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544 pages, Paperback
First published October 4, 2022
With her brother distracted, Jennie lets the ball fly, sinking it with ease, and poor Carter’s gonna be so drunk by the end of this. He’s apparently decided to try his hand at another distraction tactic for this last round. When Olivia steps up to the table, he drags his shirt up his torso in slow motion, one finger on his lip as he gives her the eyes. “Like what you see, princess? Want me to take you upstairs and—ah, for fuck’s sake!” That, my friends, is the sound of Olivia sinking her last shot, all while looking her husband dead in the eye.
Carter’s head swivels in slow motion. I mash my lips together at his expression, mostly to keep from laughing in his face. He may look threatening, but I’m fully aware he’s a giant teddy bear who spends his time singing Disney songs, carrying his dog, and plastering his ear against his wife’s stomach in case today’s the day he can hear the baby.
“What in the sweet fuck are you wearing?”
“What? This?” Carter looks down at his shirt, tugging so the single word is visible, as if it weren’t already large and in charge. DILF. “Ollie got it for me.”
“It was meant to be a joke,” Olivia murmurs, “but it’s his favorite gift. He won’t take it off.”
“Wanna see the best part?” Carter pulls Olivia into his side, beaming proudly. “Show ’em yours, pumpkin.”
Her face flushes. “No, I don’t think I will.”
“C’mon.” He shakes her arm. “Be loud, be proud, Ollie girl.”
She does it, but she sure drags her ass about it, slowly pulling her sweater over her head, and I don’t know whether to laugh at her or cry for her. Because the shirt she wears underneath sports one simple sentence: I HEART DILFs.
“Excuse me. I’m Arianna.” Carter doesn’t look up from his menu. “I’m married.”
I lift my own menu to hide my snort. Arianna opens her mouth, and Carter cuts her off before she can use it. “Happily.” He looks up with a grin and shows her Olivia’s smiling face on his phone screen. “Isn’t she beautiful?” He flips through his photos. “Here she is on our wedding day. Fucking gorgeous, right? And here’s the baby she’s growing right now. That’s my baby. What do you think? Girl or boy? We’re not finding out. We want to be surprised. I’m trying to convince myself I see a penis, though, ’cause girls are scary.”
Huh. Arianna might be faster than Jennie. She’s back on the other side of the diner before I can blink.
“Would you stop looking at me like that?” Jennie finally shouts at her. “I get it, you don’t like the Christmas gift I got Carter! I’m not trying to die today!” Olivia gestures aggressively to where Carter is standing in the center of their living room with a microphone, singing the words that scrawl across their TV. “Two weeks, Jennie! He’s been singing every day for two weeks!”
Hank pats my hand. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Carter can’t be changed.”
Maybe, but a year ago I would’ve never expected him to be sitting here playing the audio of his unborn baby’s heartbeat on repeat.
“Doc said his heart’s beating at a hundred-and-sixty-two beats per minute. Faster than the rest already.”
“Only you would be competitive about fetal heart rates,” I murmur.
Cara hammers a fist to her chest as she folds forward, choking on her snack. “Please tell me he’s the type of dad who thinks he’ll poke his baby in the eye if he’s not careful.”
“He’s taken to warning the baby every time we’re about to have sex.” Olivia scrubs a hand over her exhausted expression. “Okay, little buddy. Daddy’s coming in. Make sure you move all the way to the back.” Her wide brown eyes are full of disbelief. “It’s the anxious chuckling that really gets me, and every time I move, he stops and asks if I’m okay. I just…I need him to fuck me, you know? Really fuck me.” She shifts in her seat. “This baby’s making me horny as hell.”
He clears his throat, stuffs his hands in his pockets, and ambles over. “So…” He clicks a beat out through his pursed lips, head bobbing. “Thinking of changing my TikTok handle.”
“Oh yeah?” I check my nails. “To what?”
“WorldsHottestDILF.”
“But you’re already so iconic as TheTrophyHusband.”
He sighs. “It’s a tough choice.”
“What does Ollie think?”
He rolls his eyes. “She thinks I should change it to my actual name.”
“Ew. So unoriginal.”
“Right? She wasn’t made for the TikTok world.”
“Time for another classic, this one by Elton John and Kiki Dee.” Carter whirls around, cocking one ridiculous eyebrow as he stares out at his six-person audience, microphone at his mouth. “With a one-of-a-kind Carter Beckett twist that, arguably, makes it better than the original.” Music roars from the speakers, lyrics starting to roll across the TV, and Carter stares Olivia dead in the eye. “Don’t Go Bacon My Heart.” He points at his wife. “This one’s for you, Ollie girl!”
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter from behind the palm I’ve buried my face in as Carter explodes into song and dance. It’s not so much dance as it is…gyrating? I don’t fucking know, but Olivia looks like she’s gonna cry. I give her knee a shake. “You okay?”
“Of course she’s not okay,” Emmett retorts. “She’s about to bring a baby into this world that’s gonna be a carbon copy of her husband.”
Have you ever seen a six-foot-four hulk of a man cradle his tiny, newborn baby girl in his arms while singing “You Are My Sunshine?”
🍃“To everyone who has ever felt ready to fold themselves in half to fit somebody else’s idea of who they should be…
Don’t dull your shine for anyone.
The right people will want to bask in your sunshine, not steal it. Until then, soak it all in.
You, exactly as you are, are enough.”🍃
”you weren’t made to fit in, jennie. you stand out way too much to hide in the shadows.”