Paul Bryant's Reviews > Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
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I’m Oskar with a k like Liza with a Z cause Oskar with a k is krazy (also kind, klever and kultured). I’m 10 going on Dalai Lama. I make jewellery (I know!) and collect butterflies who have died naturally and play a tambourine constantly. You have to wonder why no one has killed me since I must drive people insane with my maximum cuteness. Oh, and have shortwave radio conversations with my grandma over in another desirable residence in the Upper West Side. I have empathy for every living thing including you. This great and terrible tragedy happened to me so nobody, not even those horrid GR people, can make fun of me, even when I’m so twee a hobbit would thwow up all over the nearest elf. This is the way I speak with my Mom :
“Mom?” “Yes?” “Nothing.”
“What is it, baby?” “Well it’s just that wouldn’t it be great if mattresses had spaces for your arm, so that when you rolled on to your side, you could fit just right?” “That would be nice.” “And good for your back, probably, because it would let your spine be straight, which I know is important.” “That is important.” “Also, it would make snuggling easier… And making snuggling easier is important.” “Very.”
Here, you can use this bin, or the sink, whichever. I’m so kloying and keen to make everyone’s lives better by befriending deaf centenarians and lonely billionaires and dragging them off on eccentric heart-twanging dead-father-related quests that Amelie from that kooky French movie Amelie would be out-cloyed and out-eccentriced at every turn & would have to throw herself out of my window wearing a birdseed dress which is an invention of mine for suicides by defenestration as the birdseed would attract birds who would carry the person aloft & thus prevent their self-destruction. Okay maybe when the birdseed was gone then the person would plummet, but I don’t think that far about any of my kooky schemes, magical children who could never possibly exist don’t do that.
My brain is just naturally like Pixar HD.
I’ll invent an invisibility suit that has a camera on my back that takes video of everything behind me and plays it onto a plasma screen that I’ll wear on my front, which will cover everything but my face. It’ll look like I’m not there at all.
You may be wondering how I got to be like I am. Well, there’s a long line of cutesypie narrators in my family. My grandfather, frinstance. He’s tweer than me. Is that a word? It is now. He explained How I Met Your Grandmother like this:
I had so much to ask her, “Do you lie on your stomach and look for things under the ice? Do you like plays? Do you like it when you can hear something before you can see it?... in the middle of my youth, in the middle of Europe, in between our two villages, on the verge of losing everything, I bumped into something and was knocked to the ground… at first I thought I’d walked into a tree, but then the tree became a person…
I would like to explain that I am depressed about my father but as I’m in this novel I don’t call it that, I say I’m wearing heavy boots. I would also like to say that what with all this smiling through tears, the grandma, the grandfather, the old guy who can hear again, the mom who is probably schmoozing with some guy in the next room, the sad quest to find the Blacks of New York, AND 9/11 AND let's throw Hitler into the mix, you don’t have to look any further for a dictionary definition of emotional blackmail.
“Mom?” “Yes?” “Nothing.”
“What is it, baby?” “Well it’s just that wouldn’t it be great if mattresses had spaces for your arm, so that when you rolled on to your side, you could fit just right?” “That would be nice.” “And good for your back, probably, because it would let your spine be straight, which I know is important.” “That is important.” “Also, it would make snuggling easier… And making snuggling easier is important.” “Very.”
Here, you can use this bin, or the sink, whichever. I’m so kloying and keen to make everyone’s lives better by befriending deaf centenarians and lonely billionaires and dragging them off on eccentric heart-twanging dead-father-related quests that Amelie from that kooky French movie Amelie would be out-cloyed and out-eccentriced at every turn & would have to throw herself out of my window wearing a birdseed dress which is an invention of mine for suicides by defenestration as the birdseed would attract birds who would carry the person aloft & thus prevent their self-destruction. Okay maybe when the birdseed was gone then the person would plummet, but I don’t think that far about any of my kooky schemes, magical children who could never possibly exist don’t do that.
My brain is just naturally like Pixar HD.
I’ll invent an invisibility suit that has a camera on my back that takes video of everything behind me and plays it onto a plasma screen that I’ll wear on my front, which will cover everything but my face. It’ll look like I’m not there at all.
You may be wondering how I got to be like I am. Well, there’s a long line of cutesypie narrators in my family. My grandfather, frinstance. He’s tweer than me. Is that a word? It is now. He explained How I Met Your Grandmother like this:
I had so much to ask her, “Do you lie on your stomach and look for things under the ice? Do you like plays? Do you like it when you can hear something before you can see it?... in the middle of my youth, in the middle of Europe, in between our two villages, on the verge of losing everything, I bumped into something and was knocked to the ground… at first I thought I’d walked into a tree, but then the tree became a person…
I would like to explain that I am depressed about my father but as I’m in this novel I don’t call it that, I say I’m wearing heavy boots. I would also like to say that what with all this smiling through tears, the grandma, the grandfather, the old guy who can hear again, the mom who is probably schmoozing with some guy in the next room, the sad quest to find the Blacks of New York, AND 9/11 AND let's throw Hitler into the mix, you don’t have to look any further for a dictionary definition of emotional blackmail.
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Reading Progress
August 15, 2015
–
Started Reading
August 15, 2015
– Shelved
August 16, 2015
–
22.7%
"This is exactly like I thought it would be, so far. I mean, exactly. Boy, do writers and film makers have a deep and abiding obsession with unnaturally precocious children. On the bright side, it's nothing if not readable, which puts it ahead of some of the stuff I've encountered recently by a clear mile."
page
74
August 20, 2015
– Shelved as:
novels
August 20, 2015
–
Finished Reading
Comments Showing 1-50 of 77 (77 new)
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Jimmy
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Aug 20, 2015 09:36AM
Sounds extremely annoying and incredibly bad
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This is exactly how I felt when reading this book, and I was amazed at how much everyone loved it. Thank you for the great review.
My terrier's name was Oskar with a K. But then again, that's the German spelling and since he was Scottish by heritage of being a terrier it all made sense at the time.
Paul wrote: "Tweest? Or tweeest?"
Or you could go with "El Tweestarino" if you're not into the whole brevity thing...
Or you could go with "El Tweestarino" if you're not into the whole brevity thing...
"Emotional blackmail" a good name for a book genre... that I avoid. Emotion good; having someone else yank your heartstrings BAD.
Thanks (as always) for warning me off. And making me laugh. Laughing good.
Thanks (as always) for warning me off. And making me laugh. Laughing good.
I am trying to figure out why I do like sentimentality sometimes (Jimmie Rodgers singing Old Love Letters, the movie Amelie, The Elephant Man) - indeed, love it - and strongly dislike it on other occasions, as here.
What I like-- rather than the forced, "crowdpleasing" ET-phone-home-ness sentimentality is moments of irrepressible joy over small events. Can't think of any examples right now except Tom Hanks dancing in the rain in that volcano movie.
I really liked Amelie's-- even the moments of tweeness (the lists of "likes" at the beginning. The animated bedside lamps come to mind.) I think it was because they were surrounded by such lovely stage settings and cinematography. Heartstrings don't feel so co-opted when eyes are all-in-favor?
I really liked Amelie's-- even the moments of tweeness (the lists of "likes" at the beginning. The animated bedside lamps come to mind.) I think it was because they were surrounded by such lovely stage settings and cinematography. Heartstrings don't feel so co-opted when eyes are all-in-favor?
That was exactly my feeling after reading "The History of Love" written by his wife, Nicole Krauss... the sentimentality was cloying. This book is very similar, and I don't care for that style.
Anytime I hear "twee" I immediately think of Jack Black's character describing Belle & Sebastian in "High Fidelity," but after reading this review, I think he was being rather harshly unfair with his twee.
Damn you Paul....you made me laugh so hard that I spit out my tea on my nice new paisley shirt. Thanks for the humor.
We just came back from watching Inside Out and I have an idea. Do you think you could do a joint sequel where, you know, you see Oskar-with-a-K from the inside, and his emotions, rendered as zany multicolored characters, show how his Joy (gold) is contending with his Sadness (blue) to reach a deep emotional synthesis, with comic relief provided by Anger, Disgust and Fear? Not, who liked the movie less than I did, is miming putting a finger down her throat and making retching noises, but I don't think she Understands my brilliant concept. What's wrong with it?
I see nothing wrong with that. From now on there should be Inside Out versions of all major movies as a standard extra on the dvd
I think it's inevitable. Kids born after 2008 will presumably not be able to understand emotions in any other way, so what else can you do?
You can see it improving a lot of films. We may finally be able to figure out what Persona is about, for example.
You can see it improving a lot of films. We may finally be able to figure out what Persona is about, for example.
I gave 1 star for the book and thought to reread it someday in the future. This review saved my time and my life.
Paul wrote: "One might long for an Inside Out version of Oliver Hirschbiegel's Downfall."
Good idea! Like, if only Hitler had got in touch with Sadness earlier and not let Anger and Disgust run the show, it could all have been so different!
Good idea! Like, if only Hitler had got in touch with Sadness earlier and not let Anger and Disgust run the show, it could all have been so different!
I couldn't get through the first hundred pages and remain amazed at the book's (and the author's) popularity.
I must have swept on to another tab without properly saving my comment when I tried to leave it earlier.
well done, Paul.
like a surgeon. you have disassembled this book.
great fun. bravo.
well done, Paul.
like a surgeon. you have disassembled this book.
great fun. bravo.
The descriptions of both this book & Inside Out were enough to make my head spin, projecting green vomit.
I shall never see the film, nor read this God awful book.
I shall never see the film, nor read this God awful book.
Oskar is a German spelling. His family is of German ancestry. It's not klever, it's how people in another country spell a name that you are used to seeing spelled with a "C." He could have named him Fritz or Johann. Starting your review with something so ignorant makes me glad I read the book.
Paul wrote: "Okay, I konfess. But did you enjoy this impossible kid's kontinual kuteness?"
Kan't say I will find out - I won't read the book - nice review, Paul!
Kan't say I will find out - I won't read the book - nice review, Paul!
Oh! It's taken me weeks to be reminded of Dorothy Parker's classic review of literary twee-ness in her "Constant Reader" column and in regard to A A Milne:
"Tonstant Weader fwowed up."
"Tonstant Weader fwowed up."
To be honest I really liked this book and yet I found everything you just said to be a pretty spot on description. twee is a very apt characterization.
thanks, it's nice when my brutal skewering of a much loved book appeals to its fans too - I only pulled off that trick once before.
I got the impression that Oskar (a German name by the way. Not a "twee" or whatever you called it spelling) has Aspergers of something similar. He's not acting and talking like this to be "kute;" he's doing it because that's how he speaks. If you don't like emotional books then you never should have picked up a book about 9/11. That's on you, not the author.
Whn I was a child I did the "Mom?" "What?" "Nothing" thing a lot when I just wanted attention but had nothing to say. I can understand why you did nit like the book and you are free to express that but I feel like you were being a little ignorant. As a lot of people said before, Oskar is the german spelling.
yes, that was just my way of adapting Liza Minnelli's theme song to find a way of beginning to express the irritating voice of the kid here. There was no intention of making a blanket statement about the correct spelling of the name Oscar.
Yeah I get that, but in this context the k spelling is in my opinion even the less crazy way to spell it becaus of his german ancestors. I read it in german, i am german so it felt perfectly natural to me. Never even occurred to me other people could find it strange 😄 But I kinda get why your review is so pissed, whenever I read hyped books and I hate them the fact that everybody loves them makes me hate them even more. Just had the same thing with "the book thief" and haruki murakamis "kafka on the shore". I hated them so people hated me for that.