mark monday's Reviews > The Terror
The Terror
by
by
mark monday's review
bookshelves: horror-modern, into-the-past, rain-man-reviews, alpha-team, these-fragile-lives, mnemonic-devices
Oct 20, 2011
bookshelves: horror-modern, into-the-past, rain-man-reviews, alpha-team, these-fragile-lives, mnemonic-devices
To: Mr. Dan Simmons
From: Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd.
Subject: Your Recent Submission The Terror
Thank you for your recent submission. Unfortunately, at this time, we do not see a fit between your product and our company's goals.
Although our senior staff appreciated your technical ability, we noted several serious issues with your submission that need to be resolved prior to your product finding placement. These include, but are not limited to:
1. Extensive and Excessive Length. A common error made by both the reading public and the writing community is that the modern novel must exceed 700 plus pages. The success of the Harry Potter series has only contributed to this misunderstanding. What many fail to understand is that this is simply the result of spacing and font size; the truth of the matter is that novels like those written by Ms. Rowling are no larger than any given novel by Beatrix Potter. Despite the fixation on what are basically large-print serials, our focus groups more frequently maintain that "The Shorter, The Better" - particularly given their short attention spans and addiction to pop culture media e.g. Us Magazine, Jersey Shore, Charlie Sheen, and the like.
2. Lack of Genre. Your product appears to include traits from the Historical Novel, the Horror Novel (specifically its subset, the Monster Novel), and the Metaphysical Odyssey. Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd. products must strictly adhere to our "One Novel, One Genre" company philosophy. The general reading public is a busy public, and have no time for the perplexing muddiness of genre mixing-and-matching.
3. (a) Lack of Traditional Romance;
(b) Negative AND Positive Depictions of Homosexual Activity;
(c) Interracial Sexuality Not Resulting in Punishment and/or Death of Non-White Character by Novel's End.
Please understand that our editorial staff has no personal issues with any of the above-noted items (in fact, our marketing department actively supports the targeting of the lucrative Gay/Homosexual demographic within our Ghettoized Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd. subset label). However, the presence of all three alternative lifestyle choices/options within a single novel - one intended for mainstream consumption - can only yield confused, 'buy-shy' reactions from our reading public.
4. (a) Lack of Resolution. Your novel does not have a solid ending. It only offers questions, not answers. Additionally, the "dreamlike tone" of the final pages were off-puttingly "poetic" "ambiguous" and "transcendent"... three adjectives that our focus groups vehemently reject when considering reading options. this Lack of Resolution would not necessarily be problematic if your submission was intended to be the first in a multi-novel saga; however it is quite clear from your ending that another issue is
(b) Lack of Potential for Sequel or Series.
5. Too Many Details. oh, and 6. Too Many Big Words.
We sincerely thank you for your time/effort.
Signed,
An Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd. Representative
From: Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd.
Subject: Your Recent Submission The Terror
Thank you for your recent submission. Unfortunately, at this time, we do not see a fit between your product and our company's goals.
Although our senior staff appreciated your technical ability, we noted several serious issues with your submission that need to be resolved prior to your product finding placement. These include, but are not limited to:
1. Extensive and Excessive Length. A common error made by both the reading public and the writing community is that the modern novel must exceed 700 plus pages. The success of the Harry Potter series has only contributed to this misunderstanding. What many fail to understand is that this is simply the result of spacing and font size; the truth of the matter is that novels like those written by Ms. Rowling are no larger than any given novel by Beatrix Potter. Despite the fixation on what are basically large-print serials, our focus groups more frequently maintain that "The Shorter, The Better" - particularly given their short attention spans and addiction to pop culture media e.g. Us Magazine, Jersey Shore, Charlie Sheen, and the like.
2. Lack of Genre. Your product appears to include traits from the Historical Novel, the Horror Novel (specifically its subset, the Monster Novel), and the Metaphysical Odyssey. Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd. products must strictly adhere to our "One Novel, One Genre" company philosophy. The general reading public is a busy public, and have no time for the perplexing muddiness of genre mixing-and-matching.
3. (a) Lack of Traditional Romance;
(b) Negative AND Positive Depictions of Homosexual Activity;
(c) Interracial Sexuality Not Resulting in Punishment and/or Death of Non-White Character by Novel's End.
Please understand that our editorial staff has no personal issues with any of the above-noted items (in fact, our marketing department actively supports the targeting of the lucrative Gay/Homosexual demographic within our Ghettoized Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd. subset label). However, the presence of all three alternative lifestyle choices/options within a single novel - one intended for mainstream consumption - can only yield confused, 'buy-shy' reactions from our reading public.
4. (a) Lack of Resolution. Your novel does not have a solid ending. It only offers questions, not answers. Additionally, the "dreamlike tone" of the final pages were off-puttingly "poetic" "ambiguous" and "transcendent"... three adjectives that our focus groups vehemently reject when considering reading options. this Lack of Resolution would not necessarily be problematic if your submission was intended to be the first in a multi-novel saga; however it is quite clear from your ending that another issue is
(b) Lack of Potential for Sequel or Series.
5. Too Many Details. oh, and 6. Too Many Big Words.
We sincerely thank you for your time/effort.
Signed,
An Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd. Representative
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Reading Progress
Finished Reading
October 20, 2011
– Shelved
October 20, 2011
– Shelved as:
horror-modern
October 20, 2011
– Shelved as:
into-the-past
January 26, 2012
– Shelved as:
rain-man-reviews
October 21, 2013
– Shelved as:
alpha-team
December 16, 2018
– Shelved as:
these-fragile-lives
February 17, 2019
– Shelved as:
mnemonic-devices
Comments Showing 1-50 of 137 (137 new)
message 1:
by
Maciek
(new)
-
rated it 4 stars
Oct 21, 2011 02:54AM
LOL, Mark. Good one. I need to read this particular Simmons, since it came strongly recommended. I did read Carrion Comfort, which was supposed to be about supernatural beings but a large part of it was gun shooting and black helicopters gunning everyone down.
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thanks guys!
i thought Carrion Comfort was okay. i wanted more and less of different things. but it had a lot of great parts.
i thought Carrion Comfort was okay. i wanted more and less of different things. but it had a lot of great parts.
I have both Carrion Comfort and The Terror to read... I'm thinking that I will read The Terror soon, or TRY to anyway. LOL
Nice review! I just purchased my first Simmons novel... Hyperion. Your review only makes me look forward to reading it more.
Love the Harry/Beatrix Potter comparison. Also love the name of your "(un)limited" publishing company.
To: Brad
From: mark monday
Subject: The Terror
dude don't wish that. your review is far more original. i love it.
for anyone who is reading this thread, here is Brad's review to enjoy:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...
From: mark monday
Subject: The Terror
dude don't wish that. your review is far more original. i love it.
for anyone who is reading this thread, here is Brad's review to enjoy:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...
I have Drood on my theoretical shelf (ie theoretically i will buy and read this at some point) but I have never read anything by this author before so where to start? Drood or this one?
i haven't read Drood so, sadly, i really can't say.
the other Simmons i've read have been Carrion Comfort (enjoyable but shallow), Hyperion (a classic of the genre - Canterbury Tales on a faraway planet!), Fall of Hyperion (straightforward space opera), Summer of Night (which i've totally forgotten about - not a good sign).
the other Simmons i've read have been Carrion Comfort (enjoyable but shallow), Hyperion (a classic of the genre - Canterbury Tales on a faraway planet!), Fall of Hyperion (straightforward space opera), Summer of Night (which i've totally forgotten about - not a good sign).
I started Drood because it uses Charles Dickens (an author I know well) and some concepts from his last and unfinished novel, The Mystery of Edwin Drood. However the Simmons novel gets very strange very fast. Reviews of it are extremely mixed. So I've put it on hold for now, although I may try it sometime in the future.
Thanks Richard. I haven't got round to acquiring a copy of either yet but it is always good to know!
mark wrote: "To: Brad
From: mark monday
Subject: The Terror
dude don't wish that. your review is far more original. i love it.
for anyone who is reading this thread, here is Brad's review to enjoy:
..."
I think both your reviews are awesome!
From: mark monday
Subject: The Terror
dude don't wish that. your review is far more original. i love it.
for anyone who is reading this thread, here is Brad's review to enjoy:
..."
I think both your reviews are awesome!
well that was fun. i bought this forever ago and it is always near the top of the pile. but the pile is very, very big.
i meant to read it before christmas but then i spent november on nanowrimo. maybe december will go better.
i meant to read it before christmas but then i spent november on nanowrimo. maybe december will go better.
Aha, so then..it's good! I've been looking for another stand-alone Simmons novel to read; I don't really think I have it in me to do Hyperion and its sequels, especially as basically everybody says the books get worse and worse as they go on.
it's not just good... it is fantastic. one of my favorite horror novels. read it!
but only read it if you like historical novels with a lot of detail. this is not a punchy novel; it is an immersive experience.
but only read it if you like historical novels with a lot of detail. this is not a punchy novel; it is an immersive experience.
mark wrote: "it's not just good... it is fantastic. one of my favorite horror novels. read it!
but only read it if you like historical novels with a lot of detail. this is not a punchy novel; it is an immersiv..."
I will!
I like Umberto Eco, so historical novels with a lot of detail...well, that sounds pretty good to me.
but only read it if you like historical novels with a lot of detail. this is not a punchy novel; it is an immersiv..."
I will!
I like Umberto Eco, so historical novels with a lot of detail...well, that sounds pretty good to me.
I really liked DROOD a lot....perfect time to read it with the anniversary of Dickens birth, 200 years ago. I thought it was a fun, sci fi type story,and have recommended it to everyone that will listen. Those that have taken the plunge,and read it tell me they really liked it too.
I have The Terror on my shelf ready to be cracked,and I will crack it.
The reasons listed by the book company NOT to publish it....none of those reasons surprised me at all. This is the signs of what most people in society do not want....... however, at least there are few of us out there, that are intelligent enough to "get it",and do enjoy a book that is lengthy,and actually challenges you when you read them... Thank God for Dan Simmons to keep looking for a good publishing house to publish his works. And thank God for those out there to read them,and obviously there are some out there, or he wouldn't have sold one copy, eh??
I have The Terror on my shelf ready to be cracked,and I will crack it.
The reasons listed by the book company NOT to publish it....none of those reasons surprised me at all. This is the signs of what most people in society do not want....... however, at least there are few of us out there, that are intelligent enough to "get it",and do enjoy a book that is lengthy,and actually challenges you when you read them... Thank God for Dan Simmons to keep looking for a good publishing house to publish his works. And thank God for those out there to read them,and obviously there are some out there, or he wouldn't have sold one copy, eh??
no, the review is a joke review. i loved this book and it is one of my favorite horror novels. everything that is critiqued in this review are actually things i appreciate about The Terror.
I realised that afterwards! Duhh! Yes, its a fantastic book, just finished it today. Deffo a read again book =)
"c) Interracial Sexuality Not Resulting in Punishment and/or Death of Non-White Character by Novel's End.
Please understand that our editorial staff has no personal issue with any of the above-noted items (in fact, our marketing department actively supports the targeting of the lucrative Gay/Homosexual demographic within our Ghettoized Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd."
I think I just peed on myself a little.
This is one of the best reviews I've read on GR. I know people tend to say that a lot, but this review is so, so awesome I want to date it.
Please understand that our editorial staff has no personal issue with any of the above-noted items (in fact, our marketing department actively supports the targeting of the lucrative Gay/Homosexual demographic within our Ghettoized Associated Publishing Industries Unlimited, Ltd."
I think I just peed on myself a little.
This is one of the best reviews I've read on GR. I know people tend to say that a lot, but this review is so, so awesome I want to date it.
I hope you've cleaned up or at least dried off... and thank you very much, Tsunami! quite flattering. cheers!
It's both incredibly funny and remarkably sad. I feel as though, especially these days, your review is far less satire than it is an accurate depiction of the "book-reading" community's collective state of mind.
thanks! although I must admit that I stole the concept from our overlord, Kemper. please keep me safe and don't tell him.
mark wrote: "'tis Kemper-inspired! he inspires us all! we cringe and mewl before his mighty keyboard!"
Heaven help us all.
Heaven help us all.
mark wrote: "'tis Kemper-inspired! he inspires us all! we cringe and mewl before his mighty keyboard!"
Is that what we do? Huh.
Is that what we do? Huh.
This contained well more than the daily recommended dose of funniness! I wish there were, however, more breaking of the "one book, one genre" rule, but they'd likely be crappy. It's just that I love the idea of stuff like, say, a Tennessee Williams melodrama set in outer space, or an introspective I-have-a-terminal-illness book set against the backdrop of a giant bug invasion.