Kindle Notes & Highlights
“You are the heart of this family, Noah. You show up for everybody else. Every time. You look at every case, every file from the perspective of the victim. You put yourself in their shoes and you make the right call, every time.”
When you married me, you married the muppets. For better or worse, Freckles.
“First rule of the Mulvaney family?” “We don’t talk about the Mulvaney family!” they all shouted as one.
Thomas hunkered down, taking in the crime scene. The bedraggled soaking wet doll, the wet washcloth over her face, the red plastic beach bucket half full of pool water.“Did they—” “Waterboard their Cabbage Patch doll?’ August said. “Yeah, yeah, they did.
“Who knew the cabbage fields were so dangerous,” Adam quipped,
“Did you show the girls how to waterboard someone?” Zane snapped. “Oh, that,” Asa said, picking up the spatula and waving it in a sweeping gesture. “Yeah. No. That was me. They were doing it all wrong.”
“What did we learn?” Avi shouted. “Do it slowly or you can’t interrogate them for information,” they repeated in sync.
“Listen, you don’t get to give yourself a round of applause just for pooping in your diaper. All the other baby’s can do that. Even your brother. Even your cousin, Theo and he’s only six months old. If you want to impress me, maybe do it in a potty.”
Lucas scoffed. “Just wait until Oscar and West are garroting their GI Joe’s or hanging their stuffed animals from the ceiling fan by nooses. Then we can talk.” Felix shuddered. “GI Joe’s in my house? Never.”
“What is the issue, Lucas? So they waterboarded their Cabbage Patch doll. Maybe she had it coming,” Felix said.
“You can’t beat me up. You wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt Noah, right? Look at this sweet face.”
“Your ten-month-olds watch cat videos on YouTube?” Noah asked. “As opposed to what?” Asa asked. “Fox News?”
“Stop trying to induct us into your cult of parenthood. We’ll just borrow your crotch-fruit whenever we start to think we want kids.” “If you ever call my children crotch-fruit again, you’re going to find your crotch unable to propagate. Or whatever farming metaphor works for me castrating you,”
“Please, if you could lick your own ass, I’d never get you out of the house again.”
“And don’t you lecture me, Navarro. I tried the real adults, but they were all busy with their own children. It was either Adam and Noah or I started punting our adorable little offspring into the parking lot like t-shirts at a Taylor Swift concert. Which would you rather I did?”
They’re Mulvaneys, they’re gonna be fucking weird. You’re all fucking weird.”
“So greedy. From pillow princess to bossy bottom. I approve. Why don’t you just sit on my face, Freckles, then you can just do all the work yourself.”
Jericho would happily spend the rest of his life cooking dinners, watching murder documentaries and raising two wild boys with his fussy, bowtie-wearing husband. He honestly couldn’t think of anything better.
“Where did my sweet, submissive husband go?” “Our kids chased him off. I’m what you get tonight.”
Aiden’s face twisted. “Fuck fair. And fuck you, too.” Thomas leaned back in his chair. “You’re breaking my heart.” “Yeah, well you broke me first.”
“What? No fucking way. Do you know how hard it was to deal with the dietary restrictions of the people in this family? Felix won’t eat gluten and Noah’s decided we’re vegan—don’t even get me started on that—and Lucas is allergic to onion all of a sudden. Noah dragged me to three—three!—separate markets where I had to interact with the unwashed masses to buy the food for this impromptu little barbecue so if you don’t want to eat all this food fine but I’m not leaving until I’m so full I could puke.” “Unwashed masses? Felix asked, horrified. “Where did you take him?” “Whole foods,” Noah said
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“You made me go grocery shopping,” Adam said again, stubbornly. “You know I hate doing…poor people things.”
Asa snickered. “Adam doesn’t like doing anything that requires more effort than painting his nails. And he’s not even very good at that.”
“We’re Mulvaneys. Even if the question was multiple choice three of the answers would be violence and the last would be violence in cursive.
“Well, feeling things is hard for you. Not feeling things is hard for me. But together, we make one barely functioning human.
“I don’t know how to be romantic. A piece of paper isn’t going to tell me you’re mine. You just are. But that piece of paper will protect you if anything ever happens to me. It’s okay if you don’t want to. As long as you don’t leave.”
“Yeah, how do I know you really want to marry me?” Noah teased at Adam’s dumbfounded expression. When Adam caught on, he gave a heaving sigh. “Because I’m the son of a billionaire and I’m not asking you to sign a prenup,” he deadpanned.
“We have no emotional support vodka so, instead, we are subbing in poor life choices whiskey and always down for a good time rum.”
