this novel follows olive, a grad student who is researching about pancreatic cancer, but somehow still finds the time to fake date a professor. this ithis novel follows olive, a grad student who is researching about pancreatic cancer, but somehow still finds the time to fake date a professor. this is happening because her friend, anh, falls in love with olive's ex but refuses to date him due to girl code. olive convinces herself that if she pretends to date someone else, anh would realize she has happily moved on and will freely date the guy she likes. that approach totally makes more sense than simply sitting down and talking with anh about it. instead, we'll go out of our way to pretend to date a random dude.
this story is very unrealistic. adam, the professor, didn't report olive when she impulsively kisses him and even agrees to fake date her. this definitely happens in real life! the fact that this all happens in grad school just heightens the absurdity even more because none of this was professional. the main character made me so embarrassed while reading this book. GIRL, don't you have a thesis to write or something?
i can’t believe a tree was cut down for this atrocious monstrosity of a book.
“i don’t have a picture of her,” i say to theo. “so she’s ugly?” i toss thi can’t believe a tree was cut down for this atrocious monstrosity of a book.
“i don’t have a picture of her,” i say to theo. “so she’s ugly?” i toss the box of glass into the dumpster. “she’s gorgeous and way out of my league.” “ugly would still be out of your league,” he deadpans.
12 year old theo who talked like he was going on to 50 was my favorite character in the book. and you want to know why? because the little kid was pretty much bullying atlas every time they interacted and i loved it. some adults deserve to be bullied. especially for the CORNY “just keep swimming” lines colleen hoover is still putting in the second book.
america: “why does maxon hang out with the other girls when he swore he only has feelings for me.”
also america: “i can’t imagine my life without you aamerica: “why does maxon hang out with the other girls when he swore he only has feelings for me.”
also america: “i can’t imagine my life without you aspen. let’s make out in dark rooms even after what happened to marlee. you’re the only who understands me.”
”i cheated on her everyday. in my mind, i thought of you in ways i shouldn’t have, again and again. she was nothing compared to you.”
etienne st. clai”i cheated on her everyday. in my mind, i thought of you in ways i shouldn’t have, again and again. she was nothing compared to you.”
etienne st. clair is a cheater who pursues the protagonist despite him already having a girlfriend. he’s an american boy with a british accent and a french name. if that still hasn’t turned you away from this book, let me continue on..
meet our idiotic main character
— anna oliphant is forced to attend boarding school in paris and spends the first part of the novel complaining about it. boo hoo. wealthy white people and their first world problems.
— she’s an egocentric american who doesn’t know basic french terminology.
”the only french word i know is oui, which means “yes,” and only recently did i learn it’s spelled o-u-i and not w-e-e.”
i suppose we can blame that on the terrible u.s. educational system.
— anna’s dream is to be the nation’s greatest female film critic (her email is [email protected], and her car is named after her fav director, sofia coppola), but this girl goes to paris and is surprised to find there are cinemas. how do you not know paris is the film appreciation capital of the world? especially for someone who claims to be obsessed with film and believes her cinematic tastes are sophisticated.
— what does she watch when she finally goes to the movies? american films. she is in home of film and watches american films. great job girlie! i have no doubt your cinematic tastes are anything but sophisticated.
— she avoided ordering food at the cafeteria for a week because she is afraid of ordering food in french even though she goes to an english speaking school.
— she got upset with st. clair because he had fallen into depression as a result of his mother's illness and refused to cheer up despite her efforts. i really couldn’t believe that. if your parent is on the verge of death, why would you owe your friends anything? it was selfish of her to expect him to act happy in the midst of a stressful ordeal.
— she dated another boy, who she has no interest in and doesn't enjoy spending time with, solely to make st. clair envious. i dislike dave, but she drags this poor child along for no apparent reason.
— she’s a whiny hypocrite who has very different ideas about who she’s allowed to date/kiss and who everyone else is allowed to date/kiss. it’s simple: she can kiss and flirt with anyone even if they have a girlfriend; no one else can do the same.
— anna is different and unique and special because she has a bleach strip in her hair and a gapped tooth. she’s not like other girls
— throughout the novel, she constantly speaks and thinks about etienne because he is so lovely and could do no wrong. her entire world orbits around him. she doesn’t like phone calls with meredith cause it’s boring in comparison to calling st. clair, she wishes josh would leave so she could have alone time with st. clair, she wants to be back in paris with st. clair even though she hasn’t seen her family in 4 months, she wishes ellie would leave st. clair so he could be hers..
ST. CLAIR! ST. CLAIR! ST. CLAIR! ST. CLAIR! ST. CLAIR!
can she shut up? this girl is so obsessed that she even tallied the evenings he spends with her versus the evenings he spends with his girlfriend.
i’m also tired of female main characters being incredibly sexist towards other women over a guy, especially a jerk like etienne. readers just love to override that issue since ‘he’s so hot’. the book is littered with girl hate and slut shaming messages which contradicts anna’s supposed lovely, innocent girl image. could we put these cliche tropes to bed already? it reinforces ugly stereotypes about women and teaches us that we should fight instead of supporting each other, while the bad guy gets away with everything. i’m sick of it.
example one
we have meredith who has a huge crush on st. clair and is only ever present in the book when it’s shown that she gets jealous. her character is only there to make etienne even more off-limits and help turn up the teenage angst.
meredith discovers etienne and anna kissing in one scene and runs away crying. etienne immediately chases after her and not surprisingly, anna’s first thought is ‘oh my god. he’s choosing meredith over me. he’s rejecting me in front of everyone.’ she is more concerned that he left her than the fact she just kissed someone else’s boyfriend and has hurt her best friend. her biggest concern is only herself.
example two
we have ellie, etienne’s girlfriend, who for halloween dresses up as a slutty nurse, complete with a little button-up dress and red crosses over the nipples. she just simply cannot compete with anna’s pure, virgin self.
”i fantasize about their breakup. how he could hurt her, and she could hurt him, and all of the ways i could hurt her back. i want to grab her parisian-styled hair and yank it so hard it rips from her skull. i want to sink my claws into her eyeballs and scrape.”
anna sweetie, ellie hasn’t done anything to you. she’s getting emotionally cheated on, but that’s justified because she dresses like a hoe. send help.
example three
amanda is a typical popular girl who arches her back to show maximum cleavage and periodically pops up to tell anna to back away from st. clair. of course as the mean girl, it’s her job to be a slut and an attention whore.
example four
cherrie is currently dating anna’s ex boyfriend. we know nothing about her except that she is annoying to be around, has a lifeless laugh, and delights in anna’s downfall. love how anna is always so much better than any other girl.
example five
next, there’s bridgette who is supposedly anna’s best friend, but it is revealed she has been dating anna’s atlanta crush for a month and never told her. the guy even announces that they’re screwing in front of everyone at the bowling alley. the girls end up screaming at each other with bridgette saying ‘go to hell.’ i agree that’s a shitty move, but anna literally did the exact same thing to meredith.
what a ~ h y p o c r i t e ~
example six
we have emily who deliberately dropped an eraser so she could lean over to pick it up. when she realizes dave isn't staring at her but at anna, she glares at her. she is also claimed to have returned to school with a similar hair stripe as the main character.
-
the point here is that there’s no good female character in the entirety of this book. half of them are just described as cleavage showing monsters and the other half are obstacles for anna to stomp on in order to achieve st. clair’s love. it’s like the author is unconsciously saying all girls are bad and you need a guy to be happy. it’s not a fluke that all the other girls are skanks and like to dress provocatively. i don’t understand how anna can dance all up on someone who has a girlfriend and it’s totally fine, but god forbid someone wears a low cut top, they are automatically a bad person. that has been a reoccurring theme. what’s up with that?
furthermore, no book with a cheating trope should be given 5 stars. seriously? they literally slept in the same bed multiple times when one of them was in a relationship. stephanie perkins also forces the love interests to have these weird, pointless fights in order to create a wedge between their relationship. i don’t understand the hype surrounding this book at all. people are claiming this as a light read with the sweetest romance. by the end, i had to resist the urge to rip my hair out....more
"I want you so, so bad, and I swear, once you have sex with me, you'll never hear from me again. I promise."
I'm convinced anyone who gives this five s"I want you so, so bad, and I swear, once you have sex with me, you'll never hear from me again. I promise."
I'm convinced anyone who gives this five stars is not sane. It contains the typical ~ I don't do marriage~ love interest, but somehow, he magically wants a committed relationship and kids with our lucky lady after a few interactions. We love being the only exception. It ends with us contains a lot of dark elements such as abuse, toxic relationships, and attempted rape. I understand this novel is based on the author's experience, but that doesn't mean it's good, nor am I obligated to like it. There's absolutely no justification for abuse, and why Lily continues to stay is beyond my comprehension. Throwing away your morals just because someone is hot has got to be the stupidest thing ever.
The author added numerous poor book decisions; I'll list some of them here:
1) The main character's full name is Lily Blossom Bloom, and she runs a florist shop. Do I need to say more?
2) Lily is obsessed with Ellen Degeneres to the point where Ellen becomes the 4th main character of the story.
3) Ryle knocked on 29 apartment doors simply to find Lily and proceeded to beg on his knees for her to fuck him.
4) Lily's bedroom light turned on at the exact perfect moment, just as Atlas was about to commit suicide. Wow, what a mere coincidence. He thought she was an angel beaming in the light. He said, and I quote "I ~felt~ something," that's the reason why he didn't want to kill himself anymore.
5) Every repetitive "just keep swimming" reference.
6) Ryle put a big picture of Lily on his wall after their first meeting. Was this supposed to be attractive?
7) The typical let's invite my gay best friend as my date to make Ryle jealous, only for the gay best friend never to reappear again. I smell a plot device.
8) This quote >> "There's no such thing as bad people, just people who do bad things."
9) Atlas slept with 16-year-old Lily when he was a legal adult.
10) Lily names her daughter Dory after the fish in Finding Nemo.
11) Colleen Hoover has the most unhinged sentences: "When he was wiping that cow shit on me, it was quite possibly the most turned-on I have ever been."
I do, however, understand the valuable and worthwhile message it sends. It's difficult to leave someone you love in such situations, which are never black and white. It is so hard that you come up with excuses and can even make the truth sound like made-up lies. I previously stated that I couldn't understand why Lily never left Ryle after the first incident of assault happened. It contradicts what I said just now about the author's message, but that's because I've never understood their chemistry. Lily said she couldn't leave because she loved him too much, which was strange. It was merely a case of physical attraction. There's also no reason for the author to randomly throw a bunch of serious topics (homelessness, guilt, infertility, abuse, suicidal thoughts) just for the sake of making the book forcefully emotional and not going more in-depth about them. Furthermore, I was not too fond of the plot and didn't connect with a single character. I don't understand why Ryle didn't get help, especially when he could do things similar to their daughter or another partner. That man better stay the hell away from me, or I will seal him up in a trash bag and hit him to the moon with a baseball bat. In conclusion, I will never touch another Colleen Hoover book....more
Loading...
