The writing is atrocious. Indeed, at least three sentences per page start with, “Indeed”. On top of that, the author is exceptionally long winded and The writing is atrocious. Indeed, at least three sentences per page start with, “Indeed”. On top of that, the author is exceptionally long winded and redundant. She says the same thing. Indeed she says the same thing over and over. She might even say it another time. Which makes it slow - very slow.
If you can get past that and the small matter that she fails to offer solutions, it’s actually a very good essay. This is an important conversation not because it matters who is texting but because it matters when we assign blame and assume certain people shouldn’t be texting.
The author does an excellent job of offering well thought of examples to challenge some long held views. For instance, if a private sexy photo is shared to many people beyond a young woman’s boyfriend, many would be inclined to think the young woman ought to not have engaged in something so foolish. How often would we feel the same if our bank data was leaked?
One fault I did see in the book is the failure to go much deeper. The author carefully curated her arguments and research to hit specific notes. But true depth was lacking from this conversation which continues to slow crucial shifts to social norms.
Definitely worth the read if you can ignore the dry, bad writing. ...more
Another well written, well-researched book by Krakauer. However, it is worth saying that it is not an easy book to read. The subject matter is challenAnother well written, well-researched book by Krakauer. However, it is worth saying that it is not an easy book to read. The subject matter is challenging and the events at times are sickening, maddening.
Krakauer follows a selected few stories of rapes and assaults in a small town from the beginning through their end. The book looks into the many contributing factors that lead to the eventual outcomes for each case. From the media relations to the outdated views on rape and the personal agendas of each party, this book takes into account a wide range of factors.
This is an important book for people to read and while the last two pages are too heavy-handed, it is necessary for people (especially men) to take the time to read this book.
Everyone should read this book. Even if you have never been in an abusive relationship or have never abused anyone, you know someone whose life is affEveryone should read this book. Even if you have never been in an abusive relationship or have never abused anyone, you know someone whose life is affected by abuse. It's critical that all of us take a moment to recognize that so we can have the conversations needed to do better and help each other.
This book is one of a kind in that exceptionally few books truly dive into the mind of why someone chooses to abuse another person. It destroys the idea that 'oh, well he was just drunk, it was the alcohol' or 'my father abused women, obviously I was going to do it.' The author even shares a terrifying example of when men from his group helped 'coach' an actor on how to seem abusive, directing how close he should stand, what gestures he should make, etc. It is exceptionally clear that those who choose to abuse know what they are doing and are deciding to do so. The book helps decode phrases like, 'I sometimes have a problem with my anger.' There are wonderful resources and good insights. I want to also make clear that the book is written mostly for women who have been or are being abused by men. The author is direct that this is not always the case but the overwhelming majority of the time it is.
I did only give the book three stars and that was because I was hoping for more. I felt there were so many studies that have been done that would have shed even more light on the subject. I would have preferred the author go deeper. The author tends to say the same things over and over and they are a bit superficial. In addition, it can be a bit challenging to hear that almost nothing can fully predict who will be abusive.
All in all, it is an important book to read. This book should be required reading in schools and at Churches and at town hall events. The information is critical.
This book is phenomenal. I cannot say enough about it. I think everyone should read this. It is written in a way that is active and engaging no matterThis book is phenomenal. I cannot say enough about it. I think everyone should read this. It is written in a way that is active and engaging no matter where you are. It certainly calls me in several times. The writing is outstanding, it asks great questions, it is incredible. ...more
I made the library buy a copy of this book because I was curious but this is what every arm chair advice columnist with a coWell, this was a mistake.
I made the library buy a copy of this book because I was curious but this is what every arm chair advice columnist with a computer can type out (complete with grammatical errors).
This book is just a few sentences on unrealistic, unenjoyable, uninformed, and certainly unnuanced consent. This book sets consent back. ...more
This is a great book! I cannot speak highly enough about this.
This book offers excellent examples, steeped in real life situations with good, criticaThis is a great book! I cannot speak highly enough about this.
This book offers excellent examples, steeped in real life situations with good, critical questions. This book goes a long way to have meaningful conversations about consent.
I would recommend this for every single person interested in consent.
If there was a single low point it is that the author does rely on stories with alcohol a bit too much and the last chapter is heavily Christian. Otherwise, the author makes a point to include people of all gender and sexual identities, discusses people in a range of ages and emotional states and consider multiple sides for each scenario.
This book doesn't do anything to move along this movement. It is an incoherent mess. The author's are more accustomed to writing short Disappointing.
This book doesn't do anything to move along this movement. It is an incoherent mess. The author's are more accustomed to writing short pieces and their style does not translate well to this format. The book does little to articulate the heart of the problem and relies on disconnected bits of evidence glossed over with forced emotion.
The tragedy is that this is such an important conversation and their work does nothing to show that. The author's come across as lacking discipline and not up for a challenge in a way. The book comes across as the underdog story and therefore it lacks the confidence to show a true movement or calling.
The central story is of the women who came forward against Harvey Weinstein. The trouble is that portion of the book takes about 75% and then the reader is left in this odd position of saying, "What the hell is the rest of this book." The rest of it turns out to be the case against Brett Kavanaugh. It doesn't flow as a single piece and yet isn't enough to be two.
I found this lack luster and a bit boring. It failed to pull me in anyway and left me somehow bored. It was disappointed by this book. ...more
The author sets out 20 some principles regarding power. This is the primary failing of the book. No one will remember 2Decent read. Relatively short.
The author sets out 20 some principles regarding power. This is the primary failing of the book. No one will remember 20 principles. It gets a bit garbled.
The book starts a bit slow but gets quite interesting. Unfortunately, it's a bit too little too late as you end the book only recently having bought in and with no fire or method to move forward.
There are a few fascinating studies regarding how powerlessness impacts every aspect of life. ...more
I have strong feelings about this matter and want to give a thorough review of this book. To that end, I willThis book is about women having affairs.
I have strong feelings about this matter and want to give a thorough review of this book. To that end, I will review the book as a break down of several aspects.
The good. I want to recognize that this book is written quite well. The style is easy enough to read, the wording is superb. The author clearly has an excellent style. There is one section towards the middle that feels as though it has been lifted from a college essay. Many others have commented on this so I wont waste much time other than to say it feels a bit sloppy, not engaging and lacks a coherent voice. The rest of the book reads well. Based on writing style, the book deserves a rating of a 4.
Next, I want to go over a few of the research concerns. The author is quick to admit almost all of her interviews lasted an hour. Is that enough to get substantive information? Her own research saw less than 40 people. She has borrowed studies from many others, quite normal, but her conclusions differ wildly from their own or from other papers. I find much of her analysis to be troubling. The conclusions drawn are often so wide of logic it defies explanation. The tragically common survivor ship bias, especially with the author's research into polyamory, is suspect. Based on research quality, I would offer a 2.
Now for the more complicated matter. I believe that her premise is deeply flawed and dangerous. Let me preface this by acknowledging that ethical non-monogamy is a choice many make. Those in a partnership, make the decision together. Having an affair is not the same thing. Having an affair is a selfish, cruel and abusive decision that is made with the belief that your moment of pleasure has more worth than someone else's life. That has to be understood before anything else. Having an affair is not a simple event. It is something that will harm the other person for potentially their entire life. The rates of PTSD after a spouse has had an affair are staggering. The deep trauma an affair can cause can markedly change someone's self worth, personality, sense of safety, even the chemistry of their brain. So while the author writes loads of anecdotes about how wonderfully happy women should be to have an affair, how they deserve it, how much better their lives will be for it, how it's time that women stand up and take the affairs they are owed and stop feeling guilty, she is forgetting something. Consent.
Above all, when you interact with someone else, there is always some level of consent or consent violation. Most of the time, this is not a large issue: we step on someone's foot or sit next to someone on the bus while they hoped to save the seat. However, for this book and this free wheeling journey down a road of happy affairs, never once does the author stop to recognize the place of consent. To have an affair is to violate your partner's consent. There is no way around that. Moreover, to violate someone's consent in this way is sexual assault. Until we can recognize that, until each person understands this, the book is worthless. This book fails to recognize the basic autonomy of each individual and their right to agency and informed consent. This book is a monstrosity specifically because it seeks to deny individuals autonomy and the ability to make decisions about their own body.
I want to highlight a few other points. The author asks several times, 'if monogamy is hard, why should we even try?' Ignoring how juvenile she sounds, the question is ludicrous. Why learn to walk if walking is hard? Why learn to drive a car or do division? Why learn to knit, why learn mandarin, why learn to be a good parent? The truth is, we all look at these options and see some things we want to do and some we do not. We make a choice based on our values and desires for what we think is worthwhile and best fits our goals. Monogamy may well not be the choice for many. For others, it will be and simply because it is hard will not be the reason to run away from it. For some, the fact that it is hard adds some value to it. One thing the author does quite well is to display her own judgements on women who have decided to be monogamous and faithful. The author views those women with contempt instead of with a respect that they might simply have a different desire. Her sanctimonious tones and deafening judgements become a bit hypocritical and tiresome. Worst, the author fails to recognize it.
A couple last pieces I want to share. In discussing why women cheat, the author says, "Not because something is wrong with the relationship. They might do it because they were attracted to someone else and went for it." She says, "Hard as it is to imagine that something that causes so much pain, something a partner does that devastates us so thoroughly, might be unrelated to us." This is the only time in the book the author even bothers to acknowledge the trauma an affair causes. In this paragraph, the author implies that the decision to have an affair is made quickly and with little thought. The woman wanted it and so she went for it, damn everyone else to hell. The callousness in that attitude might well be deserving of scorn.
Lastly, I want to drink in these lines. "(There is) a monthly event called Sip.n.Sketch in DC, where men and women come together to drink cocktails, chat, and sketch nude models. Why are we able to simple appreciate the model's body in this context...when we might objectify her in short shorts on the street."? This bit right here exemplifies the failing of the entire book. The reason why is so simple and so imperative it makes this book unworthy of printing. The difference is consent. That's it. In one example, a woman has made the informed decision to enter into that specific venue, for that purpose. In the other, the woman has absolutely not consented. That is the entire point and that premise is lost on this author. If the author fails to understand consent as such a basic level, it is impossible to listen to anything else she has to say. The author has completely missed the idea of consent and in that, has failed to respect women and men, monogamous and poly households and has continued a horrible and dangerous pattern of thought.
For that reason, there is no way I could recommend this book to anyone....more
Have you ever wondered what it would sound like if a white, cis, male really, really wanted to be heard but had nothing to say? This book is for you.
BHave you ever wondered what it would sound like if a white, cis, male really, really wanted to be heard but had nothing to say? This book is for you.
Bloody hell this was an incoherent mess. The "author," a poorly educated, trust fund, imbecile with a bored penis tried to write a book because no one was giving him the time of day. He never expresses any concrete thought other than 'everyone else is wrong,' 'consent is unfair to poor me,' bdsm and football are just the worst, I'm pretty sure, though I admit I don't know anything about football.' Fuck, this was a shit show.
The author quotes his students! Can you imagine anything more sad? How pathetic must you be? To get the book published, it seems he had to have someone else co-write two chapters. Noticeably, those were the only two chapters worth reading.
My favorite sentence might be, "...if you believe there is no there there, there are..." This was somehow published. It is almost hysterical. Oh wait, we also have this gem, "Halley likewise contends warns feminist-led efforts." What a poetic and intelligent writer!
To cut to the point, the author says bdsm is evil, though he doesn't know why, football is the worst, though he doesn't know why, all consent is awful, but he can't offer anything better, and Louis C.K. is "the fantasy" of consent. Yup. That is how stupid this 'author' is....more
I won't say I agree with everything in the book but for the most part, this was well done, informative, has This was pretty damn good. I'm impressed.
I won't say I agree with everything in the book but for the most part, this was well done, informative, has a strong sense of audience and frankly, a lot of very good information. The book places a lot of emphasis on consent and on recognizing power dynamics.
I highly, highly recommend this book. That said, the target audience is quite specific. This book is written for boys between 11 and 17. It would not be a good fit for really anyone outside of that range....more
Difficult to read zine about hard hitting consent issues. For people with familiarity with consent, this is an excellent secondary read. It is a zine,Difficult to read zine about hard hitting consent issues. For people with familiarity with consent, this is an excellent secondary read. It is a zine, so odd formatting throughout and crass language. Very direct and honest. ...more
A short going through of what you may want and feel after an assault. What you may need or want if yoVery small decent zine on post consent incidents.
A short going through of what you may want and feel after an assault. What you may need or want if you've been accused of assault. What you may feel or need if you are trying to support someone going through assault....more
A collection of short essays on consent, this book covers a lot of topics. Ideas around consent and READ. THIS. BOOK.
Damn, this is one hell of a book.
A collection of short essays on consent, this book covers a lot of topics. Ideas around consent and paying for porn, consent and teenage bullying, consent and medical care. There is an article on consent and LARPing, one on consent and race, several on consent and polyamory.
I won't say I loved every single essay in the collection but the ones I did like, I absolutely am obsessing over. These are all written by good, articulate authors who have strong, bold opinions. There are nuances that usually are glossed over or not considered. This was excellently done.
A note of caution: this is not an intro to consent book. I would read this *after* you have read other books on consent or attended a class or lecture. This is certainly a more advanced book on consent but absolutely well worth. I cannot emphasize how strongly I recommend this book. Absolutely a great and worthwhile read. ...more
No clever, well written review. The book was horrible.
It's very 90's Christian and incredibly sexist. The examples are all fabricThis book was awful.
No clever, well written review. The book was horrible.
It's very 90's Christian and incredibly sexist. The examples are all fabricated - no one can accurately quote paragraphs years later. The authors are quick to point out how they have never been wrong, ever. There is a very dated look at family life and exceptionally redundant. The two authors are big fans of the golden rule even though we should really have moved on by now. The entire book could be summed up with "give kids boundaries so girls grow up to be quiet, dutiful mothers and boys grow up to stay away from drugs, because drugs kill."
I'll stop sharing my thoughts and instead just share some of the top quotes.
"The mother who says, 'You'll eat your peas and like them!' is headed for disappointment. Even Jesus dreaded his most horrible task: dying for our sins."
"Let me speak a word here to single parents: God designed the job of nurturing and rearing kids to two parents" ...more
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