J.D.Staton's Reviews > Sweet Forgiveness

This is one of those well written books that I enjoyed during the first 2/3rds of the story. Then, the subtly of the author's apologist stance toward sexual criminals - particularly one focused almost exclusively toward females, teaching them that they should neither trust their perceptions nor their memories - an agenda that is both misogynistic and treacly, came pouring forth. For the countless individuals who have experience sexual abuse of all forms and flavors, this is a particularly disturbing story.

The protagonist who begins the story certain of her stepfather's intentional grasping of her crotch at the age of 13 (when he is reportedly carrying her from the livingroom couch to her bedroom - since when does a healthy 13 year old ever need to be CARRIED to bed?), is left (by the end of the book) both uncertain and unclear about what genuinely happened that night, so decides that she must doubt herself and her own intentions about what occurred both that night and in the years afterwards. In addition to doubting herself and her motivations, she listens to an old, guilt-riddled friend who comes to believe that "forgiveness" is the golden path toward preparing for death and easing her concience, regardless of who might be harmed by such "confessions". The author explicitly states that even after the protagonist learns that her stepsister was also a victim of sexual abuse (presumably by the same stepfather), that it is "BEST" to just live with uncertainty and not make any effort to clarify the FACTS or even look at the presumed photographic evidence she, eventually, finds.

As a professional mental health provider, I assure you that the author is clearly and unequivocally stating that DENIAL of TRUTH is the most generous and noble path to take toward "forgiving" someone - that sweeping dirt under the rug is equivalent to "forgiveness". Pure, unequivocal BS!!!!!!!!!

This is a classic rationalization approach that thousands upon thousands of pedophiles, all over the globe, typically use to cover up their own actions and avoid all forms of culpability. It's called "blaming the victim" and her/his thought processes and sanity level. It is precisely the approach that leads to one generation of an incestuous family passing that pathology onto all future generations, by calling denial and confusion/vagueness/dissociation the same concepts as "forgiveness". Nothing could be more wrong nor more harmful to promote!

While the author attempts to portray herself as an "expert" on the topic of "forgiveness", nothing could be further from the truth. She is merely muddying the waters with fake versions of "forgiveness" without being willing to seriously or deeply look at the the pathological roles that incestuous families set up to keep their "family secrets" permanently silenced (thus exposing neighborhood children and all sorts of other naive, high-risk kids to be sexually exploited - not to mention the traumatizing effects on the survivor of the abuse). From all this author is subtly implying, we should throw away our courts and jails and never seek any form of justice, when one person seriously harms another. All we need to do is simply "forgive" anyone engaged in destructive behaviors towards others and let them continue freely wandering around in public to continue victimizing whomever they'd like, whenever they'd like - especially if it's harmful toward girls and women (the most likely victims of domestic violence and sexual crimes).

Clearly, this author knows nothing about human psychology and is ignorant about so many important relationship concepts, it could break records. As far as I'm concerned, this book is even worse than standard "pop psychology" drivel, as it does everything possible to shove all of the educational and therapeutic efforts gained toward halting family violence/sexual abuse and set it all back 50+ years. This author is not a professional, licensed mental health clinician, thus her perspectives on these topics are both unenlightened and dis-empowering for whomever decides to read this literary equivalent to the sick and twisted notions found within "the Fifty Shades of Gray" and its ilk.