guide for weary humans everywhere."

Shefali Tsabary, PhD

New York Times bestselling author and clinical psychologist

"Rachel Macy Stafford has the unique ability as a writer to invite you into a safe space that allows you to let down your guard and get curious. Through her combination of vulnerability and timeless wisdom, Rachel writes in a way that provides a respite, a retreat even, from the world. Soul Shift is a book you will want to revisit and an experience through which you will find yourself changed—an incredibly rare combination. The best teaching returns us to our own knowing, and Soul Shift reminds us of what has always been true. Rachel invites us to survey our lives in the way that only a truly safe person could—with the promise that we’re not alone and there’s hope for us in the process. Rachel is a guide whose hand you will be grateful to hold, and one who teaches you to lovingly trust and take your own. There is healing in these pages. As a practicing therapist, I’m always looking for books that can be companions for clients doing the brave and hard work of changing their lives. I know I’ll be reaching for Soul Shift regularly."

Monica DiCristina, MA, LPC

therapist, author, podcast host

"Rachel Macy Stafford understands at her core that the love and patience we give ourselves can transform us from the inside out. Don’t just read Soul Shift, do Soul Shift. And as you do, listen to her words, receive her invitation to embrace courage, and open yourself up to the truths that rest inside of you."

Krystle Cobran

diversity, equity, and inclusion executive and author of The Brave Educator

"Our culture is ripe with the stark messaging that the only way through life is either to toughen up or to lose ourselves in others altogether. But Rachel Macy Stafford invites us to a different path. With profound gentleness, Rachel invites us into the way of deep compassion and fierce kindness for not only others—but also for ourselves. I am thoroughly grateful for the invitation Soul Shift provides."

Aundi Kolber, MA, LPC

therapist and author of Try Softer and Strong like Water

Rachel Macy Stafford never fails to meet me where I am emotionally, offering novel, simple ways to think and feel about big emotions and life changes. Her perspective is a real gift, one I recommend enthusiastically and wholeheartedly.

Jessica Lahey

New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation

This book is a gem. Rachel’s focus on taking small, actionable steps to shift how you feel, how you think, and ultimately, the path you choose for yourself, is refreshing and practical, and she guides you along with such genuine warmth.

Nataly Kogan

author of The Awesome Human Project

"Once again, Rachel has created a safe, inviting space for us to be where we are—a place where we can be seen and held with a softness that soothes the soul. Truly. Her honesty and generosity in paying forward what she’s learned along the way builds a bridge for us to meet [our] truest selves with the kindness and compassion we are worthy of—which for some of us, myself included, is a new skill. There’s a gentleness and ease inside her stories that allow the reader to really feel the shifts. Soul Shift offers us a roadmap to reflect and realign with what matters most, with steps that feel empowering."

Samantha Arsenault Livingstone, OLY, Med

Olympic gold medalist, high-performance consultant, mental health advocate

"With the pressure to live in a state of constant distraction, Rachel Macy Stafford’s invitation to stop missing our lives is vitally important. Soul Shift inspires us to reflect on how we spend our days and recognize the power of presence to help us authentically connect, listen, love, and heal. Read this book now. Thank me later."

John O’Leary

bestselling author of On Fire and In Awe

Life is endlessly shifting beneath our feet. The changes keep coming in waves, unending. The only unchanging thing is Love—our need of it, our desire for it, our capacity to give and receive it. In her newest book, Rachel Macy Stafford helps us make a crucial shift back towards the only thing that truly matters: tending the soul.

Christina Crook

award-winning author of The Joy of Missing Out and Good Burdens

"Rachel Macy Stafford has a way of awakening us to things we need to change in our lives without making us feel guilt for the time we spent getting it wrong. This book propelled me to make real change once and for all. The way she urges us gently but urgently is an art form that only RMS can do! Soul Shift is thought-provoking and inspiring, unique and universal. I’m confident everyone who reads this book will begin treating themselves—and the world—with more kindness, compassion, and ease."

Mallory Ervin

bestselling author of Living Fully

"If you are looking for the book equivalent of comfort food—with a gentle energy boost, a heavy dose of compassion, and zero guilt—Soul Shift is it!"

Samantha Ettus

bestselling author of The Pie Life

Soul Shift

Also by Rachel Macy Stafford

Live Love Now: Relieve the Pressure and Find Real Connection with Our Kids

Only Love Today: Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, and Choose Love

Hands Free Life: 9 Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, & Loving More

Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters!

Soul Shift

The Weary Human’s Guide to Getting Unstuck & Reclaiming Your Path to Joy

Rachel Macy Stafford

To Banjo

Somehow you knew that to become the author I dreamed of becoming when I was a child I’d need a companion, but not just any companion—I’d need a cat capable of doing what no human could ever do:

reveal the worthiness inside me, so it could be reclaimed—

the parts I abandoned,

the parts I lost,

the parts I hid.

Banjo, you are the instrument I needed to become

fully alive,

fully me,

fully free,

and you do it with love and only love.

You Are Here

Welcome, weary human. I suspect you picked up this book because you are indeed weary—maybe even more than that. Perhaps you are downright fatigued by life. Perhaps you feel misdirected or a little lost, disoriented by the spinning world’s relentless demands, endless stream of information, and daily atrocities. Perhaps you long for something to change, a way to escape the pressure so you can simply breathe.

You are not alone . . . in how you feel.

The world feels completely out of control right now, like we are all driving down a crowded highway, bumper to bumper, with construction on both sides; we feel anxious, not knowing how long the traffic will continue, worrying about when we’ll get to our destination, and wondering what we should do. As tempting as it sounds to wish for an escape, what we actually need is an exploration, one that returns us home to our authentic selves and the joy inside.

Taking the first step to reclaiming your path to joy is not easy, but the fact that you are here with me searching for it is enough to put you on the path to finding it.

You are not alone . . . in what you seek.

You’ll be hearing these four words—you are not alone—throughout this journey. Yes, this is a journey. This is not just a book with pages to flip through and ponder and then eventually forget about. This is a guidebook for you to take with you on a continuous discovery process that will come to life through your introspection, self-compassion, and small, brave steps.

These pages you hold will become your map to joy, presence, purpose, and peace. With my hand in yours, we’ll explore eight vital practice areas in the Soul Shift journey:

Presence

True Self-Worth

Letting Go of Perfection

Being Kind to Yourself

Being Your Authentic Self

Self-Forgiveness

Looking After Yourself

Offering Your Gift to the World

If merely reading the names of these practice areas feels overwhelming, let me assure you, this exploration process is not a race, nor does it require you to commit to a fixed itinerary. The eight practice areas in the Soul Shift journey are designed to be explored at your own pace, as many times as you need, in whatever way feels most authentic to you. It is through this flexible, self-paced approach that you’ll be able to uncover healing truths and create flourishing pathways to a life with limitless possibilities.

Before you begin your Soul Shift journey, it’s important to emphasize something:

You are here.

You know the point at which a hiking, biking, or horseback-riding trail begins? It’s called the trailhead. There, you can usually find a big map with an overview of the trails and bodies of water you may encounter along the way. On that map, there’s a little arrow pointing to a dot that says YOU ARE HERE.

Let’s focus on that dot for a moment.

You are here, and that is significant.

I can only imagine what it took for you to get to this place: You had to carve out time from your daily schedule. You had to make a financial investment. You had to quiet the inner critic, reflect vulnerably on what you might need, and step out of your comfort zone. In other words, you didn’t get here by accident. You made both the choice and the commitment to show up in this moment.

You are here, and that is brave.

And this is me, celebrating your arrival and acknowledging the courage it takes to embrace a new journey. If you are anything like me, entering unfamiliar territory can be nerve-racking. You may be wondering: Is this where I should be? Am I on time? Am I ready?

Trust me when I say yes, you are at the right place . . . at the perfect time . . . and you’ve come in the ideal form—just as you are.

Thank you for being willing to traverse a new territory to be here in this moment. If anyone recognizes the significance of leaving one’s comfort zone, it is me. I’m a fan of familiarity. I crave consistency. I like having a plan. Knowing what to expect brings me peace. But, as you will read in the pages ahead, opportunities to grow and become who we are meant to be don’t typically happen when we cling to what is safe and routine. I’m quite certain I wouldn’t be here, writing these words to you, if I’d stuck to familiar terrain. Now, don’t get me wrong: it wasn’t as if I willingly chose to venture out of my comfort zone. Three people were placed in my life to usher me out: my husband, Scott, and my two daughters, Natalie and Avery.

Looking back, I had some inclination of what I was getting into when, in 1996, I married a guy who thought nothing of last-minute, out-of-state job transfers in the spirit of career development. By the time our daughters started school, we’d lived in Indiana, Ohio, Florida, and Alabama. Over and over, I faced the discomfort of establishing roots only to have them ripped up and replanted in new soil.

And if physical displacement didn’t present enough challenges, it soon became evident that my daughters’ temperaments would also force me into unfamiliar areas. Natalie, with her fierce independence, thirst for knowledge, and zest for adventure, created daily challenges. Avery, with her empathetic soul, big emotions, and snail-like pace, tested me in ways I’d never been tested before. My daughters’ inherent natures were vastly different but equally threatening to my desire for predictability. Yet the more I tried to control the natural inclinations of my children, the more pain and discomfort I caused.

I’ll never forget telling my sister, Rebecca, in 2010, about the realizations I was having and the changes I knew I needed to make. Rebecca knew I’d dreamed of being a writer since childhood, and I knew she would be a safe confidant.

I’ve been writing down these raw and enlightening discoveries, I confided, and it feels like something significant is happening.

Rachel, my sister said, her voice low and certain. You should start a blog! It’s basically an online journal where writers share their thoughts and readers can comment, like a conversation. It’s becoming hugely popular, and I know several people who could really use your words.

Within days, Rebecca sent me a step-by-step blogging book with a personal note about her belief in me. After extensive research and help from some tech-savvy friends, I started a blog called Hands Free Mama. The title encapsulated the pursuit I was on to let go of what didn’t matter so I could grasp what did matter.

A few months into it, I received a speaking request from a woman in my community to talk about my Hands Free journey. My immediate thought was, Uh . . . what part of online blog makes you think I’d want to share this information with a live audience?

It was hard enough publishing my vulnerable reflections online. To say them out loud and see people’s reactions? No, thank you. Not to mention I’m directionally challenged, and this woman lived outside the two-mile radius that I usually operated within. (Like I said, my comfort zone was quite small.)

But this person was certain her group needed to hear my story, and her belief echoed a persistent voice inside me that had been saying for a while now, Just show up and trust that whatever is meant to happen after that will become clear.

Armed with an old-school printed map and a cutting-edge GPS navigation system, I successfully made the short drive. I was immediately ushered to a room where I was expected to address a group of thirty women I’d never met. As I began to tell my story, my heart raced and my voice quivered, fueling uncertainty that I might not get through it. Scanning the room for feedback, I noticed a woman nodding her head. Sensing she felt a connection to what I was saying gave me the courage to continue. And then, a few minutes later, she wiped away a tear—as if my story was her story and we were in this together.

From that experience, I embraced this freeing truth: when we see each other’s scars, we love each other more.

When we show up as our most authentic self, we give permission for others to reveal their true selves. It is in those vulnerable moments of authentic connection that true belonging is felt.

This was the opposite of what I’d spent my life believing up to that point. I thought I had to hide my insecurities and vulnerabilities in order to be accepted. Yet, in this moment, I couldn’t deny the thread of connection I felt with a complete stranger in our moment of shared vulnerability.

My dot to her dot, drawing me toward more authentic connection.

I began to wonder: If I continue to take brave steps out of my comfort zone, what other dots in my life might connect? And what might the whole picture become if we, as human beings, were to choose to connect our dots bravely, boldly, flawed, and full of hope?

A Living Map

Shortly after that first speaking event, I began receiving more invitations to talk to adults about living a less distracted life—and to speak to kids, too.

Before my first classroom visit, I dug through an old keepsake box from childhood. I quickly found what I was looking for—the first book I ever wrote. Long before the word Google became a verb, my middle-school brain simply liked the silly sound of the word. I decided Google Island was the perfect title for a rhyming book about a utopian society where people learn to be kind to each other by being kind to themselves. I’d written the poetic verses for this fun school project and hired my best guy friend, Dave, to sketch the illustrations.

Recovering this book when I had just started writing again after a thirty-year hiatus felt propitious. As I read my innocent, young words, I immediately felt something tugging at my grown-up heart. The message of the story I’d written as a young person still resonated, but with a new perspective that only the adult version of me could comprehend.

I recalled my vision for a world where love, kindness, and acceptance were individually and collectively transformative, but the illustrations by my young friend now felt a bit contrived.

I decided to sit down with a pack of colored pencils and tried to channel my young vision alongside my life experiences. Using broad strokes and detailed shading, I sketched this place I had