Mara YA Mood Reader's Reviews > Damsel

**Skip this. Read Amy Harmon’s The Bird and the Sword instead

2018
I don’t know how the heck I even got here. And I don’t know how the heck some books make it through publishing. Books like this. And why books like this are being marketed as YA when they are clearly not.

I think the main idea here was interesting. And I guessed it right away. The origin of the damsel. And if this were a true YA book it could have been something great.

But it was just so flat.

I was bored from page one.

The opening scene of the prince climbing a rockside cliff to slay a dragon took foreeeeever. It’s. Just. So. Painstakingly. Descriptive.

Also there’s no buildup? I don’t know we just jump right into slaying a dragon and collecting this damsel who will be the prince’s bride, he brings her to his castle and we jump straight into sexual and mental and emotional abuse from there.

Literally goes from charming, sweet prince and my fair lady to forced fingering and “I’m going to
Kill your beloved cat” with no context. No backstory, no info on why or how this privileged prince is an arse on occasion but typically just dull background noise??? There’s no moment of, Oh! And here enters the antagonist! No mystery no nothing.

And ugh the freaking cat. Not only was it completely appalling to throw disgusting animal abuse into this mess (the damsel acquires the kitten when the prince kills its mother on their trip back from dragon slaying) but then we have to know what the damn the kitten/cat is doing in like literally each paragraph there after: ‘The kitten was lapping up water like blah blah blah. Now the kitten was curled against her side sleeping like blah blah blah. Now the kitten was gnawing on a chunk of meat blah blah blah.’

Annnnnd I don’t want to forget to grace you with the ridiculous names used for the prince/king’s dick (He’s king now that he brought a damsel home to wed, btw). I mean I guess it was pretty unique, I’ve never referred to a man’s penis like this. Is that what made this YA?? —

Ready??:

”His yard”
“The King’s Yard”
“His tusk”
“His trunk” (trunk or horn? Can’t remember)

I’m pretty sure trunk was in there toward the end. But we get a whole lot of this freaking “yard” business. Which I’m sure the men could appreciate having their manhood being compared to what I’m guessing is a reference to a yard stick? Which is about 3 feet I believe? So basically a “nice” way to say a big fucking dick?

Here’s a lovely quote just for fun from the chapter entitled, The King’s Yard:

”To be measured by the King’s yard is a pleasure and a privilege, both”
“What is the pleasure?...what does it feel like”
“The King’s yard? Or the pleasure it gives?”
“Both”
“Well, for the first, it feels all different ways. It can be a soft lump of warm dough, a handful of wrinkles and weight. And then it becomes a great thick horn, like the well-cooked leg of a turkey.”

Baha. Bahahahahahahahaha. Are you still with me??? This is just fucking incredible. Ooooh hell next time I handle my man’s junk (never) I won’t be able to get WRINKLES AND WEIGHT ( haha balls) and, thick horns, and fucking turkey legs outta my brain hahahahahajajajanahjaajah oh god is this church talk for cock and balls?? Shit gonna scare a virgin here with these graphic descriptions of 3 feet long, giant turkey-leg dicks, dude.

Anyways.....

I skipped through mostly the entire thing. And then skimmed over interactions between this king and damsel. And it’s not good. I’ll list why:

-Animal abuse
-Mental/Emotional abuse
-Sexual abuse (forced handy, forced fingering, other unwanted advances)
-Plotless
-Lifeless
-Pointless
-then it ends


Good night.