I would have rated this higher if the beginning wasn't so clunky because I generally like the trope of fake romances becoming real. But, the set-up foI would have rated this higher if the beginning wasn't so clunky because I generally like the trope of fake romances becoming real. But, the set-up for this fake relationship was really forced and flimsy. However, once that is out of the way, this was a fun enough book.
Although, my standards have become very low this month. I have been doing a vampire-themed reading challenge for the month and have read a LOT of crappy vampire books. Comparatively, this was a breath of fresh air because it was actually readable.
[image]
This is about a vampire rock group who are famous. One of the vampires is sick of it all and wants to quit. Another of the vamps in the group makes a deal with him that they will all quit if only bored-vamp falls in love with a human for a year. Call me crazy, but WTF? That has to be one of the stupidest set-ups for a fake relationship I have ever read.
So, of course he gets a straight guy to fake marry him..... because of reasons. And, they do what we all expect. Which makes me think - just how low is the average straight man's sales resistance? Because, according to my research - gay romance books - they seem to be just one fake relationship away from becoming gay at any time. Is this the real reason that car salesmen ignore the woman and only speak to the guy when a couple buys a car? They know he is an easier sale? Plus there is the added benefit of maybe convincing him to become their lover too. A lot of guys seem willing to do a hella lot to say they got a good deal on their new car.
[image] Power couple in the making! (although I'd prefer a Doug Judy/Jake Peralta deal more)
Anyhoo, bad premise aside, I liked the two main characters a lot and wouldn't mind reading more in the series. Except, vampire month is almost over. Thank god! ...more
This is one of those true-mates books where they smell their mate's scent, go batshit crazy, and then need to bite and claim each other. It seems likeThis is one of those true-mates books where they smell their mate's scent, go batshit crazy, and then need to bite and claim each other. It seems like a much easier way to find your Mister or Miss Right than trolling bars or Tinder, so I think it would be a great plan if we humans could have this feature built in. Can someone get on this?
Of course, it might make things a little weird when you're sitting in IHOP with the kids and some guy chases down your waiter, holding your smiley face pancakes, and tackles him to the ground to bite and mate him. But, I think it might be entertaining. Plus, things have been so weird for the past year or so that we probably wouldn't even flinch at this point. I mean, did you notice that nobody gave a crap when the government announced that UFO's are real?
[image] We are truly getting hard to impress.
So, our heroes are the king of vampires and alpha of werewolves. They are brought together because their people are misbehaving and putting the supes in danger from the government. They are immediately driven crazy/horny by the mating bond thingy and have to be together. Which means, too bad, suckers, their sex takes priority over petty problems like government policing and a possible race war. Bone first - Politics later.
[image]
Probably the best thing about this book was how the couple dealt with each other. They were immediately loyal and worked together as a team. They were considerate of their differences and each other's needs. I really liked them as a couple.
The downside of the story was that it felt a little more like a book that was setting up a world and introducing characters for the series, so things stayed more surfacey. Still, I like where the whole thing is going....more
And the award for the unsexiest sex scenes in a book ever goes to...... well, I did read a book once where an alien ejaculated gobs of green gelatin...And the award for the unsexiest sex scenes in a book ever goes to...... well, I did read a book once where an alien ejaculated gobs of green gelatin.... But, no, that was sexier.
Yes, this book wins!
[image]
I thought the book had a good set-up with the main guy being able to resurrect the dead and having a vampire boyfriend, but there were problems. Lots of them.
The "boyfriend" was rarely visible in the book and only had a few paragraphs of actually interacting with the MC, and there was another love interest that felt odd. I never got any chemistry between any of the characters really. And then the sex scenes. They were awful! Like if someone decided to write out the sex between two teenagers at bible camp. A lot of strange guilt, shame, resentments, and fumbling awkwardness, along with every bodily discomfort available. I really really don't want that kind of sex in a 'romantic' book. They even continually turned-down sex with each other. Again, not typically a book character thing.
Look, we don't read stories for the worst parts of IRL-shit. We read them for a better version of IRL. Come on!
[image] I would have preferred the Fanta with all of its orangey glory. I might have even preferred a Mountain Dew over the sex in this book. A Mountain Dew!
Then there was the weird bitchiness of our MC, and everyone else really. I mean, sure there are nefarious dealings going on, but people could still be polite. I bet they're bitchy because their sex lives suck so much. That will make anyone cranky.
Along with the fact that I never connected with any of the characters, and the story got a little convoluted and muddled, it also ended in a cliffhanger with a lot of unanswered questions. The problem with that is that I don't feel invested enough in any of these people to want to read the next book. I just don't care.
So, this one is about a vampire who is best buddies with a werewolfMy run of 2-star reads continues...
[image] Where's my fainting couch when I need it?
So, this one is about a vampire who is best buddies with a werewolf pack - defying the tradition of hatred between the two kinds. It is the equivalent of the Roadrunner and Coyote getting married. An insult to God and all of mankind.
[image] It was always a game. A sexy role-play game. The Roadrunner looks happy to be caught and is about to say "Choke me, Daddy."
Our vampire, Alex, buys a piece of crap "fixer-upper" of a house with a bunch of land so his puppy pals have lots of room to romp and kill every full moon. But, one pup gets hurt so he ends up bringing his new neighbor, a veterinarian, in to help. And, well, you know, he must have been rocking that set of scrubs and comfy shoes because things get sexy... as things are wont to do when crocs are matched with socks....
[image]
There are some very tame issues that seem too easily resolved, and a bad guy who never really felt as threatening as the author wanted. The characters seemed likable enough, but none of them were developed. I think that by trying to give all of the secondary characters dimension, there just wasn't enough page-time for the main couple's personalities and chemistry to come through. It was all just a mild, surface look at a lot of people that I didn't connect strongly with.
Okay, so this book wasn't bad per say, just underdeveloped and immature in writing. Everything went a li*sigh* Another two star read for Jilly!
[image]
Okay, so this book wasn't bad per say, just underdeveloped and immature in writing. Everything went a little too easy for the most part and the solutions to the "problems" felt a little too simplistic.
I think if they took the sex out of this book (not much), then it would make a better YA novel....more
All the OG's remember the tragedy that was the Sookie Stackhouse series. Remember how the last book or so was obviously a contract obligation on the aAll the OG's remember the tragedy that was the Sookie Stackhouse series. Remember how the last book or so was obviously a contract obligation on the author's part and no longer a passion project? I mean, Sam? WTF?
[image]
Well, this book struggled with the same problem. Everything that was great about the series died here. We should have a moment of silence for the humor, chemistry, and excitement first.
[image] okay, a little dramatic, but I'll allow it.
David is a human sorcerer who has been in the book since the beginning. He had an elf fall in love with him at first sight for ... reasons...? We are assured that David doesn't want to be thought of as the boring and predictable pencil pusher that he is and that the elf will bring him out of that role. Um. No. The elf just tried to become more boring and predictable to match up with David. Plus, here's a big problem - not once in the book are we told what elf-dude looks like. I know he was described in the last book, but hey, I only have so many slots on my KU books. I have to delete a lot. Just tell me again, dammit!
[image] Cuz, this is where my mind goes. A lot of things, but sexy ain't one of them.
Another huge missing element was the humor. Where did it go? David is so boring that humor just isn't a thing here? That is absolutely NOT acceptable in JillyLand.
The final nail in the coffin was how much of the action happened "off page". There were weird time jumps that would have explanations of what had happened in that time - but they were big events. We should have seen it, not read a recap about it. In this we get that rare first-person account of the guy who was at the wrong bank while the rest of his gang did the heist. Why?
I truly think this book was written just to wrap up the series and leave a trail for the next one. It never engaged me like the previous books did. It was just as exciting and fun as going to the wrong bank.
You know when you read a book and like a side-character more than the main so you keep reading the series to get to that character's own book? And theYou know when you read a book and like a side-character more than the main so you keep reading the series to get to that character's own book? And then you know how that book lets you down in every way and suddenly the character you loved so much isn't quite as fun anymore?
Okay, I admit that I wanted to read fluff and low-angst, and this book promised that, but insta-love isn't my usual thing. So, when it also said to exOkay, I admit that I wanted to read fluff and low-angst, and this book promised that, but insta-love isn't my usual thing. So, when it also said to expect that because of the fated-mate thing I just decided to go with it for fun.
I have read a LOT of books. A LOT. But, I have honestly never read one as cheesy as this. Ever. I think the Disney people read this book and felt like dirty dirty boys. It made Snow White dancing and singing with woodland creatures look like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in comparison.
[image] Wow, Disney woke these days. They need to read this book to get things back on track.
This was so outrageously over the top that I actually started to laugh at the ridiculousness... And so, in that way it was worth it. Plus, I did laugh at the antics of one of the side characters. So, either my edible worked better than I thought or this crazy hot mess ended up entertaining me. I guess I'll read that next one.
Ever eat a strange combo and it just works for some reason? That is this book. The mythologies mixology is insane. There is Greek, Norse, Aztec, EgyptEver eat a strange combo and it just works for some reason? That is this book. The mythologies mixology is insane. There is Greek, Norse, Aztec, Egyptian, and Mexican in this book. Add to that a gay romance (although the magic wars take 98% of the book), and you have a really awesome mix.
[image] Haha. Now kiss! You know you want to.
Our heroes are Patrick, a mage, and Jono, a werewolf. They are soulbonded, which means, whatever. You wanna give a less smaltzy tag than soulmate? Fine. Doesn't matter. There is a overarching story that I'm sure will continue throughout the series of a bad mage who is trying to steal the souls of mythological gods to get their power. Pat and Jono are supposed to stop the guy, but he's like The Simpsons - won't go away, not getting any better.
[image]
In this book they have to deal with vampires because Pat is a dumbass who makes such bad life decisions that every character he meets calls him on it. The guy has the survival instincts of a lemming. But, on the plus side he also has a lot of power at his disposal between help from the gods , his own magic, and powerful allies. He should have no problem defeating ancient vampires and gods of death, right?
I spoiled myself a little before reading this because at the beginning of the book there was a warning about a rape scene. I wanted to decide whether I could deal with reading it before starting. (view spoiler)[ So, let me assure you that I am pretty sensitive to gratuitous rape scenes in books and this one didn't trigger me. It was brief, and not as bad as it could have been. More like an Uncle Chester the molester bad-touching than a full-on rape scene. I don't know if that helps or makes it worse for some. For me it was worse anticipating the rape than the paragraph of molestation that was easy enough to skim. Gah, if this is insensitive of me, I apologize, because I am just trying to alleviate fears and concerns not make them worse or say something that upsets someone. Let's just say that as a woman who has lived in this world for a long time this type of thing was tamer than life-experiences for most of us. Sorry. It sucks, but is true. (hide spoiler)]
Anyway, back to non-serious. I am with a lot of reviewers when I say that I find one bad boy, Lucien, very intriguing. I want more of him. I want a book for him. I feel like I could tame his bad-boy ways. He just needs a middle-aged housewife to tame his evil ways. What the fuck is wrong with me? My therapist will quit after our next meeting.
[image] Maybe the Simpsons IS still relevant.... nah.
But, my furniture salesman took a psych class once. He's qualified. Also, he got me a great deal on a couch that I lay around on all day while eating crap, drinking, chewing an edible, and reading smut on my kindle. See? Mental health all the way!
So, off to the next book. My therapist recommends it!...more
There is such a crazy mix of mythologies and magic going on in this book that I have no desire to explain it. It was fun and super fast paced with theThere is such a crazy mix of mythologies and magic going on in this book that I have no desire to explain it. It was fun and super fast paced with the focus on magic fighting more than the romance. If you like to go to the soda machine and pour a little of each flavor in there, this is for you.
[image] I can guarantee that the book is better than this atrocity....more
If there is one thing we have learned in fiction it's that powerful vampires who are thousands of years old will always fall hopelessly in love with tIf there is one thing we have learned in fiction it's that powerful vampires who are thousands of years old will always fall hopelessly in love with the youngest person in the room. A little pervy? Yes. But adorable? Also yes.
[image] Well. Not always. Never, in the history of womankind has a girl wanted to be called a spider monkey. At 900 years old you would think he would have figured that out.
I think it's the fact that the younger ones are less impressed by them. Let's face it, it doesn't come naturally for a 20 year old to defer to the wisdom of age and power. They can bring the snark like no one else.
Isaac, after being startled, once again, by the silent stalking of the most powerful, lethal vampire king:
"you're getting a bell, just like a housecat. A cute one, sky blue, with little plastic rhinestones on it and a tag that says PITA."
I also like that Constantine was fine with that as long as the diamonds are real because there is "nothing so tawdry as rhinestones." And, as a girl who likes shiny stuff and has nails painted in glitter and leopard glitter print right now, just call me a:
[image] *dancing badly right now* *husband telling me to stop, for the love of all that is holy* *trying to revenge-twerk at him* *hurt my back, going to lay down*
I liked this book because the characters of Isaac and Constantine in no way resembled Angel and Simeon. They were totally separate people with different personalities. Angel is a hothead who charges head first into situations. Isaac is a broken person with anxiety attacks, addiction, and guilt that makes him super cautious and more of person who stays in the background instead of a fighter. Simeon is a respectful second to his master, Constantine, whereas Constantine is arrogant and in charge. Way different dynamics in the two relationships, and I appreciate that the author was able to achieve that.
There was slightly less action in this book than in the one before it but that was okay with me. We got to see the relationship building more without a gazillion fight scenes.
Now I am looking forward to the sorcerers apprentice and the fae royalty that is coming next....more
Look, if you can't be entertained by a book that has a mini dragon that is in a war with the pigeon population then you have problems that I really caLook, if you can't be entertained by a book that has a mini dragon that is in a war with the pigeon population then you have problems that I really can't help you with.
[image] The victors eat the losers!
So, Angel is a necromancer who has become way more powerful now that he is bonded with a vampire because of the necromancy that make a vamp a living corpse. He is such a badass now that the elusive council that supposedly rules sorcerers have decided to come to America to capture and use him for his powers have a chat. It goes about how you would expect.
[image] Ha! They thought cute little Angel wouldn't be a problem. Think again, buckos!
There is one thing to be said for this series for sure: there is a hella lot going on at all times. You will never be bored, so that's a plus, but it will also maybe make you appreciate your pandemic lifestyle because just following along with these guys is tiring. They would really benefit from a 2-week quarantine like we have since last year.
[image]
And get fat. Anyone out there who hasn't gained the Quarantine 15? I mean, you may not have noticed with the pandemic uniform of stretchy pants, but....yeah. it's there.
So there is a lot going on and it never gets boring. Also, the side characters are super intriguing. I am literally (not literally) excited for books on the other couples that are developing.
The only downside to this series is that there is a little too many explanations for things that you pretty much know if you've read this far. It's like someone mansplaining your period to you.
Much like in a loaf of packaged bread, the second one is much better than the first. Oh, you all know what I mean. That first slice of bread in the paMuch like in a loaf of packaged bread, the second one is much better than the first. Oh, you all know what I mean. That first slice of bread in the package is pawed at by every person in the house as they pick out the slices below it.
[image] Exactly. Because you know your park's pond is in need of pounds of shitty bread covered in kid germs and algae.
Our story continues with Angel (Bob) and Simeon (Simon). They are now in love and living together with a couple of slackers and a maybe-dragon. Domestic bliss. Except someone is killing people and taking their hearts. Rude. Angel is trying to help the police find this serial killer. At the same time he is dealing with a bad-touch doctor/stalker, a crazy ex, a crazier sorcerer, and Christmas shopping. Christmas shopping that isn't online! Like a freak. Even before the rona I learned that there is no way my ass is ever stepping into a mall again during holiday season. Or ever, really. Let's cancel malls. We can do that now, right? Cancel whatever we want. I love cancel culture!!! I just want to cancel the hell out of everything that annoys me. I'm looking at you Kroger commercials with those creepy fatass dancing animation things. Nobody likes them!!
[image] Stop this now. There is not a human on earth that likes these ads. I even found a subreddit hate group for them. They are the first bread in the loaf. No one wants them. Not even ducks, and those bastards aren't known for their pickiness. (It's the raping. Ducks are known for their raping. Yet they still have the good taste to hate these commercials.)
So, yeah, there is a lot of story going on, but I liked that. Keep things moving fast, baby. Mama gets bored easily. There was also good character building for some of the side characters and I am looking forward to some of their stories....more
It was a good start, even though there were some rocky moments. The world of magic is cool and interesting. Demons are actually space aliens, magical It was a good start, even though there were some rocky moments. The world of magic is cool and interesting. Demons are actually space aliens, magical creatures have blood that poisons vampires, and our hero is a powerful necromancer.
[image] Oh, I'm invited to the necromancer party? Um, I think I'm busy that day. Oh, you didn't tell me what day it is? Yeah, well... oh, that's my phone. Gotta go! It's on vibrate.
Dodged that bullet. Okay, so our hero is named Angel and that was hard for me because I didn't want to pronounce it in my head as angel - like a celestial being. But, I feel like a tool when I use a name with a fake accent like an-hell, which is how I'm pretty sure it should be pronounced. Why couldn't his name just be Bob. Nobody, I mean nobody mispronounces Bob.
[image] See? Everyone read that without any problem pronouncing Bob's name. Be like Bob's mom.
Angel has an agreement to live in peace with the local vampire group and he sometimes helps them with magic issues. The book starts with him going to help because his brother's dumbass friend decided to rob the most powerful ancient vampires in the city. Yeah, dumbass. When Angel goes to fix the situation he runs across his vampire love-interest, Simeon. Why not just name him Simon? Because Angel's name isn't Bob. I personally would have been fine with Bob and Simon, but nobody asked me. People really should ask me before naming things. I rock at it. I had a bunny named Commander Bun Bun and a dog named Mr. Fluffy Pants. See? Rockin' it!
[image] I should get a llama.
As things go on we realize that Bob and Simon have the feelings for each other and it's pretty adorable. We also realize that Bob's life is in danger. Probably because someone took offense at having to pronounce his name with a douchy accent. So, you know - justified! After this we are unraveling the mystery of who hates Bob's name. It was fun!
[image] Ooh, I see. It's the guy who has to pick up the cones. He totally did it!
The reason I didn't give it all the stars was because there was a little too much redundancy in explaining the magic of this world. It really only needed to be explained once for most of us to get it. Twice was a little much. And, the amount of times it was done in this book was overkill. It needed a good editing pen to go through it. However, it is a first book. I give a lot of leeway for that and my skimming skills are good so it wasn't too bad. Overall it was worth a little too much infodumping and I look forward to continuing the series....more
Short book = short review. This is a novella in the same world as the series but they don't crossover. It is more vamp-centric instead of were-centric.Short book = short review. This is a novella in the same world as the series but they don't crossover. It is more vamp-centric instead of were-centric.
[image] Way to kink-shame, Boomer.
A cute short story about a poor kid who ends up selling himself on the streets and his unlikely vampire protector. Both characters were really likable and I hope they show up later in the main series.
What's with thousands year old vampires hitting on teenagers? Why isn't that creepy? Our vampire in this book is older than Betty White and is hot for What's with thousands year old vampires hitting on teenagers? Why isn't that creepy? Our vampire in this book is older than Betty White and is hot for the guy we met in the last book. Not only is Noah 19 when they meet, but he has also spent the past few years imprisoned. When he is in danger from his past abductor he stays with Andrew, the old as fuck vampire, to stay safe. And, we all know that if you stay with a vampire for any length of time you will have sex with them. They are irresistible to our puny human brains.
[image] Can't argue with that. It must be magic.
Andrew is described as acting like an immature jerk and Noah is also kind of a dick. This makes them perfect for each other because we all know two dickheaded jerks is way better than one.
[image] Can't we just go shopping instead?
The story from the first book continues and there is a new dynamic to the bad guys' plans. I'm looking forward to seeing where this whole thing is going....more
Loading...
